101Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution Character's nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.
A/N: For those of you who haven't read my other parodies. It's not necessary. But it does help with the inside jokes. Okay, here's the vital info: Raven and Lightning are from another dimension, not to mention the future, where Raven is the daughter of Rogue and Gambit, and she looks like a younger Mystique, with long curly hair. She has a little sister named Rachel. And Piotr and Kitty have a child code named Twinkle. . . Oh and Scott is very afraid of Synchronized Sentences. . . (Somewhere far away, Scott Summers screams, and no one knows why. . .)
This story is dedicated to Savannah Blair, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .
And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .
Mutants of the Caribbean.
Preproduction:
Rogue is sitting down, growling at anyone who comes near. She picks up the script again. "Well, a pirate movie can't be too bad. . ." She sighs.
"And it has been awhile since the last play." Gambit agrees with her.
"They're gonna put me anotheh stupid dress, ain't they?" Rogue groans.
"Yes. . . definitely." Raven says, suddenly appearing out of no where with Lightning.
Rogue rolls her eyes. "Stupid Cajuns. . . won't leave me alone." She mumbles.
"Okay, we'd better start the casting. . ." Lightning says.
"There are a ton of parts in this play. . . and we have to rely on more of Forge's Incredible Animatronic Robots. . ." Raven says almost gleefully.
A collective groan resounds through the gathered cast. Scott shudders.
"Now, then. The most important parts. . . Rogue gets to be Elizabeth Swann, naturally." Lightning begins the casting.
"Av course. . . stick me in anotheh awful dress. . ." Rogue groans.
"Naturally," Raven grins evilly. "And that gives Remy the part of William Turner."
Remy grins. "Remy t'ink he just might have fun wit' t'is one."
"Now, Jaime get to play the young William Turner." Lightning says, reading from the cast list.
"What no clones to the rescue again?" Jaime asks.
"Not this time, little one," Raven says. "And Rahne will play the young Elizabeth Swann."
"Why me?" she groans. "Can't I be the dog again?"
"Well, that too, and you are the only one that looks young enough," Raven says, aggravated over the interruption.
"Okay, the most fun part of the play, Jack Sparrow will be played by. . . Pyro." Lightning continues.
"Yea!" Pyro says, jumping up and down and dancing with excitement. "I get the best part! I get the best part! Just let those squirrels see me now!"
The rest of the cast looks at him like he's nuts, which more than likely he is. . .
"Okay. . ." Raven says groaning. "Back to reality. Scott, would you like a better part this time?"
"Do I get hung up on a hook or beaten up by Pyro?" he asks, scared.
"Um, no," Lightning answers.
"Okay, then, where do I sign up?" Scott asks.
Raven pulls out a huge pile of contracts. "You already did. In your sleep. Like all the rest of them. And you get to play Norrington."
"And Professor Xavier will play Rogue's father, Governor Swann." Lightning says grinning.
Xavier rolls his eyes, but doesn't complain.
"And Magneto will be playing Captain Barbossa," Raven states.
Magneto glowers. "Why me?"
"Well, who else can play an insane evil villain?" Lightning asks.
"I had to ask, didn't I?" Magneto says, shaking his head.
"Yes," Lightning and Raven say together. Scott shakes violently.
"Rob gets to be Mullroy," Lightning says.
"And Ray gets to be Murtogg." Raven continues.
The boys shrug. "Hey, at least we're not horses. . . again." Ray says.
"Lance gets the part of Pintel," Lightning says.
To which, Lance groans.
"And Toad gets to be Ragetti," Raven says. "Forge will work something out for the wooden eye thing."
Toad looks nervous. "Do I have to take a bath?"
"Um, no. . ." Lightning says, much to Toad's relief. "Now then, back to casting. Wanda will be Anamaria."
"What, no stupid dress?" Wanda asks.
"No, stupid dress." Lightning assures her.
"Hey! How come she doesn't have ta weah a dress and Ah do?" Rogue whines.
"Because I said so?" Raven says in a tone that implies it was a rather stupid question. "Cotton will be played by Piotr, being the strong silent type."
Piotr simply nods. "I am assuming the parrot will be IAR. . ."
"Yes," Lightning answers. "Kitty, you get to be the maid, Estrella."
"I got a part! Yea!" Kitty squeals.
Raven looks at her like she's crazy and continues reading parts, "Amara, you are the other maid."
"A maid? Well, I never," says the little princess.
"Would you rather be a prostitute in Tortuga?" Lightning asks, raising a pen, as if to make the change.
"Um, now that you mention it. . . the maid is fine." Amara says.
"That's better," Lightning says, "Sam is the butler."
"Sabretooth will be Koehler." Raven says. After he gives her a very unknowing look, she supplies, "The pirate with the dreadlocks."
"Oh, okay."
"Alex will be Twigg." Lightning continues.
"Why do I have to be in this play?" Alex asks.
"Because, we have too many parts," Raven dictates. "Now, then, Bo'sun will be played by. . . Juggernaut."
Professor Xavier spits out his coffee, "Cain? He's here?"
"Yes," Lightning says smiling. "And without his armor too."
