Swing123: Well, after several months of putting it off, and trying to recover from writer's block, I have just now finished THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO. However, I've changed it just slightly to make the story funnier and hopefully easier to write.

Also, as my movie request list is getting too big, there will be some limits.
1) Only movies Rated G, PG, and PG-13 will be accepted.
2) I've received PMs from people asking me to do movies that are PG-13, but still have way to much blood and gore in it to be classified as a Calvin and Hobbes Wild Movie Collection movie. So I will not do horror films.
3) I can't do movies that are in theaters. There ARE some movies in theaters right now that I would like to do, but I need to be able to refer back to the movie so that I can get the scenes correct.


Socrates was walking down the sidewalk one day, whistling to himself, and watching the birds flying over head.

"Ah summer." he said. "That one time of year when the Earth is five feet sun, the kids are out of school, and pranksters emerge from their long winter nap to bring joy to world!"

Socrates stopped and sighed.

"What is this wonderful day missing?"

"HELP!" screamed a voice.

Socrates looked up.

"Ah yes! A fool to prank!"

At that very moment, Hobbes came running up.

"Socrates, quick! You've gotta hide me!"

"Giant mutant chickens emerged from the sewers, again?" Socrates asked, excitedly. "I need to go get my camera!"

Hobbes grabbed Socrates' arm.

"No! It's not that! It's even worse!"

"HO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OBBES!" Calvin's voice called. "Get over here!"

"There it is!" Hobbes gasped. "Hide me!"

Hobbes dove behind Socrates.

Socrates blinked.

Then he saw Calvin walking down the sidewalk, towards him.

He turned to Hobbes.

"Don't worry, Hobbo, I'll protect you from the fierce spike head!"

Hobbes glared at him.

Socrates ran Hobbes to a tree, and shoved him onto one of the tree branches.

He then ran back to sidewalk to greet Calvin.

Calvin walked up to him, and got straight to the point.

"Alright, kitty, kitty, Where's Hobbes?!"

"You mean that philosophical guy who lived in the 1700s?"

"You know perfectly well who I'm talking, So-crates!"

"So crates." Socrates said to himself. "That's interesting. A mixture of the words SO and CRATES."

Calvin slapped his forehead.

"Listen, Socrates, I don't have time for this. Either you tell me where Hobbes went, or I'll use you in the play instead!"

"Play?"

"Where is he?"

"Playing."

Calvin's eyes squeezed shut.

"You just call that a play on words!" Socrates said, cheerfully.

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"Fine! If you don't know where he is, then I'm leaving."

"Oh no, don't punish me with that."

"Don't ever speak to me, again!"

And with that, Calvin stormed off.

Socrates watched him round the corner.

Then he turned to the tree.

"OK, Hobbes, he's gone."

Hobbes crawled out of the tree.

"What was that all about, anyway?" Socrates asked.

"Calvin's forcing me to do all these stupid plays based on action movies we've seen." Hobbes sighed. "Every time he sees a new one, he makes an idiot out of himself trying to copy it."

"An idiot of himself, huh?" Socrates said, rubbing his chin. "Which movie are you on currently?"

"The Lord of the Rings."

"Mmmm-hmmm."

Socrates turned around.

"HEY, CALVIN! I FOUND HOBBES!"

Hobbes' eyes burst open.

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

Calvin suddenly appeared around the corner.

He leaped at Hobbes, and the two began rolling across the ground, fighting.

Socrates watched from a safe distance.

"Come on! We haven't done this in months, and we need to satisfy my ten billion screaming so forth!" Calvin screaming, pushing Hobbes away

"Why couldn't we have just have done another story with less danger? Like a Rupert and Earl story." Hobbes replied, throwing a hand full of claws at Calvin.

Socrates blinked.

"You can't do this to me." Hobbes said. "Tigers have rights too, you know."

"Yeah," Calvin yelled. "The last thing we need at the beginning of this story is a long and boring speech about tiger politics!"

"The first thing we need at the beginning of this story is the end!"

When the fighting was done, and Hobbes was sitting on Calvin, he turned to Socrates.

"How could you do this!" he demanded. "I thought we were friends! Buddies! Partners in crime! friends that..."

Socrates leaned over and whispered something in Hobbes' ear.

Hobbes' eyes brightened.

"Oh, yeah. THAT is good!"

"As always." Socrates declared, standing up.

Hobbes got off of Calvin, and faced him.

"OK, Calvin, I'll do you're little play with you. On one condition."

Calvin stood up.

