I do not own Bebop, SW, or DBZ or any of the other animes or pop culture things that I mention. This is much more disgusting. There is more offensive stuff, so don't be offended. For 18 and up. Rated M for sex, sexual innuendo, advertising mascots bashed, commercials bashed, absurdness, Star Wars stuff, male pregnancy (Inspired by a Dairy Queen commercial.), switching genders, tentacle jokes, violence, talk of drug use, and using drugs, and there is offensive language, very offensive language and a lot of out of character stuff, also a big apology to Madonna from Vicious. This story is awfully weird!
Welcome to the final session of the Older Ed and Spike Parody
Chapter 2: Romance on the Bebop, The Ship of Chaos.
The Bebop is in the DBZ World...Spike Spiegel is still sobbing in his ship and Edward is standing near Swordfish II...
"Oh come on Spike! I did mean those things that I said." Edward pleaded with Spike as Ein sat in a corner near her.
"I'm not talking to you Ed! Go away!" He shouted. "Sit girl! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!"
Ed suddenly came down with a few crashes. "Why did you do that for?" She got back up and dusted herself off.
"I just wanted to see if that cursed jade necklace I gave you worked!" He growled. "I guess it did, heh, I cursed it myself and the only way to break my curse is to mate with me."
"Then I am leaving!"
"Well, I'm not leaving until you get out of that ship Spike!" She snapped.
"I need to clear my mind right now Edward, so leave me alone!" He said harshly.
"Will you marry me Spike Spiegel?" Ed let it slip out.
"Mistress Ed, he is older than you, isn't he?" Ein said to her.
"Actually, he found the Fountain of Youth, so we're almost the same age." Ed said as she glanced at him. "I also took a dip in the Fountain of Youth myself."
"But Mistress Edward." Ein tried to intervene.
"Silence!" She snapped. "Damn, I have to stop hanging out with Hojo and Dr. Crescent."
"Well, I never! I thought you were my friend, I guess I was wrong. For now on, I only answer to Masters Jet, Spike, and Vicious and Mistresses Faye and Julia." Ein said, then ran back into the ship.
"Thanks for taking care of Ein Ed, now I have full custody of him! So I can say this, how dare you yell at MY DOG! You hurt his feelings!" Spike looked away; "Oh and here's my answer! NO! Now leave me alone! Well, um, maybe? Wait, I should ask you to marry me, it's tradition."
Ed snapped; "No, traditions are made to be broken besides I want to ask you! It's a feminist thing!"
"You and Sango are plotting against us!" Spike growled.
"No Spike, Sango and Miroku are already married! This is the real Edward, now my darling Spike, will you marry me?"
I SAID I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!" Spike screamed at her.
"Fine Spike, go and think about it. But remember, I do love you, even if you are cursed! but I won't have sex with Miroku, there is only one man for me and that is you!" She walked away.
"Edward, that is the most sweetest thing you have ever said to me and I will not have sex with Sango either!"
"Don't you need to clear your head Spike?"
"Bitch! I hate you!" The Swordfish II flew off, Ed looked over her shoulder and sighed.
Suddenly she rushed over and grabbed her cellphone. "Spike."
"Whaddya want woman, why can't you leave me alone?" The voice on the other line said. "Besides, I can't fly and talk at the same time, they'll fine me $800 Zeni. They're very strict here in DBZ World, about as strict as Connecticut."
Suddenly Vicious snapped. "Connecticut, my home it is, strict, Connecticut is not!"
"Get out of here Vicious!" Vicious runs away and Ed continues. "Okay Spike I will, but please don't do anything stupid, don't get yourself hurt or killed. You can have loveless sex with only one woman and that's it mister, from now on, you're my bitch! Wait! No! I take it back! You better not cheat on me! You stupid fool, I really love you and if you find that Jedi or cheat on me with Asuka, I'll kill you!"
"Asuka wouldn't want me and it would make Shinji cry. Also I will leave the Jedi alone, okay dear. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Spike yelled.
"Go fuck yourself Spiegel!" The girl snapped.
"Go get Faye's old toy and you can watch as I do it! Or you can put it on and do me yourself, I don't mind at all!" He joked.
"You sick hentai!" Ed screetched.
"Oooh, a tigress, just what I want as a wife!" He said with a smirk.
"Just get off the damn phone you stupid prick!" She said, then turned off her phone. Suddenly she broke into tears. "That stupid man, I hope he doesn't get himself killed."
Spike flew far from the Bebop, still in tears. "Bitch! I'll be back for you after I blow off this steam! I'll throw you to the bed, rip your clothes off, and make love to you like a wild beast!" Spikes skin began to turn a bit red, he had to control his anger. "First I need to get this damn curse lifted or to at least get rid of that damn bitchy dragon! I think I have PMS. Eventhough, that evil hag known as Faye says that I always have a male form of PMS. Bah women! When will I ever learn! Well, Kazuma is casting off spells for banishing now, since he is now in old man mode. I'll go see him before he dies on Samhain." Spike slapped his head. "Samhain is tomorrow! Well, the monk can stay until Inu gets the balls, but that dragon has to go. Then I'll give Ed a nice little Halloween Treat, ME! I think I'll have her eat sushi off my sexy naked body before we make love. Oh wait, there's Sango, we have to take care of her too. Damn it!"
At Capsule Corp...Mara is sneaking out the bathroom window as the young lovers go to the garden...
Bulma led Vegeta to the quiet garden, all the animals were sleeping, and the robots were shut down for the night.
Except for a suspicious looking bush that seemed to take pictures. "The guys are really going to like this, Vegeta and Bulma up in a tree!"
"Vicious, what are you doing hiding in the bushes?" Vegeta asked.
"There's no one here except for us mice, yeah, um, talking mice. There's two of us, now give us the answer to our question or we will vaporize your planet! What is the meaning of life? Huh, what do you have to say Mork or does Mindy over there have the answer? She is the smartest woman in the DBZ World, isn't she?" The bush said back.
"Can Bulma and I have a moment alone please?" Vegeta pleaded.
Vicious stepped out of his disguise. "But inquiring minds want to know, are you a couple or not?"
Bulma sat and read a book by Carl Sagan as Vegeta sighed. "Yes, we are! But is this still a DBZ Fic?"
Vicious had to tell the very awful truth to Vegeta. "Look, Veggiekins, the author lost her interest in DBZ a long time ago. Yeah, she still has some DBZ stuff and she still watches the show when it's on CN, she likes the uncut, not that edited swill from Saban. Your show is too long and repiticious, it should be called Drag-on Ball Z. Not like Scr/yed, that ended on a sour note, it should have been like Brokeback Mountain or Nip/Tuck where Kazi and Ryu resolve their differences and become plastic surgeons or Kazi should have run off with Mimori, wait, he did get Mimori, who is almost a crone, but soon the winter will be here and Kazuma will die an old man, well, actually his father kills him, but then he will return in the spring, good as new. But enough about the vicious circle of life, wait, I already explained that to you before."
"Just finish the damn scene Vicious, I want Bulma to make me her woman."
"Okay, okay, well, that show should have ended on a good note, okay, now enough about Kazi-kun and Ryuho! You are no longer of any interest to her, and don't get me started on Star Wars, she's even trying to get rid of her Star Wars Stuff, it broke the bank for her you know. She's thinking of bashing Mara Jade-Skywalker as we speak, so she can have her revenge on some so called former aquantances of hers. Come on, look what she did to Luke, she made him a delusional little daddy's boy who wants wild sex! Veg, sorry to say this, but this is a Bebop Fic and on her list of top anime characters, you fell from 3 to 10. You and Bulma used to be her favorite couple, but she likes Spike and Older Edward."
"Okay, so she likes Spike more! So Spike is better looking than me, he has a darker past and baggage enough to fill one luxury jetliner, he's thinner, he's better at Jeet Kun Do than I am, he's taller, he has nicer hair and eyes and a sweet smile and he wears better clothes, that seem to stay on when he's in a fight. So, I don't have those things, big deal, I don't care! I have fans who still love me! Well, I think I do. Now, get the hell out of our house, so we can do this scene alone and finally put an end to this stupid fic!" He shouted; "Oh and can you get some threesome pics of Vash and the insurance girls, I'll pay you 100,000 Zeni."
Meanwhile on The Swordfish II, Spike is hacking into Kates Computer. "Now let's see, Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth is still in production, she's dragging her damn feet again. Update! Update! Update! Damn you woman! Well this fic is a parody of that fic, so she's still working on it. The Female Spike Clone needs more work! That songfic is toast! A story where I am turned into a child and Ed is turned into an older woman, it's about that jello thing that came out of the lobster, I like it a lot, I get to tease Ed and play with her funbags! A story about Faye after Session 26, she gets on with her life and marries a maharaja from Venus, oooh how exotic, that means, she leaves me alone! Vicious loses half his brain, he becomes childlike, noooooo! I will make him a Corallion like Eureka, he'll have bigger butterfly wings. Julia will be a bit disfigured Bwahahahahaha! Eat shit and die DiCaprio! and also a mysterious and horribly burned comatose man arrives on Earth for Ed and her scientist father 10 years after. No, no, not burned! I'd rather be bald and stuffed into a large cryogenic suitcase. One inspired by The Shooting Star Manga, where I come back, yadda, yadda and Ed hates me and wants me dead, then she wants me to marry her, heh, sounds fair. Well, Shooting Star Spike is very mean, he was very mean to Ed, and he's got straight hair! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY HAIR!"
Spike pauses for a moment; "Oh well, it'll grow back in that fic."
Spike continues to mess with the word pad. "Then last but not least, A Macross/CB Story, where I am revealed to be a Zentraadi Prince, The Great Yamane Conte! I become evil, and capture Older Edward. I LOVE EVIL SPIKE STORIES! But what's this, Vicious tries to save me...again and this time he plays a Minmei-like role, he sings, just like all the other fics! He's also a Corallion in this one, the brother of Eureka? Another thing, his name is Vicious Ayanami in this fic! In the other fics his name is Hepburn and Julia is DiCaprio, well, Julia is always a DiCaprio, she looks like Leonardo. Really she does! These fics are so are reptitious, I'm always a witch in these fics, maybe she thinks I'm a witch, well, I am a witch and proud of it! Geez, Spike and Fayes are a dime a dozen, we need some more fics where I fall in love with an older Edward. Faye x Jet, Faye x Vicious, Spike and Vicious, Jet and Vicious, Faye and Ein, and Viciulia fics are good too! Julia and VChan forever and ever! Ed and Vicious? Fire and ice, I like it!" Spike hisses; "Excellent, I just hope she finally gets to work on all these fics about the great and all powerful ME! ME! ME! YES, ALL ABOUT ME! BECAUSE I AM GOD! I AM BIGGER THAN LUKE SKYWALKER AND JESUS! I RULE ALL! MUHAHAHAHA!"
Back at Capsule Corp, which Spike flew over, he wasn't paying attention!
"Vegeta, that only amounts to 10 Woolongs, besides, Wolfwood returned and has now taken Millie back, but I can get you a dvd of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade doing it for the first time, free of charge. So I can show the galaxy, that Luke Skywalker does indeed get the girl and he is no longer a whiny baby! I'm going to download on the Net afterwards! Besides, I'm heading over to the Bebop after I take some paparazzi pics of you two doing it, so keep your shade up." Vicious slapped his head. "Gah! I would never do something so sleazy. Wait, nevermind, The Julia Incident."
Vegeta shouted; "We will do no such thing! We have our dignity!"
"I'll give you front page of The Anime Enquirer." Vicious said.
"Sold!" Vegeta had suddenly came to a conclusion.
"You two are a couple of washed up, has-been, sell-outs! Be naked in five minutes!" He said, then ran out.
"I'm never speaking to you again!" Vegeta shouted.
Vicious came back in. "Are we still on for Starbucks Coffee, gossip, and Desperate Arlen Househusbands on Sunday? I have bad news, they closed our donut shop, you see that low carb diet fad brought on by Dr. Digi Max closed the store! The good news is, I saved a lot on my car insurance by switching to Gaico."
"That sucks, good for you, I wonder if Bill really did cheat on his wife, the minister? I think so, and sure! See you Sunday!" Vegeta gives him a smile.
"Okay then!" Vicious leaves, the door closes, and the fic moves painfully on.
They walked along a cobblestone path until they came to a Magnolia Tree in full bloom.
"Now Mr. Vegeta, I reckon that you have a proposal for me, what is it that you want to say?" Bulma asked.
"Well, Ms. Bulma, I, uh, may not be the most perfect man, I-I'm arrogant, stubborn, loud, violent, I have big hair, I dress like a stripper, when I fight my clothes come off, I'm thinner than a super model, and there's my stupid pride you know and you know how much I want to defeat that dang Kakarott and those androids as well." He confessed; "But Ms. Bulma, I love you. Oh please Ms. Bulma, where shall I go, what shall I do? Do you give a damn about me Rhett?"
"Frankly my dear Scarlett, I do!" Bulma proclaims.
"Oh Rhett!" Bulma lifts Vegeta and races with him up the grand staircase to her bedroom. But what they didn't know was that Mara Jade had suddenly left and there was a guy with silver hair taking pictures.
