Damaged Little Doll
Chapter One: My Family
Written by: Watch-Da-Rain
Disclaimer: I own all of them! -glare- Ha-ha! Just kidding...
Summary: She was only a young girl, but nothing ordinary. With a father who is never there, and a mother who doesn't want her, who will save her from herself? This is a possible Draco or Lucius and Serena romance. It all depends on you. :) There is a full summary in my profile. :) This is also the first of my Damaged Doll Series.
Author's Note: (1/29/05) Starting a new fiction, and I'm not half done with ANY of my other fictions!
(4/7/05) I'm in the process of editing and I might make some changes. This is a Work In Progress fiction, so in the near future I might do this every once in a while if I'm not satisfied. There is no big change in this chapter except for some minor corrections. If there are still mistakes, I am sorry. The only thing I changed that I think you should know about is that I changed her tutors name to Artemis instead of Charlie. I just love that darn cat! J
I changed the title, He Walked Away because I never liked it. I have been wracking my brain for weeks to come up with a better name and now I am finally satisfied with the current title.
IMPORTANT! IT MIGHT BE A BIT CONFUSING 'CAUSE I GO IN AND OUT OF SERENA'S POV WITHOUT ANY WARNING. SO I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
Find me in my father's study. Dark, dreary, office-like room, filled with books my father would send me from his travels. I could say I'm in here because I have no friends (not my fault I don't have the time) or that I am as insane as my mother (not true, yet still arguable) or a very, very strict father. I could say I like to be alone, to read and learn whatever I can get my hands on, and to even gather my dark, afflicted thoughts together in silence; and what better place to do so than in my father's study? I could say a lot of things, but no one ever listens; no one seems to care, so I don't. Talk. Not often, anyway.
I'm spending my usual summers away from Salem's Witch Charm Academy. My seventeenth, but my first without Artemis, my home tutor, which was a bit odd since he practically lives here. He has been tutoring me since I was eight years old. Mother persist that I continue my studies even if I was no longer under the roof of my Academy. "I want nothing to do with talent less dunce," she would say every time we cross in each others' paths. I suppose that's another reason why I don't leave this room often.
Do you ever wonder how I became so aloof - so isolated from the world, except for my own? Or when I began to submit myself into my father's study? When I lost my innocence from the world? Who took away a part of my innocence?
I believe it all started when I was five years old. It was a day before Christmas. My father finally came home from business; business that took too much of his time. You could say the only times he would come home from business - whatever that was - was twice a year: once for my birthday, the other for Christmas holiday.
I remember running out of my room and into a long hallway when I heard about my fathers' arrival. The halls were much lighter then; filled with so much life ...my life. I was racing towards his study, where he would always lock himself in, away from the world (seems like I picked up that habit from him, eh?). Sometimes, I would skip rather than run. I was filled with so much excitement. So much hope that maybe this time, he would stay much longer than two days.
"Papa, you wanted to speak with me?" Serena cheerfully chirped through the door, as she knocked. She couldn't contain her excitement, as she wondered if he had a new look. The last time she saw him, he grew himself a goatee, which was nicely trimmed. Even though her mother was rather repulsed by his facial hair, Serena took quite a liking to it. She always loved how it felt when he rubbed it against her cheek. It tickled her so.
Once the door opened itself, she dashed inside and flew into her father's arms. He swung her around laughing, as they were very happy to see each other, for it had been a very long time since his last visit home.
"Where were you, Papa?" She asked in wonder, as she looked up at her father with admiration. He was still very tall, and not as skinny as he once was before. He looked much healthier and wasn't so pale either. His short, messy dark brown hair was now much lighter and his blue eyes looked so much bluer than before. He also lost his goatee. In short, he looked so much handsome, younger and happy.
"Everywhere." He answered, as he scooped up his only child onto his lap.
This was their usual greeting whenever he decided to come home. At times, he would tell her stories of his adventures. Like how he slew the dragons from their pits or how he saved a damsel from distress. Stories any father would tell their daughter.
Serena tucked her head right under his chin and wrapped her arms around his chest, or at least tried to. Then with a sly smile, "Did you get me anything for Christmas, Papa?"
Mr. Wyndham chuckled at his daughter's excitement. "You can have your gifts tomorrow morning, love. Right now I need you to change into one of your most prettiest and expensive dresses."
