This is a little reward for the 8 people who have my story on alert, and the 12 who have made this a favorite. And anyone else who likes off the wall humor :)

Episode 6: Mystery

"Don't tell me that after all these years you don't even know what your son can do. Because, after 2 years, I sure do." Lex said, smiling slightly at the confused look on Martha's face.

"But. . .but. . .but..?" Martha seemed fixated on butts.

"I like big buts and I can not lie, all you other brothers can't deny, when a girl walks in. . ." Lex sang, before Clark slugged him.

Episode 9: Relief

"No, sweetie. He's just upset that you didn't take the news about his origins as well as the others did. He's very sensitive when it comes to Krypton and his heritage." Martha said, opening the oven and taking out an apple pie.

"Why are you making pie at 4 in the afternoon?" Lana asked.

"Because it's in the script, dear." Martha answered.

"I want my son under constant surveilance, Frank. Every move he makes, every breath he takes, I'll be watching you." Lionel said, busting a move.

"The cows won't feed themselves. Jeesh, listen to me. No wonder Lex went evil, he was tired of these damned platitudes." Johnathan said.

"Mr. Luthor, the job you ordered is almost ready to be attempted." Frank said, having just gotten a call to that effect.

"Do, or do not. There is no attempt." Lionel said.

"You know, I don't blame them. You were a close friend, and one, as I may point out, who repeatedly kept on pursuing the truth. Without being prepared for the consequences. When you want the truth, Lana, make sure you're prepared, as Clark put it, for every contingency. Clark is not the same bumbling farm boy we left, he's a man, much smarter then we give him credit for. He IS Superman, the most celebrated hero of our time. Much as I still struggle with that, it is a fact. And a relief. As I've told him, I'm not sure exactly how far down I would've gone were it not for him. Both his identities." Lex tried to council her.

"Pink? Dead parents? Meteor shower?" Lana said.

"Damn, I overloaded her pea brain." Lex moaned.

Chapter 11: Solved

"This is it, probably Lionel's demands. Open it, Clark." Lex said, positioning himself to one side. He was going to take whoever this was apart, until they revealed the location of the lock box. And it better be the real lock box, not a dummy lock box. Lex knew the only people who knew the location of the real lock box were Al Gore, the speaker of the House, and Tipper. It would be hard to locate, but imagine the riches!

Epi 12: Uncovered (flashback scene)

"You don't sound endeared by that prospect, Clark." Lex smiled. Clark sounded like he'd love to go and blow the planet to hell.

"What prospect, Lex?" Chloe asked from the door.

"Lex was. . .asking me if I'd like to do a full expose on him for the Torch." Clark said smoothly.

"OK, that's not the truth, Clark. You never come up with good lies. What gives?" Chloe asked.

"OK, we were discussing my home world of Alderaan." Clark said. Chloe just looked at him.

"I can see I'm not going to get any answers! I have to go. . .work on the Torch. Bye, Clark!" Chloe said, huffing and leaving.

Epi 12: Uncovered

"As mayor of Granville for the past 16 years, you've accomplished great things. But, why do you feel the need for greed?" Lois asked.

"Thank you, Chuck." Clark muttered.

Chapter 14: Consequences

"From what the injured have been saying, the freak hangs out by Hobb's Pond."

"Right near Hundred Acre Forest?" Lana squealed in delight.

"I wish I had heat vision." Lex said, glaring at Lana.

Chapter 15: Unleashed

"Do it, again." Johnathan said, wearing a ghost of chance, the fiction, the romance, and the techni-color dreams, of black and white people.

"Good Clark. Here, have a cookie." Lex said, petting Clark's head.

Chapter 16: Integro

"No, Bruce. You're my friend, and friends don't let friends drive drunk." That's all Lex said, as he fell into step alongside Bruce.

"What the hell have you been inhaling, dude?"

"Lex, ah. . .I'm not too sure about this. . .um. . .pardon me!" Bruce stammered as he walked into the Atlantic.

"Think of it as a slightly bigger bathtub then you're used to." Lex smirked.

"And last night you were begging the nurses to keep the pink elephants out of your room."

"So Lana visited you?" Lex grinned.

"And who do we have here?" Johnathan smiled at Jimmy.

"Your future daughter's husband. Not smiling now, are you?" Jor-El's voice sounded in Johnathan's head.

Chapter 17: Intercapedo

"That may be, but you still don't raise your voice to me, do I make myself clear, young man? As punishment, you lose your right to emotions!" Johnathan pulled out a black kryptonite piece and touched it to Clark. -
Chapter 18: Danger

"Hey, son. Still getting up with the cows, I see. Once a farmer, always a farmer, I say. Well, while you're out here, why don't you grab the combine for me, put it up on the blocks, and then go out to the West side, dog, and get some bling, woof, woof, doggio." Jonathan said, smiling at his son. -
Chapter 21: Betrayal

He slid into the driver's seat, and peeled out, racing back to Metropolis. When he got there, he followed the directions from the paper he'd found in the Fortress, ending up at a non-descript building in the middle of the daily hustle and bustle that was Metropolis. He got out of his car and raced around it, heading into the building. He walked quickly through a set of doors, as it clanged shut behind him. He continued through a series of doors, each one closing just as he stepped through it. At the end of the door-filled hallway, he stepped into a phone booth, picked it up, and dropped through, into the receptionists area. (bonus points if you can figure out what old TV show I got this from)

Chapter 21: Betrayal


"Mr. Kent. . .Mr. Luthor isn't in his office. I don't think he wants you. . ." Kal, tired of the incessant blabbing of Emily, concentrated on a water cooler, and sent it flying directly into her head, knocking her out.

"Boring conversation anyway. Lex! We're going to have company!"

Chapter 22: Aftermath


"How is Emily, Mr. Luthor?" Vance asked, greeting Lex at the doorway.

"She's got a mild concussion, and about a 6 inch cut in her forehead, but she'll be OK." Lex answered, walking into the elevator, Vance trailing him.

"What happened to her? She was raving about that reporter from the Planet. . .Clark Kent. Apparently, she thinks he used some form of telekinesis and hit her with a water cooler."

"Ms. Rogers needs to get off whatever recreational drugs she takes and join us in the real world." Lex snapped, getting off the elevator and heading into his office. Vance kept following him, taking a seat across from Lex's desk.

"Did you want something?"

"I wanted to know what we're going to do about the Smallville plant. I mean, the EPA is all over us with enviromental violations, we're going to have to pay pretty hefty fines, we still need that stuff cleaned up, uhhhh. . .i just realized Tejesh killed me off in an earlier chapter, I cannot be here. I think Tejesh just had a major blonde moment."

"Maybe he's partaking of the same drugs Ms. Rogers is?"

Chapter 24: Answers

"Thanks, Lex, would you? Otherwise we'd have no reason for you being in this chapter, and you discover something important."

"First come, first serve." He said.

"You're older, that's not fair." She shot back.

Chapter 27: Pinnacle (the glass elevator from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!)

"Another helicopter?"

"Fastest non Kryptonian way to Metropolis, and we don't want to be superspeeding around in suits." Jonathan rolled his eyes, but acquiesced. They filed out of the house, and boarded the elevator.