Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Short, sweet, and to the point.
Chapter #1: How it all began
Over tall, tall mountains, and wide, wide rivers, there is a valley, with perfect lawns and perfect orchards where the little woodland creatures frolic together in perfect harmony (A/N: I know. Sickening).
Anyway, in the valley, over the many acres of perfect lawn is Miss Cromwell's Finishing School for Mary-Sues. This fine institute is where the young models of perfection learn beauty tips, etiquette, and how to become virtually irresistible to men of all ages (in case your wondering, the Institute for Gary-Stus is right across the way).
Inside the large, brick building, at this very moment, in her dressing room, young Alexia Sierra Mary Laura Delgada delicately dabbed some bright green eye-shadow on her eyelid. The particular shade she was using was perfect, matching her eyes, which resembled newly polished jade that was fresh from the stone.
This was a big day for Miss Alexia. In a few short hours, she would make her appearance in a young, aspiring writer's latest masterpiece, "His Only Love" in which she would begin her sixth year at Hogwarts, become amazingly popular, discover the numberless talents she never knew she possessed, fall in love with the one and only Harry Potter (and vice versa), have a small fling with Harry's arch nemesis and his best friend, then realize her only love couldn't possibly be anyone but Harry, and in the thick of the fight, destroy Voldemort and save Harry's life, in the span of twenty chapters! Amazing, no?
"I am, like, so excited for you!" squealed one of the fellow Mary-Sues, who was crowded into the dressing room so they could wish Alexia good luck.
"I'm, like, excited for, like, me too!" squealed Alexia in response. She brushed through her nutmeg brown hair feverishly.
"Alright, girls, alright," Miss Cromwell said as she entered the room. "Alexia needs to relax so she can be all that she can be."
"Yes!" Alexia stated grandly. "I must be wonderful for my fan fiction debut! But before I go, I must have a little lunch."
Little was an understatement. Alexia reached for her purse and pulled out a box of Tic-Tacs.
"I must maintain my girlish figure if I am to be the most popular girl at Hogwarts!" Alexia gushed as she popped the small breath-freshener into her mouth.
"Mmmm!" She said as she relished the taste. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide as dinner plates. Then, she began making a variety of very odd choking sounds that no Mary-Sue in her right mind would utter in public. Alexia began turning a very bright blue similar to the shade that girl in "Willy Wonka" turned when she ate the botched candy. Her eyes bugged out unattractively and she fell to the floor with a rather loud thud! She choked on her three-calories-a-piece lunch for one last time and, finally, her jade eyes rolled back up into her head. She was dead.
There was immediate chaos in the dressing room as soon as the other Mary-Sues realized the rather humiliating demise of their classmate. Perfect stick girls ran in all directions, screaming, crying, and generally making fools of themselves. There was only one thing in the world that could have ceased the pandemonium. Miss Cromwell's voice.
"SILENCE!" Miss Cromwell screamed at the top of her lungs. She immediately returned to her stiff and proper stature. "Now, first order of business is to make sure no one else finds out about this-" she lightly kicked the now dead Alexia in the head with her pointy, snake-skin heels "-untimely end of our dear Alexia." She turned to a small group of three huddled in the corner.
"You three!" She said sternly as she pointed at them. "Drag this carcass down to the river and dump her there! No need for anyone to know about this!" In a flash, they had picked up poor Alexia and were headed for the river.
"Now," Miss Cromwell said, rubbing her chin. "We need to find a suitable replacement."
At this, many of the remaining Sues raised their hands in volunteer. Miss Cromwell simply shook her head.
"No," She said in a rather distressed voice. "None of your schedules are clear. We'll have to find a replacement from…" She shuddered at the very thought, but what else was there to do?
"We'll have to get someone from…" She gulped. "…the outside."
"Oh, you wanna go? You wanna go!"
Stephanie Whitney was standing in the hall, facing what could have been the most lecherous boy in the world. The creep had the temerity to snap her bra, then (of all things) to smack her butt. Now, somebody was gonna get hurt.
Stephanie was a girl of sixteen, with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, with a little more meat on her than most of the girls she when to school with (A/N: Just sos everyone knows, she's not fat, she's just average. You know, she has curves. Ya gettin' the picture?). She was a broad, not to girlie, yet not too tough. She was cool. Unfortunately, for her, that kind of cool wasn't "in" with today's society, so she was SOL.
"Yeah, sure." The stupid boy replied. "I'll go…for a ride with you, anyway."
A collective "Oooo" rose from the crowd that had accumulated around them.
"Oh," Stephanie replied, her voice filled with disgust. "You're gonna get it now, you bastard!" And with that in mind, she jumped on him and began to clobber him to a pulp.
The universal battle chant of "Fight, fight, fight!" echoed threw the hall as our heroine beat the living crap out of the pervert. Until…
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
Stephanie looked up momentarily. Oh shit.
