Disclaimer: We don't own X-men Evolution, but TM owns herself, the DPD, Raven, and Lightening and obviously CF owns herself, and the squirrels.
TM:does happy dance read the following. . . But I'm sorry too.
CF: (hangs head in shame) I don't even have words for how sorry I am! It's totally my fault this hasn't been updated in so long. Especially with this chapter being the thrilling conclusion! (turns red) I hope you all enjoy the chapter. And as for the Scott torture…I have the highest respect for Scott, really I do. He's just amazingly fun to torture. I shall go hide under a rock now.
Chapter 9—The Thrilling Conclusion!
Rogue is busy trying to avoid the clutches of the four directors for the final scenes of the movie. TM figures that because Rogue inadvertently won the directors money in the Rogue and Remy fight, the least she can do is let the girl sulk in peace (whereas normally she'd let CF try some loud, very off-key singing to wake Rogue right up for the next few scenes). CF is petting a squirrel, which in turn is glaring at Evan. Raven and Lightning are avidly discussing the next scene.
"Alright!" Raven stands up and claps her hands together. "This movie can finally be finished, so don't mess it up or else I'll throw you all through multiple walls."
"Hey, I thought you only threw me through walls!" Lightning protests, looking a little put out. Raven glares at him, and raises her hand to perform the action, when TM tries to divert the fight.
"Um, I think we should begin filming!" she says, sitting down in her chair and turning the camera on. "Lights, camera, ACTION! I'm going to miss that phrase…"
The scene opens with Kurt running like a madman through the halls of the castle. He looks behind him, and sure enough, Logan is running after him just as quickly. Meanwhile, Piotr is looking at the large suit of armor where he had left Remy. He looks around at all the halls and groans.
"Dat's what y' get for befriendin' a master o' stealth," Remy starts to brag, but Raven glares at him and he shuts up. On stage, Kurt runs through a door and waits with a fake plastic collapsible dagger. Once Logan runs through the door, Kurt throws the dagger, and thanks to Pietro rushing in and grabbing it so it hits Logan and not the fake window nearby, it appears to land deep in Logan's stomach. Logan winces, one eye always on Raven's shock device, falling back against the wall, eyes glazing over as ketchup—er, blood, pours out of his 'wound'.
"I'm beginning to enjoy this for the first time," Mystique comments idly.
Kurt looks at Logan closely, and then smirks in memory.
"You must be zat little Canadian brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago…"
"There are like a billion things wrong with that sentence," Bobby says. "Canadians are cool, and Wolverine's way older than Kurt. But he is short." He catches Logan's death glare. "Zipping lips now."
"It's simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think zat's ze worst thing I've ever heard, other than Kitty making dinner. How marvelous." Logan collapses on the floor.
Meanwhile, Rogue is in her room with the power negater on her wrist. She draws out a very deadly looking, one-hundred-per-cent-tin-foil dagger from a random box, and places it to her throat.
"Dere's not many women in dis world wit' perfect skin, would be a shame to damage yours, chere," Remy grins and winks from where he lies on the bed, next to Evan's sword. Rogue glares at him as she's rushing over to kiss him.
"Oh, Remy," she says, inwardly gagging at the sappy lines. Remy, trying to suppress his smirk, doesn't move, because according to his script he's supposed to look 'weak and unable to move'. "Remy, why won't ya hold me?"
"Gently," Remy mutters.
"At a time like this, this is all ya can think of to say?"
"Gently!" Rogue lets go, and Remy hits his head on the headboard rather painfully.
The camera switches to a close-up on Kurt, who is looking as surprised as someone without pupils can.
"Are you still trying to win?" he asks in disbelief, looking at Logan, who is struggling to his feet, pulling the dagger from his wound, and holding his hand over his stomach. Kurt raises his sword and moves in to stab Wolverine. "You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance, it's going to get you into trouble someday. Not like it doesn't already," the blue mutant adds, before he strikes at Wolverine. Amazingly, Logan parries the blows so that they hit his shoulders and not his heart. Then, Logan makes a move back, a flick of his sword towards Kurt, who jumps back with an involuntary cry of surprise.
