49Entire story edited for spelling and format issues 6/17/10
"So you and Tonks are getting married? Wow." said Harry; he looked rather dazed, as if he had just been broadsided by a train.
"Wow." he said again. Remus sighed
"Yes Harry, you said that already said that a few minutes ago, when I walked in and asked you what was wrong and then you asked that and I said 'Why yes we are.' and then you said it again, and then I told you that you were repeating yourself, and now that you're up to speed on the conversation, can you tell me what's wrong with you?"
"Wow" Harry repeated once more. He looked more confused than ever now.
"Yes that was a long sentence. It had far too may 'ands'," Remus said, and then added, "Do you not like Tonks?"
"What?" said Harry. He seemed to be having trouble understanding what Remus was saying. Then it suddenly caught up with him and he said, "No! No, it's just that..." he hesitated, "Ithoughtyouweregay."
"WHAT!" Remus yelled
"Sorry! Sorry!" Harry apologized quickly, cowering before the wrath of Remus, "It's all straightened out now... Ha ha! Straightened... Sorry. Not funny. It just surprised me at first, I'm ok now."
"Hello Remus!" Ron called. "Are you alright? You look a bit off."
Ron was seated on the edge of a desk, and appeared to be examining Hermione with great interest. Hermione sat on the other side of the desk, scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment and completely ignoring Ron.
Remus came over and sat next to Ron with a sigh, "I'm fine. Just questioning Harry's intelligence."
"Don't bother mate," Ron said sagely, "Harry's angst wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a thin layer of stupidity and dumb luck wrapped in bravery wrapped in more angst."
"Thank you, that needlessly complex analogy makes me feel better for some reason." He smiled weakly, "What's Hermione doing?"
"Oh her," Ron said. "She got something wrong and now she's trying to figure out why."
"What did she get wrong?" Remus asked. He had been under the impression Hermione was never wrong, like most women were.
"She thought you were gay." Ron said simply.
"WHY?" Remus cried. This was not a fun day, he had shouted more in the last hour than in the last ten years of his life.
"Because that's what all the evidence suggests!" Hermione shouted and slammed down her quill. "The tragic illness, the friendly nature, the love of reading, being so soft-spoken and helpful!" By this point in her speech she was almost crying. "You're either gay or the protagonist, and Harry's already the protagonist! And you spent all that time with Sirius, and you never had a girlfriend and when you hugged Sirius in the Shrieking Shack! Until Tonks came along it all fit!" Now that her argument was in the open she deflated, put her head down in the desk, and began sobbing softly. Ron patted her absently on the head.
"Which isn't to say I'm not happy for you!" She sobbed as an afterthought.
"Has it occurred to you that he might be the protagonist of another story?" Ron asked her, still totally calm. He turned to a rather shocked Remus and said, "By the way, have you two set a date yet?" Remus ignored him.
"Oh come on," Remus said. "Sirius is... was my only friend who wasn't dead or as good as dead! You don't call Ron and Harry gay because they spend lots of time together! And we hugged because we hadn't seen each other in twelve years and until recently I thought he had killed my other friends! It was a brotherly hug! Ron, you have brothers, you understand!"
Ron frowned, "I'd love to help you mate. I really would, but I've...er, never actually hugged any of my brothers. Ginny does all the hugging. Us Weasley's just grunt and slap each other on the back and then Fred or George or both put something slimy down your back."
"ARGH!" Remus said and stormed away.