Did you know...Part of Tod's and Ms. Lewton's death scenes had to be cut to make the film an 'R', or for us English people, a '15'.

Part 3: Suicide, Splits and Spliff Club Seven

Chapter 22:

It was evening in the Waggner House. Tod sat at the kitchen table flicking through a TV guide, trying to find out what decent programmes were on. He was, to say the least, displeased, to discover that Due South had come to the end of the series.

"Well," he sighed turning over the page. "I could always become a trekkie."

"Hey little bro!" George called out as the door slammed behind him. Tod raised his head from out of the magazine.

"Will you stop calling me that?" Tod asked irritably, annoyed that thanks to the stupid series finishing he was going to have to sit through re-runs of Dawson's Creek instead. Well, it wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't already seen them all...

"Well what else do you want me to call you?"

"Um, geez I dunno. How about..Tod?"

"That's a stupid name," George replied smirking. "I'm so glad Mum and Dad actually put some effort into my name instead of just stringing three letters together."

Tod pulled a face and turned back to the TV guide. There had to be something worth watching. He flicked to the films page as George walked past him, over to the kitchen. Tod scanned the page for anything decent.

"Final Destination," he said aloud.

"What?" George called from the kitchen.

"A seventeen year old boy is going on a trip to Paris but experiences a terrible premonition before take-off," Tod continued to read. "Now he has cheated death. But for how long?" Tod shrugged and closed the magazine. "Boring," he sighed. "I could have more fun watching paint dry than sit through that stupid film."

"Hey," George began re-entering the room with a chocolate milkshake. He pulled out a chair and joined Tod at the table. Tod had his head in hands, staring down at the page. "That kinda sounds like our trip eh? To Paris?"

"Yeah. Like our trip to Paris," Tod agreed doubtfully, wondering what the hell he was gonna do with his life. (What life?- Cool irony there or what?- I'm proud of myself.)

Just then Linda and Jerry Waggner came down the stairs, looking pretty smart.

"Where the hell are you going?" George asked indignantly, annoyed that his parents seemed to have more of a social life than him.

"There's a party tonight down on the waterfront. We're staying in a motel tonight." Jerry Waggner answered. "So you'll have the house to yourselves this evening."

"Oh Dad-"

"No George," he turned to his wife. "Ready darling?"

"Yes dear."

They linked arms and walked out of the door.

George got up from the table and threw his arms up in the air in despair.

"Well that's just great!"

Tod didn't respond. He was too busy thinking. He needed to see Terry, to talk about what happened in the woods...

"I've got it!" George yelled suddenly. Tod flinched at the sound of his voice.

"What?" he asked, not expecting any kind of good idea to come from his brother.

"Let's have a party!"

"What? You mean, a par-tay?" Tod asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. Here."

"When?"

"Tonight," George answered quickly, always acting on his impulses.

"Tonight?" Tod replied, not entirely sure it was such a good idea. "Mum and Dad, especially Dad, will kill us!"

"So?" George was already at the phone, dialling a number. "I'll get inviting people, you just go and set up the music or something." He flapped his hand at Tod, signalling him to follow his orders.

"But what am I supposed to-."

"Just do it! We haven't got much time!" George snapped back holding the receiver to his ear. Tod rolled his eyes and turned around, wondering what the hell to do.

"And what the hell are we gonna do about drinks?"

"Duh?" George replied making Tod feel like a baby. "There's all that stuff in the cellar still from Mum and Dad's anniversary thing."

"Fine," Tod answered dragging his feet across the floorboards. He pulled open the cellar door. It smelt damp and musty. It was also dark. He felt around for the light switch.

"Going to Tod and George's!" Alex called, grabbing his hooded jacket. He opened the front door. "Don't know when I'll be back." The door slammed as he walked off. Ken Browning was sitting in the arm-chair, reading the newspaper. Barbara Browning was watching TV. Neither had really listened to what Alex had just said.

"Okay dear," his mum said.

"Don't stay out too late," his dad added, never taking his head out of the paper.

Carter put the phone down. A party, at George's and Tod's house. George wasn't too bad. After all, they were in the football team together. Carter looked in the mirror and went up to the top of the stairs.

"Now," he said, talking to himself. "If one fall turned me gay, another one, will make me straight again." He wanted to make sure he didn't say anything bent to Tod again. He took a deep breath and put one foot forward.

"Come on Carter!" he told himself. "You're a big man! You can do this!"

He didn't notice the convenient roller skate teetering over the top step. He closed his eyes, ready to fall. He could break an arm, a leg, maybe even his neck. But he had to do this, to make sure he was back to normal. He leaned forward, waiting for the moment when he would lose his balance and go crashing down to the bottom. He leaned forward a little more, then a bit further...

"Carter!" His dad roared at the top of his voice. "What are you doing up there!?"

Carter's eyes flickered open, his Dad's voice suddenly making him jump. He stepped back. Right onto the roller skate...

In a second his foot slipped from under him.

"Woah! He yelled, desperately trying to regain his balance. But it was no use. The roller skate flew forward, sending Carter with it. He fell down the stairs with a crash, landing at the bottom on his back. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the stars he was seeing.

"Well," he announced to himself, getting to his feet. He began dusting his jacket down with his hands. "That's that out of the way."

He rubbed his hands together and took one last look at himself in the hall mirror before going out of the door.

Billy knocked on the door, hoping that people weren't joking him around again, like the time in seventh grade when Carter had pretended he was invited to the park after school. As you can probably guess, you got beaten up. He still had the scar on his leg from the kick. But, they were adults now, and they could put that all behind them couldn't they?

Tod opened the door, thinking he was ace with his sunglasses tucked onto the neck of his sweater.

"Oh hi Billy, come in," he said, pointing his hand towards the living room.

There were quite a lot of people already there, including Alex, Clear, Carter and Blake. Teenage Dirtbag was blaring out of the stereo. Billy breathed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't a prank this time. He stepped inside, and walked over to Clear.

"Hey Clear," he announced, trying his best to sound cool.

"Oh hi Billy."

"I was just thinking, do you wanna go and dan-."

"No," Alex butted in. "No, she's already dancing with me."

Clear looked at Alex, as if she didn't really know what he was talking about, but she didn't say anything.

"Right," Billy replied passively, suddenly feeling out of place. "Well I'll just go and get a drink then."

George was rushing around, asking people if they were okay and whether they'd got everything and stuff.

"Glad you could make it," he said to the four of them as he passed by.

Tod stood staring at the door, biting his lip, staring at his watch. Waiting for Terry to arrive. He saw George walking towards him.

"George?"

"Yeah?"

"You did invite Terry Chaney didn't you?"

"For the last time, yes!" George replied angrily. "Why are you so bothered anyway? You're getting on my nerves."

