A/N: To those that want me to take the story in a new direction, don't worry. Different plotlines will pop up, some of the Evas will be absurd, and some characters will be changed greatly cough Gendo! cough . Also, so people know which Angel was which, at the bottom of the chapter is a guide to which Angel had which name. I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, IHOP, France, or Barbies. If I did, the last three wouldn't exist.

"What!" shouted Sachiel as he looked at the Humangelion. "You want me to pilot a super-sized boy!"

He was in the hangar of SEELE looking at the aforementioned Human. It was a brown-haired boy with short hair that was wearing a blue and white jumpsuit.

"This," Sandolphon explained, "is the test model, Unit Shinji."

"And this is what my father's been working on?" asked Sachiel, praying he'd get the answer he wanted.

"Correct," came a voice Sachiel hoped he'd never hear again. "You will pilot it." Up in a control room was Sachiel's father: Adam. He was like Sachiel always remembered: formal, wearing gloves, always with a cigarette in hand, and with his arms wrapped around several cans of beer. "Understand?"

Sachiel felt his anger rising. "You just call me back into your life whenever it's convenient! I'm just here because you need me to control some boy!"

"You mean…" Israfel already knew the answer.

"I won't pilot that damn toy!" screamed Sachiel. "Not in a million years! Not for HIM!"

Adam seemed unmoved by the yells. He motioned to his second-in-command, Zeruel. "Looks like we have no choice. Have Lillith pilot Unit Shinji."

"But sir-"

"She's better than what we have here!" snapped Adam in between chugs of beer. He reluctantly handed Zeruel his precious alcohol and picked up a phone. "Zeruel, if the godly liquid touches your flesh, you're a dead man. Yes? I'd like to speak with Lillith."

A moment later a quiet voice answered the phone. "Yes?"

"Lillith…you have to…pilot Unit Shinji…"

"Understood."

Adam slammed the cell phone down, snatched back his beer, stroked it, and apologized for abandoning it.


Outside, something in the Eva awoke. The N-2 mine's effect had worn off at last and the creature unleashed a brutal scream. It was close, very close. A beam shot out of it that burrowed deep into the diamond shaped SEELE HQ.

The blast rocked the building as a medical bed was wheeled into the hangar. On it was a white angel, more dead than alive. Half her face was covered in bandages and one of her arms was in a sling. An IV was hooked up to her.

"Okay!" Sandolphon shouted up to the technicians in the control room. "Reconfigure Shinji's settings for Lillith!"

But if she pilots that thing, thought Sachiel, she's gonna die! Not to mention I can't…"Miss Israfel-"

But another quake cut him off. A giant girder, knocked loose from the quake, fell fast. Too fast for Sachiel to see his new steel facial coming, but somehow, the Humangelion reached out and shielded both Sachiel and Lillith from becoming IHOP specials.

The bed flew down the catwalk and crashed, sending Lillith to the ground. Sachiel quickly ran to her side to help the girl back on the bed. Sachiel was close enough now to see the rest of her pain. She was shaking and moaning, as if simply existing was a trial few could endure. Blue blood, her blood, was all over his hands as he put her back on her bed.

I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away…I MUSTN'T RUN AWAY! "STOP THIS!" howled Sachiel. "I pilot that damn boy!" Lillith's condition was only a partial reason that he had had swayed, however. A thought had quickly entered his mind, a dark and evil one. After I stop that Eva, my bastard of a father will pay for what he did…with his own creation.

Lillith looked at him and somehow managed to choke out, "Thank you," as she was carted back to a hospital room.


Ten minutes later, Sachiel was still laughing evilly inside the Human while the Eva continued its rampage above.

"Flooding the plug with LCL," announced Sandolphon. "Sachiel, don't worry. Just breathe in normally. The LCL will provide oxygen directly to your lungs."

"Okay!" shouted Israfel, "Human Unit Shinji: Launch!"

Rockets flared as the support braces released their grip on Shinji. Majestic music crescendoed, sparks began flying, but…

"Wouldn't it be smart," Sandophon inquired as Shinji flew into a closed shutter, "to open the launch tube first?"

"Wow. Booze must really be messing me up. Better quit then," remarked an embarrassed Israfel.

"THAT'S ENOUGH BEER BASHING!" Adam reprimanded, "THIS FANFICTION WILL NOT BECOME A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! UNIT SHINJI: LAUNCH!"

"But the doors-"

"Shaddup…"

A grate opened up in Tokyo-3 and out popped the Humangelion to do battle.


