I do not own HTF, sadly.

I do own this episode idea that came from my pretty little head.

As the Happy Tree Friends have their own "language" their lines are just the gist of what they WOULD be saying. The (sly laugh) parts are where they do their trademark chuckle

(Intro)

Title card reads EATING OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME

Starring...

Lifty and Shifty

and

The Mole

(fade to black)

(fade in)

We see Lifty and Shifty staring into Pop and Cub's window, gazing at the lovely dinner they're enjoying. It's obvious they're envious and famished.

Lifty: It's not fair. Why does everyone else get to live so well?

Shifty: Probably because they've got families and we've only got each other...

Suddenly, a light bulb goes on above Shifty's head

Shifty: I got an idea! Why not scam our way into a house for some grub?

Lifty: We've tried that before, we always get caught..

Shifty: But what if the sucker didn't know it was us... That blind Mole couldn't tell us apart from his own mother!

Lifty: I don't know...

Shifty: Do you want to get something in your tummy or not? Me, i'm up for a good scam and a good meal!

Lifty: (hearing his belly rumbling and putting his paws on it) Fine, count me in...

Lifty, Shifty: (sly laugh)

(fade out)

(fade in)

We see the Mole, inside his house, watching TV. Of course, having no sight, he's mistaken the couch for the TV and the TV for the couch. Soon, the doorbell rings. Getting up, he unfolds his cane and makes his way to the door. As he opens the door, we see Lifty and Shifty, both with happy looks on their faces.

Lifty, Shifty: Uncle Mole!

The two raccoons give Mole a big hug, suprising him.

Lifty, Shifty: It's us, your nephews Max and Mac! (1)

Hearing the names of his "nephews", a tear runs down Mole's cheek and he returns the big hug. Turning around, he gestures for the two to follow him inside. As Lifty and Shifty help him get in the house, the raccoons share a sly laugh.

Lifty: Uncle Mole, sir, we've both come a long way to visit you and we're both sta-

The Mole puts his hand up, as if to say "Say no more", and points towards the hallway near the kitchen table. Figuring out he means the table itself, Lifty and Shifty get themselves seated while the Mole heads, with a little difficulty, into the kitchen. As the Mole disappears from view, the two raccoons laugh.

Lifty: Shifty, this was a brilliant plan!

Shifty: Aren't all my plans brilliant?

Lifty: (remembering back to "Milkin' It!" when he got tossed out of the balloon onto the tree) Let me get back to you on that.

We pan into Mole's kitchen where, much to our suprise, he's actually been able to put together a pretty good-sized meal consisting of a roast turkey, mashed potatoes, and salad. All that's left to do is put on some gravy and he's done. But as he reaches for the gravy boat, he grabs a black bottle filled with a thick syrup instead and pours it onto the turkey and potatoes. It isn't until he puts the bottle down that we're able to read the label, which says VOMIT-INDUCER FOR USE WITH ACCIDENTAL POISION INGESTION. ONLY ONE TEASPOON TO BE TAKEN AT A TIME! Obviously not noticing his error, he picks up the plates of food and takes them to the table that Lifty and Shifty are sitting at.

Shifty: (seeing the food) Woo-hoo!

Putting plates of turkey, potatoes, and salad in front of Lifty and Shifty, the Mole then takes a plate of salad for himself and sits down. (Remember, the salad was the only thing Mole did NOT put the "gravy" on).

Lifty, Shifty: (licking their lips) Thank you uncle Mole, you're the best!

At this, Mole actually blushes and puts his hand up as if to say "stop it...". Not wasting a second, Lifty and Shifty just dig into the food, eating as though it's their last meal! Within a few minutes, the plates in front of them are clean and the two raccoons sit back with contented looks on their faces and plump bellies.

Lifty: (burping softly) Oh... so goooood...

Shifty: (patting his full tummy) Uncle Mole, you're awesome!

Suddenly, the phone rings and as Mole gets up to get it, we start to hear rumbling coming from Lifty's stomach as the "gravy" begins to take effect

Lifty: (starting to sweat a little) Shifty, my tummy's gurgling...

Shifty: (feeling the same rumble in his belly) Mine too... probably from how fast we a-

The rumbling in their bellies becomes fierce and Lifty and Shifty start to feel very nauseous

Lifty: I don't (swallows hard) feel so good...

Shifty: (wiping sweat off his brow) Now that you mention it, i'm feeling a little sick myself.

The churning in their stomachs gets to the point where they know they're about to be very, very sick

Lifty, Shifty: Uh-oh...

Starting to gag very badly, the two look frantically for a place to empty their stomach's contents. Finding only an open window, the two of them race for it and, leaning outside the house, proceed to throw up a mixture of bile, food, and dark blood onto the grass. After a few minutes, Shifty's able to get himself under control and he stands up and leans against the wall next to the window.

Shifty: (wiping his mouth off on the back of his paw) Ugh... I haven't gotten sick like than since I was a baby...

As he wipes the last of the sweat off of his forehead, the window pane, already precariously close to slamming shut, falls onto a still vomiting Lifty's neck and starts to choke him. Panicking, Shifty tries frantically to lift up the window off his brother before it suffocates him.

Shifty: (frantic) Lifty, hold on! Hold on!

With a lot of difficulty, he's able to raise the window enough to hold the window with one paw while using his other paw to pull Lifty's head out of harm's way. Panting, the two brace themselves against a nearby couch and take a couple deep breaths.

Lifty: (pale) "That blind Mole can't tell us apart from his own mother". Why'd I listen to you?

Off the phone, the Mole comes in, holding more plates of food for Lifty and Shifty. Without wasting a second, they run screaming from the house, straight into traffic. We hear the sounds of a crash and see Lumpy come flying into the wall of Mole's house, thrown from his car by the impact. Upon contact with the wall, his head splatters like a ripe melon. As the Mole stands on the doorstep, we see him shrugging his shoulders and START to iris out on it, but the iris opens up again to show Lifty and Shifty bent over a nearby fence, still nauseated and losing their lunches. After a few seconds, Lifty leans up from the fence and slides down the fencepost groaning.

Lifty: (wiping off the vomit and sweat from his mouth on the pack of his paw) Shifty... next time you get a brilliant (gags and swallows) idea like that, I'm tying you to a set of train tracks!

Shifty: (sending a last torrent of bile onto the grass and leaning up) Ok, so I messed up... (sliding down next to his brother) At least we got something in our tummies for a little bit...

Lifty: Yeah, and all over the grass near Mole's house...

As the two of them just groan weakly, we iris out onto their pale, sickly faces for real

(credits)

Message: Eat 3 square meals a day!

Notes:

1. I just chose two names that sounded alike and started with M...