Again, I'm sorry for the delay. I have had too much on my mind.
I'm standing outside the door, shaking. Why am this nervous? She is my
sister after all. I have no reason to be scared, have I?
Yeah, and the sun is green.
Two days earlier
- Kerstin saw us.
- She saw us when we were coming out of the poolhouse. She knows.
- Oh God.
I slumped down on an nearby bench, my legs suddenly unable to
Ryan sat down next to me, his face pale and his eyes unreadable.
He was putting on a mask, protecting himself.
What had she told him? Had she been angry with him? Was she angry
with me? Had she forced him to choose? Choose between the woman
he considered to be his mother and me?
So many questions. So few answers.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and forced myself to ask him.
- Is she angry?
Ryan shrugged his shoulders.
- I don't know, she hasn't talked to me. She could bearly look at me.
I put him through so much. The fact that Kirsten couldn't look at
him had hurt . Badly.
And it was my fault.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
- How do you know that she saw us?
- She told Seth and he can't keep a secret even if his life depended
on it. He said that he was happy for me. For us.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. He glanced at me and then he
looked away, his jaw muscles tensing.
- So, what do we do now?
- Yeah. I mean...
I couldn't force myself to continue. Did he want to brake up with me?
Was is to weird for him? Was it to weird for me?
Oh God, this was a mess.
Sure, we had talked about this. But that was before we made love.
Before Kirsten knew. Before the world turned upside down. Again.
Why can't anything be simple anymore?
He turned his head and looked at me. His eyes were so intense it
felt like they burned a hole in me.
- There is a "we"?
- I... I want it to be. What about you?
He gave me a small smile and reached for my hand.
I interwined my fingers with his. I needed to be close to him. Needed to
feel the warmt of his skin against mine.
- I want that too. I want that more than anything. I just found you,
and I don't want to loose you. Couldn't stand it. But I don't want to
hurt Kirsten. She's been like a mother to me.
I squeezed his fingers.
- I know. But we will find a way. We have to.
He leaned in closer and our lips met. And for a brief, wonderful moment,
there wasn't a problem in the world.
I ring the doorbell, feeling more and more nervous by the second.
I do not like this.
I hadn't liked it when Kirsten called me two days ago and I didn't like it
Having dinner with Ryan and Kerstin. With my boyfriend and his mother.
His mother who also happened to be my sister. Oh God. Why had I
agreed to do this?
The door opens and I see Ryan's smiling face.
Why is he smiling? Why isn't he nervous?
- Come in.
He steps back so I can get in and I can feel his eyes roaming over my body.
I walk in and he closes the door after me.
- You're beautiful.
- Thank you.
I look around, searching after Kirsten.
- She is in the kitchen.
So, this is it. Not it's to late to walk away. My heart starts beating faster.
I turn and starts walking towards the kitchen. Then I feel a hand on my
I turn around and find him looking at me.
- You're forgetting something.
He pulls me closer and kisses me. I put my arms around his neck,
pressing myself closer, totally forgetting where I am.
- Oh. Hi Lindsay.