"I just wondered, that's all," Tod answered. Maybe she wouldn't turn up, because Carter was there. Carter looked perfectly okay standing by the stereo.

He flicked through all the CD's.

"Wheatus," Carter said to himself. "Nine Inch Nails, John Denver..." He stopped. "John Denver? Who's bloody CD is that?" He put it back and carried on looking. "More Wheatus, Offspring, Green Day... ah-ha!" He found a CD at the back that looked different. "Now this is gonna be Papa Roach." He pulled it out. "S-Club 7?" He asked in disbelief to himself. He turned around, holding it up. "Who's is this?" He yelled across the room to George.

"Oh that?" George shouted back. "That's Tod's. He loves S-Club 7 you know."

Tod suddenly felt himself going red. Immediately, everybody started looking at him. Alex sniggered.

"Um, I'll be, back in a second," he said quickly making his way to the door.

Chapter 23:

He leapt out and took a breath of fresh air. Finally, out in the open. It was getting too stuffy in there. He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the porch, looking down at the ground.

"Tod? You okay?" A voice asked. Tod looked up. It was Terry. He decided not to bother answering her question.

"I thought you weren't coming," he replied.

Terry laughed unsurely. "Well I'm here now," she told him. "What the hell are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn't you be inside with the others?"

"Yeah," Tod sighed, getting to his feet. "I just got a bit hot inside. I needed the fresh air."

"Well, let's go in then," Terry stated, making her way over to the door. She was wearing the long green dress. Tod smirked.

"Hey, you've got my dress on," he joked. Terry laughed.

"Yeah."

"Look, Terry," Tod started, wanting to get what he had to say over with. "About what happened in the woods, I er-."

"It's okay Tod," she reassured him. "You don't need to try to explain. I knew what I was doing."

"Did you?" Tod asked her doubtfully. "It's just that..." His voice trailed off.

"Yeah. Now come on, I'm getting cold standing out here," Terry said quickly, taking his hand. Tod still felt he had a lot more to say, but decided to forget it for now. Trying to put the fact that everyone in the whole house knew he was an S-Club 7 fan behind him, he followed Terry back into the living room. As soon as the door closed, Tod expected people to start taking the piss out of him. Instead, nobody even looked up. Terry dragged him over to the corner, where Alex and Clear were standing.

"Hi guys," Terry greeted them. She turned to Tod. "Cool Party."

At that moment, Billy appeared carrying some vodka. He handed them round. Terry looked over, and saw Carter messing about with the CD player. He looked up at the same time, and as soon as he caught her eye looked away again. Terry could tell it was going to be quite awkward.

A couple of hours later, it was five to midnight, and the party was still going strong. Alex was dancing with Clear in the space that was cleared in the living room, feeling light headed.

"Yeah," he thought to himself. "I'm drunk!"

S-Club 7's 'Two In a Million' was playing. Terry was standing alone on the side of the room, holding a half full glass of red wine. Suddenly, Tod appeared beside her.

"Hey," he greeted her. She smiled in reply, feeling slightly tired.

From the other side of the room, Carter scowled. He was leaning against the side of the table, feeling drunk and not really sure of what he was doing. He glanced across to the other side of the room, where George and some other guys were passing a joint around. (Now it's really spliff club 7 eh?- Just had to do it, sorry.)

He sighed, and looked back to Terry. He suddenly felt depressed. He didn't want to be at the party anymore. Starting to feel sick, he put down what was left of his beer and went to pick his jacket up. He began to feel very dizzy and the world around him started spinning. He felt hot, and tired, and the music was now just a muffled roaring sound in his ears. He had to get out of here. Fast.

"Hey, where's Carter?" Tod asked, looking round the room.

"Who cares," Terry replied. "Come on let's dance."

And so they did. To Tod's favourite band, S-Club 7. By now it was S-Club Party playing. The faint smell of cannabis filled the room, making it well and truly a spliff-club party. (I think I've kinda overdone that Joke now)

To anyone who's reading this- I am determined not to turn this dodgy like the other 'Tod and Terry' stuff. So please don't read this and start thinking, 'Oh no, this is leading up to some dodgy stuff,' cos it isn't. So whatever you read, don't be fooled.

Billy sat down on a chair, also feeling drunk. (No, you don't say! God, what else do you expect?) He didn't care that he was on his own, cos he was a natural saddo. (A bit tight, but so?) He just sat and watched Terry, Tod, Clear and Alex dancing. The song had changed again now, to 'Teenage Dirtbag' for the second time. Billy listened, and imagined that he was the dirtbag, Clear was Noël (The girl in the video duh?) and Alex was the 'boyfriend'. He started to get angry. Then he remembered, that at the end Noël danced with the dirtbag, so he cheered up, until he realised that it was actually all a dream in the video anyway.

"Damn," he said to himself.

Carter stumbled along the dark road, feeling the depression rise up over him like a huge wave. ( , be proud. I have learned something about similes in my English lessons.) He could hardly make it to his front door. The whole street would have been pitch-black if it wasn't for the streetlights. His life was over. He struggled to open the door. He couldn't get the key to fit in the lock. His vision was blurring and he couldn't see what he was doing. He could try and bottle all his feelings up inside him. But it was no use. When it really came down to it, he couldn't live without Terry. And since he was without her, he decided that he couldn't live.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door finally swung open. Carter almost fell through the door, tripping over his feet. He went into the kitchen and splashed some water onto his face. Then he went back to the hallway and picked up the phonebook.

"Come on Tod," Terry said, smiling drunkenly. "Show me what your bedroom's like."

(Remember what I said about don't be fooled? This is NOT going to be dodgy.)

"No," Tod replied indignantly, pretty sure that she didn't just want to see what it looked like. And besides, he had all his S-Club 7 and Due South Posters up there.

"Aw, come on, I wanna know what your room's like!" Terry persisted, hanging on his arm.

"Well, it's pretty normal. You know, with a bed in it, and a wardrobe, all that other stuff. I really don't see why-."

"Shh," Terry interrupted, putting her finger on his lips to shut him up.

"Just a second," Tod answered quickly running towards the stairs.

(Before you think- 'manky'- try to hold on to the one thing I tried to explain, DON'T be fooled by the dodgy scenario. It won't get any worse, I promise. Well, maybe a bit, but I definitely won't be overstepping the mark.)

He raced up to his room and ripped off the gay posters of Fraser and Diefenbaker, plus the massive S-Club 7 Posters. He decided to leave his X-Files one up. After all, chicks dig the X-Files right? (Yeah well) Then he ran back down.

"Come on then," he invited her, pulling her up the stairs.

Chapter 24:

Carter ran his finger down the page in the phonebook. He stopped on a particular article.

"Ah-ha," he said, pleased. He picked up the phone and dialled the number. It was only a matter of minutes before someone answered.

