For Love and Freedom

Drip, drip, drip that is all I hear. Screams have faded from my consciousness but for the screams which exist only within my soul. The visions are worsening. I can see them now every minute of my waking and sleeping life. All the pain, the blood, the torture appears so often that even without the dementors or visions I would see them in front of me.

The beating of my heart slowly ceases as I once again am pulled into a vision. It is my sixth year this time, when I finally managed to be alone.

Flashback

"Harry! What are you up to?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah, mate! We hardly see you anymore," Ron commented.

Harry looked tiredly at his friends, his mouth drawn tightly with lines of fatigue clearly visible on his face. "I am up to nothing Ron, Hermione. I am just trying to survive, maybe graduate if I have the time."

"Stop being so melodramatic. Of course you have time Harry," Hermione scolded.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. You think life will wait until I graduate? Do you think if I ask Voldemort nice to go and hang himself, he will? Both of you are in such a state of denial that you refuse to see the war that is sitting right in front of you with ME at the forefront."

"Leave it to Dumbledore, he will save us."

"There you two go again, Dumbledore this. Dumbledore that. I do not give a frickin' fig what Dumbledore will do because it is not him who is in danger of losing his FUCKING MIND! He is insane anyways. He asks me to give up everything to kill the monster and for what? YOU? Both of you have ignored me this past school year and you expect me to come running to either of you? Well, do you?"

Tears streaming from her eyes, she replied, "Well it is hard to not ignore someone who is never there. Where were you? I am scared Harry. Scared, that you are leaving us behind. Don't think I didn't notice the Dark Arts books you are reading. Harry those are bad for you! I don't want you turning out like Voldemort did. You can defeat him without the risks of the Dark Arts."

"Shut up Hermione. You know nothing. What am I going to do when I have to kill him? Laugh him to death? Tickle him? Maybe I should just walk up to him and hand him my wand because that is all the use I can get out of the supposed light arts. I do not need your criticism. Leave me alone"

"Fine, if that's the way you are going to be. I love you, Harry. I just don't know you anymore," Hermione cried before rushing off. Ron shook his head slowly before hurrying after him.

End Flashback

I am alone, always alone. I can feel tears running down my cheeks but they are slowly eating away at my soul. This place . . . this prison that holds me within its gates is slowly reaching through me to squeeze the lifeblood out of me; to murder any part of my soul that had been left. I know I promised to be here for them; but . . . but . . . I am so tired. Tired of all the lies, the half-truths, the misconceived notions of my evilness and supposed infallibility.

I must laugh here now. I must truly be a masochist for I am starting to enjoy the visions I get because it is the only time I can really think. Insanity is catching up for I am starting to talk to both this journal and the walls as if they were my friends. Just like when I was younger and I used to talk to all those nice little spiders in my cupboard. Nice little spiders, oh well now they are gone.

So without further ado, I am telling all of you to fuck off and leave me alone. You abandoned me when I needed you the most. You denied me the right to live my life, Boy-Who-Lived, yeah sure. It was more like the Boy-Who-Survived-To-Die-Insane-Betrayed-By-All. Well, I like long titles.

So I bid you Adieu, my ex-Comrades-in-Arms.

My dear Professor Snape if you shove that stick so far up you ass, no one will ever get it out.

Professor McGonagall, you must have drunk too much prune juice this morning for your lips seemed a bit pinched. Should I get you a bucket?

Dear Headmaster, the one who I say controlled it all. But in the end you didn't get me. That is my final revenge to you. Shame on you, my parents would have been disgusted. You do not have the right to lord over those children who come to you for guidance and send them on their own naïve, ignorant way. Go and bite a damn lemon drop, I hope Fawkes craps on them and you die.

To Voldemort, my dear rival: I must commend you on your dastardly plan but in the end I do not know if I really blame you. I think it is funny that you were really one of the only people I could count on to tell the truth. You hated me; you had to get rid of me; so you did. Good luck, there really is nothing standing in your way without me.

Finally enclosed is a copy of a letter to Ron and 'Mione. Please give it to them when you get the chance. It is charmed to only be opened by one of them when they are alone. Even in death, I shall await their coming with joyous tears and a promise to never let them go again.

So, for love and freedom, I go.

Farewell,

Harold James Potter

Son of Lily

Son of James

Godson of Sirius Black

Lord Potter-Black