Serena's eyes grew wide with curiosity. "Whatever for, Papa? Will we be shopping in those very nice shops again?"
He gave her a little smile, as he fixed her messy blonde dumplings on her head. "We will be attending a Christmas Eve party, hosted by a colleague of mine."
Serena's mouth dropped opened a bit with shock. She was never allowed to attend a party before. Actually, she wasn't even allowed out of the house without someone to watch over her, and no one ever volunteered to take her out. So she had no choice, but to accept this 'house arrest' and wait until her father arrive from business. "You're taking me to a party!"
"I believe you are now old enough to attend. Besides, there will be some children around your age." He then lifted Serena off his lap and had her stand. "Now why don't you go off to your room and get yourself ready?"
Serena looked at her father with happy bright eyes, as she playfully gave her father a salute. "Yes, sir!" She said with a serious expression on her little face, but soon burst out laughing before she ran out of the room.
Mr. Wyndham couldn't help but shake his head and grin as he watched his little girl run out in her little merry way.
Just as Serena was twirling around in a dress she just chosen in front of her full length mirror, admiring how the dress looked on her, her mother invited herself in.
When Serena saw her mother through her mirror, she gasped in surprised before she quickly turned to face her. "Mama! Um... What are you doing in my room?" Serena looked at her nervously, as her mother looked around the room with her nose up in the air in some haughtily fashion.
My mother. My dear, lovely mother. With her customary grim look, she had the appearance of fierceness in her cold blue eyes and the attitude to threaten any mischief that is seen under her pert nose. Nevertheless, vixenly as she may look, many men sought out for her classy, yet paralyzing beauty; to be sheltered under her bosom that has all the softness and snugness of cotton. All of which, belonged to my father.
I knew he would come home from business twice a year, but I also knew he would secretly flooed himself to her chamber almost every night to find comfort in the softness of my mother's soft pale skin.
Yes, Selenity White Wyndham. Known for her name, beauty, charm and grace, it has been said by some, that my mother's beauty could compete with Narcissa Malfoy's own beauty. When I said 'by some,' I meant by those who have actually seen my mother. Like myself, my mother rarely leaves our home.
My mother is cold and hard. She even has this piercing look that made it seem she can see right through you. Nervous and agitated is what I would feel creeping into my bones when I find myself alone in her presence.
My father told me she wasn't always that way. When they were very young, my mother was known for her kindness and laughter. It's sad, actually, not being able to picture your own mother laugh, let alone smile. When I asked him what had happened to my once happy mother, he grew silent with that dark reminiscing look. Since then, I never questioned him about my mother again.
After glancing around the pink covered room, her cold piercing blue eyes stared directly into mine. For a moment, I held my breath in fear, wondering if I had done something wrong to get her mad again. But instead, she said, "I heard your father will be taking you to the Malfoy's manor for the Christmas Eve gathering."
I continued to stare at her stiff, rigid posture. My own mother, starting a civilize conversation with me? It was unheard of. She usually yelled at me for my childish behavior (and let me remind you I was only five, then.) or punish me for... well - being me.
My mother narrowed her eyes at me and twisted her red lips in anger, "Well? Are you just going to stand there like an idiot and not respond?"
I could almost feel the tears threatening to fall from my blue cornflower eyes, but I wouldn't let them. One thing for certain, my mother hates to see tears. I knew that if I had cried right then and there, I probably would have had to endure more of her put downs. My mother was never the kind to strike someone, since she was a lady of class, but she was talented when it came to breaking someone's mental strength. And I was pretty weak; something she disliked very much.
I looked down towards my small bare feet, not wanting to meet her eyes. "Wi-will you be joining us, Mama?"
My mother slowly made her way towards me, until she stood right beside me. With her head still held high, she stared down at me, "You will one day inherit our wealth - our legacy, and you look down when you speak? You're no servant, Serena. You are the only heir to the White and Wyndham names. Don't you dare bring our names to shame." She said sharply, as if giving a lesson. "Now, try again."
I didn't want to put my names to shame. My names were and still are the most purest of all names in the entire wizarding world. I even heard there was inbreeding within both families not so long ago, for they feared their blood would become tainted.
Slowly, I met my mother's cold, grayish blue eyes, "Will you be joining us, Mama?"
