Here we are at the beginning of the end...Took me forever to type this but I'm betting no one cares. I still own nothing, so lawsuits are still pointless. Enjoy!
When Tonks arrived home Remus was laying on the couch holding a pillow over his face. Tonks gently pried it out of his hands and took it off his face.
"Are you trying to smother yourself?" she asked curiously.
"I've had an awful day." Remus said. He sat up to make room for Tonks on the couch. Tonks promptly sat on him instead.
"Oof." said Remus.
Tonks tilted her head back so she could see an upside down and rather forlorn looking Remus. "Why was it so awful?"
Remus sighed, "Today is apparently 'Let's Question Remus's Sexuality Day.'"
"Really?" Tonks laughed, "Kingsley was in on in too, he asked me the same thing this morning."
Remus groaned, " I'm sorry love we can't get married because the people have spoken and they all say Remus Lupin is gay!"
Tonks just laughed harder, "Oh Remus, relax! I know you're not gay! You know you're not gay!"
"I certainly hope so." Remus muttered
"Tonks smiled and twisted herself around to hug him. "If it makes you feel better Kingsley knows now too."
"Yippee." Remus sighed. Tonks was holding a manila folder in one hand. Remus John Lupin was written neatly in purple ink along the edge. Remus had just noticed it, mostly because when she had hugged him it had whacked him upside the head.
"What's this evilness?" Remus asked, gesturing at the file, "Have you compiled evidence of my gayness?"
"No," Tonks smirked. "It's your file from the Auror's office. I was thinking about you so I borrowed it."
"I have a file?" Remus said, slightly surprised. As far as he knew he'd done nothing illegal, well, nothing he couldn't blame on Sirius.
"Everyone has a file." Tonks said mysteriously, "Harry's is about three inches thick, poor kid."
Another thought had occurred to Remus, "Are you allowed to take files home?"
"Nope!" Tonks replied happily.
"Tonks!" Remus said quite reproachfully. He frowned at her, "Your going to get in trouble."
"Oh don't Remus," she said," First off, you look like my mother when you do that. And aren't you even a little curious?"
"No." he said firmly.
"Alright then," she said. With that she slid off his lap to the other side of the couch. She then opened to folder dramatically and exclaimed, "Gasp! I had no idea!'
"What?" asked Remus.
"Ha! You are curious!" Tonks grinned triumphantly.
"Maybe a bit..." he said, and then he abandoned his already shredded composure, scooted closer to Tonks and asked, "What's in there anyway?"
Tonks riffled through the papers, "Hmm... records of your school grades, only an 'Acceptable' in NEWT level Arithmancy? I am shocked!"
"I hated Arithmancy." Remus sighed.
Tonks continued, "Psychological profile and a WI-3714 form," she held up a bright blue sheet, " that let's us know your a werewolf and authorizes deadly force if the Ministry orders you brought in."
"What?" Remus hadn't been surprised his condition was in there, but the 'deadly force' thing was new to him.
Tonks sighed sadly, "That's standard operating procedure for evil Dark Creatures such as yourself." She brightened slightly and added, "But I've threatened everyone in the office with a slow painful death if they so much as stun you, so no worries.'
"Are you trying to get fired?" Remus asked earnestly.
Tonks winked at him and replied, "Remus if I want to get fired will do it when and how I want to, and you can't stop me."
Remus smiled, "I'm not that stupid. I know better than to try to stop you."
Tonks smiled back and then returned to the folder, "There's also a record of everywhere you've worked. What's 'Bob's Funland'?"
Remus groaned again, "It was a Muggle place I worked at one summer. It was basically an arcade with a miniature golf course out back."
Tonks nodded, "My dad took me to a place like that once..." she paused and smirked at Remus then added, "Did you retrieve lost balls?"
"Actually I worked at the food court selling dirty children candy and stale nachos." he said sheepishly.
"Poor dear!" she patted his arm. "According to the psychological profile your eager to please and borderline co-dependent."
"I knew that already," Remus sighed. "What's that on the back?"
Tonks pulled the small green note off the paper, glanced at it, and burst out laughing. Remus took it from her and read:
He's a bloody poofer!
-contributed by Alastor Moody
That's it for now; I promise I'll try to come up with more ideas, some of which will hopefully be longer than this, but no promises. I think better in scenes and piecing together a coherent story from a handful of random scenes is hard! Thank you, you're all wonderful.