"What?" He asked.

"Socrates has to be in the cast." Hobbes said, pointing to Socrates.

Calvin's mouth dropped.

His eyes went to Socrates, who waved and grinned at him.

His eyes went back to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, have you lost your mind! You expect me to put him in my plays?"

"Yep." Hobbes said.

"No way!" Calvin announced.

Hobbes and Socrates both extended their claws out.

Calvin eyed them.

"Fine." he grumbled.

Socrates cupped his hands together.

"OH JOY!" he yelled.

Calvin walked over to him.

"Alright, kitty, kitty. We're doing the Return of the King. You ever seen it?"

"You kidding?" Socrates asked. "I've practically memorized the script!"

"Good. We're doing scene one with the gullet..."

"GOLLUM!" Hobbes and Socrates yelled.

"...taking the baseball bat for his own selfish use!"

"Baseball bat?" Socrates asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't ask." Hobbes replied. "Just believe prepare yourself for an idiotic time."


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin the gollem, Hobbes the fishermen, and Socrates the stupid fish
scene one: DISCOVERY OF THE BASEBALL BAT!

One day, two people were sitting in some boat fishing.

And, uh, doing other fish related stuff.

Might I add that they were using shortcuts and tricks in their fishing by putting scented worms on their hooks?

Yes sir, they were using cheap theatricals to get their stupid fish.

And no, I don't know why they wanted to catch fish. Maybe it was for some village.

Hobbes sighed.

"Ah, what a wonderful day to be fishing, huh, Hobbes?"

"Hmm."

"Yes indeed. here we are early in the morning, fishing for the rare Socrates guppy."

"The rare WHAT!" Socrates asked, sticking his head out of the water.

"I told ya." Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at the two tigers.

"Socrates! Get back under there, and get the baseball bat ready."

"OK, and after that, I'll kiss your shoes, and call you 'your highness.'"

And with that, Socrates went back under the water.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and cast his fishing line out.

Just then, Calvin and Hobbes got their hooks tangled, this is a classic joke, and the stronger guy yanked on it, and the other guy went flying into the water.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

On the way, he grabbed a baseball bat that just happened to be there, then resurfaced at Hobbes' boat.

"HEY! LOOK!" Calvin yelled. "I found a baseball bat."

"Good for you."

"AND IT'S MINE! MINE I TELL YOU! NOT YOU! ME!"

"Uh huh."

"IT'S MINE!" Calvin yelled trying to get Hobbes to jump on him. "WHY WON'T THEY UNDERSTAND!"

"No idea."

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

"WILL YOU JUST JUMP ME ALREADY!" He screamed.

"Oh very well."

Hobbes leaped through the air, and, hmmmm, he had his teeth out and claws extended and... oops.

CRASH!

Calvin and Hobbes rolled around on the ground for a moment then Calvin killed... that is one of them came close to...

"HOBBES! I'M SUPPOSED TO BEAT YOU!"

They continued rolling around on the ground.

Then Calvin took the baseball bat, and started whacking Hobbes with it.

Hobbes did several cat like movements, and leaped into the middle of Calvin, again.

CRASH!

At this point, Socrates climbed out of the water, stepped up onto dry land, dried himself off, took a bag of popcorn, and sat down to watch the show.

It went on like this for several minutes.

We don't have several minutes.

In fact this scene ends in two seconds.

END OF SCENE ONE OF THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO


When the fighting finally stopped, Calvin tried to remember what the next scene was.

Finally he snapped his fingers, much to the disappointment of Socrates and Hobbes, and said, "OK. The next scene was where Modo..."

"Frodo."

"Whatever. Where Dodo reached those stairs, and had to climb them. With Gullem."

"Gollem."

"Whatever."

"What are you going to use for stairs?" Socrates asked. "If I recall those stairs were going straight up."

"Don't give him ideas, Socrates." Hobbes hissed.


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin the gollem, Hobbes the Dofro, and Socrates the miscellaneous person who served little use in the movie.
scene two: The Stairs of DEATH!

"And so, here we are you big stupid puppets!" Calvin yelled, pointing at a steep staircase.

"Calvin, they're called hobbits not puppets." Socrates said.

"Whatever. Get up those stairs!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Why?" Hobbes asked.

"Because I told you to. UP!"

Hobbes, and Socrates stood up to the stairs.

"The orcs need to hire better architects." Socrates said, shaking his head.

"Shameful." Hobbes said.

"GET UP THE STAIRS!" Calvin screamed.

