Sorry that it has taken me so long to update. Hope that you haven´t given up on

me…


I have been sitting by her hospital bed for hours. It feels like days.

Just sitting there, not beeing able to do anything for the person you love…

It makes you feel so helpless, so small.

I dont like feeling helpless, I hate feeling small.

The doctor had assured me that she only had a concussion, had assured me that she would be fine.

That our baby would be fine.

But she was still unconscious.

I was still worried.

And Marissa still had some questions to answer.


I remembered the day Theresa told me she was pregnant. She had been so scared, so unsure of what I would do. Of how I would react.

" Ryan… I need… I need to tell you something."

We had been laying on the bed in her hotell room, watching some silly soap opera on tv. She had her head against my chest and I could feel the scent of her schampo. She smelled like flowers. She always had. Even back in Chino when

we had been kids.

"Sure. What is it?"

She had sat up with her back turned against me, not letting me see her eyes.

"I… We… I´m… "

She had been on the verge of crying and I had turned of the tv, cupped a hand under her chin and forced her to look at me. She closed her eyes and tears started flowing down her cheeks, making me terrified. Theresa never cried.

No matter how hard life was, now matter how much pain she went through, she never cried. Crying in Chino was considered a weakness. And beeing weak in Chino could get you killed.

"Theresa, baby, what´s wrong?"

I trailed my fingertips over her cheeks, wiping away her tears with my tumbs.

She opened her eyes and looked at me, her eyes red and her lips trembling.

" I´m sorry Ryan… I´m so sorry…"

"For what? Theresa, you are scaring me. Tell me whats wrong. Please."

My voice had started to shake. I had never seen her like this and it had scared the shit out of me.

"I´m pregnant…"

Her voice was so low that I had to strain to her the words.

At first, the word didn´t make any sense. Then, when I understood them, it felt like a truck had hit me. Pregnant. She… was… pregnant…?

" I´m so sorry Ryan. I never meant for this to happen. I…"

She was pregnant. With my baby. How had this happened?

"When did…?"

" A month ago, I think. We didn´t use any… And I… I had forgot to take my pills… Ryan…"

Her voice was shaking.

"Are you sure?"

"I took a test this morning. Ryan, I didn´t know how to tell you. I´m so sorry…"

She started sobbing again, her hands covering her face. She was shaking like a leaf.

I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head.

"Scch… Scch… Take it easy…Take it easy… We´ll figure it out… "

She pulled away and looked up at me, her eyes full of tears.

" WE will?… You´re not gonna… leave me?"

"Of course not. I… I love you."

And it hadn´t been hard to say those words, it hadn´t feelt forced.

And when she said it back….

"I love you too… "

…. I knew that we could go through anything. Togheter.

I kissed her trembeling lips and pulled her closer to me.

We had sat like that for hours, holding on to each other.


I shake my head to get rid of my thoughts and turn my attention to the woman laying in the bed. She looks so pale.

I can´t help but whisper her name, hoping that she will wake up, that she will come back to me.

She open her eyes slowly and then shut them quickly, the light from the lamp hurting her eyes.

I say her name again and she turns her head towards me and moans.

Her head hurts and she is tired but I can´t stop myself from asking

about Marissa.

She don´t know if she has been pushed, and when she tries to concentrate her head hurts even more and I curse myself for my impatience. The questions could wait. She could not.

I leave her to go and look for the doctor that had wanted to see her when she woke up.

Her voice stops me when I´m halfway out the door.

- Ryan?

I turn around and looks and see the fear in her eyes, hear it in her voice.

- Yeah?

- Is… Is our baby okey?

She looks so worried, laying in the hospital bed, pale as a ghost. Her head hurts like hell and all she´s worried about is our baby.

I have never loved her more.

- Our baby is fine. The doctor checked him out.

She closes her eyes and sighs in relief.

I go back to the bed and lean down, kissing her forehead.

- Try to rest , okey? I´ll go and get the doctor.

She opens her eyes and smile at me. God, she is beautiful when she smiles.

- Okey.

- Good. I´ll be back as soon as possible.


When I had found the doctor I sat down in a chair outside the hospital room.

I was exhausted. It feelt like I hadn´t sleept in days.

- Is she awake?

I didn´t even open my eyes when I heard Seth´s voice.

He´s the only one I called after we had arrived to the hospital. I knew that he would tell Sandy and Kirsten what had happened and I was thankfull. I had not had the energy to deal with anyone just then.

I had bearly been able to stop myself from lashing out at Marissa who had came

to the hospital in her own car.

If she´d pushed Theresa…

- Yeah. The doctor is in there now, checking up on her.

- That´s good.

He must have seen my facial expression because he continued.

- It´s not good ?

I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

- It is. It´s just….

- What? Ryan, the baby…. It´s not?… She didn´t?…

It was almost nice to hear the concern in his voice. To know that I wasn´t the only one that was worried, the only one who cared.

- No. The baby is fine. It´s… Marissa.

- Marissa? What´s she done?

- I don´t know. I just don´t know.

I let out a frustrated sigh and lean back, my head against the wall.

What had happened in the damn poolhouse?


"What the hell happened here?"

I stood in the doorway, staring at the scene in front of me. Marissa stood in the middle of the room, frozen, staring at Theresa with eyes full of fear.

Theresa layed on the floor, her eyes shut and her hands on her stomac, a pained expression on her face.

" Theresa?"

No reaction.

I knealed beside her and felt for her pulse. It was there. Slow, but steady. She was just unconscious.

Thank God.

"Call an ambulance. Now."

"Ryan, I didn´t…"

I didn´t even look at her.

"Shut the fuck up. Just call an ambulance."

I just sat there on the floor, holding a hand on Theresas stomac, praying to the God I didn´t believe in that everything would be allright with Theresa and our baby.

" The ambulance is on the way."

I turned my head and looked at Marissa.

"Did you push her?"

I could bearly control my anger and she must have noticed because she backed away from me, her eyes pleading.

"Please Ryan, I…"

" Did you?"

She bit her lip and looked at me. I saw her swallow and open her mouth, as if she was about to speak, when the ambulance came.


- You don´t think she…?

- …pushed Theresa? Who knows?

- Ryan ,come on...I mean, it´s Marissa we are talking about. Marissa.

- I know who we are talking about dammit. She hates Theresa´s guts.

- Ryan…


TBC. What did you think? Review plz!