"Can you hear me?" sparked up Israfel's voice on the comm. array, "I know the Eva is right in front of you, Sachiel, but just focus on walking at first. I'll talk you through actually fighting."

"Walking," muttered Sachiel as he used the controls to take a few steps. Everyone was amazed that Shinji wasn't stumbling, but Fate had other plans that day. "OOOH! A Euro!" Shinji, not meant for picking loose change up, struggled to pick up the most powerful economic unit on the planet while the Eva moved in for the kill.

"Sachiel! Watch out!" Israfel prayed Sachiel would handle making this blunder. A computer's display destroyed that hope. "Oh damn! His AT-Field hasn't deployed yet!"

The Eva picked the Humangelion up and focused its power on the left arm. Bones cracked. Blood squirted everywhere. Sachiel could feel the agony in his body as if it really was his body being mauled. The Eva then began poking Shinji in the head with its horn. A sickening sound was heard. Then a second. Then a third. Shinji was thrown into a building, slumped down, and everything went black for Sachiel.


"Crap on a stick with double cheese!" grumbled Adam as he tossed away his last can of beer. "It would have been better if Lillith piloted that thing."

"Yeah," corrected Zereul, "but she'd be dead by now."

"But we could always make more-" But Adam's remarks were in danger of being overheard.

Israfel's ears perked at this last line. "Was that spoilers I just heard?"

"No!" Adam had to think fast. "Uh…just talking about…why France sucks…"

"Carry on," Israfel seemed to have been shaken off the trail, but Sandolphon was worried that damning secrets would be leaked out too soon.

"Now," announced Adam as he resumed his hunched-over stance with hands cupped together, "If this Eva can be beaten, this story has a happy ending."

"Sir, we both know that not to be true."

"Zeruel, something tells me this is going to be a very long fanfic."


When Sachiel woke up, he was in a hospital room and in the room with him was Israfel.

"What happened?" asked Sachiel as he sat up. His head ached. Something bad had happened.

"Well…"Israfel started, "you won…I also volunteered to be your guardian. I'm here to take you home."

"Oh. Well, I'm really tired and…"

Israfel wouldn't stand for that. "Suck it up!" she muttered as she grabbed Sachiel and literally dragged him out of the hospital.

On the drive home, Israfel stopped the car for a moment. "I have something to show you," she said as she opened his door. "Come on." She led Sachiel to a high hill and motioned to Sachiel to look outside. "you know where this is, Sachiel?"

"The abandoned hillside where no one will hear my screams?"

"If you were older, then yes," she pointed out over to the city, rising up from the ground. "This is the city you will be protecting, no matter what. Under there is an underground cavity and in there is our base, Remiel. Now let's go home."

After dinner at Israfel home and hauling all sixty gallons of her beer to the curb only to be stolen by a waiting Adam, Sachiel was in his room. What really did happen back there? he thought. What stopped me from killing my father? He remembered part of the battle, mainly picking up the Euro, struggling in the Eva's grasp, getting poked in the head, but what else happened? The thoughts were still on his mind when he drifted to sleep.


Suddenly, he was there again. He was being stabbed in the head and then thrown into a building. His Human had blacked out and the systems went dead. He looked out the viewports and saw the Eva approaching him, ready for the killing blow.

Something stirred in the Humangelion, though. Systems came back on, the left arm regenerated, Shinji screamed something out loud. It jumped on the Eva, pounding it with both its arms. The Eva grabbed at Shinji, but the Human dodged and grabbed both of the Eva's arms. Shinji pulled hard, very hard, and soon a ripping noise was heard, followed by the arms being pulled clean off. Shinji then snapped off the horn and began stabbing the core of the Eva. Cracks were appearing quickly and life was draining from the adversary.

The Eva wasn't defeated just yet, though. It dodged the next stab, wrapped around Shinji, and exploded.


So that was what happened. "Father," said Sachiel as he woke up again, "next time you die."

A/N: Well, I hope that was better and longer. As I said before, here's a list of all the Angels from the "normal" series.

1st: Adam (Gendo)

2nd: Lillith (Rei)

3rd: Sachiel (Shinji)

4th: Samshel

5th: Remiel (Geo-Front)

6th: Gahgiel (Pen-Pen)

7th: Israfel (Misato)

8th: Sandolphon (Ritsuko)

9th: Material (Kaji)

10th: Sahaquiel

11th: Ireul (Magi)

12th: Leliel (Kensuke)

13th: Bardiel (Toji)

14th: Zeruel (Fuyutski)

15th: Arael (Asaka)

16th: Armisael (Hikari)

17th: Tabris