"Hello, Welcome to Kill-A-Lot Services," a woman's voice said. Carter opened his mouth to speak, but the woman carried on. "If you would like to book a consultation at our twenty-four hour killing centre, press one now..."

Carter realised it was a recorded message and sighed.

"Here goes nothing," he said aloud, pressing one on the keypad. There was a silence for a while, before the voice said,

"Please hold the line."

Last Resort started playing then. Carter smiled. His favourite song. He listened to it for a while, before the silence returned.

"We're sorry. Kill-A-Lot services does not have any appointments free at the moment," the woman's voice started again. "Please try again later."

Carter slammed the phone down, wondering what he was going to do now. He wasn't going to be deterred. This was it. There was no point in living. He couldn't try the stairs again, he'd already done that and nothing had happened. He walked off into the front room, and looked along the book shelf.

"Now let's see," he said to himself, moving along the rows of books. "How to Change a Lightbulb, Woodwork made easy, How to Groom Dogs, The ten steps to a better banister, ah, here we are," he reached the book he wanted. "How to Kill Yourself." He pulled it off the shelf and flicked it open to the contents page. "So much choice," he whispered as if he were a kid in a candy store.

Clear sat down in the chair. The music was still blaring away, and George was sitting on the floor, stoned. Billy was standing by the drinks, drinking one after the other, and Alex was next to him, encouraging him to get absolutely pissed.

'Wow,' Alex thought, although he wouldn't actually say the next part out loud. 'So this is what being drunk feels like.' He felt cool, and couldn't really think straight, but he had the confidence to do whatever wanted to.

There were still quite a lot of people in the front room, but it was a tip now anyway. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that Tod and George's parents were gonna go absolutely ballistic when they found out. Not to mention the fact that George had been smoking marijuana. (Hey, so many different names for one drug eh?) Or that they'd used all the rest of the drink up from the cellar. Oh yeah, they were really gonna be in trouble now.

"Billy?" Clear asked, suddenly glancing at him gulping down another vodka. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Aww, come on Clear," Alex replied. "He's going for the record. Come on Billy, you can do it!"

Clear sighed, wondering how it was possible to be so immature.

"Hey," she began again. "Where's Tod? He disappeared ages ago."

Alex looked at Clear and raised his eyebrows.

"Where's Terry?" he answered, obviously implying something very dodgy. (But don't worry, it isn't.)

"Oh yeah," Clear said, choosing not to believe what Alex was trying to say. "As if."

"Fine then, I was only saying," Alex replied. "Where are they anyway?"

"If I knew that I wouldn't have asked you in the first place," Clear said, feeling slightly irritated by him.

"Oh, nice room Tod," Terry said, looking around. Tod sat down on the foot of his bed, putting his glass on the bedside table.

"Yeah. I suppose it is really," he sighed without much expression. He wanted to know what the hell she was playing at.

"Carter's room's always a mess," Terry commented, not able to believe how clean and Tidy Tod's was. She seemed impressed, so Tod decided it wasn't exactly the best time to admit his mum cleaned it for him.

"Oh yeah, well, I just like to know everything's where it should be," he lied, trying to make himself sound mature. He wondered why they were talking about boring stuff like that. Terry came over and joined him on the bed. (NOT dodgy)

"You like the X-Files?" Terry asked, looking to the massive poster in the corner.

"Oh, yeah," Tod answered quickly.

"It's my favourite programme," Terry told him.

"Hey, you know that episode, where there's that man, who's an alien, and he eats people's brains and then he goes to that meeting and then he goes and eats that landlady's brain and then.-"

"Tod," Terry interrupted. "You know I didn't come up here to talk about the X-Files."

(And that's definitely the dodgiest it will be getting. From this point onwards I swear there will be no more dodgy scenario's okay? So you can sit there in your little chairs and make fun of me, whatever that's fine, but I saved six lives on that plane, six lives- oh hang on, wrong speech.)

Chapter 25:

Carter put the finishing touches on his 'Death trap.' He pulled back the rope and glanced at the book.

"Step one thousand, three hundred and thirty-six, stand in target area and pull cord," he read, shrugging. "Well, at least I don't need adder's fork or blind-worms sting this time." He walked over to the area in his room where he had drawn a huge white chalk cross. He stood there, and reached out to the rope hanging from the ceiling.

"Now this, is going out in style," he commented to himself. He took a deep breath and took a final look at the guidebook. "Optional extras," he read aloud. "Choose some famous last words, or make a suicide video or note." he snapped the book shut. "Hmm. Good idea. Now, I haven't got a video camera, so a note will have to do."

He moved off the cross and sat at his desk, reaching out for a plain piece of paper and a pen.

"Dear suckers," he dictated to himself. "I got sick of this shit life so decided to move onto the next one. Terry doesn't love me anymore and I just don't see the point in living. To anyone who reads this, I leave all my stuff to Terry, and my dad can have a room in his house back. Oh yeah, and my car goes to the dog. Goodbye cruel world, Carter." He folded up the paper and wrote on the front of it, 'To whom it may concern,' then leant back in his chair. "Ah-ha, I think that hits the right note." He propped the note up against the wall by his desk and moved back over the cross.

Then he pulled the cord...

"Right," Clear said down the phone sensibly. She could hardly hear the other end due to the music. "I'll go and tell them."

She put the phone down and glanced across to Alex. "Alex," she began approaching him. Alex was swaying from side to side, laughing and joking with Billy, who had now drunk virtually all the vodka there was.

"Come on Alex, I need to talk to you."

"What?" Alex replied drunkenly.

"Let's go outside where I can hear myself think," Clear replied in a no-nonsense type voice.

"Why? I'm having fun here, stop trying to spoil all my fun!" Alex yelled back above the music. Clear wasn't going to try and argue with him. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside onto the porch.

"What Clear?" Alex demanded as he leaned against the wall.

"It's about Carter," Clear started slowly.

"Well come on, what about him?" Alex was getting impatient.

"He's in hospital."

"Why?"

"He tried to commit suicide," Clear finished off in a totally calm tone.

"What?!"

"When he left the party, he went straight home to try and end his life Alex. Why didn't we see how depressed he was? After he split up with Terry?"

"But how? What did he do?" Alex asked, intrigued.

"He set up a sign in his room. When he pulled a cord, a huge sign was meant to hit him in the back and crush him. But it backfired. He flew out of the window instead." How Clear said that without laughing I'll never know.

"And? Is he okay?"

"He's in a coma at the moment. The doctor's say he didn't break anything, as a huge trampoline in the back garden broke his fall. But he smacked his head pretty hard," Clear explained.

"Is he gonna pull through?"

"I don't know. That's why, I need to find Terry and Tod," Clear suddenly grabbed Alex by the hand. "This is serious Alex. Carter could die. We need to find them. Now do you know where they are?"

