Standard Disclaimer: DISCLAIMERDOKEN! I don't own Teen Titans.
Author's Notes: Ah…my first foray into the Legendverse seems to be going well. :D
To read my reviewer replies, go to the following URL.
The main living room is where we now turn our attention. Normally, one would find this room filled with a myriad of Titans for trivial reasons. Be they Beast Boy and Cyborg, playing away on the Gamestation, or perhaps Starfire, whipping up a batch of her infamous alien food (with extra arsenic for that special someone!).
Now, all the Titans have gathered for a rather serious reason.
Robin, the Boy Wonder and leader of the Teen Titans. (Maybe he should look into changing it to the Teen Wonder…) Real name: Tim Drake.
Cyborg, half-man, half-machine, and all-Booyah. (Oh God, did I just write that?) Real name: Victor Stone.
Beast Boy, the Green Changeling, and the team's jokester. Real name: Garfield Logan (Or Gar for short.).
Starfire, the orange-skinned Tamaranean and Princess of another world (current occupation: Robin's lover). Real name: Koriand'r.
Raven, whom I've already introduced to you. Real name: Raven. (Yeah, she didn't much care for keeping her real name a secret.)
Terra, the blonde geokinetic who has a thing for green guys. (It would only take about a kajillion stories before the two finally got together…and I STILL say she should've gone to Gauntlet!) Real name: Tara Markov.
And, of course, the two guys who are now stuck together.
Robert Candide – Gauntlet – and Noel Collins – Savior – sitting in a chair. Gauntlet's right hand (which also held the ring that became the Gauntlet) and Savior's left hand were stuck together by a magical adhesive of sorts.
And of course, the first question Beast Boy asked was:
"Uh…why are you holding hands?"
Savior fumed. "That's what we're about to find out." As soon as this is over, this hand is going to be disinfected. Maybe with acid or…something burning. GAH! He's actually making me stupider!
"Man, you like to overreact," muttered Gauntlet.
Before Savior could say anything, Robin said, "Enough. Let's just calm down and explain what exactly happened."
"Starting with Gauntlet," finished Raven.
The blonde goofball sighed with remorse. "Well…I was kind of getting irritated with the fact I've yet to get a girlfriend, no thanks to a certain author."
"And there goes the fourth wall," grumbled Cyborg. "We really need to get those new Fourth Wall energy fields from S.T.A.R. Labs."
"They're expensive. I'd have installed them in the entire tower if they were cheaper," commented Robin.
Raven held up a hand. "We're talking about Robert's actions. Please be quiet." Her tone was sufficiently hard enough to get the point across. She gazed at Gauntlet and pulled out a familiar spell book. "Is this the spell book you used?"
Raven glanced at the spell book for a moment. It was a thick, leather-bound book, with pages on the verge of disintegrating into fragments. The book's title was written in old English, back in the days when people wrote with very elaborate handwriting. Its title:
'TOME OF MAGICKS: ANGLO-SAXON EDITION'
Ah, thought Raven. The Tome of Magicks was actually comprised of several volumes of spell books created by medieval European sorcerers, differing depending on which region the tome was written in. Robert had used a volume written by an Anglo-Saxon, the settlers of what would later be known as England. "Mind pointing out the spell you cast?"
"Well, to be honest, I cast THREE spells," admitted Robert. "First one was some kind of 'Purity of the Mouth' spell. Thought it'd make me a better kisser. Not that I'd need any help in that area."
Savior shot Gauntlet a wearied look. "Self-promotion can come later. What did it do?"
Robert simply smiled.
The other Titans blinked. Terra muttered, "Orbit, eat your heart out."
His teeth were now pearly white, clean to a degree that would make most dentists green with envy. They weren't so clean that they somehow reflected light like mirrors (so the cliché goes), but they were very shiny nonetheless.
Starfire giggled with delight. "His teeth are like the gemstones from the hide of a Melyok slokthar! Wondrous!" As the alien stared with childish glee at Rob's impeccable smile, Vic just cocked his head out of disbelief. "So basically, it was a spell that brushed your teeth for you?" he asked incredulously.
Robert nodded. "I ate an old cookie I had in my pocket, and it did nothing."
"DUDE…" Beast Boy began to drool as the possibilities came to mind. "I'd never have to brush my teeth again! I could eat junk food all day!" Stars came to his eyes. No more cavities!
Raven frowned as she found the page with the spell Gauntlet used. "Magic spells are NOT to be abused." Still, I can understand why a spell like this would be necessary back then. But from the looks of the current generation of British, it didn't work too well. The empath nearly laughed. Sometimes her own jokes amused her more than Beast Boy. "And the second spell?"
