35A/N: So I'm coming back to this story after quite a few years (years!) and I figured I might as well just finish it up. I don't like leaving things unfinished. After rereading it, I see how immature my writing was and how many discontinuities there were in this story. As in…who has their own apartment in high school?...among others. There's so much I would change about this story, but at this point that's too big of a project. So I'm just going to try and pick up where I left off, and I apologize if I unwittingly create more discontinuities. I'm a much happier person than when I started writing this, and I think that's probably apparent in this chapter. Hopefully it doesn't seem too choppy. Enjoy!
I Have Feelings Too
Chapter 5: Leaving
A phone call roused me this time; while the dinging noise was a bit easier to ignore than Bakura's body hastening through the window, I didn't appreciate my slumber being disturbed so often. The fact that this was becoming a regular thing was quite irritating. Oh well, better answer it.
"Is this Mai…Valentine?" The serious voice on the other end hesitated, as callers do when they are calling a stranger.
"Yes." I said curtly, getting ready to launch into a rampage about waking people. Who calls at 8 am on a Sunday anyway? But before I could say anything, the voice on the other end interrupted my thoughts.
"Wonderful. It is your lucky day." The voice was so incredibly monotonous I was almost sure that it was a recording. Great. I had been woken up on Sunday by a robot. Life could not get much better, surely. My finger was on the 'end' button when the voice coughed, revealing their true identity as a flesh and blood human, albeit most likely an incredibly boring one.
"We had a girl get sick and you were next on the list. We are aware that this is short notice, but your flight is already booked to Los Angeles tomorrow. Please report to our office to get your itinerary in order." The voice spoke in a tone that commanded attention and was impossible to interrupt with my questions. When he took a breath, I swooped.
"Wait, wait, wait. Woah. What the hell is this about?" I asked, in a voice missing much of its usual demanding nature, seeing as how it was still the wee hours of the morning (for me). I was also extremely confused. Was this some kind of scam? Would not be surprised. People these days. They'll do anything to get your money.
"The audition. Last week. You were not initially chosen to sign with and represent the label, but as I said, a girl has gotten very sick and needs to forfeit her spot. You were next on our list."
Oh my god. I had been so caught up –okay well, obsessed – with thinking about this Joey problem that I had completely forgotten all about that day and how good it had felt. Doing something for myself, just for me. Wait – what had he said? L.A.? My mind started racing and barely listened through the rest of the conversation as details about where to obtain more details were told to me.
I hung up the phone as soon as the voice stopped. Turns out that this gig was a bigger deal than I thought it was. That silly bimbo Hilary I had had the misfortune to meet that day was wrong though – what I had auditioned for was not a recording contract. It was an audition to an audition. Apparently we were all shipping off to Los Angeles to participate in a longer second round during which we would receive training, sing in groups, narrow down our style and then the pool would be cut down to a few finalists who would come back after a week break.
Well, this definitely was a turn for the interesting.
Apparently my parents weren't the only ones that thought I could sing. That was nice to know. As crazy as they were, they got one thing right.
There was no question about whether to go or not, after all, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All of a sudden, I was filled with energy. It was like life had been breathed back into me. After all the stress of the past few weeks, between my own worries about Joey and not getting enough sleep because of Bakura, I had been definitely sub-par Mai.
I stretched and swung my legs over the side of my bed, letting my feet touch the fuzzy carpet on my floor. I smiled to myself.
"Hey Mai, look at that. You rock." I laughed at how utterly ridiculous I sounded, but it was okay. I showered and started putting on my face. I could never go anywhere without my makeup, it was like clothing to me; I was naked without it. Serenity had told me countless times that I didn't need it, that I had a natural beauty, but I wasn't like her, with flawless skin and hair. Gel, foundation, eye liner and mascara were my best friends, near and dear to my face. I spritzed on some perfume, grabbed my purse and sauntered out the door. Today was going to be great.
