Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dark Angel characters or the show itself. I f I did do you really think it would have ended?

Rating: K+ for a couple of minor swear words.

Timeframe: Just after Alec got arrested for Ben's crimes but Max never told him what had happened with Ben.

Summary: Max never told Alec about Ben the night Alec was arrested. A few days later Max wrote this letter to him instead. I might do this as a series of letters between the two but I'm not sure yet. Tell me what you think.

Please Read and Review!

Dear Alec

Hey there. I know you're probably thinking why the hell would Max be writing you letter but I'm going to explain. I promise. You see there's some stuff that I think you should know. About Ben and me. Once you read this you're probably going to hate me but you deserve to know. Just remember, you could never hate me as much as I hate myself.

When I was at Manticore, Ben was my best friend. He was so sweet. When I had a nightmare Ben would sit up with me, making shadow puppets on the walls to cheer me up. He was totally out of it the next day though as he didn't have shark DNA and actually needed a lot of sleep. My sister Jondy and I were the only ones with shark DNA from my unit. Anyways, Ben was always getting in trouble with the guards and with Zack. Ben and Zack were always fighting: they couldn't see eye to eye about anything. They did love each other though, don't get me wrong, but they just wound each other up. Krit used to say it was coz of me; Zack didn't want anyone else to be close to me apart from him, but he was talking crap. Why would Zack not want me to be close with the others in my family?

Ben was always asking questions about why we were here, at Manticore, why were we created? When his questions weren't answered he made up his own. He would make up these stories about the outside world and he gave us the answers we didn't have. One of his stories was of people on the outside who had names. Ben and Zack decided that we should have names too. So thanks to Ben I became Max.

We had a brother called Jack. He was just a little bit older to me (I'm the youngest out of my siblings). One night, while he was seizing, a janitor came into our barracks and gave us a picture of a woman. He told us that she would protect us. The janitor didn't tell us her name so we called her the Blue Lady. Out of all of us, Ben believed the most. He told us about the High Place; a place where you could do whatever you wanted, eat what you wanted and where yob ever got yelled at. We made an alter for her and at Ben's bidding we sacrificed teeth to her to make her stronger.

One day Lydecker sent us into the forest to retrieve a target. We caught him real fast and once we did we found that he was an anomili. He never stood a chance. Ben's stories always spoke of the anomilis; about how they were the defectives and how, at night, they would kill any X5s who happened to be out of their beds and eat their brains. Looking back, it was stupid for us to believe Ben, but we always did. No matter what he did or said. Any way, that day in the forest, when we saw the anomili, we reacted on instinct. We tore him apart and afterwards Ben pulled out its teeth to give to the Blue Lady, to prove our loyalty. There was so much blood. That day was the only time I have ever fully succumbed to the animalistic characteristics of my DNA. I always try to control my transgenic traits. Even while I'm in Heat I try to stay in control, even though I'm never truly successful. That day though, I was so scared at what we had down; what we were capable. Ben, on the other hand, was triumphant. He said we had proved ourselves worthy of the Blue Lady's love.

A few days later Jack had a seizure during roll call. The guards took him away and Ben and I followed to make sure that he was OK. He wasn't OK. When we reached the lab, he was regaining consciousness and that's when they started the autopsy. I can still hear his screams in my dreams. As soon as it was Lights Out, Ben went up to the alter and started screaming to the Blue Lady. We tried to get him to come back in but he wouldn't listen. I was just about to go up there and drag his ass down when he got caught. They sent him straight to Psy Ops. When he returned, he was different, quieter. He never spoke of the Blue Lady again and the rest of us kinda forgot about her. Shortly after, I started getting the seizures and we escaped. My familt didn't want me to be taken away as well.

Last year, Logan found out about a body just brought into a morgue. It had a barcode on it's neck that ended 493. Ben's designation. I went to the morgue to say my final goodbye to the sweetest boy that I had ever and will ever meet. When I got their, I realised it wasn't Ben. I would recognise him anywhere. This body had Ben's barcode but it wasn't him. The next day another body turned up with the same barcode. Both bodies were missing all their teeth. Logan looked up the internet and found 10 more bodies exactly the same as the other two. You know, if I had never found out about the other bodies I could've ignored all the evidence. I could be able to look back at Ben and only know the good memories. I could still think of him as the same boy he used to be.

Logan wanted to know what was going on, but I wouldn't, couldn't tell him. Ben is or was my family and Logan could never understand what Ben did. But I could. I had to protect him. And I tried to, right up til the end. It just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I've never told anyone what went down between me and Ben. Not Logan, or OC. I never even told Zack. But you need to know. We've put you through enough shit as it is and you at least to deserve to know why.

I knew that he was in Seattle, so I went to the one place where I knew he'd be; the Church of the Blue Lady (the Virgin Mary). I sat there all day and night, in a pew in the middle of the church. Finally Ben arrived but he didn't notice me. He walked right past me and didn't even send a glance my way. He walked straight to the statue of the Blue Lady and that was when I noticed the teeth at her feet for the first time. And there was my proof. I walked up to him and when he recognised me his whole face lit up, just like when we were kids. His smile vanished, though, when I asked him why he was killing innocent people. He ran from me. I became his enemy. Later he kidnapped the father who had spoken to me earlier that day. I went to the Space Needle, knowing that Ben would find the highest place he could. He was so lost; so confused. Nothing made sense to him anymore; he said that we should never have left Manticore because everything did make sense there. I convinced him that he could stop all of this and to let the father go. He changed his mind at the last minute. He threw me into a small cell and locked the door. He left with the Father; his prey. It took me ages to get out and find them. They were in the forest next to Manticore, right were we had killed that convict all those years ago. Ben had been killing "himself" over and over again reliving that day.

I got there just in time to stop Ben killing the Father. We fought and the Father got away. While we were fighting, I broke Ben's leg. That's when we heard the helicopters; Manticore. I tried to help Ben outta there but I couldn't carry him. He started begging me to kill him; to end his pain. He couldn't go back to Manticore, not after what he had done. I got him talking about the High Place. Then I did it. I killed him. I murdered my best friend; my big brother; your twin.

So that's it. Now you know. I can't change what happened, no matter how much I want to. If it helps any, I hate myself more and more each day. I'll never forget what I did, I'll never stop feeling the guilt. I'm sorry that because of me you'll never have the chance to meet him. I'm sorry Alec, I'm so sorry.

Max