Life's Little Lessons

Started:October 26, 2005

Finished:October 26, 2005

Current Revision:October 27, 2005

A Story By Warpwizard

A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion and its associated characters and trademarks. No profit is being made from this story.

Shinji leaned back on his hands and looked up at the starry night sky.

"Ahhh...breathe that crisp fall air," opined Kensuke.

Touji frowned at his geeky comrade in arms, squinting over the light of the campfire. "It's not crisp, dumbass. The world hasn't had "crisp fall air" since the second impact."

Kensuke rolled his eyes. "Now you sound like our sensei."

Touji was taken aback. "Ugh. Ok, you win that one."

"Woot!"

Shinji smiled to himself. A couple of real friends and a camping trip...things just didn't get better than this.

"Hey...I've got some entertainment for us. A rare item! Perfect for our last night out." His friends turned to look as Kensuke dug around in his backpack.

"Oh yeah? Not another one of your firing test videos, please! If I want to see big guns I'll stay at home and practice in front of my mirror." Touji flexed his "guns" and smiled at what he considered to be "witty repartee".

Even Shinji couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes at that one.

"A-ha!" Kensuke held up a nondescript video disk. "All right. Now we're in business."

"What're we gonna watch it on? The moon?"

"Nah. I've got this sweet folding screen and superbright LCD projector combo I've been dying to try out," said Kensuke, unfolding the screen as he spoke.

Placing their backs to the fire's warmth, the three boys looked at Kensuke's (admittedly rather large) portable screen and waited for the show to begin.

"So what is it exactly that we're going to be watching?" Shinji asked with a pleasant sense of anticipation.

Kensuke adjusted his glasses. "I dunno. One of my online buddies said he'd found something he thought I'd like to see and piped it over. He said it would be something that any guy would appreciate."

Shinji's mouth twitched into a small frown. Under his breath he muttered, "Oh boy..."

Just then the projector finished warming up and, with the abruptness of a non-commercial release, the contents of the disk burst into life on the fold-out screen.

The sharpness, resolution and color were indeed outstanding.

"AHHH!" Yelled one voice, containing much consternation and embarrassment.

"PORN!" Yelled two voices, filled with teenage glee.

"Oooh...you want to put that big thing in little ol' me? Ooh honey..."

"Oh YEAH!" said Touji. "That chick is hot!"

Kensuke adjusted his glasses absently. "Oh man...is she ever."

Shinji cringed as the previously tranquil air of the campsite was filled with lewd noises. Still, he peeked between his fingers at the lurid action onscreen. He was a 14 year old boy after all.

Shinji's jaw sagged. "Muh-muh-muh-"

Kensuke smirked at his less-jaded-by-the-internet friend. "What is it, Shinji? Is seeing the miracle of reproduction too much for you?"

Shinji raised a shaking finger and pointed at the gorgeous girl being vigorously boned onscreen, a slim, athletic near-teen with a pretty face and plenty up front. And an unusual tint to her hair.

"Oh yessss...motto! Motto! Kimochee! Sugoi! MOTTO!"

"MISATO-SAN!"

Touji and Kensuke's jaws fell in eerie unison. "It-

"can't-"

"be-"

They yelled together, "BUT IT IS!"

Kensuke clasped his hands together and looked skyward, gazing with new appreciation at all the heavenly glory displayed there. "I can die now. It doesn't matter if I live one more second on this Earth. I can now die happy!"

Touji was of more practical mind and had discreetly whipped out his "gun" and was introducing it to plenty of friction. "Oh my sweet Kami she's gorgeous! I've got a new before-bed favorite!" He pointed with his unoccupied hand at Kensuke. "You ARE going to make me a copy of this! Three copies! Just in case."

More shyly, but overcome with a dizzying combination of happiness and lust, Kensuke followed his friend's example. "Oh Misato...oh you heavenly angel of boobies...copies, right. I'll be making plenty of copies, of that you can be sure."

Shinji's hands lay limply in his lap as the spell of his at-the-time teenage guardian being despoiled onscreen finally got to him. It was fortunate for his friends that he didn't hear the word "copies".

"It's so warm and thick...and tasty. Mmmm..."

"Misato-san..."

Touji grunted, "C'mon Shinji! Let's give her a three-gun salute!"

It was fortunate that Shinji didn't hear that either.

The sound of an apartment door sliding shut.

Misato smiled warmly at her favorite young man from her seat on the couch. He took off his shoes after dropping a loaded duffelbag to the floor.

"So how was the camping trip, Shinji-kun?"

Slowly, like a machine in need of a good oiling, Shinji raised his eyes to meet Misato's, forcing himself to look at his guardian with as much normalcy in his gaze as possible. His attempted smile wavered as he drank in her still very attractive, though no longer teenage, face and body.

"It was...educational."

With that, he slowly shuffled off to his room, thankful that he had chosen to wear loose pants that day.

Misato, wearing a bemused expression, took another sip of her beer. "Educational? Now what could he have meant by that..."

END

Omake 01(I took it out because it was too cruel):

The three boys stared at the ecchi antics onscreen.

Touji began to sing in an artificially deep voice, his right hand busy at its dirty work. "She's havin' my bay-beh-"

Kensuke joined in, in both senses. "-doo deet do-"

"-WHAAAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO SHOW HOW MUCH SHE LOVES MEH!"

Shinji clamped his hands over his ears. "SHUT UP!"

Omake 02:

"Misato-san! HOW COULD YOU!"

"I was young! I needed the money."

Omake 03:

"Misato-san! HOW COULD YOU!"

"I was young! I needed the money."

"...besides, you should see what Ritsuko will do for a cash payout."

Omake 04 (by Spikey-kun):

"Holy shit! Shinji, you gotta SEE this!" Kensuke exclaimed, glasses gleaming in the LCD's light.

Two out of three stooges simultaneously tilted their head to the right, following the action on screen, while the last was left stuttering, his face flushed with embarrassment for his purple haired guardian...

"But... but... What's Misato-san doing in..." Shinji weakly pressed.

Touji spared him a sidelong glance. "Damn Shin... For a guy, you're pretty worked up over this..."

"We shouldn't question what fortune gave us!" Kensuke commented, sagely nodding his head.

"I mean, look at her legs..." The jock gestured towards the screen...

"Her thighs..." Kensuke added, glasses gleaming.

"Her breasts..." The two drew in closer together.

"Her naughty bits!" they crooned simultaneously, as the action in the porno... climaxed...

"But man, I'm seriously starting to wonder if you're really a guy..." Touji's eyes tightened as he leveled a cautious look at the Third Child. "Uh... You're not... gay... or somethin', ar-"

"O-of COURSE NOT!" Shinji exclaimed vehemently, embarrassment spreading in the form of blush down his neck. "It's just... I live with her, ya know? This is kinda hard to believe..."

The third child fell quiet, allowing the trio to silently contemplate this revelation, the light from the LCD projector flickering as their inhabitants moved about. Slowly, the dialogue from the porno began to make itself known, and three pairs of eyes were drawn towards the screen.

"Sugoi, Ranma-kun... How about we do a little something different?"

Splash

Three pairs of eyes blinked, as the young Misato tickled the tonsils of the redheaded, pigtailed girl that suddenly appeared where the man was.

"What the..."

"Yo Kensuke... did that guy just..."

"..." ( - Shinji)

"Holy..." Kensuke started, as tongue hockey gave way to "molest the redhead".

"...Fucking..." Touji added.

"SHIT!" They exclaimed together.

And Shinji had already passed out... go figure...

END