Alex shook his head slowly. "No," he sighed. "But we could try to find out."

"Right," Clear agreed. She walked over to the foot of the stairs. Alex made his way through to the front room again.

Clear reached the top of the stairs. The lights all seemed to be off, making the atmosphere very different from downstairs. It was too quiet.

(Can I just say, for the next part of the plot to work, you MUST co-operate with me. I apologise in advance for anything you may see as 'dodgy', but this is just the way it has to be because I can't be arsed to think up another fantastic idea. Remember one thing, it's the end for Tod and Terry anyway.)

Clear suddenly began to feel uncomfortable. For one thing, apart from in French class, she never saw Tod anyway, and it seemed a bit weird to be sneaking around his house at about two in the morning. Still, when it came down to it, Carter could die, and she needed to let them know.

Downstairs, the party was dying down. Alex ran across to Billy, who was sitting staring into space on the floor, an empty glass by his side.

"Oh Billy," Alex sighed in desperation. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Hi Alex," Billy replied, his voice slurring so badly Alex could barely understand what he was saying.

"Billy, Carter's in hospital," Alex explained, speaking as slowly as he could to give Billy a chance to understand. It wasn't slow enough.

"Eh? I thought he was in this country," Billy replied stupidly.

"No, Billy. Hospital? As in, where you go when you're sick?"

"I feel sick," Billy answered ignoring Alex. "Can I go to hospital too? Are there beaches? Are there palm trees in this wondrous destination you speak of? I like beaches, and palm trees. Is there vodka Alex? Is there? Cos I'm not going to this 'Hospital' place if there isn't. Hey, where is it anyway? I hope it's one of those cool Hawaiian islands. What's Carter doing there anyway? Why didn't he invite me? How come-."

"Billy! Shut up!" Alex yelled, unable to believe how stupid Billy could be. "Hospital," he repeated slowly. "Carter tried to kill himself."

"Why? I could have done that for him."

"Just let me finish will you?" Alex roared, losing it. "Carter is seriously ill. He could die tonight. I just came to let you know, that's all. I think we should go and see him."

"Huh, well I'm not," Billy said selfishly. "What did he ever do for me except knock me over with his car?"

"Fine then," Alex replied, knowing he was never going to get a sensible answer out of someone as drunk as Billy. "But I am. So you can sit there pissed and stoned out of your head because I don't really give a shit. Okay?"

Billy looked shocked then, but he continued to sit there, not making an effort. Alex felt disgusted with him. Yeah, he had had a few himself but he still had his common sense. Carter was his friend now, and Alex needed to see him, in case he never got to see him again.

Clear hesitated for a second before opening the door. It was empty, and football trophies lined the shelves. This was obviously George's room. She sighed, feeling more uneasy by the second. She wondered whether Alex had found them by now. She turned to the next door, and knocked on it softly.

"Tod?" she asked, hoping someone would answer. Suddenly the door opened, taking her by surprise. She hadn't honestly expected him to be in there.

"What?" Tod asked, wondering what the hell Clear was doing outside his room.

"Is Terry there?" Clear continued, without a hint of suspicion in her voice. (Quite naive really eh?) Tod paused, wondering where all this was leading to. After all, it's not like they'd done anything wrong.

"Yesss," he answered slowly. "Why? Is there something wrong?"

"Well Yeah."

"What is it?" Terry asked, appearing behind Tod.

"It's about Carter."

"What? Is he all right?" Terry asked anxiously, wondering what had happened. Clear took a deep breath and decided to just come straight out with it.

"He's in hospital-."

"Why?" Tod interrupted.

"He tried to kill himself tonight, after he left the party. I just had a phone call from his parents. Apparently, they think you should go and see him Terry," Clear finished.

"Well, how bad is he? Is he gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," Clear lied, not able to tell her the truth.

"Right, well I'd better go now then," Terry answered quickly, brushing past Tod. He started to follow her. Clear put her arm out across the door frame, stopping him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked, confused.

"Let her go alone Tod," Clear replied. "I think it's for the best."

Tod nodded slowly, and turned back to his room. Clear followed him in. She closed the door behind her, for the first time realising what had been going on over the past couple of days.

"I know this isn't really any of my business," she stated, leaning against the wall, suddenly feeling she had to side with Carter. Tod walked over to the other side of his bedroom, his back to her. "But do you have any idea of what you've put Carter through?"

Tod spun round. "What I've put him through?" he repeated angrily. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not stupid Tod. I wasn't born yesterday. I know what's been going on with you and Terry."

Chapter 26:

"What?" Tod replied trying to sound shocked.

"Oh come off it Tod, there's no point lying now. Because of you, Carter tried to kill himself. Because of you, he could die." Clear's voice was hard and cold. It sent a chill down Tod's spine as he listened to her. "And because of you, Terry might not get the chance to say goodbye."

"Woah!" Tod yelled, throwing his arms up. "Are you trying to blame all this on me?"

Clear stood with her arms folded, not speaking, but he could tell exactly what she was thinking.

"If it wasn't for me, Terry might not have even made it back home. I found her, by herself, all upset over Carter. I helped her."

"Yeah. Sure you did. And we all know what that means." Clear was good at reading minds and sussing things out. It seemed the probable series of events for someone as heartless as Tod.

"Excuse me, but I really don't think it's any of your business Clear," Tod answered indignantly. "My Dad gave Terry a lift home. Who knows, maybe she would have killed herself if I hadn't been there to-."

"-To 'take her mind off it,'" Clear replied feeling disgusted with him. "You mean use her for your own selfish purposes. You make me sick."

"You don't understand Clear," Tod replied, lowering his voice. "I care about Terry."

"And is 'caring about her' all it takes with you then? You can put it any way you want Tod, but when it comes down to it you took advantage of the girl."

Tod shook his head in despair.

"No, I didn't. She knew what she was doing just as well as I did."

Clear raised her eyebrows. "Listen to me Tod. She was heartbroken. She needed a shoulder to cry on. You were there. That's all it was, a mistake. But you have to drag it out don't you? You have to play the victim all the time. It's never your fault is it?"

"Look Clear," Tod snapped back starting to get frustrated by her accusations. "I don't have to stand here and listen to you trying to make out that Carter's suicide bid was all my fault. If Terry believed it was a 'mistake,'" he continued holding up two fingers to show inverted commas. "Then why did she continue with the relationship? Answer me that one eh?" Tod smiled smarmily.

Clear couldn't think of an answer to that one yet. But she had got the one thing out of him that she needed,

"So you're saying there was a relationship between you two?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying!" Tod yelled, sick of having to hide everything. He walked over to his bed and sat down. "What's the problem? Can't you just mind your own business? I swear to God nothing happened before she broke up with Carter. You may think I am responsible for Carter's suicide attempt but you can't tell me I go around splitting people up."

