Opposites Attract

A Lisa Simpson love story

Summary: When Lisa Simpson orders a hematite bracelet on the internet, she unleashes its potential and she finds that she is literally a human compass. After accidentally directing the Earth's magnetic field by adjusting the bracelet, strange things happen: All boys are attracted to her- and an apocalypse is about to occur! Can Lisa find out what is happening to her before the unthinkable happens?

Chalkboard Gag:

I AM NOT AL GORE
I AM NOT AL GORE

(The Simpsons family are trapped on a desert island. The couch is right in front of them. Homer runs towards the couch, but gets eaten by a dinosaur, Marge gets tripped over by Bart, but they are caught by the cannibals, Maggie and Lisa are the only ones left… They sit on the couch as they are surrounded by jungle animals…)

As the school bell rang, Lisa knew it was time to go… She slid from her seat as the raucous children of Springfield Elementary yelled in delight!

"YAY! School's out!" they shouted as they rushed out the door. She groaned inwardly: Must school end so quickly? She walked towards the door as her brother, Bart made faces at her.
"Hey Lis! Look, no hands!" he said as he progressed to do a wheelie on his green skateboard. Lisa ignored him: Doesn't he ever grow up! She fumed as she reached her house on Evergreen Terrace. She opened the door as Homer lumbered, saying "Good morning, Lisa!" He gave her a kiss.
"Dad! It's afternoon!" she responded. A weird cross-eyed expression went over his face.

"DOH!" He finally responded, slapping his head. Lisa giggled- just like Bart was doing at the same time. "Lisa, honey, how's school?" he said.
"It was wonderful! Mrs. Hoover said that we have a project to do on minerals and gems due Friday. I have to do some research upstairs!" She ran all the way upstairs, planning to work on her computer.

Later, Lisa was typing 'hematite' into her search engine ( when she noticed that the screen froze. Thinking that was highly unusual, she tried to restart the computer, but the same thing happened. Suddenly, she noticed a box at the top of the screen: ACCESS DENIED in big red letters. She pressed the 'Back' button, but then she accidentally sent an order for a bracelet made out of hematite that cost US $75! She was very annoyed…!

Five weeks later, the doorbell rang; it was early in the morning… A black box arrived and the delivery man was requesting for his payment… A disgruntled Homer argued with him and this is a rough transcript of the conversation:

"Delivery for Lisa Simpson! A hematite bracelet made from pure magnetic ore!" said Nelson Muntz. Homer opened the door.
"What the-?". Suspiciously Homer said, "Where did she get that from?"
Nelson shrugged "I dunno, anyway it'll cost you $3,390 plus delivery!"

"WHAT! I'm not paying for the bracelet!" shouted Homer angrily.

"Here's the form which you have to fill out…" Nelson replied as Homer fills it out not realizing he had been conned. "Ha, ha!" laughed Nelson, "You've just been tricked! This form legalizes the delivery!" Nelson runs away as Homer chases him out of the front yard, screaming like a maniac! "AARRGHH! I'll get you for this!"

Meanwhile, Lisa had just awoken from her beauty sleep (the one that keeps her young, that is why the Simpson's never age!) and went downstairs. She opened the door and noticed the black box… The young eight year old girl opened the plain box and gasped. Inside was the most elaborate bracelet ever created. It was pure hematite and was jet black and heavy with ore. It had an eternal snake symbol on the clip as it gleamed like a polished jewel… It was like a clasped wrist band. Lisa put on the bracelet and it glowed briefly… It seemed to draw its energy from her and she felt it channelling the power into eternity. Instantly, she felt refreshed and exuberant, though she didn't know why...

Lisa stared at the window. Suddenly, she knew how she had changed! She knew how to find places which she never heard of before (like Rwanda) without being told and (better still) she knew how to find people/animals that were lost and never found! Lisa felt excited; she never had this power before… But she has to keep it a secret, nobody would ever know… Just as she was about to walk upstairs, the mysterious bracelet fell off her wrist with a CLUNK on the green carpet. Annoyed, Lisa put it back on her wrist, but she accidentally pressed the symbol of the snake. It glowed a vivid green briefly before returning to normal…