"Yeah, money in the bank!" Vicious caught a glimpse of Mara running. "Ooh Jackpot!"
"Oh look honey, Mara left and Vicious just went after her, there's goes the front cover. Oh well." Vegeta said as he looked out the window at the fleeing characters running down the road. "By the way, her fiance has posted a missing persons on her and our good friends in Cowboy Bebop World are going after her."
"Good, let's have Spike Spiegel take care of it, she doesn't need us anymore." Bulma threw Vegeta back on the bed. "Hey, wanna play Patty Cake?"
Suddenly the door opens again and Vicious pops in once again. "Hey Vegeta, I'm opening my own line of men and womens sassy underwear stores, want to be one of my models? I'm going to call it, Vicious' Secret!"
"But of course dahling, I'm Vegeta Bundchen, a sexy supermodel from Brazil, I would like to be one of your models." Vegeta said with a wink.
Bulma smiled; "And I am Bulma Campos, I am also from Brazil and I'd love to partake in your photo shoots! I also star on the show, Tucky/NipNip as a doctor/crazy person who's alter ego dresses like Harumi Chono and gives women complete free makeovers then has sex with them after."
"Oooh! Thank you! Now I have to go ask Spike and Ed when I see them!" Vicious ran out the door and vanished.
"Where were we? Oh yeah! Ooooh, me love Patty Cake! Take me now, you blue haired vixen!" Vegeta squealed.
"Patty Cake! Now be a good boy and say my name!" Bulma removed Vegetas clothing and smacked him on the butt.
"Oooh! Bulma!" Vegeta purred.
"Patty Cake!" Bulma started making love to him.
"Oh you naughty girl!" Vegeta squealed.
"Patty Cake! Patty Cake! Patty Cake! Shaaazzzzzzaaaaaammmm!" Bulma said as she was having too much fun with Vegeta.
"Aww Honey, good for you!" He said sweetly.
Mara Jade walked down the street, away from Capsule Corp. She didn't notice that there was a bush following her. "A lot of these homes and buildings seem to have the same kind of bush." She decided to go to the All Anime and Manga Club where she started mumbling to herself in front of a bush that was hiding a secret microphone. "Yeah, I love Luke and all, he's a sweet guy. But right now, I feel like having some fun. I better watch myself though, I don't want no unsavory characters hitting on me. But if a very handsome man does offer me a drink and asks me to dance, I will oblige. Only if he is handsome. Most of these guys here are pretty ugly, about as ugly as Vegeta, what is it with that big hair and he dresses like a male fasion model and why is he so thin, he must have a problem with food." Mara entered the building and a person who looked like Julia stepped out of the bush quietly and followed her inside.
Meanwhile...Above West City...
"Friggin' Edward! How dare she do that to me!" Spike cried. "I'm so messed up, that I can't even fly right! Maybe I should land over there for a while." Spike approaches a building with a ship garage. "DBZ Cities are so damn futuristic, makes our Mars look like Earth, not their Earth, Our Earth Miroku! Well, Spike my Earth is that of a feudal era and a modern day Japan, while your Earth is nothing but a ruined planet. Oh gee, thanks a lot Miroku. Well, actually Miroku, Mars looks way better then these little DBZ Hovels!" Spike lands his Swordfish II on the platform and steps out. "Oooohhh. It looks like Asuka and Shinji popped in for a visit, I might as well say hello. Miroku don't you dare get any ideas!"
"Hello Asuka." Spike gives Asuka a smile.
"Hi Spike." She says nicely.
Spike takes her hand in his, Shinji rolls his eyes and huffs. "Asuka, you lovely redhaired spitfire, may I ask you a question?"
"Would you be the mother of my children? Miroku! What did I tell you!"
Asuka's face turned very red and the next thing Spike felt, yes, was another slap on the face."Idiot! Try to get yourself unpossessed and shame on you Miroku!"
"I'm sorry Asuka, Oh Goddess! I'm trying Asuka! I'm trying, besides I have an obsession with women who have red hair and I don't think it's Miroku! No, I'm beginning to miss Sango right now, Spike is in fact obssessed with redheads." Spike shrugged.
"Then go fuck Edward, she has red hair!"
"I'm trying too! Oh Goddess! How I am trying to get that fiery redhead between the sheets and my loins! Well, after I get Miroku and this dragon out of my body!"
Asuka and Shinji walk off, leaving Spike rubbing his cheek. Then Spike walks over to a catheaded woman and asks. "Excuse me? What was the name of the place again?"
"West City, home of Capsule Corp." She replied, then walked away.
"Oh, yeah, Mork and Mindy, I mean Bulma and Vegeta live here." Spike whispered. "I better visit them, maybe they know where this lost Jedi is. But, I'm pretty thirsty and I think my stomach is growling. I can see them later, maybe not after I said that Krillin was in dire need of a dominatrix. Besides there's a bar that looks pretty inviting." Spike walks towards the club and enters. It was a little dark and there were still a mix of different Anime Characters. Not to mention a person who looked like Julia. "What's that damn DiCaprio thing doing here?" Spike ignored it, he sits down at the bar.
His eye caught a glimpse of a very beautiful woman. She had red gold hair and lovely green eyes. She looked exactly like Edward with her white tube top, green goggles, and black leather pants. Well, except that his Edward has amber eyes and red hair that's styled just like Spikes. "Wait, it's that girl." A smirk came to Spike's face as he looked lustfully at her. Miroku was giving him naughty thoughts. "I might as well sow some wild oats, before forgiving, then fu-I mean making love to Edward. Oh yes, the time is ripe. Oh no, Ed didn't want me to cheat on her, well, maybe I can have a drink and some dinner with this girl, then I'll haul her back to the Bebop and her Satanic fiance, then get over to see Kazuma after, before dad gets to him first and dad is pretty quick."
Mara Jade looks up from her drink and sees this guy with green hair. "He's handsome! Oh and those eyes, like sweet chocolate, and a pretty goofy looking grin. He's looking right at me! Oh please, I want you, who are you beautiful stranger? Wait, I'm marrying Luke, I'm no slut, what am I thinking? But I looked into those eyes and I feel strange, very strange. I wish he could come over to me. Maybe I should use a Jedi Mind Trick on him? Oh wait a second, I feel that he has a very jealous and possessed girlfriend to be and this guy's possessed. Yes, he's possessed by a very angry dragon and a lecherous monk. His father is a former pirate turned samurai sorcerer, his mother is a ninja witch, his other mother is a witch, his half brother is a god. His uncle is a negotiator and gothic magician, his aunt is an angel, and their son is a lazy, whiny, Muggle, no, his powers are hidden, well, he needs work on that now doesn't he?"
Suddenly, some fat, smelly, drunk guy sits next to her. "Hey baby, how are ya?" She ignores him, until he grabs her.
"I wish that beautiful stranger would come and help me now." Mara whispered.
Spike watches her struggle and intervenes. "The lady wants to be left alone, so you better scram."
"Get lost buddy!" The man shouts.
Spike smirks; "The girl is mine, she's a bounty and I have come to collect her."
"You're a bounty hunter? Well, she's all yours." The fat guy walked away to talk to another woman, but he was maced in the process.
Vicious appears. "Now this is the part where it begins to sound like a cheesy b-rated flick that is in a theater one day, and ends up in a VHS bargain bin the next for only 99 cents that never sells anyway, and gets the sledgehammer the day after that. No! Don't buy VHS, get DVD! No, don't do that! Avoid the multiplexes and support your local Movie Palace! Go out there see a movie! Movies are good! Toss out your televisions and Support The Arts! The Old Sexy Movie Palaces need your help! If you don't have any movie palaces, then support your local theater group or um, read a book! Reading is good! Okay, I am shutting up now." Vicious walks back to his table.
Mara gasped; "You're so handsome and cool! I'll gladly go with you! See, I have been a very naughty girl! So read me my rights, now, you sexy hunk of man! You can even frisk and cuff me."
Spike smirked; "I'll frisk and cuff you later, but right now lady, I'm takin' you in. God damn, my stomach!"
Spike shook it all off, it was just some stupid fantasy. The bartender comes up to Spike. "What's your poison?"
"I'll have a strong Irish." Spike says.
A redhaired guy with huge muscles looks Spike over. "Eh, you're cute, wanna be my boyfriend?'
Spike gasped; "Um, I have a girlfriend named Edward."
The guy flexes his muscles. "Oh well, you don't know what you'll be missing."
The guy walks away and Vicious nudges Spike on the shoulder. "Hey there sexy! Me so horny! You want to do it, I'll rock your world, I love you long time, fifty dollar."
Spike nods; "Okay, let's go! We haven't done it in a long time!" Spike follows Vicious into the Karaoke Lounge.
Spike and Vicious break into a duet and start singing "Defying Gravity" with Spike singing Elphabas parts, while Vicious sang Glindas. People freaked out after Spike flew in the air on a broom during the climax. Well, he is teh wicked!
"Vicious, I'm glad you still know Red Dragon Code for "Karaoke. Now, let's go to a private room."
"Are you serious?"
"Oh yeah, baby! I still want you, even if you're not a red haired woman. I think Ed would understand."
Spike and Vicious went to a private room, where they stripped down and started having the best sex ever.
"Are you ready Ayanami!" Spike said as his mounted Vicious and kissed his back.
Vicious started screaming like the schoolgirl he is as Spike picked up his pace, ramming his member into Vicious' tight little orfice. "Oh Spike! Harder!"
"Say my name you silver haired slut who likes tentacles up her butt! Spike chanted.
About an hour later. "Oh that felt so good, thanks Spike."
"Thank you Vicious, I'm glad that I fucked you."
"I feel so much better Spike."
"You were spacing out for no reason!"
Vicious gasped; "Oh, you mean it was just a dream, that you didn't have sex with me?"
"The Karaoke was real, but the sex was a dream. Vicious, I can never have sex with you, because you belong to Julia the psychotic blood thirsty DiCaprio thing and I belong to Edward. I'm sorry."
Vicious sobbed in Spikes chest. "I know Spike, but I love you!"
"I know my darling, but we were not meant to be together. We can just be friends."
"Fine, if that's the way it should be, but can you just kiss me?"
Spike took Vicious' face in his hands and gave him one last passionate kiss, then they broke apart.
Spike and Vicious quietly returned to their seats. Spike asks the bartender again. "I meant a strong Irish Whiskey."
"No problem." The barkeep tells him.
He gives Spike the drink and from a distance, Spike sees the beautiful girl getting hit on by some drunk. She struggles and grabs for a weapon, it was a sword like thing, the drunk gets scared and runs off.
"She's feisty, sort of like my sweet Edward and that old sea hag Faye, I love a woman who can kick ass. But tonight, I will have clearance to that ass. Ah Kanami-sama, that is not like me at all. Miroku, no! Edward is my goal and tonight, I'll have clearance to her ass, not to mention her boobs, which I am dying to grab right now! But I am not going to sleep with that Jedi Harlot! Besides, she's Darth Vader's future daughter in-law and Luke showed me a picture of Anakin, before he became Jet. Not a pretty picture, talk about ugly! The mask was ugly, the helmet was like a Samurais. But my father would never wear one of those, he's not that kind of Samurai. He's a rogue Samurai and a wizard to boot! Although, Jet was right about the dog suit, my goddess that was one very scary dog!" Spike takes his drink and comes over to Mara.
"What? I am not a Mary Sue!" She shouts.
"Shut up! You are a Mary Sue! I hate the way you treat your poor Satanic boyfriend, you turned him into a wimp! Now, let's just drop that term from the story, that is so Chapter One and the audience is probably sick of hearing it! I am just here to have one night of very meaningless sex with you, so I can get back at my very smart and prettier girlfriend, well, I want her to be my girlfriend and so much more. I want her to be my wife and the mother of my child. Well, I have to do it before I bring you back to your very rabid and Satanic fiance, who may I add is very sick in the head!" The truth is such a bitch, wait he's lying.
"Okay." She said softly. "But what about this Edward Chick?"
"You're right." Spike took a stance. "I'm not going to sleep with you, because you are not worth it and you're very ugly. Besides, Edward is my woman and she needs me and I need her! I am her Kagome to her Inuyasha, I am her Kikyo to her Naraku."
"Well that's good, because Luke needs me. He's too sick in the head right now." She sighed.
"That's what I just said you fucking mental retard!" Spike snapped; "I thought Luke Skywalker was naive, what happened to him?"
Mara sighed; "He had a fight with this orange thing named Don Patch that didn't turn out so well. You see Patch was crossdressing so much that Luke got confused, which scrambled his brain. Also, Patch did something so horrible to Luke, that it's too unbearable to describe."
"Just tell me." He asked.
Mara started sobbing. "Okay, Patch, he-he-FORCED CHURROS ON LUKE!"
"HEY! I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN YELL IN CAPS! Control yourself or I will kill you in 2 seconds!" Spike screamed;
"Okay." Then Mara touched Spike's jacket. "I did that for good luck, I read somewhere if you touch a witch, you get good luck."
"Yeah, I know. A lot of people touch me. Now, where were we?" Spike asked.