"No, I can't. But don't you think that was really insensitive?" she questioned, her voice softening a little. "To dive into a relationship with Carter's girlfriend, like, an hour after he broke up with her? If it wasn't for you Carter would have apologised and they would have been back together. Then none of this would have happened. You didn't give them a chance though did you? Because you, Tod Waggner," she said looking straight at him as she straightened out her arms. "You're just selfish."

Tod was silent for a moment. Then he found his voice again.

"I am NOT selfish!" he cried. "My whole life, people have blamed me. I'm the younger brother, the one nobody could be bothered with. The one who always gets into trouble for stuff other people do. You all seem to think I'm just a heartless uncaring bastard who doesn't care about how anybody else feels and who's sole ambition in life is to get off with girls like Terry. Well you're wrong."

Clear stood still, not really sure what to say. She began to wonder whether she had been a bit hard on him. "You can go now."

"Oh Tod, I didn't mean to-."

"No Clear. It's okay with me, after all I don't give a damn about other people do I? I'm just selfish. You said so yourself."

Clear sighed and walked out of the door.

"Well, I'm going to go and take Terry to the hospital now. I'll leave you to think about all this, and maybe try and get your stoned brother off the kitchen floor while you're at it," Clear finished, not able to leave without having the last word.

Clear, Terry and Alex got to the ward at around two-thirty am. A nurse took them to the room where Carter was.

"He's in here," the nurse told them when they got to the door. "But don't expect much out of him. He's been unconscious since he got here."

Slowly, Clear pushed open the door and the three of them filed in. Mr and Mrs. Horton were already sitting around the bed. Immediately, they looked up at the three teenagers.

"You," Mrs. Horton began sharply when she saw Terry. "It's your fault this has happened."

Terry didn't know what to say. She looked across at Carter, who was lying in bed with his eyes closed, wired up to all these weird looking machines.

"Shh," Mr. Horton told his wife, taking her hand. "Don't start."

"Don't start?" Mrs. Horton repeated. "What else am I supposed to do when my only son tries to kill himself over a tart like her?"

Terry looked shocked, and immediately regretted coming to the hospital in her best clothes. But she knew how to keep her mouth shut, and starting an argument would only make it worse.

"I think we'll go outside for a while," Mr. Horton announced getting to his feet. "Leave you alone with him. Come on dear," he grabbed his wife by the hand and reluctantly she stood up. Scowling at Terry, she walked out of the room.

Terry moved closer to the bed.

"Carter?" she said his name hopefully. He didn't move. "Oh Carter," she sighed sadly. "Why did you do it?"

She didn't really know why she was saying it, after all, he wasn't going to answer. Clear and Alex exchanged glances, not really sure what to do with themselves. Eventually, they sat down in the chairs Mr and Mrs. Horton had been sitting in. Terry remained standing, by Carter's side. All of a sudden Alex and Clear began to feel awkward. Alex felt in his pocket for some spare change.

"Er, I think I'm gonna go and get a drink or something," he announced, getting up. He couldn't stand to be in the tense atmosphere a second longer.

"Me too," Clear agreed. She quickly stood up and followed him out of the door. Terry reached out and touched Carter's hand.

"I'm sorry Carter. I was a bitch, I didn't know I'd hurt you this bad." She hoped that somehow, even if he couldn't respond, that he could hear her.

"Wake up, please. I miss you Carter. I know you didn't mean what you said to me in the forest, and I want you to know that I'll always be there for you." Terry could feel the tears starting to build up in her eyes. She let go of his hand. "No matter what. Because I love you." She started to walk away then. She couldn't bear to see him like that, with bandages wrapped around him. Terry decided to leave. She was just getting to the door when she heard something behind her.

Hi again, it's been a while since the last writers note, but this is basically just to say I can't make this funny cos it would be, to use Rosie's favourite word, 'evil'. I mean come on, Carter is on the verge of death here, we can't make it funny can we? Well...no. I was thinking about it for a second there but I changed my mind. Look out for funny Tod stuff though, I am seriously thinking of planning comedy for him.

"Terry?" a voice whispered. (Oh god, this is soooooo mushy.) Terry turned around slowly. Carter was awake.

"Oh my God!" Terry shrieked. "Are you all right?" Carter didn't respond to that particular question. He had something else he had to ask.

"Did you, really mean what you just said?"

Terry smiled as she stood beside his bed. "Course I did."

"I'm sorry Terry. I was a dick. I shouldn't have done all the crazy stuff I did in the forest."

"Carter, you don't need to apologise for anything," Terry replied. "It's me who should be saying sorry."

Carter looked tired. "What for?" he asked in a small voice.

"Cos I just ignored you. I didn't see how upset you were. I should have been there for you."

"Doesn't matter," Carter answered. He closed his eyes, feeling them grow heavy. "I'm kinda tired Terry," he said. He felt glad he hadn't died now. Everything was gonna be okay.

"I'll go tell a nurse you woke up," Terry explained. "I'll see you later." She touched his hand again before she walked over to the door.

"Terry?" Carter called out as she reached for the handle.

"What?"

"I er, guess I love you too."

Terry smiled as she shut the door behind her.

Awwwwwww! How sweet. But at the same time, I am wondering why this story has become so sentimental when before it was funny. I guess you just have to balance it out don't you? Every comedy film has it's serious moments doesn't it? For example...well I can't think of any at the moment because my head is full of S-Club 7's new song, Don't stop movin'. Oh well. Here we go with the story again, and remember, don't stop movin' to the funky, funky beat.

Chapter 27:

Tod walked down the stairs, not daring to look into the front room.

"Surely there can't be too much of a mess," he deluded himself as he neared the bottom. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight he was about to see. Slowly, he glanced across.

"Oh shit," he said to himself as he looked at the state the lower floor of the house was in. "I am so dead."

The floor was virtually coated with a layer of rubbish, stubbed out cigarettes and bottles. And right in the middle of it all lay George. Asleep. Snoring his head off. Tod suddenly remembered something.

"It was all his stupid idea," he said aloud, making his way over to his brother. "George! George!"

"Piss off," George whined with his eyes still closed.

"George," Tod persisted, shaking him. "Mom and Dad are gonna be back in a couple of hours!"

George slowly and tiredly opened his eyes. "And your point is?"

"See for yourself," Tod replied, taking another look for himself. George did. And nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Jesus Christ Tod! Did we do this?"

"Yep."

"We've gotta tidy this up, now!"

"Yeah."

"Well, go on then!" George yelled back, suddenly panicking. "If Mom and Dad find us here in this mess, I don't know what they'd do. But let me just say one thing, I HATE chores."

Tod nodded. "Me too."

