This is utter crap, trust me. I know. XD

Right, expect severe OOCness.

Oh and, whoever you think is the killer. You're wrong. D

(There are going to be several chapters so don't be fooled.)

The Naruto Murder Mystery

The Naruto files

Case One

It was a cold breath of air. Too cold, perhaps. But maybe it was because I wasn't wearing my sweater and it was a dawning day.

Just maybe…

Whatever the reason, I sat up with the stretch. The bones cracking beneath my flesh was a bit eerie, but I didn't give a damn. A mirror lurking in the corner called out to me, thus I obeyed. The setting was a random locales home, where Kakashi, the sensei, Sakura, the sexiest ass meat, and Naruto, the most gorgeous daredevil alive, decided to reside at. Sasuke too, but no one gives a flying fuck about him right now. And if you do, go bite yourself.

My reflection peered out, groggy like myself. Blonde locks you could only envy, and the most charming face of all Konoha. I am Naruto, you bitch.

"But, this is when it all turned upside down. My world of dreams became one of nightmares."

"Naruto, stop practicing monologues in front of the mirror you dumb fuck."

Ah, Sakura. I could tell just by her heavenly voice.

"What do you mean, Sakura?" I asked gently, as I turned towards her. Her lightly pink hued hair was in mayhem, and she seemed off color. Even still she was one fine hunk of ass.

"I mean you are hogging the fucking mirror." She cried, pushing me away. Of course, I knew she only did this because deep down she didn't want me to figure out that even deeper down she had sweltering feelings for me. Of course deep down I had my own but I understood her even deeper down feelings because my deep down feelings are smart. Like me. And handsome, too.

But, back to the story.

"Sorry, Sakura," I sent her a dashing smile before sauntering off, only after retrieving my stereotypical brown detective cloak.

You know, just in case.

It was while I was grazing about some rice fields did I notice something truly peculiar.

"A foot print?" I questioned myself, kneeling to look at the imprint upon the ground.

"What is it?" A familiar drawl behind me asked. The hairs on my backs lifted because of my intense want to kick said person's ass to the ground with the print. It was Sasuke after all.

'What the fuck do you care you little fag,' I thought of answering with.

"It's a footprint," was all I let out, however. Sasuke kneeled beside me, gazing at it in unison. The heat off of his body told me either he was hot or he was gathering Chakra to beat my ass and take the glory of discovering the print.

I wouldn't put it past him.

"We should tell Kakashi," I chimed in after a lapse of silence.

"About a footprint?" He asked sardonically.

"Yeah." I replied.

"You're a dumb ass." He sighed before standing up. I stood with him, glaring him down to no avail. It was like staring at a brick wall with very nicely groomed navy hair. The bastard.

"Why is that?" I shot at him rudely. "This is critical evidence!"

"Yeah, for what?" He had caught me in a snare. It was a question I didn't know the answer to, but I would later in the story. Foreboding.

With that Sasuke and me decided to return back to the old couple's home where we crashed. Kakashi and Sakura were waiting for us on the porch, as we had been bickering most of the day. Well, all of the day, as a few stars dotted the sky.

Sakura still looked a wreak, nervously pulling out a pocket mirror and gazing at her reflection at intervals. It turned me on, but I didn't let this fact out.

"What's up, Kakashi sensei?" Sasuke asked, noticing a glazed look on his eyes.

"Oh, nothing." He said with a sigh. "But there's a dead body inside the house." He promptly pulled out his Paradise book and began scanning the words religiously while we decided to investigate.

The Nin was evidently female, but the face seemed to have slid off and crept away into the night. This an identification process would have been weird considering there were only two other openings on their body and not one I was reading to shove anything in. But then, maybe Sasuke would.

But he declined this offer, while Sakura knelt to take a pulse.

How cute.

"Dead," She said with a nod. Sasuke seemed to be flexing his leg, mulling the idea of kicking Sakura. Of course, I was ready to intervene.

"Anybody want some ramen?" I offered.

"We have a murder mystery on our hands, we can't go out!" Sasuke cried, flailing his arms. Jesus, what a whiney bitch.

"What do you propose we do then?" I asked.

"Fine some clues, you ass."

Touché. That was quite a good idea, and so we did. Sakura decided we split up and meet up at the ramen shop once we found some clues.

I did as such, and toted my load of goods back to the stand, where Sakura and Sasuke sat waiting.

"What did you find?" I asked of Sasuke, quite confident my evidence would kick his evidence's ass.

"I found the murder weapon, a lock of the dudes hair, and a confession, you?"

"I found a dead squirrel and some sand." I replied timidly.