Damn You to Liverpool

(title might change at a later date)

Author's Note: checks outside for flying pigs due to the lack of flying pigs, Sirius Black, the Marauders and anything relating to Harry Potter still aren't mine.

Chapter 1

Liverpool, England

Apparating in a deserted alleyway, two blocks from her destination. The Hogwarts representative straitened her robes un-necessarily and the preceded to peer out of the alleyway, searching for any sign of muggles, there were none in sight.

Striding out of the alley, she made her way quickly up the street. Suddenly two boys burst out of a side-street, punching and kicking each other for all they were worth.

"You fucking prick, don't you ever say that about my sister again!" yelled a boy with short blond hair.

"I'll call that whore whatever the hell I want to call her, you mother-fucker!" yelled the other boy, this boy had almost chin length black hair.

The Hogwarts representative dodged out of their way just in time to avoid being bowled over. She briefly considered just leaving the two muggle boys to fight out their differences, but decided that her conscience wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Stop that this instant!" the boys paid her as much mind as a minotaur would pay to a head of cabbage, in other words… none. "CEASE AND DESIST IMMEDIATELY!" she yelled, both boys paused long enough to glare at her and the dark haired boy snarled "shut up, you old cunt." And then they continued fighting.

She had never been so shocked….so…so… offended, so insulted! Two boys who couldn't be more than eleven had just called her old! She was only 27, that wasn't old, was it? Wait a minute, did they just call her an old cunt? Why the boldness and cheek of those two little… She couldn't come up with a word vile enough to describe the two boys beating the crap out of each other in front of her.

Marching forward she grabbed the black haired boy by the scruff of this neck and tore him away from the other boy with a strength you wouldn't expect from her slim form.

"HOW DARE YOU? I have half a mind to find your parents and inform them of your disgraceful behavior!" she roared.

The boys were speechless and just stared at the odd stranger, who had just interrupted their fight and stood before the in a light green ankle length skirt, a white, button up, fitted shirt and a long dark green robe. They remained speechless for another couple seconds before they exchanged a dumb founded glance and then simultaneously burst into laughter.

She was shell shocked, she'd just yelled at them and now they were laugher at her! Gritting her teeth she asked in a voice dangerously calm "What's so funny?"

If anything the blond haired one laughed even harder. The dark haired boy looked up at her with shocking blue eyes and a barely contained smirk and said "you'd have to have half a mind not to be able to figure that out!" Both boys burst into new peals of laughter.

So that's what their hysterics were about. Stupid, stupid, immature cretins. Glaring at the boys she seethed in rage. Just as she was about to burst and start calling down the fires of hell upon them, the dark haired boy pulled himself out of her grasp and putting his arm around the other boys shoulder, they turned and headed down the street together.

She stood there for several seconds in a shocked silence before spinning around stalking up the street, green robes billowing behind her. Stepping over several broken bottles beside a trash can and carefully avoiding the cigarette butts that littered the doorstep of number 12 Grimmauld place, she raised her hand and knocked on the door. Stepping back from the door she waited… and continued to wait, just as she was about to knock again the door was wrenched open by a tall, black haired man, who's appearance suggested that he'd forgotten to shave that morning and was maybe a bit hungover.

"What do you want?" he asked irritably "if your selling something, your wasting your time, so you can just bugger off."

Slightly taken back she stepped and floundered for words "No, I… um… I'm not here to sell you anything. I'm a representative for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I'm here to discuss the possibility of enrolling your son in it." She replied swiftly regaining her composure.

The man looked at her for several seconds, his expression unchanging, slowly his brow furrowed in confusion. Looking at her uncertainly he said in a doubtful voice "uh… maybe you should come in, Miss…"

"Campbell, Nikki Campbell" Nikki replied sticking out her hand to shake his. Orion Black took it somewhat hesitantly. Then stepped back and let her into his house.

"Sorry 'bout the mess" he muttered, clearing off a chair, in what Nikki could only assume was the living room. "Do you want anything to drink? Coffee, juice, water… beer?" Orion asked her uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot and running a hand through his hair.

"I'm fine, thanks." She told him with a smile that she hoped was comforting "is your son at home? I'd very much like to talk with him about this opportunity."

"No, he's out right now. But he should be back soon, he forgot his skateboard." Orion replied.

"I see… well down to business. Your son has been accepted into the most prestigious wizarding school in all of Europe." Nikki recited her speech from memory.

"When you say wizarding… you mean as in magic n' stuff?" Orion asked skeptically.

