Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dark Angel characters or the show itself. I f I did do you really think it would have ended?

Rating: K for a couple of minor swear words.

Timeframe: Just after Alec got arrested for Ben's crimes but Max never told him what had happened with Ben.

A/N. Hey guys. nervously shuffles feet remember me? The very, very, very bad person who seems to have an aversion to updating? I have no excuses, I've had this written for over a year, I just haven't gotten around to typing it up. Please don't hate me! Better late than never as they say. I don't think I've written Alec very well but I've tried. Just be glad that there's a sociology essay I just don't want to write lol! Sorry it isn't that good!

Now onto the story and

Please Read and Review!

Dear Max,

Wow, for once I'm at a loss of words. Bet you never thought that could happen but it's true. I have no idea what I'm going to say here. Your letter was….unexpected to say the least. And yeah, I did think why the hell you would ever write a letter to me. But you were right, I did deserve to know. As I read your letter I experienced so many new and inconceivable (at least to me) emotions. I've always wanted to what Ben was like, before he went off the deep end. So thanks. And before I go any further I want you to know that I don't hate you. Never have, doubt I ever will. I can't imagine it must have been for you to kill him but Max; you did what you had to do. You had no choice!

I never got to meet Ben, but i've always wanted to. Will you tell me about him? Are we similar (in personality, obviously we are the same looks-wise)? What was he really like? Was he quiet? Loud? A prankster? What were his favourite things to do? Can you tell me some of his stories? And if you can, will you tell me about the rest of your unit? We were indoctrinated to see them as traitors. What were they really like? I know I'm asking a lot from you but I really do want to know. To some extent I need to know.

After you and your unit left, you became infamous. There were so many rumours floating around about you guys. No-one ever knew about your names though. It's strange; I feel proud that it was Ben who figured out our need for names. When you gave me my name I felt for the first time since Rachel that I was more than a soldier; more than a number. Do you think that's stupid?

I do understand why you and your unit needed something to place your faith in. Manticore was hell. Everyone needs something, for your unit it was your Blue Lady and the High Place. It was what comforted you when you were being tortured by the sadistic trainers. What I don't understand is why you offered Her teeth. How would the teeth help? I'm not mocking Ben or anything, I just want to understand everything you guys went through. You're my friend and Ben was my twin.

My unit was also sent on that mission. We captured the escapee and returned him to base, thinking he was just a man who had escaped form Death Row. We didn't know about he was an anomaly. I for one had never heard the stories that Ben told. I think I now, well not understand, but empathize whit you and why you are reluctant to embrace your full potential; why you don't truly trust your transgenic side. You're scared in case what happened on that mission happens again. Maxie, you can't continue living in the past. What happened happened. Nothing can change that. You followed your instincts and that's all we can do. You can't suppress part of yourself much longer, it isn't healthy. You should be proud of being a transgenic not ashamed.

I'm sorry about Jack. Some of my unit were taken away because of seizing; I never saw them again. What they did to him was so wrong. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you to watch that. But it wasn't your fault; you couldn't have saved him from being exposed. And you have to stop blaming yourself for Ben being sent to Psy Ops. You tried get him away from the roof. Psy Ops is the worst torture you will ever go through, as we both know. It changes everyone. I didn't know you got seizures that must have sucked. I get why they escaped for you, what with you being the youngest. I never knew that.

This might sound strange to but I think you were lucky. You and your unit were really close. The only people I felt close to in Manticore were Biggs and Cece.

No Ordinary can understand simply because they aren't a transgenic. That includes Logan. Until they have experienced what we have they couldn't possibly comprehend us. Don't get mad, but the rules for Ordinaries and Transgenics are different. Unlike Ordinaries we have animal DNA in our genetic make-up. This means s well as having human characteristics we also have animal ones. One of these characteristics is the sense of belong we have with our fellow unit members; our pack. Ben was your brother and therefore a member of your pack, what happens to him happens to you. If he needed help you would naturally do everything in your power to help him. That's what a pack does. Logan could never understand that, no matter what he says. Why didn't you tell your CO, Zack? Did you think that he would disapprove? As a CO he would understand you did what you had to, to prevent what would have happened if you had allowed Manticore to recapture him.

As bad as it was, at least Manticore was structured; you knew what was expected of you and you knew the consequences if you failed. Outside it is different. There are no rules, everything is confusing and the expectations are new and completely opposite to what we were taught in Manticore. It is very difficult to adjust to. I can sort of understand why he was so confused. Life outside Manticore is so different it can be hard to deal with. Ben had no-one, he was on his own. He obviously needed the structure and stability Manticore provided and he had no-one to guide or show him how to react to the outside world. I know you were on your own as well but you are the strongest person I know. And you eventually made a home for yourself. You have friends that love you. I know for a fact that Original Cindy would die for you in an instant, you're her boo no matter what. Ben wasn't that lucky. Maybe he just needed the feeling of his pack more than the rest of you. He must have had a million demons chasing him, especially since he had been in Psy Ops.

Max, you did what you had to do; what choice did you have? No don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question. You and I both know what would have happened to Ben if Manticore had gotten its hands on him. And if you had gotten the both of you out of there (which would have been damn near impossible) thee is no saying if Ben would have stopped killing people. He was in so much pain, he begged you. And you loved him so much that you sacrificed willingly your own piece of mind to do what he so desperately wanted you to do. You didn't murder him. You did what you did in mercy. It took a lot more for you to kill him than anything else you could have done. Maxie, from what you've said he was too far gone for you to save and he knew that. That's why he begged you to do it. It was undoubtedly the most selfish and cruellest thing he could have done.

Maxie, do me a favour. Stop hating yourself. Ok you may have killed your brother (out of compassion) but in a way you've preserved his memory, at least for your siblings. They'll never know what he became. I'm glad you told me, at least so that you don't have to shoulder the burden alone anymore. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for what he made you do.

Alec