34GA/N: Again, yes, it has been a long time since I updated. Can you blame me? I'm actually GETTING REVEIWS for my King of Fighters fanfiction! But then again, I have no control over this, so if you want to post a review, go right ahead. If not, I at least know you gave me a hit.
Disclaimer: The usual.
"Okay class… we have a new student today…" said the teacher as Hikari walked into the class, the girl waving at Lillith happily for a moment before introducing herself.
"Hi… my name's Hikari… I just moved here, I'm the Fifth Child… and… and…" she took a deep breath, noticing that nobody was really paying attention to her, "And I like Shoujo-ai…"
"WHAT?" Everybody said as they looked at her, the tongues of most of the boys lolling out as they imagined that finally… finally… they had stumbled on that sweet girl that liked other girls just like all those anime and manga series.
They couldn't believe it! It was the proverbial jackpot!
And she had waved at Lillith… and when the class looked at the third version of the pilot, still timid and restrained while her predecessor would usually be gouging out the eyes of a bird while sucking a lollypop, they noticed Lillith blush.
Well… I'll finally get some individual recognition… Lillith thought, First and Second never got anything like this before…
"You know… this IS a serious problem now…" Zeruel muttered as he sat back with Adam in the office, chugging down a few beers. "I mean, NERV sent here her obviously since we've said 'screw you' to them and we don't have a fourth Humangelion to use."
"I've got it all figured out…" Adam answered before grinning. "And it's so simple, too."
"What do you mean?"
"You'll see…"
"You gotta be kidding!" Sachiel said in frustration as the four pilots heard what Israfel was telling them. "A Roshambo Tournament of Death? I'm the one with the most serious disadvantage!"
"We're talking about Rock-Paper-Scissors, not 'Bloody Balls', Satch," Arael elaborated. "It'll be fun!"
"Yeah…" Sachiel said as he rolled his eyes.
"Okay…" Israfel said, "And Hikari, stop giving me the eye!"
"Sorry…" the Fifth Child said while slumping down.
"Well then… let the Roshambo Tournament of Death begin!"
The results were rather… humiliating for Lillith…
"But… can't paper cut rock?" she just kept repeating on her way home that night. Things were just so confusing now… Especially considering who and what she was.
So she just opened the door to her small apartment… well… Second's apartment, and cleaned up a bit.
Things were so much easier when she was just a floating blob in that Lillithquerium.
At the very least now… being reduced down to being a backup pilot would give her time to continue studies and work on a personality of her own.
Dealing with the 17th Eva got her thinking… what would she do when it was over? Her past life had been defined by the necessity as a Humangelion pilot… but soon that would all be over…
A doorbell ring caused her to jolt up and walk over to the door.
"Who is it?"
"Me! Hikari!"
Lillith then slumped over and sighed in frustration.
Suicide was more tempting to her than anything else at the moment. Turning around, she sized up everything in the room that could have a lethal purpose.
"Switchblade, plutonium reactor, sword-chucks, radium-cyanide, a page filled with rabid Mary-Sue fanfics, the list really goes on and on!" Lillith said, finally settling for the sword-chucks and swinging them around as best she could.
In the meantime of this, a series of house burglars slipped in through the windows and made off with the rest, only to fall down dead from those Mary-Sue entities that defied all reason and the laws of physics…"Dammit! You'd think something like sword-chucks would be dangerous to use!" Lillith muttered, realizing the weapons would be among one of the safest things to use in a room filled with nothing but hemophiliac babies.
So… without any other means of escape, Lillith sadly opened the door.
"Oh, hi there…" Lillith said without much joy in her voice. "I'm sorry it took me so long getting to the door… I had… a thing to do… yeah… a thing involving lethal weapons… and suicide…"
Hikari suddenly looked very shocked and quickly grabbed Lillith. "Oh Lillith, don't just give in to everything and kill yourself! I know it's probably because you think nobody loves you, but that's not true! I love you!"
That's kinda the problem… Lillith thought unhappily. She tried to break free of Hikari's grip, but the Fifth Child just dragged her, kicking and screaming, out onto the street.
"Nothing to see here, folks!" Hikari screamed at the top of her lungs, almost in an attempt to get attention. "No… just dragging by very bestest friend around!"
"So… alone at last," Arael said as she and Sachiel sat on a park bench. "You know what that means, right?"
"Never-ending nookie session?"
Arael turned and raised an eyebrow, causing Sachiel to break out in anime-style sweat.
"What?" he said while looking very nervously… "What did I say?"
"What's nookie?" she asked in perfect honesty. "Is it like some kind of cookie?"
"Uh… sorta…"
"Now seriously, was that all that bad?" Hikari asked as she and Lillith sat in a hot sauna at the Remiel. "I took you on a nice tour of the town!"
"You threw me in a volcano."
"That's part of the town!"
"You tried to make a move on me like a billion times."
"That's because you're hot!"
"WILL YOU STOP THAT!" Lillith screamed, "I'd prefer not having you around and doing that crap! Now, if you'd excuse me, I need to go to bed!"
"With me?"
Lillith couldn't take it any more. She just grabbed the closest sharp and rusty axe (which conveniently was right next to her) and threw it at Hikari before running away.
"I'm going to go crazy if this keeps up!" she screamed in frustration.