I was locking the door to my apartment when I stopped short with a realization. I had not thought once about Joey this morning. I was too filled with excitement for myself that I had not even thought of him. What was going to happen to us now?
As soon as I thought that I immediately raised my eyebrows at myself. Us? There was no us, and things would not be any different when I would return from L.A. after the first round of recording.
If only I knew how wrong I was and that upon my return, everything would be different.
"Serenity!" I was speeding down the highway towards Kaiba's house. Yes, he lived outside of the city; couldn't be bothered to deal with us normal, poor kids on an everyday basis. His house had grounds.
"What's up Mai? You sound weird – good! But weird." Serenity said matter of factly.
"I'm on my way to you, hun." I said, smiling, loving the feeling of the wind in my hair as I drove.
"Well, you know…I'm at Seto's…remember I told you last night?" Serenity said a bit timidly. She knew I didn't really love the fact that they were together, and always said his name a bit sheepishly. In that moment, I felt inexplicably guilty. Why did she feel that she had to mention her own boyfriend's name in such a way? What kind of friend was I?
"I know Ren, that's where I'm going, silly!" I said, laughing.
"Mai…? Are you okay…?" She asked, worried now. Of course I would never willingly put myself in the same zip code as Kaiba, and I could only imagine what she was thinking right now. She probably assumed I was under the influence of something, which in the old days would probably be a good guess. But lately I had been clean, and today I was high on achievement.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Got something to tell you! Get dressed, since I'm sure you're not now! I'll be there in ten." And I hung up.
When I got to Kaiba's, Serenity was standing on the steps waiting for me. She looked so small on those menacing stone stairs; she was surely the only spot of life in this place. It looked so cold, so heartless, just like the man that owned it. Who was surprisingly absent from the picture…usually when I saw the two together, Kaiba had one of his long arms protectively wrapped around Serenity's slender waist, as if he was reminding me that she belonged to him, no matter if I liked it or not. But right now he was decidedly missing.
I pulled up and jumped out. "Hey!" I gathered her small form in a hug, quite uncharacteristic of me, and in any other circumstances, I would have felt disgusted with myself. But lately I was feeling much more comfortable with Serenity, and today was a day for new beginnings.
Serenity returned my hug, but then looked questioningly at me. Then, slowly, a smile crept onto her soft features. "Wait…did you finally talk to my brother?" She broke into a grin. "Oh my god Mai, are you together! I'm so happy for you!" She squealed, jumping up and down like she was on a pogo stick.
I looked at her, amused. "Nope."
Her eyes narrowed questioningly. "Then…?"
"Well, I never told you, but about a week ago I auditioned for this record company – spur of the moment thing." I waved my hand to her sputters. "Apparently some chick got sick 'cause now I get to go out to Los Angeles for a few months. How can they not love this?" I winked at her, gesturing to myself.
"Mai, that's wonderful!" Serenity gasped, in her genuine way. "Well, do you want to come in? I told Seto to wait inside because I thought you might want some privacy…I didn't know what it was about." She said.
'That's sweet…' I thought to myself, reminding myself of how lucky I was to have Serenity as a friend.
"Well, you know how much I'd love to hang out with Kaiba, but I got stuff to do." I grinned. "I'm sure you can take care of him." I raised my eyebrows suggestively.
"Stop!" Serenity squeaked, blushing.
"Later!" I waved as I hopped back into my car and sped off. Now that Serenity knows, what now? Do I tell Joey?
Like a dark cloud on a day of sunshine, Joey's face slid into my consciousness. Shit. Imagined Joey smirked, and I groaned to myself. Why does he always have to complicate things with is ridiculous, unintended charm?
I stopped at a park on the way back to my apartment. I needed a smoke. I quit about a month ago after Serenity shoved cancer packets in my face every waking hour of the day for about two months. But circumstances called for one of my trusty clove cigars, flavored and delicious.
