4Chapter 6: Tonks to Remus: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
A/N: see how quick this update was? Aren't you so proud of me? yay. Anyway, we're traveling forward in time now, sorry if the chronology of this fic is confusing...but to tell the truth, it doesn't actually matter all that much.
Oh and in the parentheses are the actual lyrics to the song...it's a really good song, sad, but sweet too.
Disclaimer: I don't own Remus, Tonks, the shrieking shack, or -sadly-not even Death Cab For Cutie. damn. foiled again!
I am so sorry about saying this song was by Snow Patrol at first! I love both groups, so I think it was a bit of a Freudian slip sort of thing...anyway, I Will Follow... is by Death Cab For Cutie
Chapter 6: Tonks to Remus: I Will Follow You into the Dark
"No Remus!" Tonks stormed out of the small restaurant and into the snowy street. Tears were beginning to sting the corners of her bright purple eyes, but she brushed them away angrily.
Wrapping her cloak about her, Tonks kept walking briskly down the still bustling streets of Hogsmeade. She heard footsteps behind her, but she only sped up her determined pace.
Soon, she found herself gazing at the pale walls of the Shrieking Shack, gleaming in the gloomy light of the crescent moon. Tonks kicked at the snow on the ground, and flopped onto the powdery white carpet with a low "oomph!".
"Thought I'd find you here."
Tonks had no need to turn her head in order to know who was standing behind her.
"Really? And would that have anything to do with the fact that you followed me here?" Tonks asked snidely. She wasn't ready to melt yet. He'd have to work harder than that.
She felt rather than heard the slight form of Remus Lupin settling down beside her in the snow.
"Maybe." he replied. "But that doesn't sound quite as impressive...or dashing."
Tonks knew he was smiling, and she couldn't fight smiling back a little too.
"You see, Remus?" she said. "You see? This is what I'm talking about."
"Hm? What d'you mean? What are you talking about?"
"This! Here I was, in a downright murderous, gloomy mood, and all you have to do is make a little self-deprecating joke, and boom! I don't feel so bad anymore. I'm still mad at you, but at least I don't feel like strangling you anymore. You always know exactly what to say to me." She paused. "Except, of course, when you try to convince me that you're a dangerous, unlovable monster, and I'm just going through a phase. A phase! Honestly, Remus, I—"
"Nymphadora," he said, quietly shaking his head. "Nymphadora, please. Just please understand. I know you can take care of yourself—you've proven that countless times." Tonks smiled, and nodded emphatically at that, as he continued. "But that doesn't undercut the fact that I am dangerous."
Tonks' smile disappeared.
"I know!" She groaned. "But how many times do I have to tell you that I don't-!"
"Care." Remus finished for her. "I know." He smiled ruefully. "If it were just a mater of you caring, we wouldn't...this wouldn't...we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"Damn right, we wouldn't." Tonks said. "And we shouldn't be having this conversation anyway."
"Tonks, do you have any idea of what kind of state I'd be in if something were to happen to you because of one of my...my transformations?" He asked, taking one of her mittened hands with both of his.
"Relieved to be rid of a pesky little girl and her determination to make you snog her senseless?" Tonks replied.
Remus chuckled.
"Not exactly. I'd be devastated to not have my pesky little metamorphagus anymore. And I'd hate myself forever for being the one responsible for it. I don't want to even take the chance of that happening."
Tonks was listening, but his words were making her furious all over again. She loved the man! She loved every part of him—even the furry and violent part that came out at every full moon—and besides, with the wolfsbane potion, he wasn't even all that violent. So really he was just furry and drowsy. Cute, actually.
But she didn't bother pointing this out to Remus. She'd already tried too many times for her to recount. As she raised her head, he caught her eyes with his own, and let go of her hands. Immedietely, she could feel a cold wind rush over hands, and she shivered. Remus let out a long sad breath.
"The wolfsbane potion doesn't take care of everything." he said.
"But you're not denying that you still have feelings for me." Tonks said, lifting her chin stubbornly.
Remus placed his hand under her chin, leant his his forehead against hers, and absentmindedly stroked her tear-stained cheek with his thumb.
"I can't," he breathed.
"You can't deny your feelings for me, or you can't allow yourself to love me?" Tonks whispered.
"Both."
"But you can love me!" Tonks said fervently. "You can! I love you, and you love me. Tell me, Remus, tell me what's so hard about that?" She started choke as the tears came up again.
Remus gently held her body to his, as he whispered into her hair.
"Nymphadora...how can I make you understand?"
Tonks nuzzled against his warm shoulder.
"No, Remus. How can I make you understand?"
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Auror school as vicious as goblin rule (Catholic...Roman)
I was bruised all over from the start (got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black)
And I held my toungue as they told me (she)
"Girl, fear is the heart of love"
I've taken that to heart (So I never went back)
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From battles to, yes, wolv'rines (Bangcock to Calgary)
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for love is now (sleep)
It's nothing to fight about (cry)
Cause we'll hold each other soon
After the full moon (The blackest of rooms)
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Remus was silent, he wouldn't look at the auror at his side. Merlin, he loved her so much; he didn't doubt her faith or loyalty, but he wouldn't, he couldn't, be the one to put her in danger. Groaning silently, he put his head in his hands, hoping—albeit irrationally—that if he closed his eyes, and then opened them, the problem would solve itself. But Tonks, apparently, would have none of that.
She grabbed him by the shoulders, and shook him as she cried out,
"Remus! Can't you see? Don't you understand? I know exactly what I'm getting myself into, and I want to love you anyway."
She stopped shaking him, and stroked his hair instead.
"Look at me please, Remus..." She implored. "Turning yourself cold won't make me any safer—I'm a frickin' auror, I practically live for danger!" She laughed harshly. "Making us both miserable won't save us... maybe we're all just a little bit doomed."
He looked up, and Tonks looked directly into his eyes, softening a little when she saw the glints of pain and fear in them. She continued, her voice growing more impassioned as she spoke.
"But if this war is going to kill you, or me-or both of us-I want to die knowing we lived for each other. I want to be satisfied with what I've done, and the way I spent my time here. And, most of all, I want the same for you."
A charged silence crackled between them, with Tonks still looking straight at Remus, and Remus staring at the moon. Two instrinsic parts of him were battling each other, and Remus was caught in their No Man's Land. Which would conquer in the end? Love and possibly short-lived happiness. or sacrifice and long-term loneliness?
I've made some changes and additions to this chapter, because there were parts in the old version that were bugging me. Please tell me what you think!