Thanx very much for the reviews!
her royal highness queen whate: Thanx you for your kind review. And yes I'm aware of my grammar errors. I try my best to avoid them.
…und nebenbei gesagt brauch ich ja jetzt keins schlechtes Gewissen mehr zu haben wegen der Matura...
jokerisdaking: Also thank you to you. I'm giving my best not to disappoint you. :)
DarakLyll: Yes, I had the idea for this story for a very long time now and also have never gotten around to write it. Hopefully you will like it.
Don't be afraid…I'm not afraid to die…Voices?…I truly deeply love you…and before we die I want you to know…Emotions…so different than the last time…Love…True love…unconditional love…two voices…but one soul…fear overshadows everything…
Where I am?…I can't see anything…I've been dying a little bit each day since you've come back into my life…Who is saying this?…Hello?…I feel so…so lost…What is happening?…
The Jedis have turned against me…Fear…Anger…Pain…
Don't you turn against me…Hate…
…you are breaking my heart…Desperation…Disappointment…a broken soul…a broken heart
With a gasp I jumped up, nearly falling off the bed. "No, not again" I thought, studying closely my surroundings. I was at home, lying on my bed, safely hidden by the blanket. It was a small, cosy room, the walls a pale lemon, the furniture matching perfectly with the colour and my belongings giving it a very personal touch. Since the death of my mom nothing has been really changed. The bed was still standing in its old place, the holos still in the same row, and so were all the other things that belonged to her. Sometimes I try to imagine, how she lay on the bed like I was doing right now, thinking of important intergalactic political matters, thinking about how she could have saved the Republic from its downfall, thinking about me? Was she ever thinking about me? Was she? 'Cause I thought about her every minute of my life! I sighed. The dreams really began to startle me. Were they just dreams? They seemed so real, so full of emotions, emotions I thought I wasn't even able to feel.
"Joss, dinner" a soft voice interrupted my thoughts. It belonged to my grandma, who very likely cooked for half of Naboo's population again. My lips curved into a smile, thinking of this.
"Coming" I replied, making my way through the Naberrie homestead. The house has been the home to many generations of the Naberries and passed on to the oldest son or daughter. It was a truly magnificent house, but the gardens and the huge land that was part of our property held the true beauty in my eyes. The garden was the one and everything of my grandpa and grandma, and its beauty was reflected in their love and passion for the Nubian nature. Part of the homestead was also a little lake, which you could reach after a five minutes walk from here. It was my favourite place on Naboo, maybe even the whole universe. I would go there every time I wanted to be alone, when everything became to much for me to bear, or just to enjoy a little bit of privacy. I would watch the beautiful scenery or all kinds of different animals that called the little lake its home. Butterflies and birds in all sizes and all colours, the sparkling surface reflecting the colourful flowers on the shores, or the twin moons at night. At night you had a truly spectacular view on the stars, and at moments like these I was feeling so calm, so harmonic, simply one with nature. The odd thing however is that in these moments of calmness and peacefulness I feel as if a great source of power is surrounding me, like some kind of shield, which is whispering to me. I feel the presence of all kinds of beings around me. I feel their energy, their life signature. Sometimes I reach out to them, being one with their spirit, being free. I have never really told anyone about this gift, for I knew exactly what it was. The force. The gift of the force inherited by my father.
My grandpa told me about it once, when I was asking about my dad. It was the only time we talked about him and he would tell me that he was a great Jedi, a hero of the Clone Wars. I asked, what he was like, what he looked like. But all he would say was that he had been tall, blond haired, and that I have his blue eyes. That was the first and last time I have ever heard or asked about him, for I knew how much it pained him to talk about the past.
Finally I reached our dining room, where my whole family was already waiting for me. Making my way towards the seat beside my cousin Ryoo, I feel their familiar tremor through the force, their hearts speaking so clearly to me. I feel their warmth, the unconditional love that is reflected in their eyes, and often I ask myself how I deserve such a loving family.
