Title: Age of False Innocence

Chapter: Six

Rating: PG-13

His stomach turns

And he thinks of throwing up

But the body on the bed beckons forward

And he starts growing up.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jack said delicately, so quiet it was almost a whisper.

Will hesitated. Did he want to do this? He didn't know if he did or not, but this was the only way he could finally be sure of himself. He'd kiss Jack, hate it, and finally be freed of this annoying burden. Then he could get married to Grace, and they'd move far away from Columbia, and far away from Jack. He'd finally be free.

He nodded, sitting down on the bed next to Jack. He grabbed the blanket underneath him to keep his hands from shaking. All this over a damn kiss? This is fucking insane. Kissing Grace isn't hardly this awkward. Maybe I'm right. I'm not gay. If I was, I wouldn't be this nervous, right?

No matter how much he said it, it didn't chase away that funny feeling he had been harboring since meeting Jack. It's him, probably. He's the reason I've been feeling this way. He just makes me nervous, that's all. He's insane. It's him, not me. He's making me like this.

Jack shattered Will's thoughts by grabbing on gently to his hand. Will shot it back, as if his touch had burnt like wild fire. That's exactly what it had felt like. His hand still burned with Jack's touch, and like all the other times he had touched him, he knew it would be a while before it faded away.

"I don't bite, you know. Well, unless you're into that sort of thing," Jack smiled, trying to get Will to do the same. He kept his hand steady, moving it swiftly across the sheets, both of the touching fingers. Will was off in another world though.

"C'mon, Will. Don't be so scared. It's only a kiss, right? Just chill out and do it."

The older man still didn't move. He kept thinking, like his mind was a record being played on repeat. It isn't only a kiss. It's disgusting. I don't want to do it, and I won't. This isn't who I am. It isn't what I want to be, and no matter how much you try to change me, I won't change for you. You're nothing to me, Jack. You never will be anything to me.

Still, he remained there. His mouth couldn't move; he couldn't formulate any words to say them to Jack. He just turned to him and tried his best not to throw up.

Jack moved the hand towards Will's knee, anxious to find out if he would dart back or not. To his surprise, Will's eyes closed slowly, and he let out something that seemed like a sigh.

I'm not gay, I'm not enjoying this. This is Hell for me. I hate everything about what is going on here.

It reverberated throughout his mind over and over, like a mantra. But as Jack's hand slid slowly up his thigh, he forgot he ever thought of those words. Jack watched exultantly as he saw Will open his eyes and watch what he was doing.

"Don't worry; I'm not going to do anything bad," he lied, squeezing Will's thigh comfortingly. He moved his face closer and closer to his friend's. Will's eyes shut again as he did the same.

I am enjoying this, dammit. Fuck, I can't be doing this. I can't.

They were so close now. Will could feel Jack's breaths rushing forward to meet his own, and he could open his eyes and see Jack looking back at him.

Both of their eyes were open, and they didn't dare look at anything else. Now only centimeters apart, they could each see every part of their partners face. Will could look up and see the cerulean and metallic blues fighting for domination in Jack's pupils. He could see how evenly distributed his eyelashes were; not one of them was longer than the other.

Jack could look up and do the same; he saw the warm honey brown of Will's eyes, and how they pierced through his with an incisive stare. He noticed that his skin was smooth and polished, though it didn't look like it from far away. He could only see it when they were this close...

I can't be doing this. This is crazy. I can't.

Will's admonishing thoughts became weaker by the passing second. And as he pressed his lips onto Jack's, they disappeared completely.

Despite how long it took for the kiss to happen, it didn't take long for Will to deepen it. It was so natural; like he had been doing it all his life. He reached his hand up to stroke the back of Jack's neck, and got so lost in the moment, he forgot totally where he was.

Jack gasped into his mouth and placed his hands on Will's waist, trying to pull him closer without straining himself in their uncomfortable position. Though their placement was awkward, the kiss was anything but. They both closed their eyes at the same moment, and soon Will's eyes were shaded with darkness.

He didn't need to see. He could feel. Oh God, he could feel every emotion Jack was through their lips. He saw how afraid he was, how fucking scared he had been. They were exactly the same. Through the kiss, they shared everything they had ever felt around each other. And it was all identical. There wasn't one thought that was unrequited.

Jack's tongue slid into Will's mouth stealthily, and Will gasped, surprised. But he didn't pull away. He couldn't.

