Hey there readers of mine. Yes, another fanfic by me, isn't it wonderful? Well, I suppose it's not for all that have waited for updates on Be Mine or Hedwig's Wish. Heh heh . . . BUT this one was written over a YEAR ago, Christmas 2003 (so it's a bit crappy lol),and I thought I'd be posting a couple chapters every couple of days so you'd have something to read while I'm writing the rest of chapter three for HW, and while all my BM (that's not right. LOL) readersare patiently waiting for an update on that. SO here we are. :clappy claps:

WARNINGS: This fic is SLASH. Got it? If you don't like it, then please don't read, it's as simple as that! Isn't it wonderful? For all who do not heed my warning, then, you just don't listen, do you? This fic also holds swearing once in a while, a bit out of characterness (it's Harry/Draco, it just has to happen a bit (-; ), and, I'm weird, but you that's probably already obvious.

Disclaimer: Oh, and I don't own Harry Potter, or the characters, or anything. I'm a college student, I don't have money to own anything. I just own the story. That's it, really it is.

One more thing: I've changed my name! That's right, folks. I changed it to MsCashew. Why? Because I like cashews. Yummy.

Well, enjoy the fic, leave a review, it may inspire me to get Hedwig's Wish up and running, and Be Mine, but they're coming along, they really are. So hold onto your horses.


Well, I've said my goodbyes to Ron and Hermoine. And here I am, alone in the common room, Hedwig on my shoulder, nipping my ear in affection from me giving her an owl treat.

It's so quiet in here. Nothing makes a noise except for the crackles in the fire and the whoosh of air that hits the window pane. It's quite calming. Just sitting here, in the fires glow with my thoughts. . .I don't like my thoughts. Maybe I should have gone with Ron and Hermoine to the Burrow. But I didn't want to intrude. There families are spending their Christmas together since Ron and Hermoine are now a couple.
Heh, it was funny how they hooked up. One minute they were arguing about S.P.E.W, the next they were in an embrace kissing softly.
I'm happy that they finally hooked up. I knew it would happen one day. The way they always argue, you'd think they were married.

:Sigh: But, what will I do? I don't have anyone. I don't know if I will. Yes, I can see my future now: Sitting on a park bench, an old and feeble wizard talking to birds as if they were my friends. I laugh at the thought. Yes, and I'll have 50 cats at my home, believing they can talk.

Hmm, you never know, do you? All I can hope for is that I'll find someone. One that will share my interests, one that will understand me, one to hold me when I don't like the world. . .one that will love me for who I am. Yes, that's all I can hope for.


Harry sighed in his chair, stretching as he awoke. "Hmm, what time is it?" thought Harry groggily. He looked towards the window. There was no light, only a sky full of stars.
It also seemed that Hedwig had gone, leaving Harry to his nap.
He now looked over to the grandfather clock that was in the corner of the room. It was almost 6 o'clock. It was almost time for dinner. Then with a great growl from his stomach, he realized he was hungry.

With a groan, he stood up, making his way to the portrait. He was still a bit groggy as he opened the portrait, and almost tripped as he walked through.
"I should have woken up a little more." Harry said, aloud this time.
He made his way down the steps, and heard. . .singing? He looked around, and realized that they had bewitched the old suits of armor again to sing Christmas carols. They were now singing Jingle Bells, so Harry started to sing along, a small smile spreading on his face.

After almost stepping in the trick stair, he finally made it to the Great Hall, going over to the Gryffindor table, he sat down, waiting for dinner to start.

There were still a few people here. A couple of third year Gryffindors, a 7th year Ravenclaw, no Huffle Puffs, and at the Slytherin table. . .Oh no, it can't be. . .Yes, it was. Draco Malfoy.
Why was he here? He always went home for Christmas. With a sigh, Harry put his chin in his hand, looked away from Malfoy, and put on a face of annoyance. His Christmas was ruined. His last one at Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry.

He looked over at Malfoy again. He didn't seem to be paying attention to anything around him. He was infact looking down in his lap. But what was he doing?
Harry looked under the table, to see what Malfoy was so interested in. It was a book. Looked a bit banged up, from what Harry could tell. What book was it though? Harry couldn't tell, so he sat up from under the table, and put his chin in his hand once again.

Soon, Dumbledore stood at the teachers table, and started to speak.
"It is wonderful that we have you all here for the holiday season. I hope you have a grand Christmas." he stopped for a second, smiling wider as he started to speak once again, "And now, I have a special treat for all of you. As you know, I have directed many choirs that consisted of students. Today, I have summoned the Hogwarts choir that won the Wizarding Choir Competition 15 years ago. Without further ado, I give you, the Hogwarts choir." The teachers clapped, and the few students did too, except for Malfoy that is. He was still reading his book.