"Churros!" Mara shouted;
"Wait, how did Don Patch get over there?" Spike asked again.
Mara explained. "The Everlasting Wormhole, you see, when Emperor Palpatine finally died, he let out a single fart. That fart traveled to the end of our galaxy and put a hole in it. Now our worlds are connected, forever. And that's why he's called a Fartbag."
"You're a fucking fucktard!" Release the Mara bashing hounds! Excellent! "You could have left anytime you wanted in your stupid ship! That's it woman, one more stupid thing and I'm going to strangle you!"
"But I wanted to meet you, I'm your number one fan." Scary darkness came over her.
"Oops, sorry, my bad I turned off the lights." Said Bill from King of the Hill.
Spike glared at the guy. "Bill, one more time and I'm going to ask Hank, not to kick your ass, but to kill you! But I can't see Hank, I'll have to talk to him over the phone, there is a reason why I do that. Because Hank Hill is actually the President of Toontown and...TONGPU!"
"But Spike, Hank is my best friend and he still has a lot of weapons left over from last time!"
"Bill, go back to Arlen and stay in Arlen and say nothing to Hank! One day, the only cartoons in America, will all be Japanese, uncut, and subtitled! Well, dubbed too, American Voice Actors are beautiful people, they are more beautiful than movie stars, and they still need to work. But the cartoons will not edited! TOONTOWN WILL BE OURS! BECAUSE I SAID SO! I AM THE RULER OF ALL ANIME CHARACTERS AND ONE DAY I WILL RULE OVER DOMESTIC CARTOON CHARACTERS AND EVERYONE WILL LIVE BY MY RULES! NO EXCEPTIONS FROM ANYONE! THE EVIL PTC, OR THE EVIL AFA! PARENTS WILL HAVE TO LIKE IT OR NOT, WE STAY ON TV AND IN THE THEATERS! THAT'S RIGHT! HOLLYWOOD WILL SOON BOW DOWN TO THE GREAT AND ALL POWERFUL, ALMIGHTY SPIKE SPIEGEL BECAUSE I RULE ALL! I AM THE KING OF HOLLYWOOD! I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD! WHOHOOO!"
Suddenly Spike felt a swift kick in the nads and looked at a very irate Julia. "Don't you ever say that! My grandfather is The King of the World!"
Spike sighed; "When I take over, I'll make sure you have a slow and painful death! Aww, forget it DiCaprio, I'm not going to kill you, your life is worth shit and killing you would be a waste of my precious time. Besides, I will kill Bill of King of the Hill!"
"Another empty threat." Julia rolls her eyes and walks away
Bill shouts; "No Spike! I won't let you do that and I'm not going to let someone like you kill me!"
"You know too much about my plan! Say goodbye Bill!" Spike shoots and misses Bill.
"Watch yourself! Hank says he's going to get you Spike, he wants another rematch at Spaceland!" Bill shouts then runs away.
Spike laughed at the threat. "Oh, okay, now where were we?"
"Churros!" Screamed Mara, who was wearing a gold star on top of her her head like Don Patch.
"Oh yeah, but Churros are tasty with rich melted chocolate, they're a delicious snack! I bought some from Patch a few days ago. But they tasted pretty weird with the chocolate." Spike said.
Vicious pops out of nowhere with a blackboard. Vicious shows a picture of Don Patch selling food. "In the Japanese version of the show BoX7, Don Patch is really selling fish cakes, but in the English version of the Bo-Bo-boboboboyadda anime, he is selling churros! That is your lesson for the day folks."
"Me Julia, you Vicious, come we make snu-snu now." Julia smacks Vicious with a silver baseball bat, grabs him by the hair and drags him off. "Back to the story folks, oh don't worry about him, he's KO."
"Those were fishcakes? DON PATCH YOU ARE SOOOOOOO DEAD! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU CROSS-DRESSING, FAME HOGGING, PSYCHO!" Spike is using those caps again.
"Why are you yelling dear?" Don Patch came over, he was dressed as a woman. "Are you going to turn into a dragon?"
"Noooo! Why can't I stay human when I'm angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" Spikes face turned red and a bit scaly, but it vanished after he took some deep breaths. "Must control anger, must fight urge to kill or to turn into female dragon! Serenity now! I really do love that show!"
Patch crossed his arms. "Didn't you know those were fishcakes, you can tell a fishcake from a churro, can't you Spike?"
"But I was really hungry and I dipped them in chocolate, the chocolate hid the fishy taste." Spike whined.
"Spike are you channeling Van from Gun Sword or Homer Simpson?" Patch asked him.
"Van and I are good friends, we're like brothers, Vicious and I, are like brothers. Also Kazuma, Mugen, Roger Smith, Vash, and Wolfwood are also like my brothers. Wait, Mugen is my dad and Roger is my Uncle, Van is my cousin and Kazuma happens to be my younger brother. The rest of the guys are all friends to me. BUT DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HOMER SIMPSON! I AM NOTHING LIKE THAT DARTH VADER LOVING, BALD, UGLY, FAT, STINKY, STUPID, LAZY AMERICAN LARDBALL!"
Suddenly Jet Black comes out and smacks Spike. "Don't take my name in vain!"
"I WASN'T BASHING YOU JET! I WAS BASHING DARTH VADER!"
"I was Darth Vader in a past life you imbecile!" Jet strides out of the scene, with his long black cloak fluttering behind him as The Imperial March plays.
"Yeah and even now you're becoming more machine than man!"
"Okay, I see you have pent up agression Spike and you're truly out of your mind, have you been doing bloody eye and why do you hate American Cartoons so much?" Patch was holding a clipboard and taking notes.
"You stupid baka! I am possessed! Didn't Vicious tell you? But about Bloody Eye, I used to sell the stuff, but I never used it." Spike admitted. "I also used to be a member of a very dangerous crime syndicate on Mars. I was a very bad boy, I did very bad things! Naughty things, things so naughty, that if it was a show on FX. The censors and parental watchdog groups would have it cancelled even before it got on the air. And I don't hate American Cartoons, I love them, it's a few characters that I want to kill! Like I said before and I'll say it again. We Anime Characters shall have our way on American Prime Time TV and in the theaters. But first, I have to take care of the PTC and AFA, I'll send them poppies...with a little poison in them...yesss...poisoned poppies. Yes, poppies, poppies...sleeep...sleeep. Give in, Anime is not bad, we're not about tentacles and sex. WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!"
"Well, um, I have to go now, I have a date with a hot fashion model, toodles." Patch walked off.
Mara started yelling at Spike. "Now that I finally have your attention! No wonder you damn humans are so fat! All you eat is candy and chocolate and fried food and piyokos and Cadbury Creme Eggs, and more food, and McDonalds and Burger King and fried peanut butter, banana, bacon sandwiches, and marshmallow peeps, and bell peppers with beef, and movie palace popcorn, made from real movie palaces. Oh, me so hungry now, me wanna eat movie palace, Mara need food badly." Mara rubs her tummy.
"Movie Palace Popcorn is actually made from real corn, you idiot." Spike stated.
Mara frowned; "No, it's made from movie palaces."
Spike said sarcastically; "Oh yes, the popcorn here was made from movie palaces, but they stopped slaying the movie palaces after an environmental watchdog group protested it. Can you believe that it is run by monkeys? Their leader is Twinkle Maria Monkey. Yeah, that was my doing. Because I'm the Wicked Witch of Anime! I'm not evil or anything, just wicked good! One false move dearie and I'll turn you into an old hag!"
"Oh really? Then show me how wicked you are!" Mara had crossed her arms.
"Oh DiCaprio! Oh Vicious!" Spike shouts.
"Yes Master Spike we are at your command, what do you desire?" Julia and Vicious rush to his side.
Spike takes out a crystal wand and says a spell. "Gollumus Preciouso!" Julia is turned into Gollum from Lord of the rings and Vicious is turned into "Preciousss."
"You bastard odd eyed manchild! We hates you! Smeagol is happy to have preciousssss. Yessssss, my precioussssss." Gollum picks up the ring, grins, and puts it on his teeny weeny weenie. "Now no one will separate us, the bastards can leave us the fuck alone! Fuck all of you bastards!" Gollum looks at Tien's leg. "Ooooh yessssss." Gollum jumps on his leg and starts humping it.
"Oh my god! Someone get their weird looking dog off my leg!" Tien screamed, Luch was trying to help him too.
"Oh DiCaprio! Here girl! Dobbus Shinjus!" Spike waves his wand and Shinji Ikari is turned into Dobby.
"Spike Spiegel! How dare you turn my boyfriend into this wierd dog-like thing!" Asuka screams and throws a glass at Spike, who turns it into confetti with his magic.
Gollums attention is broken and he sneers at Dobby; "Dead, dead, dead meat! You asshat! Smeagol is going to disembowel you!" Gollum stops humping the leg, jumps on Dobby, and starts beating the crap out of him.
Asuka jumps in and tries to get Gollum off Dobby. "Yodus Asusks!" Spike cackles and turns Asuka into Yoda. Now there is a three way fight between Yoda, Gollum, and Dobby. People in the bar are making bets to see which dog-like creature will win.
"Dude! This is better than Tekken Tag Team!" Some guy said. The cast of Tekken hears this, they all sigh and walk away.
Mara watched Spike as he grinned. "You know, if you were in Salem, Mass during the 1600's, they would have burned you at the stake by now."
Salem in the 1600's
A man in a black and white suit and a crowd of villagers are standing near a stake. The man speaks. "Spike Spiegel of Hartford, you have been charged of witchcraft and treason against god. Since you have survived the torture tests unscathed, we have no choice, but to burn you at the stake. Do you have any last words, do you need to recant? Do you need to absolve for your sins?"
"NEVER! Witches are the good guys! I shall not bow down to a religion that will not acknowledge the existance of goddesses. I will not bow down to people who shove their book in other peoples faces and forces them to forsake their beliefs and to convert! Besides, you ignorant fools are the bad guys, just because 2 paranoid little brats got freaked out, doesn't mean you should execute innocent people, who are not even witches! But I am the real deal baby, I enjoy being a witch!" Spike smirked; "I'm not afraid of death and going to Hell, because there is no Hell! But, this is Purgatory and we must wait for Halloween to be free and I'll do it by releasing the virus that I put in the parade balloons!"
The minister shouted; "Burn him! Burn him! Burn this blasphemy filled, moss haired demon, and do it quick!"
"Sorry Padre, but you can't burn me, because I am teh fire!" Spikes eyes glowed red and the ropes holding him were burned off. He jumped from the pile of logs and advanced towards the minister.
The man screamed; "Look at him he's wicked! Get him!"
Spike cornered the man. "Don't worry about me getting into Paradise, my friend Kiba has it all covered. You should worry about going to paradise yourself!" The guy was turned into a smoking pile of ashes and bones after Spike burned him alive. Spike cackled; "Anyone else want to be reduced to ash?" The villagers came at him with weapons, but the weapons were turned into serpents, that scared them away. Spike cackles; "How about a little fire scarecrow!" Spike hurls a fireball at a scarecrow, destroying it.
"Spike Spiegel! You naughty boy, what are you doing?" A female voice shouted.
"Well, hello there honey, what are you going to do to me?" In the middle of this chaos stood a young girl with red hair and amber eyes. Now here's three endings. She fires an arrow of sealing into his heart, pinning him to a tree. The girl fetches a bucket of water, and throws it on him. Spike screams; "Not again! You little brat! I'm melting, melting! Oooh, how could a little girl like you destroy my beautiful wickedness! I'll get you Edward!" Spike melts into a puddle of blue and yellow. Or the girl ignites her red lightsaber, Spike says, "Strike me down, then I'll become more powerful than you ever imagined." Spike lifts his lightsaber and closes his eyes; "Salmon Ramen Jutsu!" Ed cuts him in half and Spike vanishes. All was left of Spike was a crumpled blue jacket, pants, yellow shirt, black tie, and blue boots, also his saber and a pack of smokes. Ed stomped on the jacket and felt something hard, it was a log. Ed bites her lip, she knew that guy would use a Ninja Trick.
She turns around and lies; "Umm he's dead, Spike Spiegel is truly dead or is he just asleep? Oh great god Nabeshin, please give me the answer!"
The villagers embrace the girl and chant; "Hail to Edward, the wicked witch is dead!"
Then one villager said to another, "Was it the water, arrow, or sword that did him in?"
The other shook her head. "Nope, it was beauty that killed the beast."
Suddenly Edward clutches her stomach and screams in pain. "Ah Megami-Sama! I forgot that I was with child! I'm sorry everyone, but that guy was my fiance."
"Unwed with the devils child! This is an outrage! Girl, leave this village at once!" Sadly, the girl was exiled and forced to move to Boston to raise her strange green haired son with Spike, who met her there after he faked his death.
Mara's thoughts were broken by a screaming, bruised and bloodied Dobby on top of the bar. "No! Julia! Please, no more! I love my Eva! I love my mother! The Eva is my mother or is Rei my mother? Or are they both my mother? I love my father! I love Asuka! Please Julia! Don't kill me! I don't want to die! I love life! I'll pilot Eva! I promise! I'm not going to be a coward anymore! I won't run away! Please Julia! It's me, Shinji Ikari!"