I sat on a park table and brooded. I would miss the punk. Of course that was no reason not to go…but should I at least tell him? The way I'd been treating him lately, he'd probably welcome my departure. But I should tell him; after all, I was skipping out on our Shakespeare project to go across the country. I owed him an explanation. Yes Mai, you justify going over there just so you can see his blonde mop one more time. Justify away.
Ten minutes later, I'm standing on Joey's doorstep. He has an apartment in a more unsavory part of the city, which probably accounts for all the fights that he gets in.
"Wasssup?" I hear from inside, since I had only knocked, not said who I was. I waited, not saying anything. I had seen his surprised face enough to know that it was adorable, and I wanted to see it. So what's a little bit of manipulation?
The door swung open. There was that look. Brow furrowed and twisted to the side a bit, eyes questioning, lip half bitten. Yep, that was the look.
"I'm going to Los Angeles." I said it, just like that. No use beating around the bush.
"Wait…wha?" He scratched his head; he was clearly just woken up by my abrupt knock.
"Los. Angeles." I stated again. "That polluted city where celebrities like to congregate like locusts." I informed him. "Maybe you haven't heard of it." I said a bit snidely.
"I have, Mai, who do ya thin' I am?" He said, crossing his arms as he stood on the threshold.
"Okay, just thought you should know. Sorry about the project. Guess you'll have to find someone else." I said, and turned to go.
"Wai'…" He said, looking a little confused. "Jus' like dat? Why?"
"I got offered a chance to audition for a recording contract. So I'm gonna go try." I said, wondering where this was going.
"Oh." He bit his lip. "Well I know ya's been mad or somedin' lately, but I'll miss ya." He said in that adorable way of his. I had been so preoccupied this morning that I hadn't thought of him much, but now I was second guessing myself. Was that timidity in his voice? Hesitation? Why couldn't I just close the few feet between us and ask him to come with me? It'd be great, just the two of us; maybe I could finally get over this odd trepidation I always had when dealing with this silly little puppy.
Of course I couldn't do that. If he didn't return my feelings, it would mean disaster. I still had to come back after a few months, which isn't that long. I couldn't risk putting my reputation on the line, especially now that I had a potential recording contract to add to it. Yes, my superficial image was more important to me than my own happiness. I convinced myself that if I constructed someone that everyone respected and admired, then my own self-image would follow. I was so naïve, and so blind that I didn't realize pure happiness doesn't come that way. But I didn't cross the threshold, and just stood there looking at him, raising my eyebrows.
"Ok. Well, see you later." I said, mentally kicking myself. Shit, shit, shit. Ugh…so stupid. I sauntered away, acting confident to – to show what? I didn't even know. It was just what I did at that point. I had an image, and I upheld it no matter what. I had to make sure I kept up with that in L.A., where image is everything.
And that was that. I said goodbye to the two people I cared about in that town, went to my apartment, packed my bags, and proceeded to get lost in my thoughts for the rest of the night.
The phone rang. The only person who ever called me was Serenity so I didn't really need caller ID.
"Ren?" I answered.
"Mai! Are you okay? Joey said you were weird when you told him you were leaving." Serenity rushed out.
"I'm fine! You kidding, I'm excited." I told her. The night had been a jumble of excitement and regret that I hadn't had the courage to say something to Joey during that brief exchange.
"Why don't you just tell him?" Serenity asked, clearly exasperated with my antics. "Why do you always act so rude to him, jeez, you're just pushing him away."
Hm. That was interesting. Maybe if I pushed him away, I would fall out of love with him, and this would be over.
"Good idea, Ren." I said, though I knew she would probably have a fit over those words.
"Mai! That's not what I want you to do! He might return your feelings, you never know!" She said.
"He doesn't. Besides, can you honestly see us together? I mean, how would that look? We just don't fit." I said, trying to believe the words that I was saying.
"Mai, you really need to stop thinking about your stupid reputation and start thinking about your life for once." She sounded extremely serious as she said this. "Have a safe trip." She said quietly, and hung up, leaving me with more questions than I had before.