"Something about 'Cleanliness of the Mouth'."
Everyone glanced at Gauntlet oddly.
"What? It was right below the first one. Thought this time it WOULD make me a better kisser." Raven immediately began analyzing the written incantation. "Didn't really do anything though…well, I think. I don't FEEL like a better kisser." The blonde teen shrugged. "Guess the first one overruled it. Like the judge who overruled Vinny."
Noel Collins smacked his head with his right hand, wondering why on Earth he had gotten stuck to THIS idiot. "This is all just too damn stupid."
"Noel, NO-" screamed Raven.
She was cut off mid-sentence as a white aura materialized around Gauntlet…and then it slammed into Noel's face. It had no force, but he briefly saw flashes of white clouds and rainbows. Then it all disappeared, leaving only a slight headache in its wake. The white-haired metahuman gurgled, "Ugh…what the fish was that?"
Noel paused. "Fish? FISH? Did I just say fish?"
Raven sighed as she pointed at the second spell. "I tried to tell you. This spell is a rather peculiar one; the one who casts it will surround himself with an invisible field of magic. Once the caster's mind recognizes a curse, the field of magic will target and envelop the one who uttered the curse, thus preventing the victim from cursing from there on afterward."
Savior arched an eyebrow. "So basically, I have just been subjected to a magical version of 'soap for the foul mouth'."
Everyone was silent.
Finally, Savior – his tone disbelieving and sarcastic at once – retorted, "You gotta be porkin' me."
The sheer absurdity of the statement sent Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Terra to the floor with laughter. Robin snickered a bit – what can you say? Coming from Noel, it was FUNNY – while Gauntlet stifled his own laughter. Raven just shook her head while Starfire wondered how a pig came into the conversation.
Savior just grumbled. Okay God, I'd like to wake up now. Of course, this was no dream. Can't blame him for trying though.
"Not exactly what I originally wanted, and it's a little cheesy," admitted Gauntlet before giving a thumbs-up. "But I LIKE IT!"
Now he's going into Wedding Crashers quotes. Wonderful. "Just kill me now and get it over with," grumbled Savior.
Gauntlet casually asked, "Does this mean Raven will be up for grabs?"
"NO!" roared Savior.
"AS FOR THE THIRD SPELL," rumbled Raven as she tried to regain Gauntlet's ever-miniscule attention span. "What was it?"
Robert replied, "Well…it was a bondage spell of some kind."
"Ewwwwwww," groaned Beast Boy and Cyborg, each looking positively disgusted. The latter commented, "Man, that's just not right." And all the while, Savior immediately began wondering what cruel twist the universe had next in store for him.
Ironically, it was Gauntlet to the rescue. "Not like that! I mean just something so a girl would actually stay WITH me and not flee the first instant she gets." Robert snorted, obviously remembering some bad dates from Uberton. "I mean, sure, it's ALWAYS either my breath, or that they have to go to the bathroom, or that there's a giant monster in my soup, or that she already had arrangements with Marmot Man or Mr. Nobody or Insert-Random-Hero-Here. C'mon ladies, I ain't THAT gullible!"
"Heaven forbid, you're actually gullible? WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT?" The sarcasm was dripping from Noel's voice as he tilted his head away in a fit of resentment. "Jackapple." Another grimace. More laughter from Cyborg and Beast Boy.
"Was the spell on page 100?" asked Raven. Robert nodded. "I see…it appears you cast the spell wrong."
Savior had a 'Gee, how surprising' look on his face. Cue the horrifically bad news in 3, 2, 1…
"Normally, this spell would serve as a fusion between two people, to completely merge their minds, bodies, and souls. However, due to either lack of any experience with magic or chanting the words incorrectly…it only stopped with the hand. So it's actually weaker than it should be." Raven closed the spell book. "As the results are, this is more of an inconvenience than anything else."
Savior was confused. The 'horrifically bad news' had actually turned out to be better than he had expected. And that was a problem.
It meant something REALLY bad was going to happen soon.
Raven stood up. "Seeing as how the original spell was meant to be permanent, no counter-spell exists. I'll start researching for ways to undo this current predicament of yours." With that said, the Goth girl floated away, exiting the living room.
Tim sighed. "Well, it seems that it's nothing major. You two will just have to cope for the time being. And before you start complaining Noel, just deal with it. It won't be that long until you're both back to normal."
