Oh my God… It's been so long since I last updated this! Oh man… I'm so sorry… thank you, Saphirra112, for constantly bugging me to update my fics… hehe… I need people like that in order to update faster… ugh.. I wish I had more free time.. or a computer of my own… :P please enjoy chapter 5 of 'If Only'! (warning: very slight yaoi in this chapter)

Disclaimer : I STILL do not own any part of Yami no Matsuei or its characters. I also do not own 'Never Alone' by Barlow Girl. Do listen to the actual song, though. Its beautiful.

Come on… come on already!

Tsuzuki was complaining loudly in his mind. Well, after almost 30 minutes of standing in line, who wouldn't be complaining? Hisoka stood quietly next to him, but he tried every once in a while to calm Tsuzuki down by smiling every once in a while at him. It did seem to help.

As they neared the ride, Tsuzuki's spirit's started to soar, but it took an almost immediate nosedive as the amusement park crew announced that they were going to do maintenance on the ride, therefore, they would have to wait longer.

"You're kidding me…" Tsuzuki said aloud.

"What's going on, Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked, slightly confused on what was going on.

"Well, you see," the older man started "the people who work at amusement parks and such have to do maintenance so that the ride can work at its peak performance. It's also so they can see if there's anything wrong with the ride, if they find something funny, they can fix it straightaway. It's good in the sense that we don't have to worry about the ride causing any harm or danger to anyone, but its just that we're gonna have to wait longer…" Tsuzuki concluded his explaination by massaging his tired head.

"Oh, I see." Hisoka nodded "Merry-go-rounds are dangerous too…?"

"Well, just about anything can be dangerous if you really think about it. No matter how colourfully decorated they may be." Tsuzuki said, referring to the colourful merry-go-round that stood waiting before them. The pair became slightly amused trying to think of how a kiddy-like ride would be able to cause any harm.

"Hey, did you hear about that escaped maniac?"

"Do you mean the one that was in the papers a few days ago?"

"That's the one. I heard the police are looking all over for him, but they're hot on his tail. It was reported that he was spotted somewhere near this area recently."

"Eh?! Then, shouldn't we be indoors or at least, somewhere other than this place?! Isn't he dangerous?"

"The newspapers only said that he was crazy, it wasn't reported that he'd hurt anyone or is dangerous. Well, maybe not yet."

"Or maybe, they're just not telling us that he's dangerous so that there won't be a riot or something…"

"Yeah, you're right…"

Tsuzuki continued to listen in silence to the two people that were in the line behind them. They were talking about some escaped maniac… if he was supposed to be in the newspapers for a while now, why is it that I haven't heard about this before…?

He proceeded to look at Hisoka, who was playing with a pebble on the floor with his shoes. That's right, I've been so busy and caught up lately with Hisoka's appearance and Ruka's kidnapping that I didn't really bother to read newspapers or anything to care what else was going on in the world.

Ruka was kidnapped… no doubt being held against her will somewhere, waiting for me to come and save her. But here I am, complaining that the wait to go on a merry-go-round isn't moving fast enough… then again, if I don't try to relax with Hisoka before I try to rescue her, who knows what could go wrong due to all the pent up… stress? Yeah, that's it. This is so that I can relax and prepare myself to face whatever that may come. After this, its all Ruka. Tsuzuki tried his best to keep from feeling guilty.

Tsuzuki was abruptly interrupted from feeling guilty when a deranged-looking man jumped over the fence and ran towards them and the ride. He had wild long hair and was surprisingly built for a man of his size. He was carrying a mallet around with him and looked maniacally at everyone and everything around him.

"It's the maniac from the newspapers!" someone shrieked and ran away. Several others followed. Tsuzuki and Hisoka, however, stayed rooted to the ground, along with another bunch of people who were in too big of a shock to even move.

The maintenance people stopped their work to find out what was going on. Some realized the possible danger and started to flee from their work station while others tried to chase the maniac away or catch him. Whichever came first.