Yoda was too busy sneering at Spike, and he looked very unhappy. "Evil you are, Spike Spiegel, yes."
Asuka was changed back and Spike quickly turned into Jessica Rabbit. "Oh I'm not bad Asuka, I'm just drawn that way."
"Spike! Stop her! She's going to kill Shinji!" She screamed.
Spike asked; "I thought you hated Shinji?"
"That's just a front, I love him and you know that! Vicious broke the story a year ago!"
Spike shrugged; "Oh, okay."
Gollum held a knife in his hand. "You no Shinji! You Dobby! We hate you! There is no Julia, only Smeagol! Die Dobby Die!"
Spike waved his crystal wand, Shinji was back to normal, so was Julia, who was half naked now, since Vicious was the one with her ripped leather catsuit on his head. Vicious takes the torn clothes off his head. "Julia! How could you do such a disgusting thing to me! Hentai! Ecchi! You pervert! Get some clothes on!" Vicious runs away, leaving Julia still half naked.
Julia growled; "Now I am really mad! My precious has left and I need to draw blood! Yes, I need to do some blood letting! A virgin must be sacrificed to quench my anger! Shinji Ikari! I want to eat your soul!" Julia transformed into a Hollow.
"Let's go Honey!" Asuka grabs Shinji and rushes off.
Suddenly Edward pops in and Julia stabs her in the eye with the knife. "There Ed, now you're closer to Spike more than ever, so that means Vicious will be the only one for me! You will never take my Vicious away from me! No one will take my Vicious away! I own Vicious' soul!" Edward runs out screaming with Spike running after her. "Yes Spike, go! Go run after your beloved! You will never take me away from Vicious, no matter how injured you get!"
"DiCaprio! I want you out of my bar!" The barkeep yelled. "Please come again."
"As you wish and keep the change! See you on Monday for Margarita Night, I need to be in top form to beat the crap out of Vicious!" Julia gives him some money and rushes out the door laughing like a maniac with a sock that has a bar of soap inside it, she's probably going to go after Vicious and probably do horrible stuff to him.
The bartender sighed. "Bebop characters! They're all nuts!"
After Ed had her eye fixed by a very helpful animator. Spike went in and got her.
Spike sighs as he and Ed leave their animation studio: "You know Ed, this is the worst disappointment I have ever had, well, that and the commercial I did for Skittels."
Spike is sitting in an office with this woman whose hair keeps moving. "Now we're looking for someone who is qualified."
The womans tentaclelike hair gives him a candy, then touches his hair. "Qualified huh?"
Spike glares at her. "Did you, did you just touch my hair?"
The woman smiles. "I was just trying to be nice."
Spike growls and grabs an electric shaver. "Oh really! Here's my version of being nice, you bitch!" Spike begins to shave her head. "Huh? How do you like that baby?"
Then Spike sighs again. "Or the one I did for Burger King."
Spike is in bed sleeping, suddenly he gets up and sees the scary Burger King outside his window. Spike screams, grabs a double barrell shotgun and blows the kings head off. "Oh no, did I just off that guy from Roseanne?"
"Or when I did that reality show for Julia." Spike said.
"Welcome to Julia DiCaprio's Mansion. Julia must decide on 3 more men to be her boyfriend." An announcer says.
Julia comes down the stairs with Annie and she is wearing a cowboy hat and a guitar around her back. Annie is holding two guitars. There are three men waiting downstairs for her, the men are Spike, Vicious, and Whitney Haggis Matsumoto.
Julia faces the three guys. "Hello gentlemen. Tonight is eliminations and I have to let one of you go. So the first one I will pick for tonight. Annie, the first guitar."
"Yeah, here you go." Annie gives Julia the blue Les Paul.
"Vicious! My sweet little delicious Vicious! I love it when we play, you are so devious and cool. But you can be a bit of a whiny baby and somewhat of an ass. So,Vicious, would you accept this Les Paul?"
Vicious races to Julia and receives his guitar. "I'll make you the happiest woman in The Sol System."
We cut to Spike talking. "I don't know what she sees in him, he is only here for one thing. His career in Anime, I am here for her, I know she loves me and that's why she let me come back."
Back to Julia. "Spike, Whitney, Whitney, Spike. Spike, I don't why you love me so much, but you do and I know that you are for real. Whitney, you're a fake, a phony, and a liar. The author just wanted to put you in here so Faye can have her revenge. I'm sorry Whitney...But your time is up!" Julia whips out a raygun and vaporizes Whitney Matsumoto. "Spike will you accept this guitar?"
Spike takes the guitar from Julia. "Thank you so much."
Suddenly there's a banging at the door, then Edward barges in. "You're not taking my man away from me Ghoolia DiCapitated!"
"Annie, please show Ed the door, but don't hurt her." Julia, Spike, and Vicious raise their glasses of Pepsi. "I will pour no Pepsi for Whitney, because, I ran out and he's not worth it. So boys, our last romantic date will be in beautiful Newington, Connecticut!"
"What? Newington sucks!" Spike shouted; "The place is so boring, there's no movies theaters, and there's nothing to do there! The place really sucks!"
After the rather boring date for Spike and the very fun one for Vicious, Julia decides to Eliminate another at Mill Pond Park in Newington. "Okay Spike, you were nothing but a big fat baby bitch on our date, all you did was complain, you hated bowling at Bowl-a-Rama, you hated Chillis, and you hate Target, which I can understand, because there was this ugly fat blonde bitch named Mandy who was in charge of shoes that kept annoying you, but it made you happy after I beat the living crap out of her and made her lose her job. Vicious, I had the most fun with you! You loved Churchill Park, going to the library, shopping at Bob's and the lunch at Hooters. So Vicious, will you accept this Les Paul?"
Vicious screams like a little girl and rushes over to Julia; "Yes! I will!"
"You suck DiCaprio!" Spike walks away.
"Get out of here Spike, you remind me of Edward!" Julia shouted as she placed kisses on to Vicious' neck.
"Good, I'm glad I do! Wait, I'm not like Edward, well, in a way, but I am nothing like her!" Spike walks off.
Suddenly Spike is spirited away by a redhaired woman riding a black horse. "Spike Spiegel is mine at last! Victory is mine!" Shouted Edward.
Julia pours Pepsi Jazz all over the grass. "That is for Spike and Ed, we hope they find true happiness and have lots of lanky and hyperactive lunkheaded kids. Julia opens the parks lawn shed. "I have something else for you Vicious." Julia pulls out a 24 karat gold grill from the shed. It was the cooking kind of grill. "Make cheeseburgers for dinner now my Corallion Slave!"
Vicious bows; "Yes master."
Meanwhile at Koji in Hartford, Spike and Ed watched as Vicious made Julia dinner on a small tv screen, the two laughed. "Hey, I'm glad I didn't win!"
Ed smirked; "Yes, I know, see we all end up happily ever after."
"Or when I was in The End of Evangelion." Spike pushes Rei aside and jumps inside of Lilith, suddenly there's a naked white uber Spike. "Hahahahaha! The world is mine!" Spike sadly destroys Earth and humankind as we know it.
In Heaven, we pan to a very pissed off Shinji ringing Spikes neck. "Spike how dare you! It was not supposed to end this way!"
Asuka has her arms crossed; "Shinji, please leave some for me!"
Ed interrupts; "Spike, I think Vicious would be Rei, because Vicious and Rei don't talk much, they have no emotions, and they almost have the same hairstyle. Faye is the last angel, because she looks a lot like Vicious, you can be Asuka, and I'll be Shinji. Electra will be Misato, Julia will be Gendo, because Vicious will also be Yui, Stella will be the blonde, and Jet would be Kaji."
"Okay. Hey, remember when I was infected by the Borg in The Star Trek Universe." Spike wearing Borg stuff faces a very pissed off Edward.
"What in Ruyho's Kingdom is this now Spike?" She growls.
Spike faced her and said in a monotone voice. "There is no Spike, I am 867530 of 9. We are Borg. Resistance is futile. Join us."
Vicious comes up. "I think it's time that I wake you from the dream again!"
Spike shoots laser beams from his eyes melting Vicious' Katana. "We are Borg, we have no dreams."
Vicious starts crying and runs off to his room, yes, he and Julia live on the Bebop now. "D-DiCapriooooo! Spike melted my sword! Whaaaaaaahhhh! Beat him up for meeeee!"
Ed growled at Jet; "Jet, no more bounty hunting in the Star Trek Universe!"
Ed suddenly grabbed Lil' Slugger, who was beating the living crap out of the Carver. "Take that you evil Catholic Ninja Geisha! You are giving Catholics, Ninja, and the Geisha a bad name!"
"I may be Catholic, but I'm not offending Ninjas and Geishas!"
Lil' slugger growled; "Hey! There are no plurals in our language! The reason why I call you an evil Catholic Ninja Geisha, is because you are an evil Catholic, dressed like a Ninja, wearing a Geisha mask!"
"Little Slugger please! I'll never cut people again!" Quentin said as he wet his pants.
"Shut up, I am so sick of you and your "Beauty is a fuckin' curse on the world-crap!" Then Lil' Slugger bashed in his skull.
"Can I have your golden bat please?" Ed asked as Lil' Slugger throws the bat away and grabs another one out of hammer space. "I need to use it on Spike."
"Um, okay, uh is he trapped in a corner with nowhere to go?"
"No, he's just acting like an asshole."
"Here take it." Lil' Slugger gives her the magic bat.
Ed sneers at Spike. "Assimilate this!" Ed begins swinging the bat, she smacks Spike on the head, knocking the sense back into him. She gives the bat back to Lil' Slugger who runs away in fear. "Why can't I have a normal future boyfriend!"
The Borg crap falls off Spike and he's back to normal. "You will be my girlfriend?"
Ed gave him a cold look. "When donuts start raining from the sky Spike!"
Spike crumbles into a pile of tears, he runs into the kitchen, grabs three pints of Ben and Jerrys, and is not heard from in days.
"Or when I pissed off both Eva Units 01 and 02." Spike looks at the Evangelions. "So girls tell me, where do they put your dummy plugs?"
The Evas looked at each other, then back at him. "They're in the rear."
"So no wonder you two always act like something has crawled up your asses." Spike said, being snide.
The Evas didn't look too happy. "Zep."
"What's up Yui?"
"Let's show him what 2 pissed off giant robots can do, especially when we are pmsing!"
Just as they were going to step on Spike, he had vanished.
Eva 01 looked at Eva 02. "Hey, I have some of that angel left if you want any. I'll serve it up with ice cream and chocolate sauce."
Ed puts her arm around Spike. "You just did a homage to Family Guy, you know that Spike?"
Suddenly they heard the laugh of Peter Griffin.
"Is that the Vice President of American Toontown?" Ed asks.
"Yeah, I'm here." Suddenly Peter Griffin appears. "Hey Spike, is that your girlfriend?"
Spike gives Peter a smile. "Peter, would Lois do me the honor of."
Peter growled; "No! Unless there's money involved."
"Then forget it."
"Wow Spike, you're lucky. See you later, I have to go see President Hank. Oh, I have a note from him." Peter gives it to Spike and walks away. "He he, propane, Hank go boom."
Spike shivers as he reads the letter. "Dear Spike, you are invited to a wonderful party. A party where I will kick your ass ten fold! Spaceland, be there or I will come after all of you! Your friend, Hank "Tongpu" Hill."
Spike quickly flys to Spaceland, where Hank Hill is waiting.
Hank is dressed as a thinner verion of Tongpu. "Hello and welcome! Today I am kicking your ass and I will finish doing it!"
Suddenly, they decided on a war of words, not weapons.
Spike: "Propane sucks! Oil is better!"
Hank: "Shut up! We need to kick the habit, it's like cocaine!"
Spike: "Cocaine rhymes with propane!"
Hank: "At least my dog doesn't have a computer chip in his head!"
Spike: "Ladybird is secretly married to Brian Griffin!"
Hank: "I know that!"
Spike: "Damn! Well, your wife is an ignorant howler monkey! She doesn't know Spanish!"
Hank: "Um yeah, I know!"
Spike: "Double damn! Your son is so fat...he's fat! He's going to become another Bill!"
Hank: "That's low coming from a bitch like you!"
Spike: "Hey! Shut up you lazy American Cartoon Character!"
Hank: "Your mother is a Ninja!"
Spike: "Bill should die, Dale should be locked up in a mental insitution and Boomhauer ahould marry Quagmire!"
Hank: "That's true about Dale, but you leave Boomhauer and Quagmire alone! Quagmire is from Family Guy Town, idiot! Besides, Quagmire is not the marrying kind, neither is Boomhauer. About Bill, I'll kill him later because his life is meaningless and he must perish!"
Spike: "Your father is a pain in the ass and he needs to die!"
Hank: "Your father likes to kill people!"
Spike: "You are a fat idiot!"
Hank: "Shut up you sushi eater!"
Hank: "Green haired freak!"
Hank: "Odd eyed misfit!"
Spike: "Unfit parent!"
