Disclaimer: Do I even need to say what's supposed to be here?
They say that hindsight is 20-20, the perfect vision.
Well, apparently whoever said it never met Naruto before.
It is an incident about three or so weeks ago, and Jiraiya wonders why he even asks for a repeat of Temari's request for the third time. Maybe he's going senile with all the beating, or maybe he just want to make sure that he understand everything required of him. Because the toad sennin clearly remember the chase that occurred three or so weeks ago, that was never explained and is labeled off as one of Konoha's mysteries.
"GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"
"I'LL FRY YOU, YOU HEAR ME? I'LL FRY YOU ALIVE!"
"GIVE ME BACK MY SWORD!"
"DIE YOU PERVERTED KID!"
"I SHALL SEND YOU BACK TO THE HELL YOU SPAWN FROM YOU MOLESTER!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED, GIVE ME BACK MY ICHA-ICHA BOOK!"
Yeah, it is a typical day in Konoha, the village hidden in leaves. The villagers continue on with their lives, already used to seeing hordes of ANBU chasing after one kid with little to no success. It make Operation Capture Taro So We Can Skin… err, I mean Capture Taro Alive seems easy.
…Although half the commotion this time is caused by a certain white haired sennin.
"Well done kid! Your training is paying off!"
"ERO-JI-CHAN WHAT TRAINING? YOU JUST SUPER CLUE ALL THESE DIRTY MAGAZINES ON ME!" Naruto, now at the age of ten, shouts as he dives out of the way for a certain death from a pissed off ninja. A pissed off woman ninja… A pissed off woman ninja whose breast Naruto accidentally grope when Jiraiya toss him head first into her. The result is clear.
He grins sheepishly. She glares with the promise of pain. And the older he giggles pervertly.
And that's also considering that the duo already have several ANBU on their tails.
"GET THESE THINGS OFF ME! AND GET THOSE PEOPLE OFF ME! AND GET YOUR HAND OFF ME!"
"Relax kid. With me here, nothing bad will happen to you. That I swear on my title as the Frog Hermit!"
"AAAAAHHH! ERO-JI-CHAN! HELP! SHE'S GOING TO CASTRATE ME!"
Jiraiya is many things. A pervert, a pig, a powerful ninja, a infiltration expert, a writer, and many more. What he isn't however is a man brave enough to face down a pissed off woman. So the question here is what would Jiraiya do for little Naruto? Well, not a lot of things actually. But that's beside the point.
The question and dilemma here really is either A) face the dozen or so angry ANBU women and men and safe Naruto from harm, or B) leave Naruto alone to his fate while he face Temari and Tsunade later.
…Option A it is.
"DON'T WORRY! JIRAIYA TO THE RESCUE!" A beautiful dive into the horde of beautiful women and angry men. Flashes of his life past in front of his eyes. A light appears at the other side of the tunnel… And then a woman with red hair and green eyes forcefully kick him back down from heaven to earth. Cue chibi Jiraiya shaking an angry fist at her.
"Damn you Kushinaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Sorry ero-sennin, but kami says it's not your time yet!" 'AND THAT'S OR TRYING TO GET MY SON KILLED!'
And finally, wake up in a hospital a week later with Tsunade smiling a little too sweetly down at him…
'Damn, should'd have went for option B…'
"And wait, dear me, is Option B?"
…Damn, did he said that out loud? "Ah, it's nothing. Just a few quick substitution, henge, and bunshin is all…"
"…Right…" And then another episode of his life flashes in front of his eyes. The light once more appears at the other end of the tunnel… And the woman named Kushina once again super kicked him back down to earth with the same message (except this time it's a little gentler… wonder why). And once again he wakes up in a hospital. Only this time it's two weeks later.
End flashback, and back to the present.
"So that's the situation." Oh? Finished already? He must have zoned off. Either way, he clearly understands what is asked of him… and he accepted.
And once more he got saddle with Naruto as a cheerful Temari happily thanked him for his time and efforts.
He should have refused, he should have fled, he should have commit senbaku or even bite his tongue for a suicide. What he shouldn't do, is accept.
But he did. He signed his life away once more as he answered with one simple sentence.
"Sure, I think I can handle it…"
Hmm… why is it that he wasn't dead yet? Oh right, kami says it's not his time yet… So that means he'll be here for a while. 'Might as well make the most of it… So which hot spring should I toss Naru-chan into this time?'
"So that's the situation." Temari says cheerfully at a horrified Naruto and a snickering Kyuubi.
"Now, now Naru-chan. I won't be gone for long. It's just a day."
"No worry. You can call Tsunade-sama or Shizune-san if you need anything."
"And if Anko comes by, I want you to slam the door on her. Who knows what twisted scheme is in her head."
"No Kakashi allowed too. Damn pervert."
"Hmm… Hanabi or Hinata should be fine… actually, most of Rookie Nines are fine. Stay away from Lee or Gai though."
"And when Kankuro wakes up, tell him to do the laundry."
"Oh, and no cookies! Kami forbid you getting too much sugar."
"Hmm… that's about it. Now bye for now Naru-chan. Be good for Jiraiya-sama okay?" Bam, the door slammed shut, and thus sealing Naruto in the same room with he who almost got him killed three weeks ago.
"…Well, it appears we'll be spending the next few hours together."
That sets off a scream that travel all over Konoha, and put's one Luke Skywalker's denial scream to shame.
Yeah, that's the start of another typical day in Konoha. An hour later finds Naruto running away, soaking wet, from a horde of angry women clad in towels. The men passed out from massive nose bleed. The women either start hunting for Jiraiya, beat their husband/boyfriend senseless, or join the chase for Naruto.
A bit more later, Jiraiya once more perform a beautiful dive into the horde of beautiful women. More flashes of his life appear in front of his eyes. The light in the other end of the tunnel… Kushina's flying kick, which he dodged, but not Minato's body slam.
"DAMN YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT!"
"Sorry ero-sensei! Kami says it's not your time yet!" 'And Kushina would kill me if I don't do that…'
He wakes up in the hospital three days later… and find Temari once more sitting by his bedside, sheepishly rubbing her hands together with a equally sheepish grin.
"Ano, Jiraiya-sama, I have another favor to ask of you…"
And as one wise man once said: the rest is history.
AN: Sorry everyone. It appears my funny bone is indeed malfunctioning and a massive writer's block has makes its home on this story. I have spend many efforts simply getting past it to write this… It's short, yes. The wait is long, yeah. But I hope this chapter can help me regain my humor…
That or college life will spark my funny side back to life.
Well, hope you enjoy. I know it doesn't make much sense, and to tell the truth, I really didn't intend for it to make sense. Just a small something to hope to get me going once more.
PS: There are times when I think about ending it abruptly with a back ending, but my pride wouldn't allow me to. So be glad... Well, not really. I enjoy writing it anyway.