Chapter 4

Sarah looked down at Jareth's pale drawn face and felt her stomach tighten. She didn't want to see him like that, instead she crossed the room to the window and looked out at the tattered remains of the labyrinth. The knot in her stomach became a ball, and for a moment she thought she might throw up, but when she opened her mouth all that came out was a choked sob. She felt completely overwhelmed at her situation and had no idea how to deal with it.

'Jesus' she whispered. 'Am I ever going to get home?' As soon as the words left her mouth, she wished she hadn't said them, her mind flashed back to her last moments in the Esher room and the look on Jareth's face as she vanished taking his world with her. She felt selfish and foolish and victimised all at once. Sarah didn't like feeling victimised, at least not anymore. Her attitudes had changed from that of a spoiled child to a self-assured adult, and she wasn't going to let them change back. She reminded herself that she chose this, she crossed through the mirror and brought Jareth home. This wasn't like last time, and therefore she wasn't a victim. This time Jareth was the victim, and whilst she doubted that he would see it that way, she knew it was the truth. Sarah stopped gazing blankly out the window, wiped her hands across her eyes, and forced herself to look at him. He was so small, enveloped in his covers and almost swallowed up by the bed. The more she looked at him the more she could see of his old self, the one who had bullied her, and fallen in love with her. Hoggle was right, there was still a huge amount of power in him, you could see it in his face, and she had no doubts that he was still dangerous. But he was no longer a danger to her.

'You're still beautiful.' She whispered softly, and moved towards his bed. She sat on the edge of his bed and took his hand. It was cold, despite his gloves, so she pressed it to her lips. 'I'm not going to leave you Jareth.' She said, and lay down next to him on the bed her face pressed close to his, her mouth next to his ear. 'Can you hear me? I promise I'm not going to leave you.'

Sarah suddenly felt calmer than she had since Jareth had first disappeared from her room days ago. She relaxed into the pillow and enclosed Jareth's hand in both of hers, a sudden weariness coming over her body, and even though she hadn't been awake for long, she felt herself drifting off. 'I'm going to help you get better.' Although she wasn't sure if she actually said that, or if she merely thought it as sleep overtook her.

When Sarah woke up she was in the ruins of the Esher room, which was quite a surprise considering the castle had been recreated, and the Escher room should have been back to its usual confusing glory. It wasn't until she saw herself with Jareth that she realised she was actually dreaming. The two of them were facing off, just as they had at 13 o'clock. Jareth was circling around her, whispering things in her ear and she was nodding in agreement. Wait a minute. In agreement? She didn't remember anything about agreeing with Jareth at any stage, let alone in the Esher room. Why was she nodding her head? What was he saying to her? His words rang in her head, 'Fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave'. Was that was she was agreeing to?

Jareth leaned towards her and Sarah watched as he kissed her other self. When their lips broke apart and he pulled away, his face had been replaced by that of a monster with cruel piercing eyes. He grabbed her roughly and shook her hard, his laugh resonating throughout the ruins. What was most frightening was that the other Sarah didn't seem to know that he was any different, she gazed up at him as if he was the answer to her dreams. It was a horrifying sight and as Jareth continued to shake her they faded away. Sarah tried to shake herself out of the dream but couldn't, her eyes remained rooted to the spot where they had been and she desperately tried to blink their image from her eyes. 'Do you really believe that Sarah?' His voice whispered suddenly in her ear.

She awoke with a jolt, still holding his hand in both of hers. She dropped it as if it were burning her and rolled off the bed, her hands clutching her stomach as a sudden nausea overtook her. She bolted to a corner of the room and vomited.

When her stomach had settled she sat back, and wrapped her arms around herself. She sat like that for what seemed like hours, until a cool washcloth was pushed into her hand, and a blanket was wrapped around her shoulders. Hoggle was in the room with her, cleaning up her mess.

'You don't have to do that.' She said. 'I can clean up after myself.'

'I know Sarah, but I don't mind.' Hoggle said. 'What happened?'

'Just a bad dream.' She shuddered.

'Do you always throw up when you have bad dreams?' He asked casually as he moved around her.

'No.' She said shortly.

Hoggle raised his eyebrow at her but didn't ask anything else.

When she was feeling better, Hoggle showed her around the castle (which was much smaller than she remembered) and told her that she had slept through the rest of the previous day and all through the night. It was now first thing in the morning and Jareth needed to be looked after. Despite the lingering feeling of nausea that the dream had caused, Sarah was determined to keep her promise and so set about caring for Jareth as best she could.

