15All right, so I'm doing a project in German on Wilhelm Tell. This isn't that project, but as I was working on it, I suddenly thought...what if I piratized this? Called Beckett by his first name just because it was closer to Gessler. A little.
An epic actually literate version will begin eventually, but until then, here is the humorous version. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Ich erkenne nichts an. Nichts, sag ich mit dir! Nichts!
Wilhelm Turner
Jack Sparrow and Will Turner had been taking a trip inland on Jamaica, just as something to do. The pillaging was growing temporarily tiresome, as was the blacksmithing, so they decided to take a hunting trip. One day, they visited the town of Port Royal to buy supplies. Jack rode in the wagon with their tools, and Will walked at the donkey's head.
What they did not know was that on this day, there was to be a parade. Yes. A parade for the King of Jamaica; Cutler. Soldiers escorted him he sat atop his fancy carriage, and a pole was raised, his equally fancy hat placed atop it. The townspeople gathered to pay their respects. "All will bow to me and my hat," Cutler ordered. Everyone bowed, but Jack and Will refused. Cutler descended from his carriage to meet Will face to face. Jack joined them moments later. "You know, I can have you put in jail for such insolence, and killed whenever I please."
"Don't care," Jack replied.
"Right. We're not bowing to the likes of you or your hat," Will agreed.
Cutler looked the younger man in the eye. "Who are you?"
"Have you not heard of William Turner?" Jack answered for him. "The greatest swashbuckler in the Caribbean, mate. And the most accurate knifethrower to boot."
"Really." Cutler scrutinized Turner. "I'll tell you what, Turner. If you can hit this apple off your companion's head with a throwing knife without hitting him, I'll let you go free."
"What's the catch?"
"Ah, you're a smart man, Mister Turner, not jumping into something until you know all the details."
"A friend once asked me not to do anything stupid."
"The catch," Cutler went on, choosing to ignore the comment, "is that you must hit the apple off Jack's head without hitting him...from one hundred paces away."
"What?" Will was aghast. But soldiers had already taken Jack roughly by the arms and led him to the trunk of a tree where they made him stand straight, and placed a shiny red apple on his head. "I'm not going to do that."
"Then it is the gallows for you."
"It's all right, Will. You're as good as I said. Better, even. You can do it."
"There is no way I'm knifing an apple off Jack's head."
"I'm not afraid. C'mon, Will. We don't have all day."
Will looked back and forth between Jack and Cutler. "All right, I'll do it." He opened his satchel and pulled out a knife, and counted one hundred paces from Jack and his tree. He stood and judged the lengthy distance carefully, holding said knife up and taking careful aim.
"BLOODY HELL!" Jack screamed.
Nonetheless, Will threw the blade and speared the apple without touching a dread on Jack's head. Cutler was both amazed and infuriated. "You are indeed a knifemaster." Sparrow ducked out from under the apple, which was pinned to the tree, and approached. "What's this, you had a second knife," the King observed. "Why?"
Will looked him right in the eye. "Because if I had killed Jack with the first, that knife would have been for you."
"Oh? Bold words for a powerless man. That remark just landed you a lifetime spot in the torture chambers. Take him away," Cutler ordered. The soldiers moved forward to arrest him.
Jack jumped in, tossing him a sword, and the two swashbuckled their way through the mass of guards to where Cutler was watching from a supposedly 'safe' distance. Safe indeed; Will fished out his second throwing knife, replying "No one is powerless!" It sailed through the air and embedded itself in Cutler's heart. The King of Jamaica fell over dead.
Jamaica was free, as were its people.
Jack and Will were heroes. But it didn't go to their heads—at least not to Will's—and instead they just continued on their hunting trip. "Jack, there's one thing I still don't understand," Will murmured as they were leaving the town.
"Aye?"
"Why did you encourage me to do that if you were afraid after all?"
"Because I bloody well didn't think you'd actually do it! Boy, do not scare me like that again!" They laughed and continued onward.
Fin.
Not one of my best, but hey, I just came up with it on the spot.
Kindly Review.