The maniac jumped onto the merry-go-round and started hitting one of those horse thingys that you would sit on when you ride a merry-go-ride. He bashed the thing until it became a horrible mangled pile on the floor, then when he was satisfied with his work, he ran towards the amusement park exit and was never to be seen again.

Everyone who witnessed the scene just stared after him in shock. Then, when they had finally stopped looking like they had been slapped in the face with a dead fish, the maintenance people began to resume their work. Although, there was nothing they could do about the seat that the maniac had destroyed…

Which means…

there's a chance that there will only be one seat left when we finally ride it! Tsuzuki thought happily and hopefully. People started to return gingerly to the merry-go-round when it was announced that it was ready to go. Tsuzuki let people go first this time, hoping that by the time he and Hisoka rode it, they would have to share the one remaining seat.

Finally, it was the moment of truth. It was their turn to get onto the ride. Tsuzuki helped Hisoka get onto one of the seats before casting a glance around to see if there were anymore free seats. The only remaining seat was the one that was totally and utterly destroyed by the maniac.

Tsuzuki could've leapt for joy right there. Thank you, maniac!

Hisoka seemed to realize that there was nowhere for Tsuzuki to sit. He began to get worried. "Tsuzuki, do you want to go on the next one where there are enough seats?"

Tsuzuki panicked. There was no way he was gonna miss this chance. "uh, no.. Remember what I told you earlier? I said if that even if there was only one seat left, we could share, right? (A/N Refer to Chap. 4 if you don't…)"

Hisoka's anxiety was lifted and he started to smile "Well, that's fine then." He proceeded to shift a little so that Tsuzuki could sit comfortably with him. Once the older man was properly seated, the ride began to move. Tsuzuki wrapped his arms around Hisoka's waist, confirming the teen's thoughts that nothing else could possibly go wrong with this ride.

The ride went round and round (duh..) and the lovers enjoyed every blissful moment of it together. Even the damn-bloody-annoying music that kept playing didn't manage to intrude their own little world. Hisoka tilted his head somewhat upsde-down and peered at Tsuzuki. He couldn't stand it. Hisoka looked so adorable upside down. Tsuzuki kissed the top of Hisoka's forehead, causing looks of envy from other uh… passengers.

"ooh.. why can't you do that to me?! Look at them, so sweet together!" a woman pressured her nervous boyfriend.

"Oh I wish I was that blond right now…" another lady swooned dreamily, completely forgetting her date.

"Ugh… gays." A mother muttered to herself, blocking Tsuzuki and Hisoka from her son's view.

"Don't these people have any shame?! Doing things like that in public; on a children's ride no less!" an elderly man gossiped with the nearest passenger, while holding his grandchild protectively.

It went on like that for the entire duration of the ride. The lovebirds could barely hear what the other passengers were saying, but they could guess by the looks they were getting. Still, they treated the other passengers' opinions the same as they did the heap of broken seat behind them. Ignored it all totally whether it was good or bad. The amusement park workers couldn't manage to uninstall and remove the broken seat without making the crowd wait longer, so they decided to leave it till later.

As the ride came to a stop, people got off and went their separate ways, some of them trying their utmost best to get away from Tsuzuki and Hisoka. The pair, on the other hand, was still caught up in their sheer, newfound bliss, that they left the ride, holding hands, clearing still experiencing euphoria. They somehow managed to make their way to a small teashop located within the amusement park area. It was going to be sunset soon, and the couple found themselves a nice spot to have their tea.

"So," Tsuzuki started as they began drinking their tea "what do you think of Earth's contraptions?"

Hisoka chuckled. He had called the rides 'Earth's contraptions' a while ago during the wait to ride the merry-go-round. He felt somewhat surprised and touched that the elder man remembered. "They're…bearable," he replied, smiling back at latter.

Tsuzuki nodded in agreement. "Oh look!" he pointed into the horizon suddenly. There was a clear, spectacular view of the sun setting over the hills in the distance. The couple cuddled together, Hisoka resting his head on Tsuzuki's chest with the brunette's arms wrapped tightly around him. They watched the sun go down in silence, enjoying every moment of it together. They weren't the only ones. Everyone that came with their dates or spouses decided to do the same thing. It was all quiet, until suddenly, someone's mp3 player could be heard playing, and part of a song could be heard before the owner quickly and embarrassedly turned it off.