With a swish of Dumbledore's wand, he made a stage appear on the right far wall. Soon after that, a choir that consisted of about 30 past students apparated on the stage.

Dumbledore went over, and started to direct the choir, and soon, they started to sing Carol of the Bells.
Right after they started, the food appeared on the table, and everyone started to dig in.

Harry looked over at Malfoy once again, he was picking at his food this time, but now the book was on the table, and he still seemed to be reading. But now, he was moving his lips. Was he reading aloud? No, it wasn't that. Harry heard the choir in the background, and it seemed as if Malfoy was singing along to the song.


It was a great idea to go for a walk after dinner. As I breath in, the winter air is sharp, and fills me with its coldness. It feels wonderful.
And the scenery is breathtaking. The orange, pinkish sky, the light flurries that are covering Hogwarts, the lights from the castle making the snow glistening like the ground is covered in diamonds. It seems like a whole different world. Not of wizards and witches, not of muggles, but a world that has nothing in it.
The trail I walk on leads me to one of the many benches that Hogwarts has on its grounds. I sweep a spot off with my gloved hand, and sit down on the cold bench.

Hmm. . .nothingness. That's what I would call a world full of ice and snow. Just casting a look at the never ending snow, that's what I see. Nothingness.
I wish I could be in a world of nothingness. There wouldn't be any fighting, there wouldn't be any wars. . .there wouldn't be any deaths.

Dammit! Why did I have to think about death now? Why do I have to think about it at all? Sirius. . . I think about him all the time. Even when I don't realize it, I think about him.
If he was still alive, maybe I wouldn't be stuck here for Christmas. I'd be happily celebrating with my godfather.
Yes, we'd be sitting around a great big tree, decorated grandly, sipping hot chocolate as we opened our presents.

I feel a stinging in my eye. No, I can't cry now. Sirius wouldn't want me to cry. Soon a little mantra sticks in my head, I will not cry, I will not cry. . .
I feel the familiar warm droplet run down my face. I wipe it away angrily. I'm 17, I shouldn't cry!
And then another one trails down my face. No! I can't cry now! I wipe the second droplet away angrily as I did with the first. I now cross my arms over my chest and close my eyes tightly, hoping that not another tear will fall. It seems to be working. Only a little brimming, but no falling.

As I do this, I don't hear the crunching of snow under boot, I don't hear the sweeping of snow on the other side of the bench, and I don't feel someone sitting where the sweeping took place.

"What are you doing, Potter? Taking a nap?" My head snaps up at those words. I look to my left, and I see a smirking Malfoy. Great, just great.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" I say as I turn so my back's to him.

"I was out for a walk, noticed you, and decided to come and bother you." I can hear the smirk in his voice, "So, how can I bother you this evening?"

"Why don't you just leave me alone? I'm sure you've had enough bothering me, haven't you?"

"Oh, not at all." He says matter of factly. I put my chin in my hand, my elbow supporting me up on the back of the bench. Soon, I hear him go on.

"Why aren't you with the mudblood and the weasel? Couldn't they fit another person into that thing they call a home?"

I get angry at his statement, and just start talking without thinking.
"And why aren't you at home? Is Christmas too good for you now? Are you going to start pillaging orphanages, and burn down Christmas trees?"

I hear silence, and then, "Geez, Potter. What do you take me for? I'm not a scrooge you know."

I look over at him from that last comment. He has his arms crossed, and a scowl has shown upon his face.
"How would you know what a scrooge is? That's a muggle thing." Did I see what I think I saw? Was that a look of surprise on his face? I'm not sure. It could've just been the light. Because now, he has his scowl on his face again.

"I-I. . .Oh, just forget it." And he's now silent. I still stare at him, and he takes a quick glance at me, and raises an eyebrow, "Why is your face wet, Potter? Were you crying?" He raises a hand, I don't know what he's planning to do.
He takes off his right glove, and wipes one of the old tears off my face with his thumb. His hand is surprisingly warm. It felt good against my cold cheek.

No, what am I doing? I pull away from him, and jump up. Hurrying off to the castle, I make up an excuse of how I have late homework to finish.

I hadn't realized how cold it was getting. The wind was shooting my way in all directions, making my scarf billow all over the place. Through all this cold, the feel of Malfoy's warm hand stayed with me. All the way up to the castle.


Well, there you are. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Leave a review if you want, it'd be lovely to see one, or two around the place when I post chapter two tomorrow. Have a wonderful day, and God speed!

MsCashew