The Juggernaut is sitting in a corner, obviously held there by Raven's telepathy, grumbling that living in the tank was more fun.
Lightning clears his throat. "Blob will play Jacoby, the one with the bombs."
And at that Tabby pouts.
Raven simply rolls her yellow eyes. "Grapple will be played by Julien."
Remy looks around anxiously and groans as he catches sight of his rival from New Orleans.
"The miscellaneous Pirate who hits Will on the head will be played by Paul," Lightning says.
"And let me see, Logan, we didn't forget about you. You get to play Mr. Joshamee Gibbs."
"I suppose the contracts are laced with adamantium again?" he asks.
"Uh huh. And I also brought the shock device," Raven says with her trademark evil grin.
Logan shudders.
"Okay, now for the drunken Mr. Brown. . . the blacksmith," Lightning says. "Mr. Smith will play that part."
Tabby looks up in horror. "My dad is in the play?"
"Yes." Raven says. "And I suppose you'd like to know your part. Tabby you'll be Scarlett."
"Giselle will be played by Mystique," Lightning says.
"Don't start," Raven says, before Mystique can say a word. "The girl that nearly drops a liquor jug on Will will be played by X23."
"And the Fat slut at the bar that tries to come on to Will will be played by Jean," Lightning say merrily.
"Hey!" Jean says. "I'm not fat!"
"But ya are a slut," Rogue mumbles.
"You take that back!" Jean shouts. "Scott! Aren't you going to defend your girlfriend's honor?"
"Ah won't take it back," Rogue glares. "It's true!"
"Ladies, please, can't we all just. . ."
"If ya say 'get along', Ah swear Ah'll strangle ya with my bare hands!" Rogue growls.
"Remy'll help," Gambit says.
"Aw, thank ya, Swamp Rat," Rogue says with glazed over eyes. "That's so sweet."
"Anyt'ing for my belle chere," Remy says softly.
"Ah'm nobody's chere!" Rogue shouts.
"Denial," half the cast says. Scott starts crying.
"Can we get back to my problem?" Jean cries out.
"Okay," Toad says.
"You're a selfish little snob," Blob says.
"And a cheater," Lance adds.
"I never cheated!" Jean says. "And I'm not a snob, or selfish!"
"Uh, yeah. . . Okay, Jean. If you say so." Pietro says, very slowly for Pietro.
"Scott!" she hollers. But Scott is still crying.
"Back to the casting!" Raven practically screams. "Now, then," she says, much calmer. "Jubilee will play the baby's mother."
"Who's playing the baby?" Jubilee asks.
"Well, we thought we'd dress Evan up in a diaper and shrink him again. . ." Lightning says quite seriously.
Evan's face pales so much that he looks white.
"Just kidding," Raven says. "We'll be using an IAR baby, because we don't want any actual child to get hurt."
Lightning hurries on. "The woman that Jacoby chases will be played by Taryn."
"How fitting," Jean says under her breath.
"The Prisoners in the cell will be played by Kurt, Mastermind, Mesmero, and Cody," Raven reads.
"Kurt will naturally get the speaking part," Lightning says.
"Naturally," Raven agrees. "Warren will play the Caller of the Guard."
Angel rolls his eyes, "another announcer. . . how typical."
"The officer that tends to disagree with everything Norrington says will be played by Beast." Lightning says, matter-of-factly.
"And Lt. Gillette will be played by Bobby." Raven drones.
"Hey," Bobby says shrugging. "At least it's not another horse. . ."
"The Harbormaster will be played by Caliban," Lightning says.
"And his assistant will be played by Leech," Raven continues.
"Oh, and the steersman on the Dauntless will be played by Evan." Lightning says.
"Um, Pietro, you get a part too, you'll play Mallot." Raven says.
"And the rest of you will be playing miscellaneous pirates and soldiers," Lightning says.
She stands up and the cast starts mumbling about their parts. Lance and Piotr are fighting over Kitty, who's trying to break them up. Rogue is fighting with Gambit, Jean and Scott. Xavier is arguing with Magneto. Pyro is trying to make Wanda believe that squirrels really are trying to take over the world. Toad is catching flies, and making Amara sick. Juggernaut is trying to stand up. Julien joins in the fight with Remy, Rogue, Jean, and Scott. Taryn, Cody and Paul are looking for a place to hide as the ground starts to rumble. Jubilee and Tabby are discussing the latest fashions while Rahne is howling at the moon. Pietro is running around creating a whirlwind. Twelve Jaimes are chasing Blob, who is holding a cake out of their reach. Logan and Sabretooth are throwing each other around and generally trashing the studio. Mystique and Kurt are screaming at each other. Ray and Bobby are playing a trick on Roberto. Tabby's dad is trying to escape. Caliban and Leech are just sitting there staring at the insanity.
"Is it always like this?" Caliban asks in his most mysterious voice.
"Every time," sighs Raven.
"We're in for a long ride, aren't we. . .?" Caliban asks.
"Definitely. . ." Lightning says.
"Maybe we should go now?" Raven asks.
"Good idea."
A/N: I know what you are all wondering. . . How in the world did I figure out all the names. . . Script Scanner on my DVD-Rom. :D Coming up next. . .The Beginning, what else?
Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .