Disclaimer: I don't own Captain Jack Sparrow.

A/N: This is what Black Friday does to you-makes you think you see fictional characters. How depressing.

I know a man

His name is Jack

He's captain of the Pearl.

He's really funny

And oh so cunning

But he walks like a girl.

I told him that

It's not so bad

Looking so very dumb.

He told me, "Shut up,"

So I gave him a cup

Of the Caribbean's finest rum.

He got really drunk

And almost sunk

Under the blue-green sea.

I saved his life

And he kissed me thrice,

So I'm as happy as can be.