They moved slowly up more on the bed, and Jack guided Will on top of him. Though Will's eyelids made it impossible for him to see in that moment, he could sense Jack's urgency and passion as the skilled tongue moved in and out of his mouth. He rested his hand onto Jack's wrist, trying to hold himself up. He felt every heart beat of his friend's escalating through his veins.

He felt a tug on his shirt, only to realize that the collar of the oxford he was wearing had become unbuttoned. Will's eyes snapped open, and he drew back immediately. All the doubts and uncertainty he had perceived before the kiss rushed back into his head, and Will felt like he had been hit like a train.

"Wha? Will? What's wrong?" Jack asked breathlessly, looking up from his position on the bed, a confused look plastering his pale form.

This. This whole thing is wrong. I can't be gay. I can't be like this. I don't love Jack, I hardly know the kid. And I just kissed him. Oh Dear Jesus, I just kissed a guy.

"You. You're wrong!" Will shouted as loud as he could. Jack sat up immediately and grabbed his shoulder, the puzzled expression growing more prominent.

"Will. What are you tal–"

"Get out of here." Will's voice cracked, but it was icy and colder than the frozen weather outside. When Jack didn't move, he shot up off of his spot on the bed and screamed louder. "Dammit, I said to get the fuck out of here!"

A tear flew from Jack's eyes and landed on Will's pillow. "Will...what's wrong?"

Will grew irritated and grabbed the ratty denim jacket from his chair. "Fine. You're obviously not going anywhere you fucking faggot, so I'll leave. And I swear to God, if you're here when I get back..." he didn't finish the threat. He simply opened the door violently and ran out, shoving his hands into his pockets and heading to the door leading outside the building.

It was Jack's turn to get angry. He didn't bother grabbing something to cover himself with; he ran barefoot out on the frozen collage campus.

"Hey! Don't get mad at me because of who you are! I didn't fucking kiss you, we kissed each other. Its not like I tied you to the damn bed and forced myself on you."

Will turned around and glowered at him dangerously. "Shut up, Jack," he warned.

"Or what? You're going to kick my ass? Please. You couldn't hurt anything even if it came up to you and begged to be hurt. Now stop walking and fucking listen to me. You're gay, Will. I know it, you know it, the whole fucking campus knows it. I know you're scared. I was scared too. It'll probably take a while to get used to it, but you're a fucking faggot just like me!"

Will stopped in his tracks and turned around, a hurt expression on his face, and Jack softened, Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to yell at him, especially when he was so vulnerable and confused. Jack berated himself silently, looking Will in the eyes. "Look, Will, I'm sorry. You're right. Maybe I should just leave you alone. I obviously am doing nothing to help, and let's face it, you're not into me. You're not into any man. You're not gay. I get it now. Now come inside, and let's do something else. Watch a movie or something."

He spoke loosely, as if he didn't believe a word of what he just said. And Will knew he didn't. He was just trying to make him feel better. And he didn't need that right now. He didn't need pity from someone who was still in grade school.

"No, I think I'm going to take a drive," he said hollowly. "I'll see you later."

In his car, Will contemplated everything that had been going on since the night of the party. The night he met the man who was either going to destroy his life, or change it completely. Jack was nice when he wanted to be, but Will couldn't help but always feel nervous around him. It was like he knew so much more, though he was younger.

He was always talking about men. Whether people he met on the way to the gym in the morning, or just random stars he had seen watching TV. Will had always wondered if he knew about half the stuff he mentioned. He must have been too young to do everything, but the way he talked and carried himself, made him seem so experienced. But for God's sake, he was only sixteen! He acted so much younger, but the way he looked at himself and the world around him made Will feel like he was with someone so much older.

There were also those times when they both were together, but very quiet. Those were always so weird. It seemed like Jack was always staring at him, trying to figure something out. Like there was something that he could see inside of Will that he didn't even know was there yet.

And then there was that crazy accusation. That he was gay. Just because Jack couldn't go a day without sticking his tongue down a random guy's throat didn't mean he did.

As soon as those thoughts crossed his mind, he immediately regretted them. None of this is Jack's fault, he thought to himself, turning down an unfamiliar street in Schenectady. He just gets a little carried away. The guy thinks everyone is gay. It's not him. Just forget he ever said it. Ignore him if he says it again, which he probably will. Just forget it.

But he couldn't forget it. He couldn't forget Jack's warm, inviting tongue sliding into his mouth skillfully, working it's way in and out. How his lips perfectly interlocked with the teenagers, like they were two lost puzzle pieces being reunited. He tried not to close his eyes as he remembered Jack's hands roaming his back, arms, and chest, until his fingers reconciled at the collar of his shirt...