I really was that screwed up, wasn't I. Inside, I felt like a blubbering mess, confused about what I wanted, hopelessly attracted to a chaotic, disheveled boy and unsure about what to do about said situation. To compensate for my writhing mass of indecisive insides, I maintained a hard exterior. No one could know about what I was really like inside. I sighed. Sometimes it got tiring. With that, I flopped back on my bed and fell into a deep sleep.
Only to be interrupted by that irritation of a tomb robber a few hours later.
"Really Bakura, this needs to stop. Actually, it is going to stop. I am leaving tomorrow." I informed him after he had climbed into the window without so much of a knock.
Bakura looked like he was mid freak-out when I laid the news on him. "Um. What." He said, blinking.
"I. Am leaving." I told him again firmly.
"Who is going to resolve my problem?" He demanded angrily.
"Bakura, the world does not revolve around you, as much as you might think that it does. I am going to have a life, and you are going to resolve your romantic issues on your own. Now I have to get my beauty rest." I flicked my hair over my shoulder and pointed to the window.
"But-" He protested, not budging. "It's gotten so bad, Mai!" He whined, very un-Bakura. My interest was piqued.
"Ugh…" I sighed. "As long as you got me up, fine." I sat on the end of my bed as he slouched against my vanity table.
"I just don't know what to do," He said in a mutter.
"Welcome to the club." I matched his tone, thinking of how ironic it was that Bakura was begging me for help in the middle of the night when I was such a mess that I couldn't even fix my own problems, and was literally running away from them.
"What?" He looked up, brushing a piece of his devoid of color hair from his face.
"You know Bakura, your hair is a blank canvas. You could do so much with it, the color would just fuse perfectly." I told him, diverting the subject.
"You're telling me to dye my hair. Wow, that is just so helpful. Thank you." His voice dripped with sarcasm. I rolled my eyes in retaliation.
"I'm just saying." I shrugged. "You don't think this brilliant blonde is natural, do you? A girl needs some help. Beauty is hard work." I puffed myself up a bit. Why couldn't I feel this confident with Joey? I was feeling so good right now, I could probably seduce Bakura into sleeping with me if I wanted, despite his apparent romantic tendencies. Of course that's not what I wanted, but the ability was there.
"Not helping!" He screeched at me.
"Maybe you just need to put more work into your relationship with the little twerp." I said, unperturbed by his outburst. "I put work into myself, and look at my gorgeous self." I said simply.
"What do you mean more work? I see him 24/7." He replied, confused. It was a ridiculous look on him, not nearly adorable as Joey's confused look.
"Pay attention to him. Do something nice. I don't know, all that romantic shit." I said, wondering how he was so dense. I wasn't romantic, but my womanly intuition knew what you were supposed to do in a relationship, despite the fact that I had never been in a functional one.
He sat there, mulling my words over. Apparently I had said something that made sense. "Great, problem solved. Out you go!" I started to usher him to the window.
"Okay, I'll try it. But what if it doesn't work?" He asked.
"Ra, you are so needy Bakura. Figure it out, I don't know. Now out." I practically shoved him out the window. At this point my eyelids were beginning to droop and the last thing I needed was to travel tired tomorrow. That was the worst. Too many tournaments ended badly in my early dueling career because I was too stupid to get some rest beforehand.
He climbed out the window without a word, clearly lost deeply in thought. His trenchcoat disappeared through my purple curtains silently, and I laughed a bit to myself. Look at the two of us. The tough guys, supposedly. And our respective interests make us babbling, helpless lumps. I shook my head and flopped back into bed, my mind filled of images of Joey and I together.
I didn't sleep again that night.
A/N: Please review! Let me know your thoughts. There'll be maybe one or two more chapters, now that I have things planned out again and know the direction of this story. I didn't edit this too much, just typed it up during moments of inspiration so please call my attention to anything that didn't work. Thank you!