They were just trying to grab a handful of rubbish when they heard the sound of a key in the lock.

"Ahhhhhhh!" George yelled losing control. The door swung open.

"Hi boys, hope you've had- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Mrs. Waggner screamed at the top of her voice. "What the hell have you done?!" She stared at the mess. "My beautiful new carpet!" she yelled, staring at the layer of rubbish which covered it. "I only had this shampooed last week! And my curtains! They're filthy! Ah! What have you done to my table?"

The table, was scratched and covered with empty bottles. Jerry Waggner stood silently seething with rage behind her.

"Boys?" he asked in a weird calm way which unnerved both Tod and George. "Is that cannabis I can smell? And what are all those empty bottles? Gee, If I didn't know better I'd say they were our special bottles left over from the anniversary party."

George and Tod exchanged worried glances. "Yeah Dad. You're right." Tod admitted, looking at the floor.

"Oh I'm right, am I? So that is cannabis?" Jerry Waggner continued in a sly sneaky voice.

"Yeah."

"Well then. I think a meeting with the chore hat should be suffi-."

"Oh! No, not the chore hat!" Tod whined.

"Please! Anything but the sodding chore hat!" George begged, falling to his knees on the floor.

But his Dad wouldn't listen.

"Now," Linda Waggner explained, holding a hat full of screwed up pieces of paper in front of her. "You take it in turns to pick a chore. Then you do the chores, or NOBODY goes to the superbowl this year!"

"Ohhhhh!" Tod whinged like a baby. "That is just so unfair!"

"Well, since you show such an objection son, why don't you go first?" his mum asked. Tod sighed and put his hand in the hat. He pulled out a piece of paper.

"What's it say Tod?"

"It says, 'Do dishes every night for a month.'" Tod replied sadly. He hated doing the dishes.

"Oooh, oooh, my turn!" George exclaimed, digging his hand in. He pulled out another piece of paper.

"What did you get George?" Linda Waggner asked. George didn't answer. Instead he threw the paper behind him onto the floor.

"Practice."

He dug his hand in again, read the paper, then threw it on the floor with the other one.

"That was also a practice."

His mum sighed impatiently. "Come on dear choose a chore. We haven't got all day."

George continued pulling paper out and then throwing them behind him. "Oooh, practice...practice...another practice...I would do that, but it's a practice...also a practice..."

Mrs. Waggner grabbed one of the few remaining pieces of paper. She read it out.

"Tidy room every week, how's that sound?"

"I'll tidy my room, when I pull it out of the chore hat and it's not a practice!" George replied thinking he was ace. He dug his hand in again, staring at the writing on it. It said, 'Tidy room every week.' Without letting his mum see, he threw it behind him on the floor.

"Practice."

"Well George," his mum sighed rubbing her hands together. "I think that you've had just about enough practices now. This time, you have to do the chore it says."

George nodded unsurely, and dug his hand in. He pulled out the last piece of folded white paper. Unfolding it, he read his chore.

"Dress yourself every morning," he read out loud. "I am sick and tired of laying out your clothes every day and if you don't throw out that stripy sweater soon I swear I will go insane." George passed it to Tod. "I think that one's for you."

Linda Waggner's expression never changed. "Well George, since you so cleverly got out of the chore hat idea, again, I think that a visit with Mr. Mallet would cure what ails you."

"Nooooooo! I swear I'll do anything! Not Mr. Mallet! Please!" George cried falling to his knees on the carpet. Linda Waggner smirked appreciatively. Tod was confused. He'd never got to the stage before cos he was so good, he always did a chore out of the stupid chore hat. He wondered what the hell could happen with a mallet. Then again, he'd rather not think about it. Maybe it was just a false threat. But it always worked, even on George.

"Okay, I'll do them all, I'll do every practice chore I pulled out and I'll do Tod's aswell!" George tried to persuade his mum to let him off. "I'll do anything, just promise me you'll never mention again."

Then it was Tod's turn to smirk. He didn't have a chore now. He had got off pretty easy. He decided to make his exit there and then. After all, he didn't want his mum to start giving him more stick. It wasn't like it was his fault anyway. He sneaked out carefully and walked up the stairs.

Chapter 28:

Carter sat up in his hospital bed, feeling refreshed. 'What a good night's sleep,' he thought to himself, stretching his arms. Just at that minute, a young nurse came in holding a breakfast tray.

"You're making an excellent recovery Mr. Horton," she commented, smiling at him.

"Yeah, I guess I am," Carter replied as he took the tray from her. He felt fine in himself, but for some reason he wasn't allowed of the hospital.

"Why can't I go home today? I feel fine," he asked as the nurse made her way back over to the door.

"Mr. Horton, you came in here in the early hours of this morning unconscious. We don't let patients get away that easily. Sure, you feel great now, but at any moment you could have a relapse. The human brain is a complicated thing Mr. Horton." She started opening the door, ready to leave. "We'll let you know when we think you're ready to leave."

"Oh, okay then," Carter sighed, wishing she would stop calling him 'Mr. Horton.' It made him sound like a mean old git, just like his Dad. He tried to remember what exactly had happened the night before. He couldn't. All he could remember was falling down the stairs. That was it. He couldn't remember anything else, not the party, not coming home, not setting up the trap. Nothing. He leaned back against his pillow, picking up his orange juice.

"Oh, good morning Alex, Tod," Ms. Lewton greeted them as they sat down. "Glad you could be bothered to come into school today."

"If you don't mind me saying," Tod replied insolently. "We weren't skiving. We were lost in the Forest, because somebody drove us out there when we were meant to be studying for the French Project." Tod glanced across to Carter's empty desk.

"The same somebody who's now in hospital after attempting suicide?" Ms. Lewton asked smarmily. "That sounds pretty likely to me."

Tod leaned back in his seat, pleased he had shifted the blame.

"Well, if you could turn to page forty-five in Macbeth I think we can carry on reading." She opened up a faded hardback book from her desk. Immediately, there was a shuffling of bags as people retrieved their own copies.

"Alex, you can be Macbeth, since you're always dying to play the main character." This wasn't true. Alex was the one who always made up excuses to leave the room before parts were given out. He just saw reading plays as being gay.

"Oh, ?" Tod shouted out. "I can't read today, because, because," he hesitated, desperately trying to come up with something. He coughed in an 'over-the-top' kind of way. "Because I have lost my voice, because I had to keep shouting for help in the forest," he continued in a croaky quiet voice. "I'm in agony. To even say one line would cause me great pain."

"Oh, I'm sorry Tod," Ms. Lewton replied in mock sympathy. "You poor thing. I guess you'll just have to grin and bear it, cos you're Lady Macbeth."

A snigger went around the class.

"No way dude," Tod answered cockily. "That's a chicks part."

