Title: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Author: LadyJaye

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with Red Eye; I make no money off this (though they are welcome to pay me if they really want to). I just write for my enjoyment and yours. The title is the name of a song performed by Reliant K, thanks to miserychickfic for introducing me to this great group and song.

Summary: What would have happened if Lisa and Jackson had a past, would things have been different?

Rating: T

Author's Note: I know it's a stupid summary but I couldn't think of how to summarize this because I don't know entirely where the story is going yet. Reviews are appreciated, but please don't be too harsh, I work six days a week and don't have much time to write these days. Thanks.

Chapter 1


Last period of the day, English class; Lisa Reisert sat in the front of the class with her friends hanging onto every word coming from the teacher. They had just been handed their copies of Macbeth and were going over the assignment pages. In the back of the class sat the kids who were too cool to pay attention and amongst them sat one student who didn't really fit in any social circle in school, Jackson Henderson.

Jackson was a new student this year and would be finishing out high school in Miami. He had come to live with a distant relative after spending many years as a ward of the state after the death of his parents. He was quiet and kept to himself, usually ignoring all that was going on around him. The teacher started handing out roles to the students for Macbeth, everyone began to groan.

"The role of Lady McDuff will be played by Cindy Harris, Lord McDuff will be played my David Matthews….Lady Macbeth will be played Lisa Reisert and lastly the role of Macbeth will be played by…Jackson Henderson."

Jackson's eyes immediately lifted from the page he was drawing on and focused to the front of the room. He saw Lisa smile and joke with her friend Cindy beside her. One of the boys at the back slapped him on the arm, "Hey congrats man," he said. Jackson turned to him and glared at him with hollow eyes, then turned his attention to the clock above the teacher.

"Everyone please read Act I before class on Monday and be prepared to recite your roles, and don't worry, you can use your books; this isn't drama class after all."

The bell rang and everyone got up to collect their things. From the back of the room Jackson watched Lisa leave with her friends and then stepped into the hall just after her. His locker was five down from hers and as he threw his books into the locker and gathered his stuff he watched her out of the corner of his eye, listening to her as she laughed with her friends…about him no doubt he thought to himself, everyone else ignored him, why should she be any different. He turned his attention back to his locker and couldn't hear her any longer; he was surprised by a tap on his shoulder.

"Yes!" he said quickly turning around. Standing in front of him was Lisa.

"It's Jackson right?"

"Yeah…Lisa right?"

"Yeah," she said awkwardly.

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment before Lisa spoke.

"I was wondering if you needed someone to study with, maybe to read over your lines with."

"Um, yeah…sure that would be okay; when?" he asked.

"I'm working tonight and tomorrow afternoon, but I have tomorrow night off if you want to get together then."

"What you don't have a date for Saturday night?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"No," she said looking down at the ground so she could hide the blush in her cheeks.

"Okay, shall we say around 8:00 then?"

"Eight's good. Here's my address if you want to work there."

"Alright, I'll see you at eight. Bye," he said to her.

"Bye," she said turning from him to meet her friends outside.

Jackson slipped the paper into his pocket and closed his locker. He walked the opposite way Lisa had to go home.

The next day when Lisa got home from work it was almost 5:30. She quickly ran upstairs and changed into her running suit and on her way out passed her father in the kitchen.

"Dad, I'm gonna need the den tonight."

"Why is that dear, have a date?"

"It's not a date, just a classmate coming over to study."

"Oh, study what?"

"Macbeth, we have to read roles on Monday so he's coming over to go over Act I with me."

"I see…what's his name?"

"Jackson, promise me that you won't go all fatherly on him and give him the third degree. He's a new student this term and he's having a hard enough time fitting in as it is; he doesn't need an overprotective father attacking him."

"Okay, I promise, but the door to the den stays open…understood?"

"Fine," she relented.

"What time is he coming here?"

"8:00 so I haven't got much time for my run, gotta go."

"Be careful hon," Joe Reisert called out to Lisa.

Lisa took off down the street and was back home 45 minutes later. She immediately hopped into the shower to freshen up and once she was dressed went downstairs to quickly tidy up the den so it looked presentable when Jackson arrived. At 7:45 the door bell rang, Lisa got up to answer it but her father was quicker.

"Good evening, can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm here to see Lisa," he said quickly.

"Hi Jackson, come on in," Lisa said gently nudging her father aside.

"Thanks," he said removing his shoes once he was inside, "I didn't know if I should bring anything with me so I brought some popcorn."

"Popcorn's good, here the kitchen is this way," she said leading him down the hall.

"Will anyone else be coming?" Jackson asked once they got into the kitchen.

"No, I hope that's okay," she said shyly as she took the bag of popcorn from him and placed it into the microwave.

"That's fine…I guess they all had other plans tonight."