Finally, after much grunting and pushing, Calvin managed to shove Socrates and Hobbes up the stairs and to the top.

"OK." Calvin said. "Got that done, now, Let's skip ahead to when you two are asleep."

Socrates peered off the ledge.

"Do we have to sit here?" He asked.

"Yes. Lay down."

Reluctantly, Hobbes and Socrates laid down, and closed their eyes.

Calvin began rooting through his backpack.

He took out a bag of bread.

He tore into it, and began throwing it off the cliff.

Ho boy.

END OF THE SO FORTH


Calvin sat on the roof, after climbing the ladder to the top of it, throwing bread off of it.

He was clearly enjoying himself.

Socrates and Hobbes' eyes popped open, and they stared at Calvin.

They exchanged glances, then slunk away.

After all the bread had been thrown off, Calvin clapped his hands, together and said, "There! All our food is gone!"

Uh huh.

Suddenly, and right on cue, Mom exited the house, holding a garbage bag.

She threw the bag in the trash can, and walked back to the house.

She saw Calvin on the roof, holding an empty bag.

"CALVIN!" She screamed. "What are you doing on the roof?!"

Calvin stared at her.

"Uhh..."

He turned around.

Hobbes and Socrates had vanished.

He turned back to Mom.

"Climbing a staircase?" He guessed.

It was then that Mom noticed all the mutilated bread on the ground under Calvin.

Her mouth dropped open, her eyes bulged, and her shoulders raised up to her ears.

All of which were bad signs.

"WHAT HAVE YOU... THAT WAS A BRAND NEW BAG OF BREAD!"

"Technically not." Calvin said. "We've had it for about three days, now."

We needn't go into details.

Let's just say that Calvin was in his room for the rest of the day.

Hobbes and Socrates sat in a tree across the street, and watched Calvin, sulking in his room.

"The only good thing about these plays are the huge breaks between scenes." Hobbes said.

Socrates nodded in agreement.


Two days went by.

After that Mom decided to let Calvin break something else, and let him out of his room.

"Alright, Hobbes," Calvin said, when he got outside. "Are you ready for the next scene?"

"No."

"Great! Now then the next one was..."

"We have to wait for Socrates." Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Oh fine. When's he coming over?"

"I expected him over soon." Hobbes said.

"You never tell me when you invite that dunce over here."

"I'm sorry I had some wax in my ear, when Hobbes invites that what over here?" Socrates said, from behind Calvin

Calvin jumped, and spun around.

"Uhh... nothing! Nothing at all!"

It took Calvin a few seconds to calm down.

"Now then, what was the next scene?" He wondered out loud.

He thought for a moment.

"Ah, yes, the next scene was where that giant spider attacked Nodo."

"FRODO!" Hobbes and Socrates screamed.

"Whatever. Shall we begin organizing the cast?"

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him.

"Whatever. Now, Hobbes, you'll be the spider. Socrates you'll be Frofo, and I'll be Gullet! As usual."

"Calvin?" Socrates asked.

"What?"

"What was the name of that wizard in the movie?"

"Handhalf. Why?"

"Just wondering."

Socrates took out a notepad and started writing.

"There. I now have all the characters' names in Lord of the Rings mispronounced by Calvin." He said.

Calvin's eyes narrowed.


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin the gollem, Socrates the Dofro, and Hobbes the giant spider of death.
scene two: The Giant Spider of Death

Socrates stood up to the cave and looked around.

He cut his eyes from side to side, then started inside.

"Hmm, charming little place." He admired, looking at the various skulls, spider webs, and dead ravens. "I must find they're designer."

"SOCRATES!" Calvin called, from somewhere in the cave. "START CALLING FOR ME!"

"I was getting there." Socrates said. "Don't rush me."

He cleared his throat.

"Ahem... Oh Gollem? Gullet? Monster a Go-Go? High-School Big Shot? Zombie Nightmare?"

Suddenly, Hobbes appeared on the scene.

He was wearing a spider costume.

"Ah, hello, Hobbo." Socrates said.

"Hello, Socrates." Hobbes replied.

"REMEMBER YOUR LINES?!" Calvin shouted. "DO THEM!"

"Oh whatever." Socrates muttered. "Ahem... aaaaahhhh. Spider. Save me. Save me."

"Roar." Hobbes said.

"Help. Terror. Who will save me?"

Socrates turned, and started walking away.

Hobbes walked after him.

"You'll never escape." Hobbes said.

"Help." Socrates added.

Calvin sat on a rock a few feet away, watching Hobbes and Socrates walking around the cave.