"I am SO glad I don't have to be in there," Lillith said as she rubbed her temples, "I really miss being in the cockpit of Unit Rei, though. To be honest, I'm a little afraid of what she might do…"
"It's okay," Sandolphon answered. "I'm sure Rei will be perfectly fine."
"No… not the Humangelion… the other two Lilliths."
Sandolphon's face suddenly went flush when she realized what the First Child meant.
"That'll… make things awkward…"
"But you don't deserve a fate without a body!" Hikari pleaded to the minds of Lillith I and Lillith II. "It's too cruel!"
"No it's not…" Lillith I answered, "It's not that bad. We've got all the time we want to think and do stuff in here! You have no idea how much fun it is downloading all the Sega games we want, since we all know that after XBOX360s became self-aware and nearly killed everyone, Sega made really good games in their bid for world domination!"
"Yeah!" Lillith II concurred, "We really like playing the 'Phantasy Star' series a lot."
"But…"
"SHUT UP AND FINISH THE TEST!" the two Lilliths screamed in unison, causing Hikari to break down and cry, inadvertently causing the water to short out Rei's systems.
"GRAH!" Rei screamed as the giant Humangelion lurched and clutched its head completely autonomously, unable to stand the sickly sweet girl that was inside of it. Sandolphon was awestruck before she just looked down and shook her head.
"Okay. She's not piloting ever."
"Uh… Sandolphon?" Material said as he pointed to the results, "You should take a look at this."
"What?"
Israfel, Sandolphon, Lillith, and Zeruel all looked over the spider Angel's shoulder, amazed at what they saw.
"No way… a 85 synch ratio!"
"Oh, that?" Hikari asked innocently over the radio. "I can go higher, you know."
The observers were awestruck as the ratio climbed all the way up to 99 before looking at Rei's body, currently trying to knock the entry plug out of herself.
"So… is it worth it?" Sandolphon asked to everybody in the group, all of whom save Lillith answered yes to.
"This… totally… SUCKS!" Lillith screamed in frustration while beating Leliel up for passing out a petition for Hikari to kiss Lillith in public. Damn Japanese perverts and their hentai!
"It could be worse," Sachiel pointed out as his hypothetical genetic sister threw the Angel away.
"Yeah," Lillith sighed in a melancholy manner, "I coulda kicked him and grabbed him and shot him and stabbed him and nailed him to the wall by his-"
"Uh, you don't have to get that graphic, Lillith," Sachiel said as he checked his watch. "Oh crud… I promised Arael to make out with her in front of the paraplegics at four… gotta go."
Lillith watched Sachiel go and let out a deep grunt of frustration, immediately creating new and very vulgar terms as soon as she saw Hikari spring up.
"Hi there!"
"Hikari, you've got a piece of toast stuck in your mouth."
"Yeah, I know."
"Screw you, I'm going home."
"Another round of tests for Hikari… joy…" Sandolphon muttered as she sat at the observation box. After discovering she could change her synch ratio at will, Adam had the insane idea to test her out in the other Humangelions for some reason.
Asuka's eyes had been twitching after three minutes. That was normal… putting into account the pilot… but not what happened next.
Suddenly Asuka advanced, smashing through a wall and then diving down through an exhaust tunnel, leaving Sandolphon surprised. She reached for the phone and dialed up Adam.
"What?"
"Hey, Adam? You know what just happened?"
"You mean the earthquake?"
"No, the thing that caused the earthquake."
"You mean a giant ten foot ta-"
"So help me God, Adam, if you say what I think you're going to, I'm going to have to kill you."
"Sorry…"
"And don't apologize. Just get Sachiel and Lillith down here as soon as possible."
"Run run run down the stairs… run run run down the stairs…" Hikari sang as Asuka ambled down to the bottom of the Remiel… until it was slammed into by Units Shinji and Rei, their respective pilots realizing they would be enjoying this far… far too much.
"But Lillith… Sachiel… I love-"
"Shut your mouth, crazy lady! With Sailor Moon, there's far too many Shoujo-ai fantasy characters out there!" they screamed in perfect unison as they raised up their fists and struck down…
… only for Asuka to stop the attacks.
"Forget I can set my synch ratio as high as I want? Like 500?"
"500!" Sachiel and Lillith said in shock as they were both thrown away. Hikari then smiled before walking down the rest of the way to Terminal Dogma and tearing off the door.
"Ah… the first Eva… Gendo-what? Yui?"
Come on, Lillith… get up!
"What?"
Get up!
Slowly, Lillith obeyed the voices of her Humangelion and charged after Hikari, never minding the fact that Sachiel was still unconscious. She kept running and running, until she saw Hikari standing there, looking at the gigantic entity. Without a second thought, Lillith grabbed her in her hand and began to squeeze.
"What?" Hikari screamed as she turned around. "But… you can't kill me without some sort of long and drawn-out moment!"
"Why not?"
"Because I love you!"
"That's very nice. Actually, it isn't. And I don't like you. And now you're gonna die."
SQUISH!
"Oh happy day!" everybody in Tokyo-3 cheered. With all the Evas killed, everything was going great! Everything was perfect!
Until a solitary figure looked at the city, clutching her fist.
She would have her revenge against Adam and Randolphon... in one way or another.
A/N: Well… writing this took a VERY long time, but things are almost done. Maybe one or two more chapters! Yay! So stay tuned to the next chapter The Beast that needed a Name Tag at the Heart of the World!