8Title: Breaking Through The Barrier
Pairing: Will/Jack
A/N: My first fic in two months. R&R!
Feeling uncomfortable seemed to be the one thing Jack could do right. It was something he did often, even though it never showed. But it seemed that in front of every guy or girl or drag queen, there was that unsettling feeling creeping into his chest again. The feeling that they were staring at him, or waiting for him to do or say something meaningful; anything. Waiting for him to flirt, or talk, or bend over, whatever. He never knew for sure what they wanted him to do. Or if they wanted him to do anything at all.
He usually got through those feelings and that silence by filling it up with meaningless words. Things about the weather, or how things were going in the entertainment world. Material things. Meaningless things. That was it, they meant nothing to him. He could care less what Madonna wore to the Grammy's the following night. Brad and Jen's breakup? What did that have to do with him? But he always seemed to bring it up, to fill the silence. To keep him from making a fool of himself.
Sometimes, he thought that there was something wrong with him. He thought about Will. Will got uncomfortable all the time. And he didn't have to babble in order for it to be known. Everyone could see it. Even the first time they met, Jack could see the drink in Will's hand shaking gently, as if he was afraid. As if he knew that Jack saw right through him. Jack liked to think that he did. Will knew that from that night on, they would be almost inseparable.
There was a club opening that night, and him and Will were both going. It was supposed to be one of the best places in town, and it would be the wildest either of them had ever been to. Will was nervous, but Jack didn't mind. A club was a club. There would be the same guys there, and each of them had the same goal.. To get laid. That was Will's problem, Jack thought. He wasn't looking for that. It wasn't his scene. He didn't belong there. He wanted something more. Something that would develop into something else. Not a thing that would disappear the next morning, without even stopping for breakfast or even a goodbye. He wanted a lover.
Jack never had to worry about that. Because he knew better. He knew that there was no guy out there that could love him the way he wanted to be. He was simple on the outside, but inside he was complex. You could never be too sure of what he wanted or what he was feeling. The sad truth was that he felt as if his insides were being torn up from the inside. And the silence was way too much to handle.
"So, Will," he spoke in Will's bedroom, poking through the closet and looking for something halfway decent to wear to the opening. "Are you sure that you want to go to this thing? I mean, we are going to be out pretty late, and aren't you usually in bed by eight?"
Will seemed to be in another place entirely. He was looking absentmindedly through a drawer in is bedside table, just moving his fingers up and down the wood. He turned in his shoes slightly and muttered a mumbled, "Shut up," in Jack's direction, and looked back down, his eyes seemingly looking through the drawer and going straight to the carpet.
With his eyebrows raised and looking somewhat worried, Jack wandered to the bed and placed a hand on Will's shoulder. Will appeared to have known he was there all along, so he didn't jump like Jack would've expected to. On the contrary, he leaned back, allowing his shoulder to sink back, filling Jack's palm fully. "What's wrong?" he asked. He moved his hand up and down Will's arm as he said this, trying to comfort Will and breathing heavily to keep his mind off of his own thoughts.
"Nothing," Will said softly. He smiled and turned around pretty suddenly, and walked towards the doorway. Weird, Jack thought, shrugging it off and moving to shut the drawer. So out of character. He was so quiet, and not neurotic while he did that. He didn't make an excuse, or try to hide. It was unusual.
The drawer shut slowly, almost as if Jack was barely pushing it at all. As it closed. Jack could barely make out a photograph, one that Will must have been looking at. It wasn't too old, but it looked like it had been taken a while back. He caught a glimpse of Will and Michael, hand in hand as it clicked shut.
Jack pretended like he didn't see anything.
The night was just starting, but it already seemed like it was two in the morning. Will looked at the watch on his left hand, but couldn't see its face in the dull light of the club. Sure, there were strobe lights everywhere that you turned, but it wasn't nearly as useful as one might think. He searched everywhere for the sight of dark brown, almost black hair, creamy skin, or even a screeching voice, but it was no use. Jack was nowhere to be found.
Why do I even bother trying to find him? He thought. The music around him was pulsing so loudly around him, he could hardly hear himself think, let alone listen for his friend. Just as he was about to give up, Jack popped up from around the corner, a drink in his hand and a goofy smile plastered on his face. Will tried to scowl, but ended up collapsing into giggles as he saw the unkept Jack. His hair was fussed up, sticking up from different angles. One could only guess what he had been up to.
"So you got lucky, huh?" he said, the answer already obvious. Jack smiled. "Was there ever any doubt?"
"There never is, is there?"
Jack smiled again. Will did the same. It was weird, Jack seemed smarter and more grown up when he had a few drinks in him. At least he could speak in coherent sentences and you could hold an actual conversation with him. Sometimes, Will thought that Jack was at his most sober when he was drunk.
