8Naraku's Phoenix: Hello readers, and welcome back. Most of this next chapter was written during my Humanities III World Cultures class when everybody else was watching that movie about these two Irelanders leaving their homeland and coming to America for some free land; Oklahoma Territory; come on! All y'all have seen it before, I know you have! Dare you defy me!
And I'd like to give a SPECIAL THANKS to my only reviewer annapooh. Thank you, it cheered me up considerably.
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers.
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Chapter 2: Journey to the Giant's Cabin
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"Well now, Fang, what've we got here?" said a muffled voice in the background. Well, not necessarily in the background.
HIBERNATION SEQUENCE ENDING
RESTORING ACTIVE FUNCTIONS
Marvin's vision restored itself just in time to see a big slobbery wet dog face sniffing at his cranium.
"Go away," Marvin blurted.
"Oh my gosh, it's alive!" exclaimed the voice from before. Upon observing the creature that spoke, Marvin had concluded that this hairy manifest looked a little behind on the evolutionary chart…you know, that or he'd never learned to use a comb in his youth. Marvin decided to respond.
"Technically, I'm not 'alive', as you so put it. I'm just a depressed little android shunned from the entire universe because nobody likes me…which makes me feel even more depressed than I am to begin with…" No response came from Hagrid. Marvin turned his head to get a better look at the giant. "I'm not getting you down, am I?"
"Er, no, of course not!" said Hagrid trying to manage a small grin. Fang was currently sniffing around the forest floor.
"So you just don't like talking to me, is that it? Well, personally I don't blame you; I don't like talking to me either."
"…Would you like a cuppa tea?" asked Hagrid unsurely.
"…Tea, eh? You wouldn't have happened to known any 'Arthur Dent', would you've?"
"Er…not to my knowledge; no. So, tea then? That's one drink that'll set yeh right," Hagrid offered again.
"…Look at me," replied Marvin, "In case you haven't noticed, or your tiny brain just hasn't picked up the signal yet, I'm a robot, and that means that I don't need food or drink to sustain me – or as you put it, "Set me right." – let alone ingest it in the first place. Therefore, I decline your invitation and bid that you leave me alone." Hagrid stood up straight but kept his head down to keep an eye on Marvin.
"A robot, huh? You mean like those little mechanical people Hermione's got in some o' her books?"
"Er, I…suppose so…Now leave me alone. If you weren't going to leave me by now, you will later on. I'm just trying to keep from us prolonging this insufferable small talk," replied Marvin. Hagrid just stood there and laughed at him.
"Leave yeh alone? No, I don't think so; look at yeh! Yer all covered in dirt. I'm going to take you back to my cabin and clean yeh up a bit. It's not that far off from here, come on now, yeh little bugger." Hagrid then proceeded to throw his crossbow over his shoulder and picked Marvin up bridal-style to carry him off to his cabin. "Come on, Fang! Time to go home now," He called out to his faithful canine companion whom followed obediently. Hagrid then returned his attention back to Marvin as they walked. "Wow, even for a robot yeh've still got a pretty big head," He commented impressively.
"So I've been told," sighed Marvin. A few minutes later, Marvin spoke again. "I can walk, you know." Hagrid just smiled and looked down at him.
"That doesn't necessarily mean you're going to follow me, now does it?"
"…You caught me on that one but you're not necessarily doing me any favors by taking me somewhere against my will."
"What's that now? I don't see yeh tryin' escape," chuckled Hagrid.
"I'm just too morbidly depressed to put up any fights; now that I think about it, I could actually care less about what might happen."
"Well, here we are," said Hagrid. He and Marvin had finally reached the edge of the forest and were greeted by the misty glow of after dawn light. The fog could barely be seen out into the distance, lifting itself up off the lake's tranquil surface. Temporarily putting Marvin down so that he could lean his crossbow and quiver of arrows up against the cabin's outer wall, Hagrid had moved to fill Fang's food bowl, as well, with last night's meatloaf and a splash of Brandy. Hagrid then picked up an old-looking wooden pail from beside the stairs and entered his abode. Marvin stood himself up and reluctantly followed the giant into the hut at his gesture.
Upon reaching inside, Marvin took a seat in one of the enormous chairs at the equally large kitchen table, following another of Hagrid's polite, "make-yourself-at-home", motives. Hagrid, meanwhile, had taken his wooden pail over to the sink and proceeded to fill it up with warm water and soap.
Gathering a worn down yellow sponge and fluffy pink towel from under the sink, Hagrid placed these supplies atop his kitchen table and pulled a separate chair to the outside so as to sit across from Marvin face-to-face. Marvin, however, only hung his head low as Hagrid sat across from him and dipped his yellow sponge into the pail's warm, soapy water. Hagrid took this as an opportunity to start a conversation.
"So how about we introduce ourselves while I get yeh cleaned up, eh? I'm Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts. I'm also the Care of Magical Creatures Professor; jus' call me 'Hagrid'," He said as he started to scrub the side of Marvin's head. Two more sponge strokes and abruptly, he stopped. "Wait a minute," continued Hagrid, "According to Hermione's books: if yer a robot then that must mean you're muggle-made…," He leered in closer on Marvin, "Say…yer not some sorta' spy sent by a clinically insane muggle who isn't really insane but was just exposed to our secret and thrown in the 'nut-house' trying to convince other muggles to believe him so after faking a mental recovery was released and went back to school earning a Ph.D. in Quantum Mechanics so he could build you to track one o' us down, record our every move and then leave to return to yer creator with proof that'll probably just get him thrown back in the nut-house with the reason that since technology is so advanced these days he faked it and in return won an Oscar Award for his outstanding creations…are yeh?" Marvin was silent for a moment after Hagrid had finished his accusations. Then He whimpered.