"Miss Whitney," the principal said sternly. I would have expected better of you! Go straight to my office, this instance!"
"But he was the one…" Stephanie started, but the attempt was in vain.
"I will not tolerate excuses!" The principal yelled. "Now go!"
Dusting herself off, Stephanie got up and trudged down the hall to the office. As she trudged, she pondered slightly why no one ever wanted to hear her side of the story. She pondered why no one ever wanted to hear what she had to say at all. She had always been alone. She was never very popular. She guessed that was because she was different. She liked different kinds of music than most of the kids her age like, different TV shows and a completely different style. As a result, she had been exiled from her peers, making her a pariah. And because of that, many times she felt as though she had no greater purpose in the world. That feeling was settling over her as we speak. A heavy sadness embedded itself inside her heart and tears clouded her vision. Why couldn't she meet someone special, a friend, maybe even something close to a guardian angel, who looked after you and loved you and comforted you when you felt that the world had no use for you and, as a result, ignored you?
Unfortunately, Stephanie didn't have time to ponder these great mysteries, because she had finally reached the office. She opened the door and plopped herself down into the chair in front of the principal's desk. She knew it would be a while before the stupid lump of a school director would show up. No doubt to collect the false story from that nasty little perv.
To occupy her mind, she focused her attention on the snow globe on the desk in front of her, watching the small snowflakes float around in the water-filled sphere. But there was something strange about one of the ersatz flakes. One was much bigger than the rest of them. And unless she had inhaled some of that smoke that was wafering from the "Confiscated" room where one of the teachers had recently confiscated a bong from two kids and she was now hallucinating, the flake was growing bigger all the time! In fact, it was growing so big that the snowflake was occupying the entire globe!
Stephanie didn't know what to think, but she had to get away from that snow globe before it exploded! She quickly took cover behind some boxes at the far end of the room and peered over the rim of one of the boxes. The snow globe itself was expanding because of the large, growing flake. Suddenly, there was a pop like a gunshot, and Stephanie, in the blink of an eye, disappeared behind the boxes, praying with all of her might not to be killed (for what reason, she wasn't sure).
When she figured it was OK to look, she cautiously peered out from behind the box and saw a stiff-looking woman in her mid-fifties dusting off stray snowflakes from her petticoat. Stephanie squinted at the woman, hardly believing what she was seeing.
"What the…" Stephanie said, putting on the universal WTF face.
The older woman smiled at her.
"Hello, dearie." She said, smiling stiffly at her. Stephanie briefly wondered if the woman liked snacking on flakes of laundry starch, she was so stiff.
"I'd like to introduce myself." The woman said formally. "I am Elizabeth Cromwell, headmistress at Miss Cromwell's Finishing School for Mary-Sues. You do know what a Mary-Sue is, don't you?"
Stephanie scrunched up her nose. Yeah, of course she knew what a Mary-Sue was. They were twig-thin goody-two-shoes that inhabited the world's fan fiction (well, some of it). That was another thing Stephanie was ostracized for: spending all of her time on the computer, reading and writing weird stories about character owned by someone else.
"Well, you lucky girl, we have an opening at our academy and you will be the one to fill it!"
Stephanie's blue eyes when wide. Did that old bat practically say that she was going to be morphed into a stick-thin, big-boobed ditz that captivated everyone she passed? Sure, she may have been lonely, but she wasn't about to be turned into a life-sized Barbie and be placed on display so some fictional, revamped-to-be-a-model-of-male-perfection characters could drool all over her. But, then again, she was curious by nature, and what was the worse that could happen?
"Uh…OK?" Stephanie said, still a little wary of the situation.
Miss Cromwell sighed.
"It seems as thought I have my work cut out for me." She said, her head cast down. "But I've had worse. Welcome to Miss Cromwell's Finishing School for Mary-Sues!" She then fished for her pocket watch.
"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but how are we going to get to this…place?" Stephanie ventured.
"Place?" Miss Cromwell said incredulously. "Place! That place is the finest institute for training only the world's most prestigious young women. Now if you don't mind, place your hand on the watch." She held it out for Stephanie to touch.
"But how…" Stephanie started, but apparently Miss Cromwell wouldn't have any of that.
"DO IT!" Miss Cromwell shouted at the poor girl. Stephanie rolled her eyes. There they go again. She thought. Not listening to me. So she did as she was told.
Suddenly, it felt as though someone was dragging Stephanie by her wrist as she was sucked into the watch. She didn't know what to expect, but she did know that it would be outrageous.
First chapter up. I hoped you all liked it. I know, no Harry Potter in this chapter, but I promise the next one will have it. I just realized something. With the end of the Potter series almost here, what will happen to fan fics? Will people stop writing them? Or will they keep going, rewriting everything that J.K. has put out there. I really don't want fan fics to end. There so much fun. Anyway, review and tell me if I should continue or if I should just get rid of it.