Approximately half-an-hour later, after Nikki had given Orion Black a lengthy explanation on the wizarding world and after she had transfigured Orion's rug into a wombat and back into a rug, the conversation finally returned to the fact that Orion's son was a wizard and as such should attend Hogwarts.

"So Hogwarts is a private school?" Orion asked

"Sort of, it's a boarding school, so your son would stay there for the school year and he'd be aloud home for holidays and the summer" Nikki explained.

"Does it cost money to send him there?" Orion asked uncomfortably.

"There is no entrance fee, you'd only need to buy the school supplies, the school uniform is supplied." Nikki replied reassuringly.

"O.k. then… I'm not a rich man you see… so I wouldn't be able to afford any fancy schmancy stuff…. And where exactly is he supposed to buy these supplies?" Orion asked awkwardly.

"In Diagon alley, I can take him there today if you'd like." Nikki offered kindly.

At that moment the front door burst open and a young dark haired boy hurried in. "Hi dad, I forgot my board…" he began, but trailed off as he stared at Nikki in horror.

Nikki stared into the boy's startling blue eyes, her thoughts shooting around in her head like a couple of blundgers.

"Sirius, this is Nikki Campbell. She's from that school that was sending you those weird letters. Miss Campbell this is my son, Sirius." Orion introduced the two, oblivious to the look of horror that his son was giving Nikki and the returned look of intense dislike that Nikki was giving his son.

"We've met" Nikki told him shortly.

Orion looked at her oddly "you have?" his eyes narrowed and he looked between the two suspiciously.

Sirius appeared to be trying to edge his way out of the room. "Well, it's been real nice meeting you, I would love to stay and chat but I really need to be going now. You know, places to go, things to do…" he took another step back and made a break for the door but his father was faster and grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the living room and sat him down on a dirty brown arm chair. Carefully placing himself between Sirius and the door, Orion leaned against the door frame and surveyed Sirius through narrowed, suspicious eyes.

"What'd he do?" he asked Nikki simply.

A feeling of swiftly approaching revenge washed over Nikki and she opened her mouth to quickly recount the entire story "On my way here, I was almost bowled over by your son and another boy who were fighting and then when I attempted to interfere he called be something which I will not repeat, but it was extremely rude and vulgar and then ran off with the other boy."

Orion turned to Sirius and asked in a stern voice "Is this true boy?"

Sirius looked up at him reluctantly and nodded as he said "Vince's sister was being a bitch and kept trying to put make-up and shit on me and she spilt nail polish on my jeans. So I called her a bitch and Vince got mad and we started fighting and then she came along and broke it up."

Nikki was staring at the boy in shock, he'd said bitch in front of his father and his father didn't appear to have noticed!

Orion looked at Sirius sternly "What have I told you 'bout fighting? Don't do it for no good reason, so what if Vince's sister is a chit, just leave. And if Vince gets pissed and takes a swing at you try and calm 'im down. Only fight if you 'ave to, got it?" Sirius nodded "and you had no right to be rude to Miss Campbell, mouthing off at strangers is just dumb, specially if they haven't done nuffing to you."

Nikki blanched, that wasn't the type of dressing down that she had been expecting. That little slime covered piece of diseased rat feces had just gotten away with a slap on the wrist.

"Now apologies to Miss Campbell for being a wanker and you'd better hope she forgives you boy, cuz' she's offered you something real special like and if you've screwed up your chance of going, I'm going to be right pissed off." Orion told Sirius gravely.

Reluctantly Sirius turned to Nikki and opened his mouth to apologies "I'm sorry for almost knocking you over and for being a right idiot to you, when you tried to help."

Equally as reluctant Nikki was forced to accept his apology. "It's alright, lets just forget about it and start over." She told him with a forced smile. "You've been accepted-into-hogwarts-school-of-witchcraft-and-wizardy-I'll-take-you-to-Diagon-alley-to-get-your-school-supplies-and-introduce-you-into-the-wizarding-world." Nikki told him all in one breath through gritted teeth.

"Wizarding world? What drugs are you on?" Sirius asked raising an eyebrow.

"Sirius!" his father exclaimed and reached out and hit him upside the head "you watch that tongue of yours!"

"I'm going to ignore that comment" Nikki told him sternly and then continued on in a very much abbreviated speech of what she'd told Orion Black earlier.

"So your saying I'm a wizard?" he asked suspiciously, Nikki nodded vigorously "Well that's complete and utter bollocks! Dad, I can't believe you listened to thi-"

Sirius trailed off as Nikki, tired of Sirius's big mouth, transfigured the coffee table into a very large tortoise that looked around vaguely confused. Sirius just sat were he was staring at the tortoise that was formally his coffee table. He summed up his feelings in two word "holy shit!"