Everyone Loves Wolfboi
A Teen Titans PARODY Fic
By Laura McDaniel
One day, the Teen Titans were out patrolling Jump City when they noticed a large group of Slade's robots attacking a black wolf.
"Defenseless animal at 3 o'clock!" Robin said. "We should save it from those robots!"
"Do we have to?" Raven asked. "The last few times we did something like this, it was just another..."
"We don't have time to argue! That wolf needs our help! Titans, go!"
The Titans charged on to the scene, but before they could do anything, the wolf grew taller and took on a form that resembled a werewolf. Then, the werewolf went on to destroy all the robots with amazing martial arts skills!
"Dude, that was amazing!" Beast Boy exclaimed.
"That guy is awesome!" Cyborg added. "He should be on our team!"
"Uh, we don't even know this guy," Raven said. "Besides, isn't it a bit strange that he's covered in fur?"
"Are you prejudiced against fur or something?" Beast Boy asked, turning into a green dog.
"No. I'm prejudiced against..."
"Don't say it, Raven!" Starfire said, interrupting Raven's words. "You are such a sputzig sometimes!"
"Oooookay," was all Raven had to say in reply.
By now, the werewolf had turned back into wolf form and was grooming himself. Robin slowly approached the animal.
"Uh, hi," Robin said. "I'm..."
Robin, the wolf said. I've heard about you.
"Uh...why are you talking in italics?" Robin asked.
I'm telepathic when I'm in wolf form. Duh!
"Oh, of course. Well, the thing is, we all saw you fighting those robots and..."
"You really kicked the butt!" Startfire interrupted.
You want me to join the team, don't you?
"Why, yes, that is what I was going to say," Robin replied. "How did you know?"
Just call it a hunch.
"So, will you join us?" Beast Boy asked.
Well, I'm not sure you want me. My name is Wolfboi. I am a wolf mutant. I was created in a top secret laboratory as part of a project to create the ultimate crime fighter, but Slade broke me out of the lab a few years ago and has been pursuing me because he wants to use my powers for evil!
"Your past sounds peachy keen to me," Robin said. "You're in!"
All of the Titans cheered, except for Raven. Then, they all went back to Titans tower.
"I don't have a room for you yet," Robin said. "I have to get my amazing decorating skills going. In the mean time, would you like to share one of our rooms, Wolfboi?"
Yes. I would like to sleep with Raven. Wolfboi licked his lips.
"Robin, please don't let him," Raven protested. "Can't you tell he's a..."
"I'm sorry, Raven, but he's so awesome that I'm going to give him whatever he wants!" Robin exclaimed.
The wolf jumped around happily.
"He's so adorable!" Starfire proclaimed.
"Oh, please," Raven said.
So, which room is yours?
"The one down those stairs."
"Raven, that wasn't nice!" Cyborg said. "That's the basement! And who knows what's down there. That's no place for our new best friend!"
No matter. Let me get your scent and I can sniff my way to your room. Wolfboi jumped up and began sniffing Raven's crotch.
"Do you have to sniff there?"
Of course. And if you give me more time, you might even learn to like it.
"I wouldn't bet on it."
But, Wolfboi didn't hear what Raven said. He was too busy sniffing his way to her room. He found it and slipped through the open door.
"Drat," Raven thought, "he got there before I could block the door! Well, I'll get him later."
Wolfboi sat on Raven's bed.
I really love you, Raven.
"Uh-huh," Raven said in a monotonous voice.
There's just one problem: I'm a werewolf and you're not.
"What a disappointment," Raven said in a sarcastic tone.
Oh, but there's no real need to be saddened. Tied to a string around my neck is a vial containing a potion that can turn you into a wolf mutant just like me. Please take it.
"Uh...sure," Raven said. "Just look away while I'm drinking it, OK?"
"Oh, Wolfboi, if you love me, you should do whatever I ask!"
While Wolfboi turned his head, Raven dumped the potion out her window.
"That was some good stuff," she said. "I think I'm gonna like being a werewolf with you."
Are you sure? Because pretty soon, you're going to start feeling terrible and the only way to stop it is to have sex with me!
"Oh, man, you're right. Oooooh! I'm in serious pain all ready!" Raven exclaimed, putting a hand on her stomach.
But you haven't even fully transformed yet!
"I know, but...Oh, just get out of here while I undergo my horrific transformation and then we can have sex all you want, OK?"
Are you sure you don't want me to be with you?
"Positive," Raven moaned. "Just get out!"
Wolfboi trotted out of the room and Raven shut the door. He stood out in the hallway for a few minutes, thinking about how lucky he was to have sex with her.
I wonder what's taking so long?
"OK, I think I'm all transformed now!" Raven called. Then, the door swung open.
Oh boy! Oh boy! Wolfboi was salivating all over the place. However, he didn't see Raven anywhere in her room, nor did he notice the strange black shadow that had slipped past him...
Raven, where are you?
"Behind you," Raven said, emerging from a shadow on the floor. "Azarath metrion zinthos!"
A black bolt of energy sent Wolfboi flying out Raven's open window.
"ARROOOOOO!" he howled.
Suddenly, Robin showed up in the hallway.
"What was that, Raven?" he asked with a yawn.
"The usual," she replied, pointing to the open window.
"So, you were right the whole time! It was a horrible Gary Stu."
"That would seem to be the case."
"Oh, Raven, I'm sorry I keep letting this happen!"
"It's OK. Gary Stus are easy to toss around and I enjoy the practice."
"No, it's not OK!" Robin nearly yelled. "Raven, I shouldn't do this to the one I love!" He leaned over to kiss her.
"Azarath metrion zinthos!" Raven shouted, knocking Robin to the floor.
She looked at Robin's unconscious body and sighed, "I'm not sure what's worse: Gary Stus or those darn shippers!"