"Actually, Noel's being extranormal," commented Gauntlet as he poked at Noel's dour face. "See? He's even grumpier than before. Extra grumpy!"
Robin frowned at the sight of Noel's twitching eyebrow. He knew that Noel's opinion of Robert was extraordinarily harsh, critical, and – to be honest – unfair. Although Gauntlet usually acted like the village idiot, he was a valuable asset to the team who was dependable. Nevertheless, Noel STILL didn't trust him (well, maybe a little, but not entirely). "You too Robert. Try not to antagonize Noel, intentional or otherwise. Okay?"
"Of course! I swear on the honor of my Great Grand Uncle Sergeant Joshua Candide, I will not fail you!" Gauntlet saluted Robin like a soldier. This show of theatrics, as predicted, caused Savior to rub his temples.
Robin sweatdropped. This isn't going to end well. "Just don't kill each other." Robin just walked to the sofa and at down in between Cyborg and Beast Boy, who were already hard at work battling through the depths of the terrifying gauntlet (Gauntlet: I smell a promotion!) that is the fighting game Deceased or Breathing Xtreme.
"Any idea why this game has such a stupid name?" asked Terra as she watched from behind the couch, hovering on a large slab of rock she often used to float around the Tower.
Beast boy shrugged. "No idea. Any idea Cy?"
"No idea BB. FYI, you've just gotten your butt handed to you!"
Suddenly, Savior's vision was blocked by the voluptuous Starfire. In her hands was a curved bowl filled with a bubbling liquid that would most likely incinerate a human's intestines. "You'd like to inform me on what it's in there?"
"Mm-hmm! Cookie dough, milk, zorka berries, orange juice, and a gallon of Windex!" exclaimed the exuberant Tamaranean.
The white-haired metahuman stared at her. It was his 'Okay, are you kidding me?' stare, mixed in with his 'I am not amused' stare. Why two stares at once? Because he was versatile. "Kory, ingesting that much Windex would probably kill me."
The alien looked confused. "But…the bottle said it helps to clean things. Would it not clean your stomach?"
"It's only for windows," grumbled Noel. His mood was becoming progressively sour. Sooner or later, he'd implode under the stress. Please Raven, hurry up with that counter-spell…
As Starfire floated away, Robert piped up, as if to spite Noel for wishing this to end. "Speaking of Sergeant Candide, did you know that according to the Candide Family Bible, he survived Pearl Harbor, Midway, Stalingrad, AND D-Day?"
"Unlikely, considering that no one in your family tree has ever served in World War II." How did Savior know? Well, he had taken it upon himself to dig up Robert's past soon after he had been ordered to join the team. The Candide family had been…ordinary. Perfectly ordinary.
That, and Stalingrad had been fought for by the Russians, not the Americans.
"It was just covered up. After all, the guy who fought alongside Captain America would most certainly need protection!" proclaimed Robert.
"Captain America's a comic book character!"
"That's what the government WANTS you to think."
The alarms blared.
"Titans, get ready!" yelled Robin as he leapt to his feet, rushing towards the computer. "Alarms were triggered at Jump City Elementary. Pulling up security footage…"
A myriad of images appeared on the massive monitor…and one showcased a familiar foe.
"Kardiak," muttered Robin. "Savior, Gauntlet, get Raven. The rest of you, we're moving on ahead!"
"Got it," answered Savior as he abandoned his fussy attitude for the tactician's mindset he possessed during battle. Unsurprisingly, Gauntlet was being dragged behind him.
"WAIT, OW! RUG BURN!"
"Tell it to someone who cares."
Within seconds, the living room was empty.
Savior calmly entered Raven's room, expecting to find her on her bed, surrounded by piles of books, scrolls, and tomes.
Instead, all he saw was her mirror on the bed, shimmering slightly in the darkness of the room. So…she's in her mind. With that magical mirror, Raven was able to travel into her own mind, for use during meditation.
What use it had for meditation was actually quite simple; it allowed Raven to talk with the other facets of her mind.
Savior grimaced. They would have to fight without Raven this time around. Oh well. "Come on 'Sergeant'. Let's go."
Savior dragged Gauntlet out of the Tower.
Inside the dark and twisted realm of Raven's mind, we turn our attention to two Ravens.
"YOU'VE YET TO WIN!" yelled Id.
"I'LL DEFEAT YOU IN THE END!" yelled Superego as they continued their thumb war.
Oops. Wrong Ravens.
At a castle floating in the middle of space, we enter a massive library. Circular shelves hold hundreds upon hundreds of books. It is within these books that house Raven's memories, her knowledge, and her thoughts. Dozens of the books were floating about now, being analyzed by two different Ravens.