"Why can't things ever go my way?" He growled to himself.

Hobbes, and Socrates climbed out of the cave.

"Okay, now what do we do?" Socrates asked.

"Wait for Calvin to come, and scream at us to do something." Hobbes said.

"Sounds good to me."

Socrates and Hobbes sat down, and began reading comic books.


Calvin crawled around the cave, trying to locate Hobbes and Socrates.

"Where did those two morons go...?" He growled, looking down the different tunnels, searching for them.

He found the exit, and began clawing his way out.

Hobbes and Socrates looked up, and saw Calvin climbing out of the tunnel.

"There you are!" Calvin yelled. "Get into positions, and start killing each other!"

"Darn." Socrates said. "Right where Captain Napalm was about to use his phaser ray."

Hobbes and Socrates stood up.

Hobbes cleared his throat.

"Ahem. Roar. Growl. Spider noises."

"Help. Save me. Terror." Socrates replied.

Calvin tried to ignore them.

He rushed over to Socrates and attempted to grab the baseball bat in his hands away from him.

Socrates held the baseball bat over his head.

Calvin leaped up at it, and tried to get his hands on it, grunting with every leap.

This went on for several seconds.

Then Socrates started to get bored.

After the fiftieth leap, Socrates brought the bat down, and konked Calvin over the head with it.

BONK!

"OW!" Calvin yelled falling over.

Hobbes walked over to Socrates and tapped him on the head.

"Oh no. help. I've been hit. Terror. horror."

Socrates laid down in the dirt, and pretended to act stunned.

"I hate them." Calvin growled.

END OF SCENE TWO OF THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO


Calvin stood up, and rubbed his head.

"Great, now I'm going to have a headache for another hour. Thanks a lot you creep!" he shouted.

"Sure thing, buddy." Socrates said, standing up.

"What happened after that?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, let's see..." Calvin said. "It's been a while since I've seen the movie. Gullem was gone for a while after that..."

"The orcs took Frodo into some castle and then Sam saved him." Socrates said.

Calvin glared at him.

"How do you know that!" He demanded.

"I saw the movie yesterday, Calvin." Socrates said.

"Oh. OK, whatever."


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin the orc, Socrates the Dofro, and Hobbes the rescuing guy.
scene three: Insert name here

Socrates laid on the ground on his back, his eyes closed, and holding a rose to his chest.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and walked over to him.

"Alright." Calvin said. "Frdee's not dead, blah blah blah, he's just stunned, etc, etc, etc, Mr Spider's been having some fun."

Calvin took a net, and laid out in front of Socrates.

He then walked around, and attempted to roll Socrates onto the net.

"RRRRRGGGH!" He yelled, pushing Socrates with all his might.

He wouldn't budge.

Calvin turned around, and used his back to push Socrates, his feet scraping the ground.

That didn't work either.

Calvin wiped some sweat from his brow.

"Socrates!" he panted. "Roll onto the net for me!"

Socrates opened one eye.

"What's the magic word?" He asked.

"Tiger hamburger." Calvin growled.

"Oh very well."

Socrates rolled onto the net.

"Better."

Calvin walked over, and began tugging at the net with all his might, trying to get Socrates to his old playhouse he had used in the Day After Tomorrow play.

You can guess what kind of luck he had.

Finally, Calvin dropped the net, and yelled, "Forget it! Socrates! Get up and march into that castle right this instant!"

"It's a playhouse Calvin." Socrates said, standing up.

"MOVE!" Calvin bellowed.

Socrates sighed, and walked into the, ahem, castle.

Seconds afterward, Hobbes followed him.

"I'm here to save you, blah blah, blah, come out now."

Hobbes and Socrates then walked out.

Calvin glared at them.

END OF SCENE THREE OF THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO


"OK, this movie is on a role." Calvin said. "And I've only got in trouble once!"

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

"Let's see, next we do the scene with that battle going on at some castle somewhere."

"Which one?" Hobbes asked.

"I don't remember. Let's just attack the house." Calvin said.

There was a long moment of silence.

"What?!" Hobbes and Socrates said in unison.

"I told you!" Calvin spat. "Hobbes you go get a pitch fork, Socrates you go get a shovel, and I'll use that sledge hammer Dad has."

"Calvin shouldn't you ask your Mom first before you destroy the front of her house?"

"You don't need to ask people questions that you already know the answer to." Calvin said. "Move."

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

"The aftermath of the following scene should be interesting." Socrates said.