Hank: "Cradle Robber!"
Spike: "At least I'm not having an affair with Peter Griffin behind Stan Smiths back!"
Hank: "Um, you know me better than that, do you really think I'm gay Spike? Besides, you're the one doing all the gay stuff."
Spike: "Shut up, I'm not gay either and that was one of Vicious' dreams!"
"Well, at least I don't work with a woman who looks exactly like Wacko Jacko!"
"Well, Faye does look like Jacko, compare pictures."
"Worthless bounty hunter!"
"Evil propane salesman, who likes to push propane on people! Haven't you heard of Freedom of Choice!"
"Your ship sucks!"
"Now you have taken it too far Hank! This is war!" Spike fires his gun at Hank.
Hank fires off a small missle, which Spike turns into flower petals with his magic. "Bah! You cheater! I'm going to really kill you! Bah! I can't fly anymore, I'll have to run over to him!"
Spike smirks; "You want to see something scarier than you Hank?"
Hank grinds his teeth. "What? Ney...?"
"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"
"For the love of Brak! Will you stop using that line, it's getting old, along with the tentacle sex jokes!"
Spikes eyes turn yellow and his skin starts to turn red, and within a few minutes he transformed into a ferocious dragon. "How do you like me now Hank? Do you still want to fight? Also when I beat you, are you going to cry for your mommy again? I don't think she is going to listen this time! Oh wait, you don't do that Hank, but you did after I stabbed you in the leg, then you got squished by a big robot. Do you still want to kick my ass? But I don't know, because I can eat you up in one single gulp."
Hank growls in defeat. "Fine, you win! I need to kick someones ass now!"
Gendo Ikari bends over. "Kick mine!"
"Hell no Ikari, we have a deal remember, we are going to ruin our sons lives! But I'm going to kick Bill's ass, then I will kill him. I will Kill Bill." Hank chuckles evily. Then Hank sees Paul Phoenix, Baek, and Bryan from Tekken. Hank grins evily. "Ney! Never mind, these three are ripe for the picking! These guys may be assholes, but the music to Tekken Tag Team is so great! I just love it!" He takes his assortment of guns and bombs and blows all three to Hell. Satisfied, the King of the Hill walked off triumphantly and waved a nice goodbye to Spike, who had poured water on himself to become normal again. "Spike, I hope you get to visit Toontown, my wife makes a wonderful brown betty to die for, literally." He said darkly.
Spike takes out his Crackberry; "Note to self, Kill Hank and Peggy Hill."
Edward took Spike by the ear and growled. "Stop fucking around! Get me back to the damn Bebop, now!"
Spike returns Edward to the Bebop, now the poor girl has one eye that can see the past and another that can see the present. Spike comforts her. "You're becoming more like me, I sort of like that in a sick, twisted way. Now all you need is green hair a blue suit for those gorgeous curves and those big breasts, and a rose red monoracer. I'll call Doohan to build you one! Oh yes, my odd eyed concubine, it would please me! Oh Kanami-Sama, let me touch those boobs, I want to grab them now!" He grabs her breasts and squeezes them.
Edward unzips her jeans and moves on to Spike. "Oh Megami-sama! Grab me! Take me Spike! I want to have sex with you now!"
Spike buries his face in her cleavage and bites her breast. "Oh Sango! I mean Edward!"
Ed yanked him out of her boobs by the hair, she zips up her pants, and glares at him with her mismatched eyes. "Get out of my face Spike! Right now!"
"No." He said softly.
"Goodbye Spike!" Edward punches Spike who lands back in the bar next to Mara.
Spike sips his drink and acts like nothing has happened. "Let's eat after we have our drinks."
Mara nods. "Oh-kay."
Spike gives her a smile. "Looks like I handled that pretty well."
She smirks, "Well, I better get going, I've think I've seen enough of your wierd ways and you scare me."
"Stay Mara, let me buy your drink." Spikes stomach growled, "I'm hungry." They finish their drinks. "Would you let me buy you dinner?"
"Sure. That's good, because I don't have any money on me, Bulma and Vegeta didn't give me any." Mara said blankly.
"Well, we Anime Characters are always prepared while traveling between worlds, so I have Zeni on me." Spike took out his wallet and paid the barkeep. "Keep the change my good man."
Spike and Mara stepped out and went to the Saiyuki Restaurant, Ballroom, and Movie Palace. Before that Mara did try to eat the movie palace, but it didn't work, marble is not tasty.
The movie palace didn't enjoy it either, it screamed the entire time and tried to hit Mara with it's neon marquee. It did get to drop a few letters on her head, enough to spell the words "You're a dumbass!"Goku came up to their table to wait on them. "My name is Goku, I'll be your waiter for today, besides, I'm the only waiter here."
"Is Chi-Chi cooking?" Spike asked.
"Waddya think pal? She cooks every night." Goku is not being his usual self. "I'm pissy because Mujo is stealing our business, that power hungry pig!"
"Just as long as her cooking doesn't get us sick." Spike said, probably offending someone else.
Chi-Chi came out with a frying pan and she didn't look too happy.
Due to the very graphic nature of this scene, we are giving you scenes of white fluffy bunnies playing in a nice grassy field. Of Autumn Leaves and pumpkin patches in Connecticut, Springtime in New York, Christmas Trees and Yule logs, rainbows, Wintery Vermont hills, puppies and kittens prancing merrily, and a very pretty ocean scene in Cape Cod during summer. All you're hearing is Spike painfully screaming as he is hit over the head with the frying pan numerous times.
We go back to the scene, Spike is seeing stars right now, really he is, all of the stars in Hollywood are lining up for his autograph, they love him! They really do love him! They worship him as their one and only God and call him their personal guru. And Mara Jade is doing her make-up, well, who cares about her.
Meanwhile, there was trouble-a-brewing in the kitchen. "This is something special for Mara Jade, just the way Edward wanted it." Chi-Chi said in a dark tone as she added something special to Maras soup. "Soon Vicious' plan will be complete!"
"Chi-Chi is the soup for table 7 ready yet?" Goku hollered.
"Yes dear, here are two steaming bowls of mushroom and miso soup." She gave the tray to Goku, who took it in a huff.
"One of these has mushrooms in it and Spike hates mushrooms." Goku said rather snobbishly.
"Just serve the food! Besides, the mushrooms are for Mr. Spiegels friend. Remember Vicious' plan?" Chi-Chi snapped.
"Oh! Heh, heh, I forgot." Goku waved his hand and set the bowls down on the table.
The soup with mushrooms was given to Mara, while Spike had the plain miso.
After finishing a dinner of very tasty food, really, it was good, Spike was making a harsh joke, the music started, and they began to dance.
"Oooohhhh...I see colors and the room is spinning, woah groovy baby!" Mara felt like jelly and she fainted in Spikes arms.
"Edward, this is Chi-Chi, I have done what you wanted me to do and I prepared some nice soup for Mr. Skywalker, when he comes back to the Bebop. Soon Vicious' magnificent plan will come to fruition! We will ruin Luke and Mara and will succeed at it!"
Ed laughs like an evil fiend. "Excellent, now I will release the rats in Mujo's kitchen, just as you wanted."
Down the street, boxes of rats are being opened by remote control into Mujos Bistro. People are beginning to run out, Mujo, defeated, begins to work for Goku and Chi-Chi. A gang of movie palaces took Mujos building by force and turned it into one of their own. "Well, gals, should she be an Oriental? An Atmospheric? Or an Art Deco? or maybe a combination of all three?"
Spike paid Goku and appologized to Chi-Chi for his remark, then carried Mara out the door, and down to the beach where there was a cave. But that was Mara's weirdo dream
Vicious took a few pictures of them, then proceeded to follow them to Swordfish II.
Until Julia grabbed his arm; "Honey, please don't play any pranks tonight. Besides, you'll miss the music video that you made."
"But Julia!" Vicious whined.
"BUT JULIA NOTHING! Aww crap."
"DICAPRIO! I'M GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU! Not now, but soon! Your uppance will come!" Spike gave her another empty threat.
Julia took out her silver baseball bat and hit Vicious on the head. "Will you stop doing that Julia! That's it, I want a divorce!"
Julia took out a piece of paper. "Sorry, remember the day I forced myself on you, then I put that gun to your head and I made you sign a contract giving me all ownership of your body, mind, and soul. Well, Kanami approved it, you're mine, FOREVER!"
Suddenly something green and blue jumped Julia, it was Spike, beating the crap out of her. "This is for breaking up me and Vicious! This is for throwing me out the window of that church! This is for throwing me down the well! This is for breaking the rules! This is for Shinji Ikari! This is for putting me in those two stupid commercials and that stupid reality show and I hate reality shows, I will destroy them all! And this is for my wife and the eye you made her lose!"
"Impressive, very impressive, but she's not a Spiegel...yet." Julia said after she spat out some blood.
Vicious quietly stepped away without a word. "I told you, didn't I? Now you're paying for it DiCaprio, this is what you get for not listening to me! I told you that Spike was going to beat the crap out of you if you piss him off any further!"
Suddenly Emperor Palpatine appears and cackles. "Good! Good! Give into your anger young Spiegel! Soon you will be the new Sith DiCaprio!"
Vicious drops a black circle on the ground and throws Palpatine into it. "Shut up and go back to The Neither Regions where you belong, your tentacled boyfriends are waiting for you anyway! Stupid Fartbag! Okay! That's it, there's a new rule, Spike, no more yelling in caps and stop being a bitch and get the hell off DiCaprio before I get the urge to divorce her again!"
Palpatine is sent to the office of Ryuho in chains. "You have pissed me off you ugly fartbag! Get the baddest demons for him and turn him back into a brainless bimbo please. I don't know how the s.o.b. does it! Take him away!"
The Oni bowed and carried Palpatine out of the office.
Spike got off the bruised and bloodied Julia, who looked like Amsterdam after he got his ass severly kicked in Gangs of New York. "You suck Spiegel!"
"Up yours DiCaprio!" Spike gave Vicious a nod and gave Julia a swift kick to the ribcage. "Okay buddy, whatever you say. But beating her up, made me feel pretty good!"
Vicious shook his head. "Oh Spike, beating Julia up is not the answer to your problems."
Vicious picked up Julia and started cleaning her up. "Do you still want a divorce?"
"No I don't Julia, but no more hitting me." Vicious said.
Julia nodded; "Okay."
Suddenly Vicious gave her a slap on the head. "That was for putting me on that shrivled up sardine that you called a penis! Not even the real Gollum would do that to his Precious! You're such a jerk DiCaprio!"
Suddenly Spike waved his hand and put Julia in a school girl uniform and Vicious stayed the same, but he was given fake tentacles to wear on his back. "Muhahahahaha!" Vicious started chasing Julia all over West City.
"Nooooooo! Not that!" Julia screamed as Vicious grabbed her by her wrists, ankles, and waist while he let his other tentacles do the dirty work.
"How long will these work for?" He asked.
Spike cackled evily; "The batteries are good for about three hours, I forgot to change them. That's what she gets for doing all those terrible things to us! Get her Vicious! Get her good!"
"Excellent!" The silver haired beauty hissed.
"No! Noooooooooooo!" Julia screamed again as Vicious began to make his assault on the trembling girl. "Oh yes! This is what I wanted Vicious! Oh my frickin' god!"
Vicious and Julia start laughing as Julia took off the Fake Tentacles. "Like I was going to do that to her!"
"There are too many tentacle jokes in this story, so we're just going to cut it out now." Julia said.
"Oh yeah, it's getting done to death, but you know, Spike is a really good Witch. Hey Julia, let's play some baseball with the Paranoia Agent Cast!" The two left still laughing.
Spike went back to his ship and flew back to the Bebop, with Mara draped over his shoulder.
Back on the Bebop, Luke and Edward sat in the hangar and watched the Swordfish II land.
Spike gave Mara to Luke and handed him a paper bag. "I brought you some Miso Soup, it's really good, my friend Chi-Chi made it. There's an extra cabin near Faye and Jet's room, you guys can go in there."
Luke took the bag. "Thanks, I'm really hungry and dad's cooking was good, but nothing to write home about."
"Yeah, your father is not the best cook in the world and he's not Anakin anymore Luke, he's Jet."
"But I like calling him dad."
"Okay, so be it Jedi!" Spike watched Luke carry Mara off.
Edward rushed to Spikes arms and hugged him. "I knew you wouldn't cheat on me!"
"See, I really love you Ed and that is coming from me, not Miroku. Besides, I miss you Sango, I miss your touch and the way you hold me."
"Oh Miroku, that is so sweet, I can't wait to come back to life. Hey Spike, your brother is on the verge of you know and your dad is already there, polishing his Katana."
"Well, what are we waiting for, let's get dressed and get over to Kazuma and Mimoris."
The Bebop Crew got dressed for a funeral and left the ship through Goku who was nice enough to use teleportation. They got to the temple where the goddess and god lived. Goku said he would wait, which he did. Mimori was now a crone, her long hair was a silvery blue and her face was wrinkled. Kazuma was lying on the bed waiting to die. His red hair was now silver, eyes that once had shown a fiery determination were now lifeless.