I cried out with,

no reply and,

I can't feel you by my side, so

I'll hold tight to what I know,

you're here…

and I'm never alone. (1)

The lovebirds chuckled at what they heard. It seemed so fitting. The song sounded like it was trying to describe what was going on with them before and as they met each other. (A/N : I guess… I'm sorry!) As the sun finally disappeared from view, leaving them all in semi-darkness, a wide array of fireworks lit the night sky as the mark of the last day of the amusement park. Hisoka watched the display in awe as he had never seen anything so spectacular since watching the sunset.

Tsuzuki smiled gently. He wasn't really watching the fireworks anymore. His attention was focused on the young teen he held ever so comfortably in his arms. After a few moments, the blond looked up at Tsuzuki, smiling as though this was the best day of his life. Both men lost in the moment (and in each other's eyes), they started to lean in towards each other, eyes slowly sliding shut.

It took a few seconds for Tsuzuki's mind to fully register that he was really kissing Hisoka. He finally started to feel Hisoka's soft, plump lips brushing rather passionately against his own. Their tongues started to fight a battle of dominance, intertwining with one another. In the end, the battle was won by the amethyst-eyed brunette. Hisoka allowed Tsuzuki's tongue to explore the realms of his mouth. The couple continued to show their affection for one another, neither of them could care less what anyone else was thinking as they watched them.

After what seemed like a good, well-spent 10 minutes or so, they finally pulled apart and took deep breaths to make up for the oxygen they lost as well as to calm their racing hearts. They wouldn't look at each other for a while, apparently somewhat shocked at what they had just done. Still, a few moments later, they started to acknowledge one another again. Hisoka was still blushing madly while Tsuzuki grinned back at him, slightly out of breath, but had the look of pure satisfaction on his face.

"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki smiled "that was the best kiss I ever got. In fact, you wanna know a secret?" He leaned in to whisper into Hisoka's ear "that was my first kiss."

Hisoka's eyes widened greatly at those words. "Seriously?! I thought you must have kissed scores of other people before me!"

Tsuzuki laughed "Nah, none of them seemed to deserve it (cheeky grin)"

Hisoka sweatdropped while smiling wanly. "So, what you're trying to say is that I deserve it?" because I don't. I really don't. Hisoka's expression suddenly turned to one of sadness and guilt. Unlike Tsuzuki, this was not his first kiss.

"Well, of course you deserve it, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki answered, oblivious to Hisoka's sudden change of a good mood "Ah! When did the fireworks stop?! Shoot! We must have missed a lot of it! Uhh…" He was cut short from his ramblings as he realized that everyone was watching Tsuzuki and Hisoka's little display of affection.

"Uh… ahaha…" Tsuzuki stuttered while scratching his head somewhat in embarrassment. "Well Hisoka, shall we make a move?"

"Ah, yeah, sure." Hisoka replied, still lost in his thoughts. I wonder what's going on with him…? Has he given up on searching for me? I hope so! Oh my God, what if he does find me? Hisoka started to panic silently as he walked beside Tsuzuki, not taking in even a word of what the latter was saying. I can't… I can't go back there! I'd kill myself before they can drag me back to that hellhole! Back to him!

"-soka… Hisoka? Hey, are you listening?" Tsuzuki's persistent voice broke the teen's thoughts. Hisoka's head snapped towards Tsuzuki's direction, eyes wide in fear from remembering what it was like at the 'hellhole'.

"Hisoka, are you okay? What happened?" Tsuzuki took hold of the blond's shoulders and shook them slightly. Hisoka just stared back up at him, mumbling incoherent and inaudible words under his breath. Tsuzuki was confused at the sudden change of behaviour. Just a minute ago, he was kissing Hisoka and talking about stuff. Wait… did I say something to upset him or something…? I can't remember doing anything. Hold it… it couldn't have been because I kissed him, right? He looked like he was totally fine with it! …or was he..? argh…! This is so annoying!