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin, Socrates, and Hobbes the miscellaneous orcs
scene four: Attacking the Castle

"Alright fellow orcs!" Calvin yelled holding up a hammer. "ATTACK! TAKE NO PRISONERS! UNLESS YOU FIND THE CASTLE'S COOK!"

And with that, Calvin rushed up to the house.

Hobbes and Socrates watched him, as Calvin began hitting the wall with the hammer, creating a large dent in it.

"Ten seconds." Hobbes said.

"Yep. I'll see you next week, Hobbo." Socrates said.

"Same here."

ZOOM!

Hobbes and Socrates vanished.

Calvin continued to slam the hammer into the wall.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and Mom stuck her head out.

She saw a deranged kid slamming a sledge hammer into her former wall.

Her eyes nearly exploded out of her head.

"CALVIN!" She screamed.

Calvin looked up.

"Oops."

END OF SCENE FOUR OF THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO


You'd think that after this happening so many times before, Calvin would stop doing incredibly idiotic things that got him trouble.

Of course not.

Calvin suffered the punishment of a long lecture from Mom, his TV privileges revoked for a month, and over a week stuck in his bedroom.

Then Mom made the mistake of letting Calvin out.

Big mistake.

Calvin peeked out of the door.

The yard was deserted.

Calvin slowly started to tiptoe out of the house.

Hobbes followed, but he didn't tiptoe.

Calvin stepped out to the front of the yard, and looked around.

Socrates was nowhere in sight.

Calvin wiped some sweat from his brow.

"Okay, it looks like that idiot isn't here." He said, turning to Hobbes.

"Oh yes." Said a voice. "That would be terrible if the idiot was here."

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

He turned around.

He saw Socrates walking down the sidewalk towards him.

He was grinning.

"Socrates." Calvin said through gritted teeth. "Welcome."

"Why thank you Calvin." Socrates looked up at Hobbes. "So polite."

"Shut up." Calvin warned. "Now, The next scene was where Sam and Dodo cross that big lava thing that looks oddly like Rupert and Earl's home planet."

"Wow," Socrates said. "He gets right to the point, doesn't he?"

"Shut it."


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin the Sam, Socrates the bubbling lava, and Hobbes the Dodo
scene five: Hiking Across Planet Zok

"Bubbling lava!" Socrates yelled. "You mean to tell me I don't get a part in this scene!"

"Froro and Sam are the only ones in it kitty!" Calvin spat. "Now start making bubbling noises."

Socrates rolled his eyes.

"Bubble. Pop. Crackle. Hiss."

"Come, Dodo!" Calvin yelled. "As we hike across Planet Zok!"

"I wish you'd learn to say the stupid name right." Hobbes muttered, walking up to Calvin.

"Great moons of Neptune!" Calvin yelled. "There's an extra big puddle of lava here!"

Socrates stared at Calvin.

Calvin glared back.

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh yeah." Socrates said, finally. "Sizzle. Grumble. Prop."

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"How ever will we get across before the Evil Sith come-eth!"

"Sith is Star Wars, Calvin."

"Of course it is. Now answer the question!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and walked around Socrates.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin blinked.

"Well, if you want to do it the easy way." He said.

Calvin walked around Socrates.

Socrates turned around, and followed them, as they continued on their march.

Oh and he was still boring the words sizzle, pop, bubble, crackle, and hiss, which began to get on Calvin's nerves after a while.

"Well, here we are!" Calvin yelled. "At the base of Mt Volcano!"

"Mt Doom, Calvin." Hobbes said.

"Whatever. Here we are at Mt so forth! Many a orc has tried to climbed this thing but were unsuccessful in their feat!"

"The ladder you used to represent Mt Doom doesn't look all that stable, Calvin." Hobbes said.

"Shut up. Now we come to climb it! In hopes that we high altitude doesn't suffocate us, first!"

"Your parents won't be that happy to see you on the roof, again, Calvin." Socrates said.

"OK, Socrates, you're the lava, so you get up there, first." Calvin spat, shoving Socrates onto the ladder.

Then he turned to Hobbes.

"OK, you next!" He said.

"Why do I have to go before you!" Hobbes demanded.

Calvin stuck his nose in Hobbes' face.

"Because if I go first, you'll vanish, you little weenie. GET UP THERE!"

Hobbes moaned and cried, but he ended up going up first.

Calvin followed.

END OF SCENE FIVE OF THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO


Calvin finished climbing up, and dusted his hands off.