I watched my mother moved gracefully - yet stiff, towards my vanity; fixing her long white blonde hair. Like mine, she held her hair up in two small dumplings, but unlike my own (which barely brushed my shoulders then); her hair gently swept the floor. It was the White's trait. All the White women held their hair in the same fashion with pride.
"Of course I would not. I would never socialize with such bad blood."
"Bad blood, Mama? What do you mean by bad blood?" All I knew were pureblood and dirty-tainted blood. Never had I heard of bad blood.
"Do not worry yourself, Moonbeam. You will soon find out tonight." She answered cryptically, not taking her eyes off her own reflection. "Is that what you're planning to wear?"
Not knowing how to react or to answer, I watched her spun on her heels and walked out of my room towards her own. I didn't know whether or not to follow, but I soon did; knowing full well what my punishment would be if I was wrong.
Once I set foot into her large room, everything went by so fast. The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of my mother's full length mirror, admiring the dress she given me for tonight.
For the first time in my young life, I actually felt like the princess my father had always claimed me to be. (AN - Must I describe the dress you guys should be familiar with? You guys should know it... It's her princess gown. :) ) It was also the first time my mother has ever given me anything so beautiful. I felt like a young lady of high stature, like my mother, who was 23 at that time; (in case I haven't mentioned, and yes, she had me young. For those who are also wondering, my father was 35 at that time).
But just as I was at my happiest, I felt something else wash over me; a sense of dread, or suspicion. Why was my mother being kind to me? After five years of living with her silence and sometimes angry voice, she decides that now is the time to be an actual mother to me? Just as quickly as the smile appeared from my innocent face, it disappeared and was replaced by an uncertain frown.
"Why?" I asked with fear. Maybe this was too good to be true. Maybe this was another punishment, to show me what I could never have, but many other children had: a mother's love.
"You are my daughter." She simply said, with not a single drop of emotion.
My heart just dropped right there. I'm her daughter? Is that all she can say? Is that the only reason? Is that all? I just nodded and accepted that this was our relationship. Nothing would ever change that. Love doesn't live in her, and I hoped that I would not have to meet that same fate.
Quickly, as if my mother wanted me out of her sight, she gently threw a small white box, which had the White crest of a full moon, towards me. "Wear that, and don't you dare take that off. That is half of your White Legacy. Wear it with pride."
I looked at the white box I caught in my small hands. Half of my legacy is in here? And all these years I was told the White Legacy was just as legendary as the Wyndham. Yet, I said nothing.
"Now go. You're father should be waiting for you downstairs." She said, with her back now facing me. I watched her look out the window, towards the garden. She was like a ghost in a white dress, falling into the past I couldn't understand or knew about. A mystery I wasn't allowed to touch.
I nodded my head as I left the room to find my father. When I finally reached the front door, I found Old Man Jonathon, who was our butler back then, instead of my father.
He bowed at my arrival, and gave me a small toothy grin. "You look very fine today, Miss. Lookin' so much like your mother everyday." I have always liked him. He was a poor squib when my father decided to take him into our home and give him this job. Took care of me since I was born, since my mother didn't want anything to do with me and my father was always away on his trips. I have always looked up to him as my father figure and at times a mother. Always there for me to kiss my scraped knees and a shoulder to cry on when I believed there was a monster living under my bed, only to find out it was our house-elf Blitzy sleeping. I miss him at times when I am in need of a companion. He died not too long after I turned 10.
"He told me to tell you that he be down in a bit. Just finishing a few last minute business. I was also told to escort young Miss to the carriage, to wait for him." He told me with a gentle smile.
I sighed, but nodded my head sadly. I wanted to make an impression on my father with my pretty dress, but that was my life; always filled with hope to just be shot down.
Once we reached the carriage, which had the Wyndham crest of a howling wolf, I decided to open the small white box. Jonathon stood still, waiting for me as he held the carriage door open. When I open the box, I saw the most beautiful jewel anyone could have ever dream to find. "Jonathon, do you know what kind of crystal this is? I never have seen anything so pretty."
Jonathon glanced at what was in the small box and looked at me with shock. "How can you not know what that is, Miss? That crystal is what makes the White family so special and legendary. That's a silver crystal; half of it anyways. Past down from mother to daughter."
"Oh." That was all I could say, as I continued to stare at my new prize possession.