"Hey, everybody," I say while taking a seat. I was right, my grandma had cooked for half of Naboo again. Normally I would welcome the enormous amount of food, because I always had a huge appetite, but today I was anything else than delighted. I had completely lost my appetite since the dreams had started yesterday and my family would notice immediately that something was wrong.
"Hello sweetheart, how was your day?" my grandpa asked giving me a quick smile.
"Good," I lied, returning it, for it was anything else but good.
I watched my grandma as she was placing the last bowls of boushwa-soup on the table, a speciality of Naboo's cuisine. It was made from the fruits of Naboo's typical boushwa trees, which you could find scattered all over the planet's surface.
"Jobal, please sit down," my grandpa exclaimed. "If you place another single bowl on this table, you will have to roll us out of the room. I mean it".
"One minute, I'm just making sure….," she started but was interrupted by grandpa.
"Jobal please! Believe me when I say that we could sustain the whole of Naboo for one week, with this amount of food you have cooked." His words were followed by laughter, echoing through the little room.
I smiled because I had the same thoughts a few minutes earlier.
"He is right mom," aunt Sola said. "Please sit down."
"You are impossible," grandma exclaimed, shaking her head, and finally sitting down.
"We only want your best, dear" grandpa told her, blinking at her impishly.
"Let us now close our eyes and say a prayer," he said more seriously now.
"Joss, would you say a few words."
I nodded and closed my eyes, thinking very hard to find the right words.
"Please spare Naboo from further invasions by the imperial fleets and save our beloved planet," I started while licking my lips nervously. "Bring peace to the galaxy so that one day I don't have to hide behind a false identity anymore. I want to be able to say out my mom's name without being imprisoned for treason. Make that her good name will be restored one day, so that her heroic deeds for the Republic will be acknowledged again. Free us from Darth Sidious and his evil right hand Darth Vader."
By now I was at the verge of tears, my family was looking at me worriedly and with an expression that held so much sadness and pain.
"Please hear us, Nubian gods. Amen," I finished my little emotional outbreak.
"Amen," the others repeated.
"Sweetheart are you alright," aunt Sola asked me, who was also near tears.
"Sure," I said. "Lets start eating," I whispered, with the intention to ease the tense atmosphere in the room. I could feel their worry for me as clearly as if they would say it out loud. Suddenly I was feeling rather miserable for making them worry so much about me. "Why couldn't I just shut my face," I thought angrily.
The whole evening long everybody ate in utter silence. Here and there somebody would ask to be reached a bowl or plate. I was staring down on my food, chopping it in pieces with my fork. I couldn't bring myself to swallow anything. The whole time I had to think about the words I heard in my dream.
I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life. "What does this mean?" I thought, my heart breaking nearly as I remembered with how much emotion and feeling the words were spoken out. For the first time I understood what it could be like to love someone so much that you would willingly give your life for this person. The Jedis have turned against me, don't your turn against me. Have it been the words of my father to my mother? Or was my mind playing evil tricks on me. Was I imagining things?
"Joss, you are hardly eating anything," my grandpa suddenly broke the silence.
"Are you sick? This is just not like you. Normally you have an appetite like a fully grown bantha. Ah…what am I saying…more like a whole bantha horde.
I shook my head, trying to force a small smile.
"I'm fine," I lied again.
"Oh god how I hated lying to them," I thought. "But they wouldn't understand it. It would only pain them.
"Really?" he asked.
"Really," I replied.
"But it doesn't seem so," he tried again.
"Listen grandpa, I'm perfectly fine, alright," I snapped, jumping up, and rushing out of the house.
Tears were forming in my eyes while I tried to run as fast as I could. I wasn't paying attention where I was heading nor if anybody would see me like that.
I was so angry. So angry with myself. Angry because of my unfair outburst towards my grandfather. Angry because I couldn't make sense out of these stupid dreams. Angry because my mother wasn't here to comfort me. I ran and ran and ran.