"Man, I hate this part, usually kids outlive their parents. Oh well, Kazuma any last words?" Mugen muttered as he got his blade ready. Mugen turns on "Stuck in the Middle With You" and he begins to make his move.
"It's okay dad, this is what I get for regenerating so much."
"Father! Wait!" A voice cried out.
"Jesus Spike! I wanted to see him die!" Van spouted.
"Shut up loser that's my brother and your cousin you're talking about! Stupid Homunculi Muggle!" Spike snapped and pushed his cousin.
"It's true, I am your Homunculus Spike, your uncle and aunt used black magic and sex to create me! Oh and I am stronger than you!" Van pushed him back, he took out his sword and Spike whipped out his gun.
Mugen snapped; "Hey! Put those away! If you hurt your cousin, Spike, so help me, you'll be joining your brother in Ryuho's office!"
Spike and Van put their weapons away. "Just be glad that I don't have Dann of Thursday on me or you would be toast!"
"My dragon form can rip your mecha to shreds!"
"Shut up the both of you!" Snapped Fuu and Yatsuha.
Somewhere in another part of the universe. Vicious rolled his eyes and sighed. "Just hit the damn ball Maniwa! And you, Harumi the first baseman, stop yelling at Maria the umpire! Damn it, Lil' Slugger, you'll be on after Maniwa hits the damn ball!" A bat goes flying at Vicious and misses him. "Don't you dare throw that bat at me Maniwa!"
Roger Smith got in between both boys. "Hey, stop it! This is no way to act at a family reunion! You guys can kill each other later, if you want."
"I don't know Rog, the boy ain't right!" Angel took Van by the ear.
While Mugen was smacking Spike with his unsheathed sword and laughing. "You little brat! I should have beaten you more when you were a child! I should have sent you to that Full Metal Alchemist Military Academy instead. But noooo, it was "I want to go to Hogwarts daddy and become a wizard, not a State Alchemist!"
"Oh Spike, why?" Yatsuha growled.
"My poor Kazi... Mugen you're a barbarian!" Fuu sat in the corner weeping.
"You won't be saying that later in bed during sex tonight girls. That's when you two call me a raging demon instead." Mugen looked at Spike. "Well, Spike, say your peace and let us get finished with the ritual."
"Thank you father, Kazuma, can you hear me?"
"What is it, brother?"
"I need Miroku and this dragon to be extracted from my body at once. Oh and Sango needs to be extracted from Ed."
"Oh so Ed has decided to marry you? You better have a spring wedding because I want to be there. Mimori, get me three bamboo rice cookers immediately!"
Mimori snapped her fingers and three bamboo rice cookers appeared.
Kazuma got up from his bed and waved his hand. "Miroku, I call upon you to leave my brothers body and to get into this rice cooker."
A purple mist came out of Spikes body, the mist entered the purple rice cooker and Kazuma closed it. Spike slumped to the floor.
Kazuma took the black rice cooker and waved his hand over Edward. "Sango, please leave the body of Edward and enter the rice cooker."
A black mist left Eds body and she slumped to the floor beside Spike, but woke up in a few seconds.
Kazuma sighed. "The dragon is going to be harder."
Spikes body floated in the air, he opened his eyes, which were glowing a nice shade of demon red. "I am not going to leave your brothers body too easily." The dragon spoke. "You'll have to fight me for it Kazuma!"
"I am too weak right now, can someone else step in?"
"I'll have to kill him, sorry Spike." Mugen advanced with his sword.
Ed interferred. "No! I will save him!"
Edward approached the possessed bounty hunter.
"Edward be careful!" Jet shouted.
"Don't worry, I know what to do." She said.
"What are you going to do girl?" Spike growled.
Edward grabbed Spikes face and gave him a passionate kiss. "I love you."
"The girls heart is true, but still give me another reason why I should leave this body." The dragon said.
Edward held up a picture. "This is Shenron, he's the eternal dragon, handsome fellow isn't he?"
"Oh, what a lovely dragon! When can you take me to him?" Said the dragon.
"We'll be off to see the dragon in a few minutes, just get the hell out of my boyfriends body ya damn bitch!" Ed snapped.
"Okay, I'll do that!" The dragon said and a red mist left Spike's body and entered the red rice cooker.
Suddenly Spike slumped to the floor and Ed rushed to him, where she took him in her arms. "Spike? Spike?"
Mugen bent down and gave the boy a good punch in the head. "That'll wake him up!"
"Mugen!" Yatsuha shouted.
"Oh, dad! I don't want to go to Hogwarts!" Spike mumbled.
Mugen chuckled; "But you liked Hogwarts, you had so much fun there, you made a lot of friends, and you loved Quidditch! Hmph! I was a Hufflepuff boy myself. My father Lupin III let me go there. Roger was in Slythern, so will Van when he finds his power. And Spike and Kazuma were both in Gryffindor."
"No, I am going to Ravenclaw!" Van snapped.
"You are going to Slythern!" Roger barked.
"We'll just have to let the Sorting Hat choose when I get there!" Van said, then pushed his father against a wall with a full blast of power. Suddenly an owl flew in and gave him a letter. "Well everybody, I am off to Hogwarts!"
"Good riddance you lazy brat! Now Angel and I, can have the mansion to ourselves!" Roger growled as he watched Van walk away. "Please do a good job Van and do what the teachers tell you!"
Ed shouted; "Hey! That's not how you do it, Pops!"
"Pops? Listen girly! I'm not that old!"
Ed took Spike in her arms and kissed him with deep passion. Spike was finally awake, he smiled at her and said one simple word. "Hey."
Tears flowed from Eds eyes. "Now I can be your girlfriend and the mother of your child."
"Can you put a hold on that mother of my child thing? I don't want kids right now." He said.
Edward gasped; "It's really you! You're back! The Spike I love is back!"
Jet and Faye were so happy that Spike and Ed were finally together.
Spike looked up. "Thanks Kazuma. Kazuma?"
Spike watched as his father rammed his Katana into his brother's abdomen, Kazumas body shattered into a million rainbow colored stars and vanished into the air. "See you later son!"
Fuu was in Yatsuha's arms weeping, while Roger and Angel were just silent.
Mugen put his sword away. "Um, are we still on for Yule?"
Spike nods; "Yeah dad, we'll be there."
"See ya!" Mugen and the others walk off and Mimori puts on a dark robe and begins to stir a big black cauldron.
"Spike, your family is wierd, but I am so happy that I am going to be a part of it!" Ed hugs him again.
"Will you become a witch, because we can only marry witches." Spike asked.
"Of course! How do you think I used to surf the net without a mouse?" She held him again. "I did it with my brain."
"A telepath! I love you more!"
Goku comes in. "Okay, let's get to the dragon, Inuyasha has the balls and he wants to meet us at the Sake Sages Lair."
He teleports everyone to the Sake Sages Lair where Inuyasha was waiting with Kagome, Shippo, and Kirara. Suddenly the Sake Mist came over everyone.
Spike, Shippo, and Kagome started singing. "Lucky there's a family guy..."
Faye was hitting on Goku; "Come with me, I better cook than Chichi."
Jet was hissing like Darth Vader. "Spike, I am your father."
"No you are not, Mugen is my father!" Spike snapped. "You're the father of a mentally unstable Jedi Master!"
Edward was acting like her younger self. "Ed wants cho-co-late! Edward is Edward! Hey, where's Ein? Ein?" Ein is always missing in these fics, so are cigarettes.
"Okay, shut the fuck up everyone!" Inuyasha yelled, everyone stopped and paid attention.
Inuyasha put the balls on the ground. "Shenlong oh great cliche dragon, I call you to come forth for the 1,000,000 time!"
The balls lit up, yadda yadda, and the green dragon appeared. "What is it now, can't a dragon jack- I mean get some sleep."
Spike approached the dragon and opened the purple rice cooker. "Let's get Miroku back!"
"Okay, it's done."
The rice cooker was empty and Miroku appeared.
Miroku bowed to Spike; "Thank you for saving me."
Edward opened the black rice cooker. "Please bring back Sango!"
Sango appeared and gave Edward a hug. "Thank you so much Ed!"
The two young lovers ran to each other and hugged. Then she slapped him. "That's for all the dirty things you made Spike do!"
"Anything else?" The dragon asked.
"I wonder what would happen, if Spike got pregnant, but it was all a dream." Faye whispered.
Spike didn't hear her, suddenly he felt a slight change come over him, Edward held his hand tightly. "It's going to happen tonight Spike."
"Oh Edward, I'm so happy." He sighed.
"I heard that and it shall be done." The dragon said.
Edward presented the red rice cooker. "Now, I have a wish for you shenlong."
"For me? Well, that's different."
Ed opened the rice cooker. "Inside is a beautiful female red dragon, bring her back to life and she'll make you an awesome bride. Besides, I showed her a picture of you and she thinks you're hot."
Shenron watched the red spirit appear before him. "Hello handsome!"
"Thank you Edward! My jacking off days are over!" Shenlongs eyes flashed and the red dragon appeared to him alive and beautiful. "Come my bride, our honeymoon awaits!"
Miroku married them in a ceremony and then they were husband and wife.
The red dragon sighed; "Thank you for freeing me and helping me find my true happiness, I am now at peace. Faretheewell my friends!"
The dragons flew off to the stars and the balls flew back into the Magic Shaws Bag, Spike grabbed the bag and gave it to Kanami who was there watching everything. "These balls need a break now, I'm putting them away so those dragons can have some peace. Also I'll send that Akanah person to the Neither Regions, you asked for it and I shall do it."
Jet also asked Kanami. "Um yeah, another favor. There is this new Sith Bitch, well, her name is Lumiya. I let her live, damn that was pretty stupid. Can you send her to the Neithers too?"
"Sure Jet, but do the universe a favor, do not create anymore stinky, smelly, and icky gross Sith!" She said, then vanished in a blast of white light.
Everyone went their separate ways.
Goku brought the Bebop Crew to Tharsis Square, where there was a surprise.
Spike went to the poduim in the square. "People of Anime World and beyond, as you know as your ruler I have lived a life of solitude for a while after that evil DiCaprio creature dumped me, but no more! After years of courting, I will finally ask Radical Edward to be my queen."
Vicious appeared out of nowhere with a camera crew. "This is it everybody, this is what everyone has been waiting for. Our ruler is now relieved of the curse, Sango and Miroku are now among the living and Shenlong has a wife. Speaking of wives on this beautiful and joyous Halloween Eve, our great god is dead and we are getting ready for the cold winter, oops sorry went off topic. Well, our ruler who has been courting this woman for years will now finally pop the question! But first, I have made a courtship video of these two lovebirds.
The video consisted of Spike chasing Ed around the Bebop, Spike stalking her, Spike spying on her. Spike crawling into bed with her, only to get sent flying across the room after. Then an interview. "Oh this is Kismet! This is fate! Oh kiss me Kate, uh, I mean Ed! Oh yes, I love redheads, because when they are girls they are sweet as strawberries, then when they mature as women, they become like a fine wine to savour. Oh yes, I will savour every drop! I will make this fiery haired temptress my queen! Even if I have to get kicked in the nads or die trying! So if I am brought back by Alchemy, um, how could I put this, I would look like my cousin Van, whom I really hate as much as I hate Julia and Faye." Then an interview with Edward. "He's crazy Vicious, he won't leave me alone! Besides, my father doesn't want me to marry him, it's like, it's not fair. I love Spike, it's just that I don't know how to show it right now." There was their first kiss, which didn't go so well, Spike was slapped in the face twice, then kicked in the nads. Then when Spike rubbed her butt, she whipped out her gun and started shooting at him. Then at the end Spike and Ed were in a passionate kiss and she didn't hit him or anything. The video ended and everyones attention went back to Vicious.
"Well everybody, this is Vicious Ayanami, no relation to Rei."
Eureka slapped him in the back of the head. "Stop hiding your eye color!"
Vicious' contacts fell out revealing pinkish purple eyes like Eureka's. "We're not related either. Oh well anywho, I am your one and only gossip to the stars." Purple butterfly wings popped out of his back. "Oh shit, I'm about to transform, no wonder Dewey is trying to kill me! Wait, I have this collar around my neck, it was a gift from Dewey."
At the mental hospital where Dewey is. "That's right daddy, soon, you'll be the new Command Cluster on Mars. All I have to do is press this button to trigger an event!" Dewey took the device in his hand and pressed the button.
Vicious cringed. "Um, stay tuned after the Pumpkin Drop to see my new music video that Spike directed and a commercial for my indie film, The Humiliation of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade. Only available on the net and in dvd form. Enjoy!" Vicious winked, then his skin turned green and gold; "I look like a Mardi Gras float!" Then he vanished in a big rainbow colored bubble.
Spike got down on his knees and took Edwards hand. "Edward Appledelhi."
"She better not say no." Said Nabeshin; "I have money riding on this."
"She's going to dump his ass in front of the whole universe, that'll be a good laugh." Said Sailor Mars.
"She put up with all of his crap and she's going to finally marry him?" Said Renton.
Spike placed a ring on her finger; "Will you marry me Edward?"