"Let me, Miss." He afford, as he gently took the necklace from the box and placed it around my neck.
I touched it softly then looked up at Jonathon. "Why is it special?"
"Well," he started, with a confused, scrunched up look. "To be honest, Miss, no one knows much about the White family. They are just as secretive as the Wyndhams. Sorry to say I don't know much."
I waited for my father for quite a while in the carriage. I almost fell asleep from boredom, until I heard the carriage door open to find my father walking in and sitting across from me.
"I'm sorry for my lateness, Moonbeam. I had something that needed to be taken care of." He said, with an apologetic look on his handsome face.
"It's alright, Papa. I'm just very excited to be able to attend my first Christmas party with you." I told him, with that toothy smile my father loved so much. He had always told me with pride on how much my smile looked so much like his own.
We both then grew silent, for we had nothing to share. Besides, I was too excited to think of things to talk about.
"I see you're wearing one of your mother's old childhood dresses and the crystal." My father said with a frown, as he stared mostly at my new pretty necklace, yet I was quite oblivious towards his unhappiness with what I wore.
I just felt so warm with happiness that he noticed such things. "It's very pretty, isn't it?"
"Yes, I suppose it is." He muttered back, no longer looking at me, as he stared out into the dark night.
I honestly didn't understand why my parents were acting so out of character, but again I kept my silence. Suddenly, out of no where, I heard words slip from my own lips. "Papa, do you love me?" Why did I ask that? I suppose I just felt uncertain about my parents' feelings towards me. Too be honest, there are time when I believe my mother love me more than my father ever had.
My father looked at me with such sadness in his eyes. It made me believe he would finally deny his love for me; his only child, but he didn't. "Yes, Serena. I love you with all my heart."
I felt my heart jump with joy and a sudden rush of warmth. I knew then, that no matter what may happen between the both of us in the future, I will always be my father's little girl. No matter how much he hurt me that night. The night he walked away. -pause- There I go again, always jumping ahead when I wasn't supposed to. In any case, back to the story before I start going off topic again.
"What about, Mama?"
I watched him leaned back and sighed, as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Something he has always done when he felt the need to not speak about something. "You're mother has just gone through so much in the past, Serena." Then he gave me a stern look. "A past I don't ever want you to involve yourself in. The past is the past, and should stay in the past. Do I make myself clear?"
I nodded quietly.
His face soften a bit, as he leaned a bit foreword and reached out to hold my hand with such gentleness and love. "As far as I can tell, she loves you just as much as I."
I bit my lip and wondered to myself if she ever did love me the way my father claimed. If it was true, she sure had a great way in showing it. I didn't speak out my thoughts though, for I decided to keep it to myself as I watched my father fall back in silence; watching the full moon.
When we finally arrived, my father helped me out of the carriage and walked me towards two very large French doors that I somehow knew, will lead me to my fate. I stood by my father nervously, as we stood by the door, waiting for someone to appear. When the door finally opened, it revealed the most handsome man I have ever seen in my young life. I never thought anyone else would look any more handsome than my own father, but then again I don't see a lot of men outside our home.
I stood there, staring at the tall white blonde man with a look of awe. My mouth was slightly open and my eyes were wide. His hair was much longer than mine, and his face looked flawless from any marks. His eyes were what caught my breath. He had a tinge of silver in his icy blue eyes, which looked cold and dangerous.
I gripped my father's hand tightly, as I heard them greet each other.
"Wyndham, very glad you could make it. It was getting late and I was afraid you would not come." The man said, with a smile on his pretty lips.
My father placed a teasing smile of his own, "You know me, Malfoy. I nurture the reputation I made for always being late. It allows me the freedom to time my entrance to suit my sense of drama."
Mr. Malfoy laughed as he made a move to pat my father on his back. As he did so he also made a quick glance my way, but said nothing as he held out the door for us, and it was so grand.
Authors Note: I have been doing some editing and adding, but not so much adding. I really hope you guys don't mind. Review! Tell me what you think, what you would like to see in future chapters and such. I would really like to know.
Don't be scared! I do have the Fourth Chapter done, but because I love you all I decided to extend the chapter since someone has been asking for longer chapters, so that might take a little while. I will do my best to post that up soon; after all I just need maybe another 3 chapters so I can continue the 2nd part when they are all in Hogwarts!
Edit on (4/8/05)