CrazyDreamerGirl: I got this idea from the quizzes I made...

Summary: Koenma decides to cook for everyone. It's his way of saying thank you, but will the others like it or hate it? One-shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Girl Scout cookies.

Koenma and a Kitchen Don't Mix

Koenma was hard at work in the Spirit World kitchen. He wanted to thank everyone for doing such a good job protecting Earth and for cheering for the Reiki Tantei during the Dark Tournament. It really helped the others to know they were being supported instead of hearing the crowd boo al the time. Everyone, which includes, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama, Botan, Yukina, Keiko, Shizuru, Atsuko, and Genkai, were to meet at Genkai's shrine for dinner. He would be eating as well. (Atsuko is here because I'm using the info from the manga. She was at the Dark Tournament.)

Koenma had also taken a liking to cooking. It was a hobby of his and he wanted to show it off. The other ogres at Spirit World had told him that his cooking was great. That made him ready to cook for the others. He was sure the others would love his cooking...

Koenma had a cookbook open in front of him. It was the called The Four Saint Beets (as seen in the Four Saint Beasts episodes). He had four hours before it was time for dinner. He was working on the salad. Once he finished the salad, he moved onto the rice. He was chopping some veggies, added a bit of soy sauce, and he added his secret ingredient. Then he made grilled fish. It looked like it was grilled to perfection, to him. Then an idea hit him, if he's such a good cook, then maybe he should challenge himself. He decided to make stuffed crab as well.

He told George to bring crab, eleven to be exact. One for each. He boiled it first and stuffed. He stuffed it with something he called 'Secret Magical Crab Stuffing.' The crab was ready to go. Less than an hour left. He wanted another challenge, beef wellington. He cooked the beef and added some of his secret sauce. (He has a lot of secret ingredients, doesn't he?)

Now it was time for his favorite part, dessert! He wanted to make strawberry cheesecake from scratch. He mixed up the batter, added strawberry. It looked absolutely divine, to him. It was light and fluffy and it made him very hungry.

He finally finished, with fifteen minutes to go. He opened a portal and he and George carried the food through the portal. He was at Genkai's dinner table.

"George, I'll set up here, make sure the others don't come in here." And with that, George left to guard the door.

Outside the dining room, the others were getting restless and hungry. They had just arrived once George began his 'guard duty.'

"Is the food ready yet? I'm starving!" Yusuke asked, his stomach growled.

"Almost, Koenma is setting the table," George replied.

"I didn't know he could cook," Botan said.

"Neither did I. Does the food look good, George?" Kurama asked.

"I don't know, he covered it so I couldn't see, besides, he won't let me stay very long."

Koenma exited the dining room which signaled to them that dinner is served. They followed him inside and took one look at dinner. The smell was sickening!

"Uh, Koenma, what did you, um, cook?" Genkai asked. She was the bravest. She spoke first after the silence, well more of the shock of the smell. She looked at the others and their faces had turned into a light, pale green color.

"I'm glad you asked, Genkai," Koenma said, he walked toward the table, "This is the salad." The salad had tomatoes and lettuce, like a normal salad, but it also had some cavier, the black kind, and what looked like sprinkles, chocolate sprinkles. "This is the grilled fish." The fish still had the head attached along with its eyes. It wasn't cooked properly at all. Part of it was still a bit slimy. The fish was swimming in something brownish blackish. Keiko took a closer look at the fish and asked, "Is that chocolate syrup?"

"Yes. It gives it an extra dash of flavor."

"Yeah, definitely a dash," Atsuko added. A dash to the toilet, Atsuko thought.

"Anyway, this is the rice." The rice had some chopped carrots and some peas. It was brown rice and it looked a bit normal. There was soy sauce on it along with some kind of scaly, fish thing. It was anchovies. "This is the stuffed crab. I out did myself on this." The crab looked normal on the outside. Shizuru took a closer look at the stuffing.

"What's in the stuffing?" she asked.

"The stuffing has bits of potato, a dash of cinnamon, some vanilla, chopped onions, celery, asparagus, bologna, and some colorful stuff I scraped off this bread I found at the back of the fridge," Koenma replied.

"Colorful stuff?" Hiei whispered to Kurama.

"I think that would be mold," Kurama whispered back.

Yusuke heard. "He put mold in our food," he whispered menacingly. Kurama shrugged. Kuwabara's eye twitched. Everyone had lost their appetites.

Koenma pointed to some meat dish and said, "This is beef wellington." It didn't look like beef. It looked more like undercooked haggis or maybe liver and onions. Yukina looked closely. It was definitely liver and onions. Undercooked liver and onions. It had the thin mint cookies that were crumpled and sprinkled on it. (I have nothing against Girl Scout cookies or Girl Scouts. I love the thin mints.) Surrounding the dish was the yellow part of the egg, the yolk. It wasn't even cooked.

"And for dessert we have strawberry chessecake." The cheesecake was black. He burned it. There wasn't even strawberries on it.

Everyone gulped. They gulped back the barf that they threw up in their mouths. Everything was horrible.

"Koenma, I would love to stay for dinner, but I forgot I was going to, um- gotta go!" Botan shouted quickly and ran out.

"I need to help Botan with what she was going to do, so um- good-bye!" Yukina also shouted and ran after Botan.

"I need to make sure no one tries to kidnap Yukina, again," Hiei said. He ran out also.

"Why does short stack get to protect Yukina?" Kuwabara complained. Kurama and Yusuke grinned at each other. They knew the answer to Kuwabara's question.

"I guess there's more food for us," Koenma said.

"You know what, I need to finish my homework, for the rest of the year," Keiko added the last part quickly.

"Yeah, she's gonna tutor me, too," Yusuke said. They ran out. So now only Kuwabara, Genkai, Shizuru, Atsuko and, hey, were did Kurama go? Oh, that's right, during Keiko's and Yusuke's excuses, he jumped out the window and ran into the forest.

"I thought they all cleared their schedules for this dinner, oh well," Koenma said. He turned to go to the dinner table, but he didn't hear any thing behind him. He turned around again and saw the remaing people had escaped. But George was still there.

"George, did I cook something that they were all allergic to?"

"I don't think so. I would love to eat what you made; it's an ogre delicacy," George replied.

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The people that escaped Koenma's dinner went to the Yukimura Cafe, owned by Keiko's parents. They had a wonderful evening, eating good food of course. But, they spent some time trying to figure out if Koenma was mad or not. That thought was pushed away as soon as the food arrived.

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CrazyDreamerGirl: Yay! My first one-shot is finished. I hope you all liked it. I hope I kept them all in character. Koenma might have been a little OC since he was cooking and stuff. Anyway, I got so hungry typing this story! Especially since my wallpaper on my computer has Kurama and Yusuke in their demon forms and Kurama was eating. Kuwabara was also there and he was eating and Hiei is hanging onto a piece of meat with his mouth. They were all eating, except Yusuke, he standing looking all herioc. So basically, I was hungry throughout this whole thing.

If people really like this, I could make another chapter where they get their revenge on Koenma or Koenma could cook again, you guys can decide, but then it would be more like a two-shot thing... Please review and no flames please!