There was silence, people in the crowd were shouting. "Oh come on!"
"Say something Ed! Say anything! Stop joking around!" Shouted Eureka.
Ed began to open her mouth.
Meanwhile on the Bebop...
Luke put Mara in bed and had his snack, suddenly he felt weird. Luke undressed himself and started undressing Mara. Luke giggled and woke the red haired woman, "Oh Han, you sexy hunk of man, you beast, take me in your arms, and make me your whore. Make hot gay love to me!"
Vicious snickered as he started recording, the weird skin color was gone, but his wings and eye color remained.
"Come here, I want to kiss you Luke." Mara kissed Luke again.
"Don't worry, it's coming." She said as she grabbed a strange looking thing that was on the floor. She wrapped it around her waist and let it fall between her legs.
"Take me." He said. Suddenly he felt her enter his tight little white ass, Luke screamed. "You are so sexy!"
"Oh really, because you're not, maybe you should wear a bag over your head." Mara snarled.
They didn't even know that they were being watched and that they didn't see the silver haired guy with the digital video recorder. Vicious rubbed his sore back, those tentacles were heavy, but his wings felt pretty nice and light. "Ahh, It's good to be a Corrallion, I'm so pretty!"
Speaking of the Devil...Julia was off playing video games. She laughed maniacally as she killed every opponent she had and was savouring it. "Die! Die! All Deepground Soldiers must die! Die Rosso! Oh I love this Vincent Valentine guy!"
The phone rang and Julia picked it up. "Hello mommy, is daddy dead yet?"
"No Dewey, he's not, now stop trying to kill him, even if he is an Earth Child. Now get off the phone before good Nurse Rachett sees you!"
"Bye mommy! See in you Hell!"
"I hate you too dear." Julia hung up the phone and loaded her Cerberus Death Penalty Dewey Killing Gun. She put on some black clothes, two black gauntlets, then a golden clawed gauntlet, a red cape, golden boots, and a red bandana. "Don't worry Dewey, it'll be over soon, mommy will make it all better." She cackled wildly as she raced out the door. "I want to do something retarded first."
Julia headed off to Naruto World and got to Orochimaru's house, she banged on the door with her silver baseball bat, then waited for him to come out. Oro came out and looked. "Anko if this is a joke? Anko?"
"Yo Whitey!" Julia swung the bat and hit him on the head knocking him out cold.
Oro was stripped, trussed up like a Christmas turkey, complete with a big red Christmas bow on his ass and a card on the side that said. "Merry Halloween Anko With love Sasuke Uchiha!"
Julia carried the poor pale little man over to Anko's house and dropped him at the door. Anko didn't see Julia, but was so happy to see her gift. "Dear Diary, jackpot!"
When Oro awoke he began to scream as Anko dragged him inside for a night of love.
Julia snickered, then headed towards the mental hospital to kill that brat of hers.
Meanwhile in Tharsis Square people are waiting to see the pumpkin drop and they were awaiting Eds answer!
Ed shook her head. "Yes! I will marry you!"
Everyone cheered as Spike kissed her with passion.
"5,4,3,2,1! Happy Halloween!" The scene suddenly switches, the crowd starts to party. "Here is the first music video from former syndicate member, bounty hunter, Corallion-like human, and big mouth, yours truly Vicious. All the way from Bebop World, this is the hit that is burning up the Anime Galaxy. Dedicated to my lovely lady Julia, who appears with me in the video. This is Beauty Within the Shell!
"Look Vicious is mimicking Madonna!" Faye asked.
"Oh yeah, that's the music video we made, Spike directed it." Edward said.
"Vicious just grabbed his crotch, now he's slinking across the floor, and rolling around on a bed half naked." Jet pointed to the screen.
"He's drinking milk from a saucer!" Spike said, then held Edward closer to him.
Jet gasped. "Now he's chained to a bed and some pervy girl is watching him feel himself! Oh, that's Ed."
At Bulma and Vegetas house, they were getting their groove on. "He is really good! Look at Julia making insane love to him! Their relationship is really hot."
In Han and Leias bedroom, let's say it's a SW version of Peter and Lois' S&M scene from Family Guy. "Han sweetie, the safety word is "Banana." WTF?"
Meanwhile back on the Bebop, Mara and Luke are having mad mushroom trips. Mara is on top of Luke's back, still doing you know what to his you know know where.
Luke screamed. "Han! Stop! No! It's too big! You'll hurt me!"
"It's too late!" She growled, then entered him from behind.
Luke wails. "Oh Han, yes! Fill me! This hurts so good, oh Han, I love it when you fuck me! Fuck me hard! Ride me like a friggin donkey!"
Mara growled. "You like that, don't you, you dirty whore? Are you a dirty whore? Are you a slut, of course you're a slut! You're cheating on your fiance with your brother! You're such a sick disgusting little whore!"
"Yes! Yes! I am a disgusting whore! I'm a dirty slut! I'm a skank!" Luke screamed.
"Good now get your dirty carcass away from me you worthless slut!" Mara growled.
"Yes, master!" Luke squealed.
He rolled over next to Mara. "So, how was I?"
"You were sooooo goooood." Luke sighed. "Thanks a lot Han, I feel so much better! So how was I?"
"I thought of your sister the whole time." Mara admitted; "But I wouldn't treat her the way I treated you. Besides, you were awful."
"Gee, thanks! I'm glad I sucked and I sucked hard!" Luke said happily.
"I'll give you one last kiss." Mara kissed Luke.
Mara passed out, so did Luke.
"Bingo!" Vicious giggled like the schoolgirl he is and rushed off to his computer.
The Bebop crew returned home and Spike grabbed Julia by the hair and dragged her into the kitchen. "I am in need of your services DiCaprio! Your unholy master beckons you to do his evil bidding!"
"Spike! If you can't play nice with Julia, then don't play with her at all! She's not a toy, you know!" Vicious snapped and followed into the kitchen.
A few minutes pass...
Spike was laying on his tummy in his room as Edward was eating sushi off his naked body. Julia was pretty good at putting the whole thing together and Ed was so surprised. "I'm so happy that we're finally getting married!"
Ed giggled as she fed Spike some sushi. "I know, I know!"
After they ate Spike and Ed began to make out, then Spike took off Edwards clothes; "Spike, I'm ready. Holy crap! The hair is green down there! It looks like a snake hiding in the grass, geez, you are a Zentraadi! Grass crotch!"
"Look at you! Faye was right, you are a fire crotch!"
"Shut up the fuck up Spike!"
Spike frowned as Ed turned away. "What's wrong now?"
"I don't want to have sex with an alien!" She sighed.
"What? My father is an alien and I turned out fine! Come on Edward, I am half human, you know." He said softly.
Ed turned and faced him again. "Oh what the hell, I want to have sex with an alien! Besides Julia is having sex with a Corrallion, whatever those things are."
"So you are ready to become mine, let us begin." Spike kissed every inch of her body, and bit her breast hard. "I will mark you as my woman."
"Oh Spike! Spike!" Edward screamed, then Spike grabbed her wrists, bit her neck, and slipped inside her.
"Oh Edward! You little minx, I'm so glad that I finally have you! I guess I didn't need that growth potion after all! Uhhh, just kidding honey." Edward looked up at him and glared. Suddenly Spike picked up speed and the bed started banging against the wall. Then the ship started rocking violently with Ed screaming and Spike roaring like a feral creature.
Vicious threw up all over Julia. "Oh sick! Will you stop throwing up? By the way, I killed Dewey, Vincent Valentine style!"
Vicious rolled his eyes. "First it was Gollum, now it's Vincent Valentine."
"He's happier than Gollum." Julia pounced on Vicious and covered him up in her red cloak.
Vicious giggled. "Oh no, it's Vincent Valentine! Faye's brother!"
"I have you now Yuffie!" She said as she kissed him sweetly. "Mmm, I love your wings! No wonder Renton loves Eureka so much!"
Jet and Faye were in the living room enjoying some pears. "Well, it sounds like the Martian Invasion of Earth has started." Jet joked.
Suddenly the screams got louder and Spike was howling like a wild animal. "It looks like Germany is storming France again!" Faye said.
"Um Faye, Spike is not German, he's a Zentraadi/human hybrid." He told her. "Mugen happens to be a Zentraadi, his people built Atlantis, then sank it in anger."
Back in Spikes room, there was a bright flash of light and Edward found himself on top of a beautiful green haired woman with very odd eyes. "Oh Edward, you hot piece of man!"
"Hot piece of man?" Ed looked down and saw that he was inside of Spike. Oh my goddess, they were connected!
He quickly pulled out of her and looked in the mirror, he looked like Spike and Spike looked like Ed, except with green hair and red-brown eyes! "Edward? Where are you going? We're not finished baby!"
Ed muttered; "What the hell?"
"Grrrrr! Finish what you started Ed! Come back here sexy!" The womans silky hands carressed his body and he felt hard all of a sudden, so this is what it's like to be a guy?
He needed to unload the subway fast, so he thought of something else.
"You need any help Edward?"
"Oh god." He whispered; but was suddenly relieved. "No Spike, I'm fine."
"Oh my poor Edward, let me make you feel better, come back and fuck me!" She said playfully.
Ed moved away and chuckled nervously, he poured himself a drink. "Would you like some whiskey?"
"Oh yes, I'd love some." She purred.
Edward poured the drinks for them both and brought the bottle over. "So Spike, can't wait to get married?"
"I can't wait to be your wife and the mother of your children." She sighed. "I want to have a baby now."
"Damn it Ryuho, if this is your doing!"
"Stop blaming Ryuho for everything, it's just human nature."
Edward mulled it over, well, Spike's uppance had to come one day. He gulped his whiskey down and took Spike in his arms. "That's it! I am going to do everything that you did me tonight, only harder! You are going to scream and you will enjoy it!"
Spike giggled; "You are such a bad boy!"
Ed began kissing Spike all over, until he got up to the chest and bit one of her boobs really hard. Ed straddled the green haired beauty and began his lovemaking.
Over in Ryuho's Office, the poor guy has stacks of paperwork, but he's the Lord of the Underworld. He looks like the same old Ryuho, but wearing a white office shirt, brown pants, and his hair is a bit messy. He doesn't have scary horns and a pitchfork, nope, none of that, he's just your typical office worker. "It's not my fault! Blame Faye Valentine!" Ryuho looks to his left at the person telling him what to do. "Uh huh, so that's what you want. Let's see, Faye Valentine, 168 day detention here after death at age 200. Get the coolest demon in Anime World for her. Impregnantion? Hell yes! For the creation of 100 sexy female demons. Thanks Kazuma!"
"No problem!" Kazuma chuckled; "Mess with my brother, I think not."
"Ryuho, Palpatine is trying to escape again." Said a blue ogre.
"Geez! Make sure that the demons have him secured and replace his brain again with an air cushion, so he can be an idiot. Also, please turn him back into that bimbo!" He sat back in his chair and grumbled. "Ah fuck it!" Suddenly Ryuho paused. "Excuse me." Ryuho went out the door and into the cineplex prison where Palpatine was held. He takes out a Colt 45 and shoots Palpatine in the head. "There, he's dead! He's never coming back, ever!" The guards and prisoners applauded Ryuho as he went back to his office. Then the phone rang. "This is the Neither Regions."
"Ryuho!" It was Kanami.
"Yes dear." He said nervously.
"Remember to get chocolate chip cookies on the way home from the office. Oh and Spike Spiegel's going to get pregnant, what do you think I should do?" She asked.
"Okay honey, well, what about the dragons?"
"They're on a honeymoon."
"You're the Goddess, can't you stop it?"
"Excuse me, I create life, I don't take it away. That is Botans job. Well, I tell her who to take, but I am not going to let her take that young life!"
"Damn you Kanami, then think of something!"
"Oh shit, it's too late, Air Edward 158 has just entered Spiegel airspace and has just landed his airplane in her hangar and the crew has already departed."
Make that a 626 day detention for Miss Valentine! Get me Koga from the Inuyasha World! Faye is to marry him! Also, make that 150 lady demons!" Ryuho lit a cigar. "Ahh it's good to be me!"
Kazuma smirked; "You're just following my orders."
A sweat soaked Edward laid naked on top of the beautiful green haired goddess. Spike moaned as he sped up.
Suddenly the door slid opened and in barged Appledelhi with Jet. "Where's my daughter!"
Ed snapped; "I am your daughter!"
Appledelhi paused; "That's not true! That's impossible!"
"Oh hush father!"
Jet grumbled; "Oiy, bad memories, very bad menories. Appledelhi, why did you have to bring that up? Now I really need a drink!"
Faye came in, then she turned very pale and ran away.
Jet shrugged. "I tried to stop him. Wait who are you people?"
Faye rushed into the living quarters, that's when Kagura came in. "I got a letter from Ryuho. You're in deep shit with Kazuma. So Ryuho has given you a 626 day detention and a quick marriage to Koga. It says here, you will create 150 lady demons for the Neither Regions during the detention. Then Kanami will pass judgement, so you can get into The Summerlands to be with Jet. But it has to be on good behavior, if not, another 626 days. If you fail, you'll become a demon yourself and stay happily married to Koga and you get to see Jet in the Spring and Summer. You'll probably be as hot looking as me. Well, have a nice life and see you in a few years!"
