The Naruto Murder Mystery

The Naruto files

Case One part two

"Sand?" Sakura inquired, eyebrows perching. Sasuke and I both turned towards her, skeptical of her sudden idea. "Sand…Could Gaara be linked to this somehow?" She asked, a devious smile forming.

I paused, slapping my hands together. "Great deductions, Sakura!" I cried. In that mountain of ass meat, she sure did have a brain.

Sasuke simply rolled his eyes, "Nice try, but since I am still in the story, Gaara is still a bastard, and if he had killed that person in there, he would of crushed them."

All he needed to do was shout "Duh!" and finish the annoying know-it-all bitch façade. I sighed, fighting back the urge to piss on his sandals. "I think what Sakura MEANS, SASUKE, is that GAARA might know SOMETHING about the MURDER." Clearly I knew this for most of the words were in capital letters.

"I don't know," Sakura mulled, rubbing her chin. "Sasuke might be right. He's very sexy after all. And he is loaded with angst, which means well…it means if we don't listen to him he may leave us forever." Sakura paused and we all gazed at each other.

"Yeah right, nice try!" I laughed, clasping my chest as we all heaved a nice laugh. "Lets go find Gaara and investigate. It's always a nice start." I added before grabbing Sasuke by his damnable locks of hair and Sakura, ushering out the door as Kakashi waved us off.

"Now, where can we find a villain who will turn good guy later in the series?" Sakura posed a hard question, and this was evident by the fact I had drool coming out of my mouth in confusion.

"Uhh…"I choked before Sasuke cried aloud, shaking in fury:

"You guys are so useless!" He shouted, "he would obviously be over there!"

"Why is it obvious?" I asked, folding my arms to appear adroit. Whatever in the fuck that means.

"Because I am right here?" Gaara cooed, sidling up behind Sakura and releasing a villainous grin. You know the one. The smile he had when Rock Lee kicked his face off and he was all "Oh my god, you are so dead, eyebrows!"

…Back to the story.

"Hold it right there!" I cried at Gaara, flashing my highly detective magnifying lens, holding it up to my eyes and gazing at a pimple I could clearly see on his nose. "We have some questions for you."

"Oh really? I'd rather kill you." Gaara said simply, "But I'll answer Sasuke." He added, turning his eyes over to Sasuke. I felt my stomach die at the amount of black eyeliner he had on, but managed to shrug it off as I threw a temper tantrum.

"Oh my fucking god, Why is it always about Sasuke! The goddamn book and show is called NARUTO. Say it with me: N-a-r-u-t-o!" I tossed my arms up to show I was in rage. Just so they knew.

"Anyways, since you will only answer me," Sasuke pressed on, rolling his arrogant eyes, "Where were you today? Have an alibi?"

"Yeah, where were you?" Sakura cried, though shrinking as eyes fell upon her. "What? I hadn't said anything in awhile. I'm still here you know!"

"I was hanging out with Kankuro and Temari, haven't you dip shits been paying attention in the series? They're the only two I hang out with." He paused, his emerald eyes becoming blood shot. I groaned inwardly.

"Aw, shit, not another flash-" I began, though I became cut off by a flashback sequence. Damn! If it weren't for the flashbacks in this fucking show, I could finish my scenes in five minutes of less. Point in case: Neji, Kimimaro, Gaara…hey wait! I'm not done! Nooo-

"What's wrong Gaara?" Temari asked as the sun loomed ahead, Gaara casting her an evil gaze. "Jesus Christ, I try and be nice you act like such a drama bitch."

"Yeah, you're such a dick, Gaara," Kankuro stated, a finger massaging his nose absently. "I can't believe you have so many fat and ugly fan girls."

Gaara's eyes dilated as they became bloodshot, hands clutching his locks of crimson hair as he howled in pain. "SO…MUCH…ANGST!" He cried as the scene dissolved with Temari and Kankuro's eyes rolling in the background, arms crossed.

Sasuke snapped his finger before Gaara's eyes. "Hey, buddy! Stay with us!"

"I'll be a good boy, I'm sorry!" Gaara cried, settling himself on the floor and rocking back and forth.

"Yeah, I think we lost this one," I interjected, scratching my scalp.

"So, what else did you find, Naruto?" Sakura asked, examining her nails as we walked away from Gaara, leaving him in the street to dwell in flashbacks without us loosing valuable screen time.

"Sand and a dead squirrel," I reminded her while gazing absently at her chest. For a twelve year old she sure had a nice rack. Heh.

"Squirrel…Squirrel!" She cried, snapping her fingers. "Rock Lee!"

"What?" I cried, Sasuke in equal distress at such finger pointing.

"Rock Lee, remember, in that episode where he saves the squirrel? It clearly fits."

"Indeed!"

Suspense!