Will stopped the car and rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was only four in the afternoon, but he couldn't help but feel like he hadn't slept for days. These thoughts were taking over him completely, and he didn't like it. He looked at his surroundings, and it took him a while to register where he was.

"Shit," he whispered quietly to himself, looking at the tall townhouse in front of him. He knew it would take awhile to go back, and it was now or never. He still wasn't completely sure of everything, but he knew that he would be soon. And he needed to get out of this as soon as possible.

He stayed in the car for what seemed like hours, gathering up his courage before opening the car door and walking towards the residence, strolling past Grace's familiar car.

He walked up the steps of the house and took a breath as he knocked on the door cautiously, worried as hell. His fingers fumbled his the lining of the jacket he had found in the back seat of the car.

Grace opened the door suddenly, eyes opening wide and a smile breaking out on her face. She jumped up and down happily and threw her arms around him, screeching into his ears. He didn't mind the shrieking much, after all, he had spent the last few weeks with Jack.

"Will! Oh my God, what are you doing here! I thought there was an accident with that kind you met! Are you staying the rest of the week? Oh God! I'm so happy you're here!"

He looked her over. A week at her Mom's certainly hadn't done her much good. Under her eyes were decorated with bags, and she looked more frazzled then usual. It was then that Will actually believed all of the horror stories Grace had regaled him with about her mother.

His thoughts were breaking through loud and clear, and the speech inside of his head that he had been practicing the entire way there rolled around in his mind. He tried to ignore the fuzzy static of Jack's voice trying to break in through the edges, as he took a breath and prepared for the worst.

"Yeah, hey Grace," he said half-heartedly, giving her a hug back. "Listen, I can't stay long, I just need to tell you something."

Grace's face fell, but she didn't lose her cheerful expression. "Well, aren't those a girls favorite seven words to hear. Come on in. It must be freezing out there."


A worried expression crossed her face. "What happened?"

The world seemed to stop as he explained the reason why he drove the entire way there. In just one moment, everything appeared to change.

"What the fuck was I thinking?" Will exclaimed at himself, his voice barely being registered thanks to the music around him. He didn't know where he was, he just knew that it was some kind of party. Somewhere outside of the Columbia campus. He didn't know the exact location, but he knew that there was no sign of Grace or Jack anywhere, which is exactly what he wanted.

"Could I have been anymore stupid! I mean, I told her I was gay! And then she threw me out of her life forever! How could I have been so dumb!" People around him gave him odd looks, but he didn't care. His fifth glass of beer was sloshing around in his hand. He thought that he would have another soon.

He made his way to the bar, practically throwing himself at the alcohol. "Jesus, what I did was probably the biggest fucking mistake of my life. I mean, I don't even know yet! How could I have done that?" He put his face in his hands and sighed, a tear squeezing out of the corner of his eye.

"Suck it up, Truman," he told himself quietly, so that not everyone in the tri-state area could hear him this time. "You did it and now she's gone. Forever. Nothing's going to bring her back, because you can't take back what you said. Just order another drink and hope that you forget about all of this in the morning."

He had done it. And he felt worse than he ever felt in his entire life. The heavy thumping of the music around him went unnoticed as he pounded his head on the bar, unaware of the people next to him giving him strange looks as they walked by.

There was no doubt in his mind that Grace would never, ever forgive him. He thought that just maybe, she would understand and take it well. He had hoped that she would give him a hug and say that it was all okay, that she didn't care and would still be his best friend, no matter what. He just wondered what changed her.

He would never forget the look on her face as she threw him out of her home, clusters of tears forming in her eyes and on her cheeks, drying as they fell in the chilling wind. He actually fucking begged her to reconsider what she was doing; to just stop this and talk it out, but she wouldn't hear any of it.

Will could just imagine what Jack would say. Probably smile and gloat, that cocky smile fixed on his face as it always was. It was his greatest and worst accessory. And Will didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think of him at all. After all, this was all his fault.

He looked at the bottle in his hand, which was mostly empty except for a little beer at the bottom. He quickly swallowed the rest of it and turned around, looking for the door.

"Hey, you leaving already?" Someone asked from behind him. Will turned around and found a pretty blonde girl standing there, a smile on her face as she twirled a lock of it on her finger. "Can I buy you another drink?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

Will grinned back. Girls really were way too obvious. Then he got an idea. A nagging idea that once it popped into his head, he couldn't let it go.

"Yeah, umm, what's your name? Mine's Will."

"Oh, Diane. I'm Diane..."

Another cliffhanger? They just keep on coming, don't they ;D