"No, I never knew my mum!" Marvin continued whimpering as Hagrid had returned to the task of his sponge bath.
"Phew, that's a relief. Er, I mean, it's sad you never knew yer mum and what-not, but at least I know that me and everyone else around here can trust yeh." Hagrid smiled.
"Funny," said Marvin as he was back to his normal solemn/depressed state, "Usually no one trusts me for even the simplest of things…unless I'm their last resort, of course." Hagrid listened as he re-dipped the sponge back into the pail's soapy water and motioned to clean the front of Marvin's head to the other side. And Marvin continued, "I'm usually just around to take up space or following through a life-form's commands because they're too lazy or cowardly to carry out their own orders."
"Awe, that's sad," said Hagrid.
"You're telling me," replied Marvin.
"By the way, robot-man, I never caught you name."
The android sighed. "It's Marvin."
"Well, Marvin, now we're getting somewhere. So, tell me, where're yeh from?" At this point, Hagrid was behind Marvin now, washing the caked dirt from the Forbidden Forest's floor off the back of his head.
"Somewhere…out there," replied Marvin remembering how the centaurs had reacted. Hagrid didn't quite catch his euphemism.
"Oh, all right. I won't push yeh to remember." The giant then moved to scrub the android's metallic arms, and making sure to get all the hard-to-reach places in Marvin's joint sockets as well as between his fingers. "So, how long have you been lying out there on the ground?"
"I don't know," replied Marvin, "How long do you think I was out there?"
"Well…," began Hagrid, "Judging by the amount of dirt yeh were covered in when I found yeh and by the lack of debris covering yer surface, I'd say that yeh've been out there since last night. But that's jus' my guess!" He added on quickly. Finishing his statement, Hagrid moved his position once more and reseated himself in the chair he'd placed in front of Marvin earlier, dipped and lightly rang out his sponge, and began to clean the metal-man's feet.
"Oh yes, now I remember," stated Marvin to none in particular, "I was exceptionally depressed that night."
"Yer sure depressed an awful lot, aren't yeh; what?" Hagrid was now trying to remember a futuristic muggle term he once read over in Hermione's Sci-Fi book, "Were yeh downloaded with some chuckling some sorta wacky emotion chip that backfired in yer system?" 'Something like that,' thought Hagrid. Hearing no response from Marvin, He stopped scrubbing his foot and looked up. Marvin had lifted his head all the way up as to stare at Hagrid eye level; dead on. The silence was deadly.
"I'm a prototype…YOU CAN TELL, CAN'T YOU!" Hagrid became wide-eyed and hurriedly attempted to change the subject as a cover-up for his inadvertent offense.
"So, er, Marvin, besides being really depressed last night, what else do yeh remember?" Marvin calmed back down to his standard depression mode, and Hagrid moved the soapy sponge to Marvin's other foot and leg.
"…Do you enjoy talking to me?" asked Marvin
"Well, it helps to pass the time," replied Hagrid.
"I expected just as much," murmured Marvin.
"What was that?" asked Hagrid, looking up.
"Oh, nothing important, I'm sure," stated the metallic being. Hagrid seemed satisfied with the answer and went back to his cleaning.
"About last night, then?" He reminded Marvin.
"If I must," sulked Marvin, "Let's see, first thing I remember was a herd of human horses poking me in the head with a stick; Centaurs, I believe. Yes, that's what they called themselves."
"Is that so?" said Hagrid. He was halfway through drying Marvin's head with the fluffy pink towel before stopping abruptly. "Wait, CENTAURS? But yeh haven't even got more'n two scratches on yeh!"
"How observant of you. I'm sure that nothing gets past such a being of your status."
"I don't get it! Why'd they let yeh go? Usually they tear trespassers limb from limb and pierce their innards or traumatize 'em with the mother o' all mental breakdowns…WHY'D THEY LET YEH GO!" Hagrid dropped the towel in Marvin's lap and stood before him unbelieving and spazzing out.
"You mean, "How did I get them to leave me alone?" We made a deal. I told them the answer toLife, the Universe, and Everything, and they gave me a Centaurs' Word of Honor or something, and vowed to leave alone for…ever," Marvin simply stated. Hagrid on the other hand was running into frenzy.
"WHAT! The centaurs' know The Answer! Tell me…did they understand it?" Hagrid held his breath.
"Naturally," replied Marvin calmly…not the answer Hagrid was hoping for.
Temporarily forgetting Marvin's very existence, Hagrid ran about his cabin, clumsily trying to collect some of his things. Not to mention continuing his panic attack.
"WHAT'RE WE GOING TO DO! THE CENTAURS' KNOW THE ANSWER! THEY UNDERSTOOD IT, NOOOOOOHOHOHO! THEY'LL BE THE DEATH OF US ALL! GOT TO TELL DUMBLEDORE; WAIT, HE'S DEAD! GOT TO TELL MCGONAGALL! GOT TO TELL THE MINISTY! GOT TO STOP THEM! WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO!" Still yelling/screaming curses similar to this, Hagrid ran out of his cabin in no particular direction with his pink umbrella, half his coat on, full of distress, and not even bothering to shut his front door.
"Wow, what a pleasant visit, I had a wonderful time. No, no, you go on ahead now. I'll show myself out," said the stoic android sarcastically.
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Naraku's Phoenix: Well, that's it for this chapter. Next time, Marvin plays Quidditch! Well, no, not really…but close enough. I should post it sometime in the week after next.