"And you're reading it," Ms. Lewton concluded, not putting up with any of it. "If you have a problem a visit with the principal can be arranged, because to be quite honest I've had it up to here with you questioning my authority."

Tod sighed, and looked down at his book.

"Now, are we ready to begin?"

Billy sat day dreaming at the back of the class, not paying any attention to the play. He had only got to sleep at four am that morning, and he had a splitting headache. He gazed out of the window, wishing he could just go home.

"Billy?" Ms. Lewton's sharp voice broke into his thoughts. Billy stared back blankly. "Day dreaming again are we?"

"No Ms. Lewton," he answered quickly.

"Yeah right. I've had enough of the lack of concentration in this room," she sighed, as she glanced around at the teenagers either sleeping, listening to personal stereos which were tucked into their hooded tops, so that she 'couldn't see them,' and girls filing their nails or dialling phone numbers under the table. "Does anyone ever actually listen in this class?"

Nobody moved.

"What?" Alex asked, putting the chicken spread back into his rucksack.

"Oh! I give up!" Ms. Lewton cried in desperation. "I'm not gonna stand here wasting my time trying to teach you this ridiculous play! I've had enough! Every day my life's the same. I get up, I go to work, I try to teach a bunch of ignorant little twats about the importance of great English literature, and what do I get for it? A stupid cheque in the post for about as much money you get for a sodding paper round. Well, you know what," Ms. Lewton went on, not talking to anyone in particular. "I'm not going to bother anymore. You can sit there on your mobiles or listening to Papa Roach or whatever it is you kids listen to. Cos it doesn't affect me if you grow up to be tramps living on the street, begging for quarters, and if I ever see you lying in a back alley, starving hungry and filthy, you know what I'm gonna do? Nothing! I'll just kick your stupid little cloth caps full of money all over the street, down the gutter, see how you like that, eh? You wouldn't be so happy then would you?! No, then you'll be sorry, you'll sit there lonely at night freezing to death in the ragged remains of your hooded tops, wishing you'd paid attention in English class. Well it'll be too late then! It will be too late! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

She marched out, slamming the door behind her. Slowly, Tod removed the earphones from his ears and put them in his bag.

"She's doing what now?"

Alex didn't answer. He was digging around in his bag for more food.

"Alex?"

"Sorry, I wasn't listening," Alex replied, totally oblivious to everything that had been going on around him. He dug out another tin and opened it, stuffing the paste into his mouth.

Chapter 29:

"Well, I think you should all be ashamed of yourselves," Mr. Doggett (cool little sneaky joke there eh?) The principal told the class. "Because of you, Ms. Lewton had a panic attack in the faculty lounge. Now she's been sent home to get some rest. I hope you're happy."

Nobody answered. Tod shrunk back in his seat, hoping the principal wouldn't recognise him from the 'little meeting' a couple of days back.

"What the hell did you do to her eh?" He looked straight at Billy. "You, tell me what happened."

Billy stared blankly. "I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" he asked. Mr. Doggett sighed, beginning to realise the problem. He leaned back on the desk.

"I think I'm starting to see it for myself now," he said. "This class never listens. No wonder Ms. Lewton got sick of you." He looked at two girls on the front row, Christa Marsh and Blake Dreyer. They were reading magazines, discussing the articles amongst themselves. "What gives you the attention span of a cactus hmm? Maybe I should board up the windows, or perhaps take down this world map if it's too distracting for you."

Tod sat staring at the huge poster in front of him, his head in his hands. "Sooooo many pretty colours." He sighed. "Far out dude. Far out."

"Right," Mr. Doggett announced marching over to the map. He ripped it off the wall.

"Ohh Mr. Doggett!" Tod cried. "Can't you see I was enjoying that?"

"Exactly. And that's the problem with this class. You can't focus on the task you are meant to be focusing on."

"I have a cat called Whiskers," Alex said suddenly. "She likes me to stroke her back and she purrs when you-."

"Can't you see? You're not concentrating!" The principal continued, getting frustrated.

"I believe the answer is two," Tod corrected.

"I never even asked you a question!"

Mr. Doggett put his head in his hands. "What am I gonna do with you? I suppose I could ban you all from the trip-."

"What trip?" Billy shouted out. Then he paused. "Oh yeah, that trip. I think I heard part of that conversation."

Mr. Doggett couldn't believe this class. He was beginning to lose it himself.

"You're all adults now," the principal continued. "And I hope, that you can let me reason with you in a mature, responsible-."

"Food fight!" Alex yelled, suddenly throwing chicken spread at Tod's face. Tod threw it back, and soon the whole class was throwing stuff around. A banana skin hit Mr. Doggett in the face.

"Right!" he roared. "You have just proved to me that you cannot compromise. You have now forced me to punish you like we punish the kindergarten children."

For once, the class seemed to be listening.

"You, the one who started the food fight!" he yelled pointing to Alex. Alex looked around, wondering whether the principal really meant him.

"Up, get up, stand up right this minute!"

Alex did as he was told unsurely.

"Recite to me the two times table."

Alex wasn't sure whether he was joking or what.

"NOW! You'll learn the hard way this time!"

"Um, er, two?" Alex began.

"That's a start," Mr. Doggett replied sarcastically. "Carry on."

"Four, negative three...er...two hundred...five...seven?"

The principal looked disgusted. "Sit down. I think I've heard enough. Now you, stripy sweater boy, you get up!"

Tod pulled a cocky face at the principal. "You talking to me?"

"Yeah I'm talking to you. Now get up and recite the alphabet!"

"Is this some kind of a joke?"

"Did I tell you to ask stupid sodding questions, Stripy?" Mr. Doggett glared evilly, making even Tod feel nervous.

"My name is not Stripy. It's-."

"I don't care what your name is, you scratty son of a bitch. I gave you an order."

Tod looked down at his sweater, wondering whether his mum was right when she told him to throw it out a couple of years ago. Then he cleared his throat.

"A, B, C, D, E, F, G...hang on," Tod said defiantly. "I don't have to start reciting the bloody alphabet! I know the alphabet! We learned it about thirteen years ago!"

Suddenly, the principal narrowed his eyes at Tod. "Wait a minute, you're that boy who was fighting in the canteen last week."

"Yeah," Tod agreed uncertainly.

"What's your name then? Floppy haired freak?"

Tod ran a hand through his hair feeling pissed off by the fact that this guy kept getting at him.

"No, actually," he replied smarmily. He had never really respected authority.

"Yeah well we haven't got all day Stripy, so you'd better carry on-."

"Will you stop calling me stripy?" Tod argued, getting more and more angry.

"No, Stripy I won't. While you're in my school, you follow my orders. Now skip the alphabet and give me the song." Mr. Doggett stared intently at Tod, his eyes almost burning into him. Tod shook his head.