As Tsuzuki fought and argued with himself about whether Hisoka's behaviour was his fault or not, Hisoka began to snap out of his slight daze. He watched in confusion as his lover battled with his so-called inner demons or conscience or whatever. He slowly reached up and closed his fingers around Tsuzuki's sleeve, getting the latter's attention.

"Tsu? What's going on? What are you doing?"

"Me?! What's wrong with you? You looked like you were possessed or something. You were completely out of it!"

"I-I was…?"

"Well, yeah! What happened? You suddenly started mumbling and acting funny.. is it my fault? Did I do something to hurt you?" It was now Tsuzuki's turn to experience a sudden change of mood "Maybe… maybe we went too fast. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed you so quickly, I mean, we've only known each other for about 2 days, well, maybe a day and a half. Anyway, I'm sorry.. I'll-"

"No! I mean, its not like that!" Hisoka cut the elder man off "I liked it! I've never been this happy in my life! I'm glad you found me, I'm glad you brought me here, I'm ecstatic you kissed-"

Tsuzuki held a finger to the blond's lips, halting his speech "Wait. Let me just get this straight. You're happy, you're fine and nothing is my fault?"

"Yes!" Hisoka confirmed exasperatedly. "I'm sorry I ruined this day for you like this. My uh… mumbling was nothing, Tsuzuki. Honest." Not.

"Seriously? Then that's fine then. And besides, you didn't ruin today at all. In fact, if you asked me, I don't think today could've gone any better" Well, except everything would be a lot better if Ruka was here with us… Tsuzuki sighed. "Hey, you know what?"

"What?" Hisoka smiled as they made their way back to Tsuzuki's place.

Tsuzuki leaned in to kiss Hisoka's cheek. "I feel like having some ice-cream… (grins) Come on! Let's stop by the place by the park!" He started to pull Hisoka happily towards the park.

"Again?!" Hisoka sighed but laughed as he slightly struggled to keep up with his excited lover.


"Boss! The sleeping darts and the voice restraining solution you told us to use on that Tsuzuki girl are functioning optimally."

"Well, of course they work perfectly, you fool. I created them myself! Everything that I'm involved in has to be perfect! Speaking of which…" Muraki turned to look at the 'fool' with menacing eyes "… have you found my sex toy yet?"

"Uh…um, well, we do have some information and leads as to where that boy may be, but we're not sure if they're true. Even now, some of our men are following the leads and sending us regular reports."

"And what exactly does your information tell you?" Muraki asked coolly.

"T-that he was found and being taken care of by someone..?" the 'fool' replied, terrified of Muraki's reaction.


Slightly taken aback by the answer he received from his master, the 'fool' braved himself to ask "Sir, if I may, why don't you find someone else to be your uh, sex toy? How about the girl in the dungeons?"

Muraki looked like he could kill "Someone else?" He started to close ion dangerously towards the 'fool' who was beginning to fear for his safety "If I were to really just take someone else, how about you? You've seen what I do to that boy, do you wish the same fate upon yourself?"

"N-no, sir, I was merely-"

"You wouldn't, now would you?" Muraki's eyes glowed in the moonlight as the 'fool' shook his head violently "Well, find him, then!" Muraki bellowed.

"R-right away, sir!" the poor man stuttered and proceeded to run as fast and as far away as he could possibly go.

"Soon, bouya, I'll find you. And you'll be back here before you can even think. Then, you're mine once more!" Muraki laughed into the cold night sky.

Ah.. this chapter is finally done. I don't think I've ever made such a long chapter. I seriously apologize for the way I ended this chapter, I didn't plan it initially, but I had to make sure that Muraki and Ruka weren't forgotten in the midst of Tsuzuki and Hisoka's love fest…

(1) Now that I think about it, I don't exactly know how this song fits in here, but I really just wanted to use it cos its such a great song:D

anyway, please review, try not to flame me too much, though, this chapter was hard on me… I still apologize for the way this chapter turned out. I'm not happy with the ending, but... oh well, thanks for reading!