Author's Notes: this is adapted from Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T. S Elliot and from the musical CATS directed by Andrew Lloyd Webber, and The Really Useful Company. I don't own NGE or CATS, or Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, or any of the items that I might have failed to mention.

Old Possum's Book of Practical EVA Characters

By ominix

Chapter 1

The naming of Characters

The naming of characters is a difficult matter.

It isn't just on of you holiday games;

You may think at first I am as mad as a hatter

When I tell you, a character must have three different names.

First of all, there is the name that the characters use daily,

Such as Shinji, Aida, Kensuke, or Asuka

Such as Gendo or Kaji, George or Bill Bailey-

All of them sensible everyday names.

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,

Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:

Such as Sachiel, Gaghiel or Adam-

But all of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you, a character needs a name that's particular,

A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,

Or else how can she keep up her ice-queen act,

Or be a whimp, or be a fiery demon?

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,

Such as Wondergirl, Whimp, or Baka,

Such as Stooges, or else Demon-

Names that never belong to more than on character

But above all and beyond there is till one name left over,

And that is the name that you never will guess;

That name that no research by Dr. Ritsuko can discover-

But the character knows, and will never confess.

When you notice a character in profound meditation,

The reason, I tell you, is always the same:

Her mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation (although author admits only one character does that)

Of the thought, of the thought, of thought of her name:

Her ineffable effable

Effanineffable

Deep and inscrutable singular Name.