"You've got to be kidding. That song is gay!"

"And I'm thinking the same about you, but what are you gonna do smart-arse? I'm the principal. And I told you, you are gonna learn the hard way," Mr. Doggett answered coldly, getting more evil by the second. "So go on. We're all waiting." He waved a hand towards the rest of the class. Tod gulped and glanced at Alex. Alex looked scared to death. The cat comment had really taken the biscuit, and in any other situation Tod would have laughed. But not now.

"Now I know my A,B,C," he sang in an unenthusiastic tone. "Won't you come and play with me?"

Mr. Doggett clapped. "Well done. I would also have accepted, 'tell me what you think of me?' But that was great. You're gonna be a rock star when you're older. Oh yeah, I can see it now," the principal told him, making wild hand gestures. "Stripy, in concert!"

"Cut the crap," Tod replied, in no mood to take any of this, not even from the principal. He started to sit down in his seat, but still Mr. Doggett carried on.

"You'll have your name in lights sonny. One day, I'll walk down the street and your face will be on a huge bill-board. You're gonna hit the big time Stripy. Now you may sit."

Tod clenched his fists by his side. If it had been anyone else he would have punched their lights out. Mr. Doggett smiled, knowing his job was done.

"Well, I can see that you have learned your lesson," he announced, walking towards the door. "Every time I hear that you haven't been concentrating with your studies, I'll do it again. And next time I won't be picking on Stripy, or Cat-Boy-."

Alex and Tod cringed at those names. Boy, were they gonna get taken the piss out of for that later.

"It could be you, red-cap," he told Billy. "Or maybe even the Tarts over there." He pointed to Christa and Blake. "But for now, I have a faculty meeting to attend to. I will send along a substitute teacher in a few minutes. So until then, sit in silence. And NO food fights, you think you can handle that, Cat-Boy?"

Chapter 30: Summary of Chapters 22-29:

Before I start this, can I just say that I can't really be bothered to write these gay little summary chapters. So, I'm gonna try and cut this down then just say what I think, then maybe give you a load of crap about other stuff you'll only get if you've seen the film.

Basically, this part, entitled, 'Suicide, Splits and Spliff Club Seven,' is all about everything it says in the title. It begins with Tod bored at home, wondering what to do. His mum and dad go out for the night, so George takes the opportunity to have a party. And so they do. Carter is invited, and his preparations involve deliberately/accidentally falling down the stairs because of the 'convenient roller skate,' scenario.

We learn in this chapter that Tod is an S-Club Seven fan, and George likes Wheatus, but obviously not Papa Roach cos he doesn't have any of their albums. He does have, however, John Denver, but that's just another one of my sad jokes. Billy is enjoying getting drunk, and Alex is getting drunk for the first time which he is very proud of.

Carter starts getting depressed about being at the party and seeing Terry, so feeling sick and out of his mind he goes home to kill himself.

Terry wants to go up and see Tod's bedroom, (Sounds very dodgy but I managed to stop myself somehow.) Tod doesn't want to at first because he has all his Due South and S Club 7 posters up there. Eventually he agrees.

Carter is using his initiative and looks up Kill-A-Lot services in the phone book, which basically is a suicide centre where people can go to have themselves killed. Nice. But, unfortunately, they don't have any vacancies, so he turns to the good old suicide, 'how to kill yourself,' guide book.

After an eternity, he has set up his trap, and as a final touch he writes a very sentimental suicide note. (Yeah, if sentimental means addressing people as suckers.) Then, as it so rightly says, he 'pulls the cord...'

Clear finds out something has happened to Carter and needs to go and find Terry. She can't find her, so gets Alex to help. Alex tries to get sense out of Billy but it doesn't work at all. It turns out Carter set up a sign to crush him from behind, except it backfired and he flew out of the window, landing on a trampoline in the back yard. Now he is in hospital, in a coma. Awww! Like I care. Well, I do but...oh never mind. To attempt to cut a long story short, remembering that when I say that I never really mean anything by it anyway, Clear finds Tod and Terry together (NOT DODGY) and finally realises what has been going on. She has a right go at Tod then leaves. Alex, Clear and Terry go to the hospital to see Carter. Clear and Alex then leave Terry alone with him, because she is getting upset. Thinking he can't hear her, she apologises and says she loves him. Just as she is leaving, he wakes up and says he loves her too.

The next morning, Tod wakes up and can't believe the mess there is downstairs. He tries to get George to help him, but his parents get home and punish them with the 'chore hat,' which basically is a hat full of bits of paper with chores written on them. George won't choose one, he keeps saying they were 'practices,' until he is threatened with , (don't ask) and changes his mind.

Carter is making a good recovery in the hospital, but once again that scene is so short I don't know why I'm even bothering to say it.

Now here comes the funniest bit of the whole of Part 3. The school scene. Tod and Alex get done by Ms. Lewton for a while, then they have to read Macbeth. Although Tod insists he has lost his voice and is in agony, he gets the part of Lady Macbeth. Ms. Lewton decides the class never listens and stresses out, supposedly having a panic attack in the faculty lounge.

Then, the principal, who we now know is named Mr. Doggett comes to find out what happened. He realises the class NEVER listens and gets angry after Alex initiates a food fight. He makes Alex recite the two times table and Tod recite the alphabet, including the song. He delights in causing Tod, 'Stripy', which Tod hates. Then Mr. Doggett, knowing his public humiliation is complete, leaves the room.

That's it really.

The Jokes from the past 2 parts which you'll only get if you've seen the film:

• When it says Carter tried to kill himself with a sign in the back, it's because at the end of the film, a huge sign does fly down and kill him.

• The fact that Tod has got John Denver's album is because in the film, the John Denver song, Rocky Mountain High,' is played.

• Ray's speech on Due South is the same as the speech Tod reads out in the film at the memorial service.

• The stripy sweater jokes are basically just me taking the piss out of Tod's dress sense in the movie.

• As are the hooded top jokes.

• When Billy complains that all Carter has done for him is run his over with his car, that's because that happens in the film a lot.

• When Tod talks about the X-Files episode, that's the one that the actor, (Chad Donella) who plays Tod starred in.

• The chore hat joke is nicked off a Simpsons episode where Homer keeps saying 'Practice' and won't choose any chore Lisa tries to give him.

• As is the, 'We would also have accepted tell me what you think of me,' joke.

• Mr. Doggett, the principal has a name I copied off the X-Files, as in the new agent, John Doggett.

• The fact that I keep going on about chicken spread is because Alex eats some in Clears Dad's cabin in the movie.

• When it says that Billy buys malted milk balls and 'will probably drop them everywhere,' that's because in the film, when the plane is exploding Billy drops a packet of those particular sweets all over the floor.

the listening idea- tod hasnt listened before