This was how things continued for some time, Sarah looked after Jareth, washing his body and turning him from side to side, and Hoggle looked after Sarah. And the castle, And anything else that came his way. She felt slightly guilty by the constant work he was doing, and often wished that she could help him more. But to be honest she knew she had her hands full looking after Jareth. She was constantly worried about him, whether he was still breathing, or whether he was clean and comfortable, or how much longer he could survive without food. Hoggle had assured her that his magic could sustain him for quite some time, and if Sarah hadn't known he was actually human then she might have believed him.

She found that she could barely leave his side for a minute before she was anxiously rushing back to check if he was awake. Hoggle insisted that she take a walk outside the castle every day, and Sarah found these times to be the hardest of all. She often found herself wondering why this was, and why she cared so much about his wellbeing. After all this was the man that stole her brother, intimidated her, loved her. Her mind kept coming back to that last point. He loved her. As uneasy as that made her, she had to know why.

Like that first night, when she did sleep it was next to Jareth, pressed up along his side his hand in hers. Despite the terror that the dream had invoked in her, she decided not to trust it and hoped fervently that she wouldn't dream anymore. Her hopes were in vain.

On the fourth night she dreamt about Toby. This dream wasn't as vivid as the first one, but it still had the same uneasy feel to it, as if her subconscious was trying to warn her of something. Toby was older, probably about sixteen or seventeen, and she was dancing with him, in the crystal ballroom of course. He was saying something to her, but she couldn't make it out. He kept saying her name, over and over again, but the rest she couldn't understand. Sarah hoped this was a true vision of the future because Toby had grown into a stunning young man. He was tall and strong, with blonde hair cut short. He still had his boyish dimples which showed when he smiled. The sight of him all grown up made Sarah's heart ache. She closed her eyes and leaned into him.

When she reopened them, she discovered that she was dancing with Jareth. Had she always been dancing with him? She had been sure it was Toby a moment ago. It had been Toby hadn't it? Jareth leaned towards her face and whispered in her ear, 'You aren't ever going to see him again Sarah.'

When Sarah woke up this time, she didn't feel sick, just sad. This dream she felt was probably true. She let go of Jareth's hand, and turned her back on him, staring out into space. She didn't sleep again that night.

For the next few days Sarah felt listless. It seemed to her as though Jareth would never wake up, and that she was spending her days caring for something she could never have. It was a selfish thought, but she was tired. And perhaps a little afraid, afraid that part of her didn't want him to wake up. In the back of her mind she knew she was still a little frightened of him, and that whilst caring for him when he was unconscious was one thing, having an actual conversation with him was another thing altogether. When he had been an owl she had felt so close to him, like they were friends, and companions, but would all that change when he woke up? If he woke up?

One afternoon when the weather outside was drizzly and cold and reflecting Sarah's mood quite nicely, she felt something change inside her and curled up on the bed next to Jareth and looked into his face.

'Can you wake up now please Jareth.' She whispered. 'Please wake up now.'

His face was still ghostlike and drawn but it seemed to her as if he was a touch more at peace, more relaxed somehow.

'I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you much since I came.' She hadn't spoken a word to him since her promise the first night. 'I couldn't bring myself to talk to you before, it's as if I was afraid that you might talk back.' She brought her hand up to stroke his face gently. 'But I'm not afraid anymore. Do you understand? I'm not afraid of you. You have to wake up Jareth. I have to know.'

'Know what Sarah?' He was before her in his beautiful blue jacket, and they were dancing in the crystal ballroom.

Sarah realised with a start that she had fallen asleep, and that this was not real, only a dream. 'I won't talk to you in a dream Jareth. I won't. You have to wake up.'

'You're the one who's dreaming' He said with a smile.

Sarah didn't answer.

'Can we keep dancing at least?' He held her to him.

Still she didn't answer.

'Why is it that you could talk to me as an owl Sarah, but not as a human? Do I terrify you so much?' He cocked his head to one side and fixed his eyes on her. 'Perhaps you haven't considered the fact that you terrify me?'

Sarah turned her face up to look at him. Her terrify him? The idea was so completely absurd that she almost laughed. But something stopped her, the image of Jareth perched on her windowsill sprang into her mind. The way he looked when he was stretching his wings, when he would perch on her shoulder, when he would play with Toby. Why do all that as an owl? When he could have spoken to her as an equal. A human. She closed her eyes.

Jareth's voice shook her out of her thoughts. 'What must you know Sarah?'

She then realised that she was awake, Jareth's face was mere inches away from hers on the pillow. Had she really just been dreaming? It seemed so real.

'I need you to wake up Jareth.' She whispered. 'I need to know if I love you.'