"That's likely, they usually do. Would you like something to drink? I've got Pepsi, Mountain Dew and Orange Juice?"

"I'll have a Pepsi please," he said taking the can from her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Joe Reisert looking into the kitchen from the other room watching them; he smiled in his direction and saw the man quickly go back to his television program.

Jackson and Lisa made their way down the hall into the den and sat down on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Jackson noted that she already had her book out on the table as well as her History and Math textbook sitting out. He reached into the bowl and grabbed a handful glancing at her as he did so.

"So why don't you have anything better to do on a Saturday night besides homework?"

"What do you mean?" she asked quizzically.

"Well you are a pretty girl who appears to be popular and probably has guys falling all over her, and yet here you are; sitting at home on a Saturday night doing homework."

"Well thank you for the compliment. Contrary to what you think I don't have guys falling all over me, and quite frankly I'm not that interested in jocks or guys who think they are cool because they hang with the right crowd. I'm after a more intelligent guy, someone who is real, inside and outside," she said looking right at Jackson the entire time she spoke.

"You forgot to say that you are pretty," he said smirking at her slightly.

"Thank you, but if I were to say that I might sound vain, and I'm not a vain person," she said now looking away from him at the pop can she held in her hands.

A moment of silence passed between them. She glanced over to her book willing it to come to her so they could get to reading all the while thinking to herself that this had been foolish. She had asked him to come over because she had thought he was good looking and might be interesting to talk to, but now she was feeling very self conscious and just wanted the night to be over.

Jackson was looking at her and mentally kicking himself for embarrassing her. He had meant it when he said that she was pretty but he could see now that despite her public appearance and confidence that she really was a shy person when one on one. He felt like he might have blown his chance, not that he really deserved a chance with a girl like her, after everything that had happened in his life up to this point. He was the first to stop the silence.

"I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable."

"You didn't…. well okay maybe a little uncomfortable, but not with you; with myself. I feel like two different people sometimes and I wish I knew how to meld the two together to create one complete person."

"In a way, I know how you feel…. Well shall we get down to it? I think Shakespeare has waited long enough don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess he has. Where's your book?"

"Oh yeah, about that I forgot it at school. Can I share your copy?" he smiled at her as he asked her.

"Yeah right, you did that on purpose."

"Guilty, I hate homework."

"Alright, scoot over," she said meeting him in the middle.

As she opened her book Jackson looked for where Lord and Lady Macbeth came into the play and looked at Lisa.

"Do we have to read the whole of Act I, Macbeth doesn't even appear until SceneThree and Lady Macbeth doesn't appear until Scene Five?"

"Come on, it will be fun…just do different voices for each character, we'll read opposite until we get to our parts."

"Or we could go get your father, I'm sure he'd be happy to help?"

"You could but it's your ear he'll talk off. I can tune him out, you don't know how to."

"Okay," Jackson said laughing, "we'll read opposites, but you can do all the witches parts."

"Yeah, I love the witches…actually I sort of wish I'd gotten one of those parts instead," she said laughing.

Jackson settled into the couch more comfortably and watched smiling as Lisa stood up and pretended to be one of the witches stirring her cauldron, and then jumping to the next witch.

First Witch

When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

Second Witch

When the hurly burly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.

Third Witch

That will be ere the set of sun.

Just after 10:00 Jackson was putting on his coat to go home; Joe Reisert had already gone upstairs to bed. Lisa opened the door for him and then followed him out to his car.

"That was fun Lisa, thanks for having me over tonight."

"No problem that was fun, you should think about taking up drama," she said smiling at him.

"Only if you do first," he said softly chuckling.

"Hey if you wanna cheat on the homework I was going to try and rent Macbeth with Orson Welles next weekend. It's probably the truest movie to the play," Lisa asked trying not to sound desperate.

"Sounds like fun," he replied smirking at her as he said it, "I would like that."

Lisa held her hand out to him and he took it and gave it a shake. He then did something he never expected himself to do. He tightened his grip slightly and pulled her towards him and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. When he pulled back he saw the shock and the blush of nervousness on Lisa's face.

He smiled at her keeping his face only a few inches away from her own.

"Goodnight my Lady, until Monday."

"Goodnight my Lord," she replied smiling back at him.

Jackson let go of her hand and got into his car. Lisa walked up to the front door and waited until he pulled out of the driveway before going in afraid that it all might be just a dream. When she closed the door she was greeted by her father who was now standing at the bottom of the stairwell grinning from ear to ear.

"So it wasn't a date huh?"

"Dad, don't start please."

"No, I liked him, really I did."

Lisa turned out the downstairs lights and stood beside her father leaning over to give him a kiss goodnight before going upstairs.

"Goodnight daddy."

"Goodnight sweetheart."