"Hello," Logan rasps, pushing off of the wall unsteadily. "My name is Logan Howlett, you killed my father. Prepare to die." Kurt is obviously very frightened, and he begins to wave his sword at Logan, who somehow manages to block every attack. "Hello, my name is Logan Howlett, you killed my father, prepare to die," Logan repeats again, louder this time.
"Stop saying zat!" Kurt cries, looking more than obviously very frightened. He tries to retreat around the table (instead of doing the smart thing and racing out of the room), but Logan dives for Kurt, wounding him in both shoulders, exactly where Logan's cuts are.
"Hello, my name is Logan Howlett, you killed my father, prepare to die!"
"No-!" Kurt yelps. Under his breath he mutters, "not like I couldn't just teleport away…"
"Offer me money." A slash appears along Kurt's cheek as the six-fingered sword waves. With another strike, despite Kurt's pleading, a slash appears along Kurt's other cheek as Wolverine says, "power too, promise me that—everything I ask for—"
"All that I have and more, please, anything you want!" Kurt yells in panic. Wolverine narrows his eyes as he yells, driving the sword at an angle so it looks like he's just stabbed Kurt.
"I want my father back, you son of a—"
"Language!" Jamie yells, so loudly that it might be heard in the scene. Raven glares evilly at him, eyes glowing.
"You can't throw a little kid through a wall," TM reminds her, "especially if you don't want fifty of him running around this place."
"Good point." Seconds later, there is a cry and a sound of smashing as Scott gets hurled through a wall instead.
On stage, Kurt crumples to the floor, eyes wide and staring, even if he can't look that pale with his fur. Fake blood runs down from the equally fake cuts on his face. Wolverine grins.
"I can feel the love," CF mutters right before the scene switches. Remy is still lying on the bed, Rogue alongside the bed, watching him. "Now I can feel the love."
"Remy, will ya ever forgive me?" Rogue asks.
"What hideous sin have y' committed lately?" Remy replies, puzzled.
"Ah got married. Ah didn't want to, but it all happened so fast."
"It never happened."
"What? But Ah was there! This old, disco-obsessed man said 'man an' wife'. "
"Did y' say 'I do'?"
"We sorta skipped that part, actually," Rogue says, her expression growing lighter. Now she doesn't even have to pretend she's married to Scott.
"Den y're not married. If y' didn't say it, y' didn't do it—isn't dat right, y'r Majesty?" Remy turns his stare towards the doorway, where Scooterdinck is standing, sword drawn.
"A technicality that will shortly be remedied," Scott says. "But first…to the death!" he yells dramatically.
"Non," Remy says. "T' de pain." Scott stops short in bewilderment.
"I'm not quite familiar with that phrase."
"I'll explain den. And I'll use small words so y' know what I'm talkin' about, y' warthog-faced buffoon," Remy smirks as giggle and snickers are heard off-stage.
"That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me," Scott says.
"To your face," Pyro snickers.
"It won't be de last. To de pain means the first thing y' lose will be your feet, below the ankles, den your hands at the wrists, next y'r nose."
"And then my tongue, I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."
"I wasn't finished. De next thing you lose will be y'r left eye, followed by y'r right -"
"And then my ears, I understand, can we get on with it already?" Scott whines impatiently.
"Wrong! Y'r ears y' keep, and I'll tell y' why." Scott would have a look of fear in his eyes if anyone could see past the glasses. "So dat every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish - every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?", not like dey don't already, will echo in your ears. Dat's what "to de pain" means. It means I leave y' in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
"I think you're bluffing," Scott says, trying to look brave.
"It's possible, pig – I might be bluffing— it's conceivable, y' miserable mass, dat 'm only lyin' here because I lack the strength to stand - then again, perhaps I have the strength after all." Slowly, Remy pulls himself up from the bed. He stands, sword in fighting position. "Drop y'r sword." Scooterdinck panics and drops his sword. "Have a seat. Tie him up," he directs Rogue, "tight as y' like." As she goes to work, Logan runs in, his wound pretty much better.