"You know, I saw that picture in your drawer, William".
Will looked distressed. He cocked an eyebrow and turned his head to the side, pretending to be interested in a couple grinding on the dance floor beside them. "I don't know what in the world you're talking about."
"Yes you do," Jack responded cheekily, a smirk on his face. I saw it in your drawer. In your room. You were looking at it. It looked like you were crying."
"I was not," Will said defensively, trying his best to ignore Jack.
"It sure looked like it." Jack all of a sudden seemed very close. Will could feel his hot breath on the back of his neck, his arms snaking around his waist and pulling him closely to his chest. He was whispering softly in his ear, so quietly that Will had to strain to hear over the talking and music around them.
Taking his hand and guiding Will to a quieter place near the doors of the club, he spoke again. "Just admit that you miss him. That maybe, he'll be here tonight and whisk you away, begging you to take him back. For God's sake, Will. It's been nearly five years? How long is it going to take you to get over this guy,
The music stopped inside the club. There were no voices, no beats of the rave music over them, nothing. It was so silent, Jack didn't like it. He felt his stomach twisting.
"Did you see anything else inside of the drawer, Jack?"
He had to think. There were a few stray condoms, none of them used, a set of keys that Jack didn't know the use for, and that had been all. He wasn't exactly searching through it.
"No," he replied, his voice echoing through the barely lit hall.
There was another picture in that drawer, Will knew. It was one he cherished for a long while, one that he glanced at once in a while when he felt like there was nothing out there for him. Usually, it was right before a night like this, where he would go out to a crowded club on a Saturday night. And he would get no one and Jack would get everyone. He hated the jealousy he felt, but it wasn't because he didn't get any.
It was taken in the late eighties, right before he had gotten accepted into the law firm that changed his career and just before he graduated from Columbia. Grace threw a party for him, and everyone he knew was there. Everyone including Jack. He had just walked into the room, and he went to him and kissed Will.
It was their first kiss ever, really. Will was surprised it hadn't come sooner, but there it was, two years after they first met. It was only a peck on the cheek, but he always remembered it. Grace had a camera at the party, and was snapping random photographs of the people there. She managed to catch Jack, just as his lips touched Will's skin. He had kept it ever since.
Maybe it was the lack of the music, mixed with the drink he had earlier and the memories he was thinking of, but Will didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened, and there was nothing that could stop him. He pulled Jack in closer, pushing their lips together, Will's tongue parting them, sliding past Jack's teeth stealthily. It was messy, and sloppy, and surprisingly nice. Jack moved his hands to Will's shoulders, and Will was half expecting Jack to push him away. But he only pulled him closer.
They were at the side of the club, near the doors. People walked in and out of the building, smiling as they passed the two pressed up against the wall, kissing frantically like the other would disappear in thin air if they stopped. Jack's hands dipped downwards to the hem of Will's shirt, lifting it slightly so that he felt the cool walls of the building against the skin of his back.
Will gasped, taking in a breath before kissing Jack again. The wall was cold. Jack blindly continued. His mind was somewhere else, it was only him and Will in that club, and they were miles away from anyone. That is, until his eyes opened. There were people scattered about, staring at them. Not pointing at them or anything, but staring. Watching their lips press against each others, watching something that should have happened a long time ago. Ir was very quiet in there, all of a sudden.
Jack pulled back, glancing at Will against the wall. There was something different about him, something Jack knew, but didn't want to admit to himself, really. They both knew they had been wondering what it would be like for a long time now. Now that it finally happened, what was there left to do?
It really was very silent between them
Jack's ears began to grow red, as did Will's. They both tried to fill up the silence simultaneously, making excuses.
"Umm...wow. The dark really does something to you, doesn't it?" Jack exclaimed feebly, backing away from his friend, looking at the floor.
Will laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. "Yeah, I mean, the music really brings something out in me."
"Maybe I shouldn't have had all those drinks..."
"Is it just me, or does the change in weather just make you want to kiss somebody?"
"You know, I could have sworn you were someone else..."
"I thought you were wearing lipgloss. It would feel kind of silly asking you, so..."
"I think I should go..."
"You don't have to, but I mean, if you want..."
"It's fine. I'll see you around"
"Yeah, bye."
"Later".
As Jack made his way down the street, he thought of how cold it was outside. It was only fall, but there was a breeze coming from somewhere that refused to keep things warm. The wind blew next to his ears, filling them with a delicate noise, but at least it was something.
The club was unusually quiet. Did they turn the music down, or was it just his imagination? He didn't know, and he had a feeling that Will didn't know either.
But the truth was, Jack had never felt more comfortable in his entire life.