84Disclaimer: Yeah right, like we own anything. . . You really think we'd be writing this here? Very funny. Rogue238 does own Raven and Lightning.
Author's Notes:
Cat2Fat900: And as most of you SHOULD know, I'm CF. Um…duh. Insanity ahoy! Savvy?
Rogue238: This is the story of The Princess Bride... if it was done by the cast of X-Men Evolution. Yes, and you'll probably see many more of these tagfics between us from time to time. Lol. Oh, I will be called TM in this story, so no one is too confused about too many Rogues. If you are confused anyway, read Oops. In case anyone has not read my parodies, Raven and Lightning are dating. Raven is the daughter of Rogue and Gambit and looks a lot like Mystique.
The Princess Bride
Preproduction:
The cast of X-Men Evolution meander into the studio unhappily. Here they are about to do another play with four directors…wait, four directors?
"Why are there four director's chairs?" Rogue says in absolute shock. "Isn't it enough that we come here at all, but four directors? Isn't two enough?"
"Calm down, chere," Remy says lightly. "Remy's sure it'll all be fine."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," a voice says from the doorway.
"CF!" Pyro shouts and runs over to give her a big bear hug. He twirls her around while she laughs and almost drops her Pepsi. "Am Oy gonna be a director, too?"
"I'm sorry," she sighs. "Not this time. Four directors are quite enough, but you do get an awesome part in the thing."
"Well," Jean says hesitantly. "If Pyro isn't a director…then who is?"
"Oh, the others should be here in 3…2…1…"
"Hello!" a woman says as she enters with Raven and Lightning. All of them are drinking Dr. Pepper.
"Not them! Anyone but them!" Evan screams.
"Hi, TM!" CF says waving at the young woman.
"Hello, CF!" TM says waving back.
"I'm CF," Cat2Fat900 says to Raven and Lightning.
"I know who you are," Raven says coldly.
"Would you at least try to be nice?" Lightning pleads.
"Uh, no," Raven retorts. "Since when have I ever been accused of being nice?"
TM and CF laugh at that remark and Raven turns to them.
"You know I was in a good mood before."
"Didn't last very long did it?" Lightning asks, making TM and CF laugh harder.
"There are way too many initials around here!" Tabby exclaims trying to stop the fight before Lightning is thrown through a wall. She points at CF. "You're Cat2Fat900. We all know you, and we DEFINITELY know them!" She points at Raven and Lightning. "But who in the world is she!" Tabby then points to TM.
"Uh, nevermind. Let's work on casting the play." TM says quickly. The four directors take their seats in this order, CF, TM, Raven, and then Lightning.
"This, like, might actually be fun," Kitty states.
CF and TM look at each other nervously. They whisper to themselves.
"What's the worst she can do?"
"Phase us halfway into something. . ."
"But she's too nice to do that!"
"Can you really be so sure?"
"Well, Raven is here…and she does have to protect us."
"Really? Since when?"
"Since I wrote it down on the clipboard."
"Oh, okay."
"Actually Kitty," TM starts,
"We don't have a part for you." CF finishes.
"What!" The little cat looks rather angry. But Piotr tries to calm her down.
"Buttercup will be played by Rogue." Lightning begins.
"Figures." Rogue groans. "Stick meh in a dress again."
"It'll be fine, chere, as long as dey cast Westley correctly," Remy says, glaring at the directors.
"Since when have any of us been fans of anything other than Romy?" TM claims.
"Of course Remy gets to be Westley," CF states.
"And Scott will be Prince Humperdinck." Raven says with an evil grin.
"And Magneto will be the King." Lightning continues.
"Making Mystique the Queen," TM says cheerfully.
"What?" Mystique spits her coffee out. "I can see being Magneto's wife. . . but Scott's mother! I think I'm going to be sick."
"Me too." Scott chimes.
"Relax," CF says. "You're just his stepmother. And Evan will be the Head of the Guard."
"Finally, a good part!" Evan squeals.
"You've never seen this movie have you?" Lightning asks dryly.
"Uh, no…"
"That's what I thought."
"You think we'd honestly give you a good part?" CF laughs. "As if."
Lightning continues.
"Now, that leaves. . . Kurt as Count Ru. . . Count R. . Oh well, we'll just be calling you Count Wagner anyway. You know who I mean, the six fingered man."
"Oh yeah, zat guy. Hey, zat's a bad guy!" Kurt complains.
"Yes, but who really cares, dear Uncle?" Raven says. "Pietro, you'll be the albino, for obvious reasons."
"And Piotr will be Fezzik." TM says.
"Logan will be Inigo Montoya," Lightning says, reading off his clipboard.
"Lucky me," Logan grumbles.
"You get to slash stuff. Be thankful," TM says.
"But—"
"Do you want me to get the shock device again?" Raven asks sweetly. Logan subsides.
"Hey, you promised me a good part, sheila!" Pyro complains.
"Yup, you get one of the best parts in the play," CF says. "You get to be Vizzini."
Both Pyro and CF start laughing insanely.
Raven leans in towards TM,
"Are you sure it was a good idea to put those two in the same room?"
"Don't worry about it, Rave," is the answer. "And hmm, Jean, you want a part?"
"Yes!" Jean says indignantly.
"Okay, good. You get to be the old hag in Buttercup's dream." TM says smiling.
"What!"
"It's fitting," TM replies.
"But—"
"Moving on," CF says, having calmed down. "Bobby will be the medicine man."
"And Jubilee will play his wife," Raven adds. The two mutant teens shrug. It could be worse.
"Who are we forgetting…?" TM asks absently.
"Ooh, the Grandfather…" CF says, "which will be played by Professor Xavier of course."
"The Grandson, which will be played by Jamie," Lightning adds.
"The Mother," Raven continues, "will be played by Ororo."
"Jamie looks nothing like Ororo." Bobby says.
"Shut up, Bobby." TM snaps. "Oh yeah, the Priest! Forge gets to play the priest. You'll need to work on his speech impediment."
"I'll get on that!" Forge hurries off to his techy area. A crash immediately sounds and everyone winces.
"Oh, and one last part…" Lightning reads, "The Random Guard from the Thieves' Forest that gets knocked out by Fezzik will be played by Lance."
Piotr gets a very large grin on his face.
Lance gulps. "Great…"
Kitty is pouting. Piotr tries to cheer her up. Lance throws a banana cream pie that happens to be sitting on the buffet table at Piotr. It hits him dead on in the face.
"This means var!" Piotr shouts. "Vait a second, who put Cayenne Pepper on zis pie?"
Everyone looks at Raven.
"Hey, it wasn't me this time!"
She looks at Gambit, who has his hands behind his back, rocking back and forth and humming the innocent hum of the not-so-innocent. "What?" he asks as everyone turns to him.
"What is wrong with you, Gambit?" Jean angrily starts. "Pie and Cayenne Pepper?"
"Don't knock it 'til you try it." Raven quips.
"You are impossible!" Jean continues her rant.
"Don't call him that!" Rogue yells, getting in Jean's face.
"You've called him that plenty of times!"
"Yeah! Ah can. You can't!" Rogue shouts.
"And they aren't dating?" Magneto says to Xavier about Rogue and Gambit before he winces as Rogue pours a gallon of milk over Jean's head.
"Aah!" Jean screams.
"1, 2, 3," the directors all count, "Here let me help you," they say at once, handing Jean four plates of cookies.
"No!" Scott gives his trademark girlish scream, running from the studio. "Not that! Anything but that!"
The directors all laugh very hard and get up to leave until the next time.
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