"Where's Piotr?" Remy looks confused.
"I thought he was wit' you."
"In dat case-" Remy staggers.
"Help him," Wolverine growls toward Rogue, glaring at Remy with a look that says 'If-the-director-didn't-have-a-shock-device-I-would-never-have-said-that'.
"Why does Remy need helping?" Rogue asks, trying not to roll her eyes.
"Cause he has no strength." Scott begins to thrash in his bonds.
"I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! I knew he was bluffing."
"Good boy, have a cookie," CF laughs from offstage.
"Shall I dispatch him for you?" Logan says, looking interested in the movie for the first time.
"Oui—er, t'anks, but non. I want him t' live a long life alone wit' his cowardice."
"Gee thanks," Scott says dryly, just as Piotr calls from outside to Logan.
"Stick to the script!" Raven and TM call at the same time. As Scott yelps and slumps in his chair, the other three head to the window. Piotr is standing on the ground next to four white special effect horses. Forge is crossing his fingers and muttering a prayer offstage.
"Ah, there you are, Logan!" Piotr calls with a big smile. "I saw the Prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, there are four of us, if we ever find the lady—hello, lady!— so I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other. I guess we just did," he adds.
"Tin Man, you actually did somethin' right," Logan grins.
"Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head." As he says this, Rogue, thanks to Jean's reluctant telekinesis, jumps out of the window, making it look like she's floating to the ground.
"You know, it's very strange," Logan says. "I've been in the revenge business so long, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."
"Y' have a life?" Remy quips, then coughs. "I mean, uh, have y' ever considered piracy? Y'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Sinister." The camera cuts to the four white horses racing through the night—Forge is almost sobbing in relief that nothing's broken yet—and Remy and Rogue stop.
"They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Remy and Rogue knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other..." Rogue and Remy kiss again very happily, ignoring the cheers from the audience. Unfortunately, the camera moves off of them and onto the room where Jamie is sitting up in bed, looking at the Professor.
"No, it's kissing stuff. You don't want to hear it."
"…Yes I do. It gives me blackmail material on Remy and Rogue. I mean…uh, I don't mind it so much."
"All right." Professor X opens the book again. "Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The end." He closes the book with a snap as Remy and Rogue break off.
"Now, I think you ought to go to sleep."
"Like I can sleep with this noise!" Jamie protests, gesturing to the beginnings of the post-production celebration. "…but okay."
"Okay, okay, okay. All right. So long." The Professor wheels himself to the door.
"Professor? Um…maybe…maybe you could read it to me again, tomorrow?" The Professor smiles and gives Jamie a wise look on the way out.
"As you wish."
And with that…
"THE END!" everyone yells, including Scott, who promptly shudders at the synchronized yells.
The cast throw confetti and start dancing around. TM looks at CF, who is dancing merrily with Pyro. Needless to say, Wanda is glaring at them rather profusely. TM laughs and glances at Raven and Lighting who are once again arguing about how awful the last scene was. Then, TM picks up her Dr. Pepper and glances at her watch. "Uh oh, time to go!" She grabs the other three directors and drags them out of the studio. "Bye! See you, next time!" they all call.
That, of course, causes more screams to resound from the forever-branded Scooterdinck, right next to Evan's ears. Evan runs towards the door, partially deaf, straight into. . . (dun dun dun. . . ) The DPD!
"DPD! freeze!" Manning shouts.
"Uh, Manning. . ."
"What?" he says nervously.
"I think we missed them again. . ."
"Oh great. . ." Manning rolls his eyes, putting his gun away. "The chief'll have our heads for this one. . ."
They all leave, letting a sigh of relief pass through the cast.
And so the party continues, until Rogue says suddenly, "Did TM say there was gonna be a next time?"
A random squirrel, in full military gear, runs past holding a sign that says, "THIS REALLY IS THE END!"
AN: We'd tell you what we were gonna do next, but we haven't decided. Don't worry, we'll keep you updated on our profiles. (insert evil grins here)