The real Raven.
And a Raven wearing a yellow cloak and hood, complete with eyeglasses. She was the part of Raven's personality that demonstrated Intellect.
The reason she had come into her own mind was simple; it was less of a chore to find something she knew, but couldn't exactly remember.
Intellect sighed as her experienced eyes analyzed all the information presented in the opened books floating around her. "I've not yet found what you're searching for."
"Keep searching," muttered Raven as she read a scroll before closing it and moving on to another. She quickly mumbled, "The floor's cold. Ever consider interior decorating?"
"It's YOUR mind," pointed out Intellect. "It's not my fault if everything is dark. At least we get snow around Christmas."
"Speaking of which…my Id and Superego haven't beaten each other yet?"
"Good. I'd rather be in the middle between the two extremes."
"A wise choice," complimented Intellect.
A number of schoolchildren ran as fast their little legs could take them. Some hid beneath desks and inside closets. Anything to escaped the floating monstrosity that now hunted them.
If one didn't know better, the creature that now held a wailing girl in its thick gray tentacles looked like a giant, red pulsating heart, arteries and all. The mechanically augmented creature was known simply as Kardiak.
Its existence was a rather pitiful one. Created some years ago by Professor Maddy McScientist (name change to protect the innocent. Can't let spies know who the professor is!), Kardiak's purpose had been to wreak destruction. However, the mechanically enhanced being had no will and no mind of its own. Its only purpose for living…was to live. The only way he could live was to devour humans for their telomerases (enzymes with RNA that are at the very tips of DNA and shorten whenever a cell divides). Hence, this was why Kardiak absorbed children, their telomerases were quite long.
In a way, the infamous Lord of the Night would have called Kardiak a pure hunter. No malice. No hatred. Just a desire to survive and feed.
The creature burst through the door, inhaling the blonde-haired girl with its hollow tentacle-
The limb was cut off by a Birdarang, which circled around and landed in Robin's hand.
"You picked a bad day Kardiak!" confidently said Robin as he whipped out his Bo staff. "TITANS, GO!"
Starfire zoomed upward, going over Kardiak and striking its back with Starbolts. The heart-like creature slapped at her with its gray tendrils, whilst two move lunged at Beast Boy.
"Uh oh." The Changeling yipped before transforming into a rhino. The mighty beast roared as he charged at Kardiak, ramming his horn into the monter's gelatinous hide. He couldn't afford to get too much closer with all these tendrils waving about.
Terra, however, had no such inhibitions.
Robin yelled, "Careful! There's still a child in there!"
"Then let's get her out!" yelled Terra. "HUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Spires of rock erupted from the street, jabbing at Kardiak. As expected, it dodged.
But this opened the door for another attack. "You wanna play rough? Well Cyborg says EAT IT!" His right hand converted into a Sonic Cannon, firing a blue-and-white ray of supersonic sound waves. The massive monster was sent flying, even as two new Titans arrived.
Savior, swinging like Spider-Man.
Gauntlet, hanging like a dead weight. Even so, the Gauntlet was out in full force…and, surprisingly, part of Noel's left hand was covered by the golden metal of the ancient artifact of the Old Ones. "Oh. We're here?"
"YES." Savior was just about ready to scream. "Now start carrying your own weight Gauntlet!"
"Sure thing Captain Stick-up-your-Butt," sarcastically muttered Gauntlet as he flexed his right arm.
All of a sudden, Kardiak lased out with a stretchy tentacle.
"Dodge!" yelled Savior as he sent the Shimmer out. A white, thin line of shimmering energy (hence the name) came out of Noel's wrist, latching onto the roof of a nearby building.
Naturally, Gauntlet had different plans of escaping. Gauntlet willed forth a hook out of yellow energy, sending it downward and latching it into the ground. But…with Gauntlet pulling down and Savior pulling sideways…they moved down diagonally. They had missed the initial strike by Kardiak…but what came next was more painful.
Case in point: Savior and Gauntlet's hands – still stuck together – latched onto a street lamp by accident. The resulting whiplash caused the two to rip around the pole (unpleasant extensions of the arm FTW), and…
Savior and Gauntlet slumped to the ground, a headache (well, in Noel's case, a worse one) taking the place of ambient noise. Finally, as the white-haired metahuman rubbed his head, he murmured, "Time for a change of plans."
To be continued…
Author's Notes: BLARG. So tired. x.x
FYI, anyone remember the Superego/Id reference? ;P
See you soon, and please review!