"Alright!" He said, cheerfully. "We only have one more scene to go!"

Suddenly, Hobbes and Socrates leaped into the air, and yelled, "WHOOPEE!"

When they landed, Socrates pulled confetti out of pockets in his fur, and began throwing everywhere, as he and Hobbes pranced around the roof.

Calvin's eyes squeezed shut.

"Shut up, or we'll do three more!"

Hobbes and Socrates fell silent.

"Good." Calvin said. "Now this is the scene where the hero throws the baseball bat, and Glue-um."

"GOLLEM!" Hobbes and Socrates screamed.

"Whatever. Over the side of the mountain into the volcano."

Calvin pointed a Socrates.

"Therefore, you get to be Collum" He said.

Socrates' eyes narrowed.


THE RETURN OF THE WEIRDO
Cast: Calvin the Freedo, Socrates the Goolem, and Hobbes the Sam
Final Scene: The Much Awaited Grand Finale to the Lord of the Baseball Bats!

"AH HA!" Calvin shouted. "Finally! After several months locked in my bedroom, and an even longer amount of time in which this author had writer's block with this story, I have finally made it to Mt. Dune!"

"Doom." Hobbes said.

"Doom!" Calvin yelled. "To destroy the terrible baseball bat of death once and for all!"

"Goody." Hobbes said. "Would you please do it now, so I can get back to your comic books?"

Calvin held the baseball bat over the side of the roof.

He stared at it for a long time.

Then he swung back around to Hobbes.

"NEVER! The baseball bat is mine! MINE I TELL YOU!"

Hobbes gave him a blank stare.

Calvin took the baseball bat, and prepared to hit himself in the head with it, when suddenly, Socrates leaped up from the ground, and pinned Calvin to the ground.

"HA HA!" He yelled. "I have you now! Now had over the bat, buster!"

Calvin and Socrates began rolling around on the roof.

Socrates was winning.

Hobbes watched as Socrates bit, scratched, and kicked Calvin all over the place."

"Gollem. Dear Lord, no. Stop. You're hurting him." He said, his expression remaining blank.

Finally, Socrates pretended to bite Calvin's finger off, and grabbed the baseball bat away from him.

"HA! It's mine, now! What do you say about that!"

Calvin leaped up, and shoved Socrates off the roof.

"That's what I have to say about it, you horrible mistake!" He shouted after Socrates, as he fell off the roof.

Socrates grabbed hold of the gutter, and hung there for a long time.

He blinked.

There was crack.

Socrates looked around.

The gutter was beginning to come loose.

"Hoo boy." He said.

CRACK!

Socrates closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and prepared for impact.

It didn't come.

Socrates opened one eye.

The gutter had come loose, yes, but not all the way.

Just the front part.

So, Socrates just slowly lowered to the ground, without any loud crashes.

Except for when he grinned, and let go of the gutter, which caused it snap back up to the roof.

Calvin looked down.

Socrates was dusting himself off, and waving at Calvin.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"We're done, Hobbes!" He grinned.

He looked around.

Hobbes had vanished.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and turned around.

"WE ARE DONE!" He yelled, leaping high into the air.

Then, disaster struck.

As usual.

END OF THE LORD OF THE BASEBALL BATS


As soon as Calvin came back in contact with the roof... it more or less... collapsed.

FOOOOM!

Calvin, and part of roof came crashing down, destroying part of the attic floor, and crash landed in the livingroom, where Mom was sewing.

There was a long moment of silence.

Mom stared with wide eyes, her hand holding a sewing needle above a purple sweater.

Calvin stared back, his eyes just as wide, and he standing on part of the roof in the living room.

We needed go into gory details.

Calvin was in pretty deep trouble.

Especially when the repair bill came in.

Calvin was sentenced to three months without TV, and a two month restraining order from going outside.

Which suited Hobbes just fine.

As Calvin sat in his bedroom, sulking, Hobbes stood a few feet a way, watching birds from the bedroom window.

"I can't believe Mom and Dad punished me for destroying their roof." He said. "I've done things worse than that!"

"Such as...?" Hobbes asked, looking around.

"Such as..." Calvin paused. "Shut up."

"Mm-hmm." Hobbes said, turning back to the window.

Calvin grabbed a TV guide, and began flipping through it.

"Luckily, right after my TV privileges return to me, there's going to be a cool action movie coming on!" He said, turning to Hobbes.

"He just never learns." Hobbes said, watching a bluebird fly off into the sunset.

The End


Next Movie: Jurassic Park: The Lost World