Faye slid down to the floor and started crying, why was Kazuma punishing her for this? Then she realized that it was a wish that she made, she had to find the dragons! Wait, she wouldn't mind being Koga's woman. Koga was cool! "Oh Koga!"
Suddenly there was a small tornado in the living room and then McDreamy appeared. "Hey baby!"
"Koga! You handsome demon! What are you doing here?" Faye asked.
"Kazuma! That's evil! I should be doing that!" Screeched Ryuho.
"Hey, I wasn't given the role of underlord, you're the underlord! Hey, Koga needs a woman, so I sent him over there!" Kazuma did a double take. "Oh yeah, that 626 day detention was a joke! Did you see her face! You have to be Palpatine bad to earn that!"
"Man, I hate you and I have always hated you! I'll give her a two day detention, and make that 60 demon women. Hey you want to go for some Dairy Queen?"
Faye half smiled; "I did something bad, I didn't mean to wish Spike pregnant, it was a joke."
Koga shrugged; "It's all good baby, hey besides I don't mind sharing you with the Vader-man, Jet's cool. So, you want to go to my place?"
"Sure!" Faye said, then they vanished in a small tornado.
Meanwhile in Spikes Room...
Spike screamed and covered herself, as Ed looked back at the angry man and Jet. "It's us Jet, it's Spike and Edward. Our genders were switched. Um, hi dad."
"I need a drink!" Appledelhi growled.
Suddenly Jet grumbled; "I'll join you."
Spike gasped; "Edward! Why is your knee in my groin area?"
Everything was back to normal.
"What was that? What happened to me?"
"I became a man and you became a woman."
"Did you ask the dragon for it?" he snapped; "Is this some kind of a sick joke?"
"No, I didn't I swear!"
"Then, it had to be Faye! But why? What sick thing is she planning for me now?"
Spike took Ed in his arms; "Just forget it Spike, maybe it's nothing."
"Whatever happens, happens." Spike says and they both fall asleep. Spike didn't know, but he had life growing inside of him.
Jet and Appledelhi are drinking in the living quarters. "Where's that broad of yours?"
Jet has no clue where Faye is. "That wench probably went gambling, who cares!" Said the drunken Jet.
"My daughter is going to marry that punk brat!"
"Spike is a good man, give him a chance!"
Appledelhi fell asleep on the couch, while Jet rambled off to his room. There was no Faye to be had. "Oh well, she's probably gotten lucky somewhere. I still hope she comes back."
Over at Koga's Palace, smooth Jazz was playing, there was candlelight. Faye and Koga were making out in his room. "Will you marry me?"
"Sure Koga." Faye said sweetly.
"Ryuho! Get your lily white ass over here, I summon you now!" Koga shouted into a cellphone.
Suddenly there was a screetch of tires, and a pink VW Beetle was parked outside. Ryuho opened the door. "Kanami does all the cool stuff, I have to drive to places." He came into Koga's living quarters and saw the two holding hands. "Hey what's up, what did you summon me for dude?"
"I want to marry this hot girl." Koga said as Faye giggled.
"Cool, okay." Ryuho opened up a Weddings for Fucktards Book. "It says, "Dearly beloved we are gathered-." I'm not into this shit!" Ryuho tosses the book into a fireplace. "Do you Koga of the Inuyasha World take Faye Valentine of the Cowboy Bebop World as your woman? Will you promise to share her with the dark lord himself, Captain Jet Black of the Bebop. Also will you take care of her and all that other shit?"
"I do." Koga said holding Faye closer to him.
"Do you Faye, yadda, yadda, take Koga yadda, yadda as your man and yadda, yadda and all that jazz? Mmmm, Pepsi Jazz."
"Sure I do!" Faye shouted.
"Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah. By the power invested in my wife, Kazuma, Mimori, myself, Emperor and Empress Spiegel, the planet of Mars, Japanese Anime Land, and the whole universe I pronounce you chick and dude, you can now kiss your lawfully wedded wench. Good for you, now I have to go home and feed my wife cookies and milk and I need some Pepsi Jazz badly and a Supreme Omelette with bacon and cheese on a croissant from Dunkin Donuts! I need one now!" Ryuho rushed out the door.
Faye and Koga kissed for a long time and Ryuho left. All they heard was a door slam and the screetching tires of a VW Bug leaving.
"I'm pregnant." Julia said to Vicious.
"Oooohhhhh! Yay me!" Vicious squealed; "Can we name him Holland? I hope Dewey likes him."
Julia's tone turned serious. "We can't let Dewey out of the mental hospital. He tried to kill you, remember? But don't worry, maybe he'll destroy himself instead. Oh wait, I forgot, I killed him."
Vicious sobbed. "He was so mean to me! His own father! I hope Holland will be a good boy."
"Whatever Vicious, sure. I am suddenly in the mood to go surfing." Guess Eureka Seven is not ready to be made just yet.
Back in Luke and Maras Room...
"Good morning Starshine! The Earth says hello!" Mara heard a voice and saw a naked Luke next to her.
"That was some night you gave me! Oh Mara, you were The Man! You were an awesome Han, the way you held me and called me insulting names, you frightened me...Do it again. You can even use that thing that you wore that Faye used to have before hooking up with Jet. Besides, we need to have some fun in our relationship, I'm tired of being Mr. Nice, I like being Mr. Nasty in bed. Vicious also took a video of us doing it to prove that I do get the girl! He's going to download it on the internet, ain't that cool news!"
"The Man?" Mara suddenly looked down below her waist and gasped at the aparatus covering her neither regions. "Jesus Christ on a stick! I'm huge!"
Luke chuckled. "Mmmm, that was so much fun, do me again!"
Mara shrugged; "I swear it felt so real, I was having sex as Han, then in Alva City it was Halloween and there was this music video, then I treated you like garbage. Then Spikes father killed Kazuma."
Luke's mouth moved, but there was no sound.
"This is a dream..." Julia said, then she kissed Mara sweetly.
Suddenly Jet's voice bellowed through out the ship. "Woman! Get those brats up, it's time for breakfast! Padme, I mean Faye, get your ass up now! Get up now or I will kill you!" Suddenly Jet was strangling Faye, not with his hands, but with the Force. "Die Faye! Die! You bitch!"
Mara awoke in bed, next to her was Luke fast asleep. "Hey Luke, when did you get here and why do I hear Darth Vader yelling, isn't he dead?"
Luke half smiled; "That's Jet, he's the captain of the ship and uh, yeah, he happens to be Darth Vader."
There was a pounding on the door. "Luke! Mara! Get your asses up now!"
Vicious here, talking again. Well, we decided to have breakfast in Darth Vader's Crappy Old Palace instead. Well, it's not that crappy anymore, Luke got his hands on the place and made it more nicer looking. Have you ever visited one of the mansions in Newport? Yeah, that kind of nice. Jet added some unique touches, he put up some old Jazz Posters to liven things up and he smashed up the meditation chamber pretty bad, he had a lot of fun doing it too. Everyone was at the breakfast table except for Spike and Edward. "Hey where is Spike and Ed? Faye asked; "It's not like them to turn down food."
"I'm so happy that you'll be my wife." Spike kissed her and she melted in his arms.
"If this is a dream, then don't wake me up, it's everything it seems." They laid in each others arms, not hoping to wake from the dream.
Later, everyone parted ways and the Bebop went back home and damn, they were rich.
The Bebop: 3 Months Later.:
As Spike entered the living quarters, he felt sick to his stomach. "Spike Jet made breakfast!" Vicious called out.
Suddenly Spike felt dreadfully ill and ran to the bathroom, Ed followed him. "Spike? Are you okay?"
"I must have some kind of a stomach flu." Spike said weakly. "I'm also putting on weight, I usually don't do that."
Ed rubbed his back as he threw up some more. "Maybe you should see a doctor?"
"No, no doctors. Ed, is this what you Earth women call "Morning Sickness?"
"Oh Spike, don't be silly, men can't have children."
Then it was time for the Majin Superwitch show.
The crone looked into her crystal ball and cackled; "As for Spike Spiegel being the father of Fayes child, Spike you are not the father!"
Spike jumped up. "I knew it!"
Faye huffed; "Spike, that was a waste of time because at the beginning of this fic, I told you that Jet was the father!"
"Jet Black is the father of the unborn child and Faye is secretly married to Koga. They were wed by the devil himself, Ryuho!" The crone said.
Ryuho got up from his seat and waved; "It's not my fault, it's just human nature, don't blame me, and don't call me the devil, I am Ryuho!"
Koga came to the stage, he embraced and kissed Faye. "Who loves ya baby!"
Faye giggled and let go. "You do my little pumpkin."
Jet shook hands with Koga and they embraced as friends. "We have a great woman there and I wouldn't mind sharing her with you Koga." Jet got down on one knee and proposed; "Let's marry on Naboo, by the lake, again!"
"How sweet!" Faye sighed; "Jet, I love you! It will be so good to see Naboo again!"
The witch cackled again; "As for Spike Spiegel being the brother of the beautiful Edward, you are not!"
Spike laughed; "Sorry Appledelhi! But I will call you daddy!"
Suddenly the white haired woman dressed in black cackled; "Here's a shocker! Mr. Spiegel, I don't know how to put this, but you're pregnant! The father of your child happens to be your fiance, Edward!"
Spike turned white and looked at the bulge that was his stomach. "Oh shit! Men can't have babies! What in hell am I going to do? What about my reputation?"
Actually everyone didn't care, they knew that Faye made that wish, courtesy of Vicious and his big mouth!
:Mars-6 months later.:
Ed stood beside Spikes bed and held his hand as he gave birth. "God damn you woman, you evil little snake! Once I get out of here I am ringing your neck! Women have babies not men! You little bitch! Owww, this hurts! I never knew that this was so painful! My beautiful body is ruined, this is your fault! You did this to me, how dare you! Damn that Faye! I'm going to kill that damn woman! She's going to die a more painful death than Padme! Damn you Ryuho! How could something like this happen! Stupid Ryuho! Kanami should give you a divorce!"
"Augh! It isn't my fault!" Ryuho yelled. "And Kanami loves me very much!"
Ed pleaded; "Spike you never panic, besides it will be me next time."
Spike started breathing. "Oh it will be Ed, because this hurts! I feel like I am going to die!"
The doctors came in. "Mr. Spiegel, we will have to give you a C-Section to get the young man out."
"Young man?" Spike was put under and Ed was there by his side.
A few hours after, a groggy Spike saw Ed beside him with a redhaired man in a blue suit with goggles. "Spike, you did great. Look this is our son."
"Oh shit, it looks like you!"
"Hi mom! Can I go out and kill bad guys with Rude, we're meeting Vincent and the others in Midgar." The young man said.
"Just like his daddy!" Ed chirped.
"This is a dream, isn't it?"
"Yes it is! Spike you were never pregnant, you were never in China, there is no Luke and Mara, Faye and Jet are not Anakin and Padme, Julia is not Ben Kenobi, Yamcha is not married to Callista, there is no wormhole in our galaxy, Vicious is not a Corallion, there is no Dewey Novak Ayanami or Holland! They're already here! Faye didn't marry Koga, Julia is not pregnant, she doesn't abuse Vicious and you never raise your hand to Julia or Faye, Ein doesn't talk, Hank Hill and Peter Griffin or any domestic cartoons never come here, Boomhauer and Quagmire do not have that land it was turned into a park. We didn't have sex, Reno is not our son, although he does share some of our qualities and he sort of dresses like you.
"You never proposed to me, there are no weird Anime Gods and Goddeses, but you're a witch. Yes, Goku and Vegeta are friends and Vegeta and Bulma have confirmed that they are now a couple. But that's a tv show. Faye is not pregnant again, there is no Luke and Mara sex tape, there was no music video, we did not see the pumpkin go down, Vicious is just a bounty hunter who is covering your ass, not a gossip person, you do not act like a psycho, you were never possessed, Jet and Faye never married, because Faye is gay don't you remember? Also Jet has Ashley. Julia shot you by accident while we were on the job, that is one of the reasons why she is under house arrest, the syndicate was destroyed by Vicious and Julia. They do live with us. So you want an explanation, huh Spiegel? It was all because you were out cold for 10 hours, now wake up!"
Spike awoke to find Edward beside him in their cabin. "It was a dream? I was dreaming for 10 hours?"
Spike shook Ed gently and she awoke with a yelp. "Spike! You're awake!"
He kissed her head. "I had a horrible dream Ed."
He got up to leave, but Ed took his arm. "You had me so scared! Stay with me Spike, don't you dare leave me again."
He put his hand over her mouth to quiet her. "It's okay." He told her softly.
Ed grabbed his wrist and kissed it. "Now that's the man I fell in love with, welcome back cowboy." Ed said as Spike laid down with her.
Spike sighed, "Now we have to punish Julia."
Ed snuggled in closer. "I'll think of something."
Finally, the end! Hooray!
I hoped you enjoyed it, now it's back to work!