Nancy screamed his name and then ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh, Freddy! You're back! How the hell did you get out of prison?" She enquired.
Freddy looked positively uncomfortable at this, "Umm, I got out on bail. Uh, Nancy - ?" Nancy understood and removed her arms from around his neck, "Listen, where's that killer? I know he's here someplace.. it's perfect, isn't it? Coming to the funeral.. he'd get a few victims here."
Nancy was shocked. "You think it's a he? Why Freddy, you sexist monster!" Freddy glanced at her strangely and she laughed, batting her eyelashes at him, "I'm kidding! Hey, you won't believe what that bitch Tiffany just did to me.."
But as Nancy launched into the story of her and Tiffany's little bitch fight, a white van suddenly pulled up in the back yard. Everyone was amazed at this.. it had just appeared out of nowhere. Anyway, a young woman with short brown hair with red streaks came racing towards Freddy and Nancy. She was holding a mic and had a lazy looking cameraman at her side.
"Hello, Freddy Krueger is it? Gail Weathers," The woman said quickly, holding out her hand but removing it from view before Freddy had a chance to shake it. "So, recently out of jail, huh? What are your thoughts and feelings on that?"
"Um, I -"
"Okay Gail. In three, two, one.. action!" The camera man said, and suddenly they were on the air.
"Gail Weathers here at 1238 'Horror Hall' on this fine day, where the funeral for three beloved psychotic killers, Michael Myers, Charles Lee Ray and Samara Morgan is taking place. Earlier today Mr. Freddy Krueger was released from jail on bail. He will be facing the jury next week on trial for the murder of all the killers just mentioned."
Gail smiled at the camera and Nancy noticed how white her teeth were. "Wow, she must floss a lot," She muttered, holding onto Freddy because she was so afraid of this strange woman.
"Uh, excuse me?" Freddy cut in, and Gail wheeled around to look at him, "Um, you're not making much sense. Maybe you could talk slower, hm?"
From behind them, Tiffany watched as Freddy began to grow impatient. Hah, soon he would begin hacking the woman to bits. And then maybe afterwards Tiffany would say she loved him, he would confess that he had loved her all along and the two of them would move to Mexico and start over.
"So , how does it feel to be back on the outside?" Gail went on, holding the mic up at him.
Freddy suddenly grinned, striking a pose, glad to be TV'S new flavour of the month. "Uh, well Gail, it's great, because I get to go back to killing kids in their sleep. And I also get to return to my girl," He smiled down at Nancy.
"How sweet," Gail said, glancing at the two of them in distaste, "Okay! So, are you looking forward to the trial next week, ?"
"Hey! I ain't goin' to no trial, bitch! I didn't kill anybody!" Freddy roared, "..Well, nobody recently. If you don't believe me, fucking go to hell!" He went on, grabbing the mic and stuffing it down Gail's throat.
Gail appeared to be choking on the mic for a second before the swallowed it whole. "Oh..oh..wow..wow.." She said, and everything she said came out in echoes, "Hey..hey..you'd..you'd..better..better..beable..beable..to..to..pay..pay..for..for..that..that..!" She exclaimed.
Freddy reached out to slash Gail's throat, but she ducked quickly and fell to the ground. Freddy had been about to finish her off when there was a noise from behind them. He stood up and whipped around.
Ghostface was standing opposite him. He held up his hand, and Freddy saw that the cheap fuck was holding a blade.
Freddy turned to Nancy, raising an eyebrow at her. "Let me get this straight. You invited him to this fucking thing?" He spat.
Nancy shrank away from him. "He threatened me for an invite, Freddy! What the fuck was I supposed to do!" She hissed.
"Hello Freddy," Ghostface snickered, "Or ' ' if you prefer.." He stepped towards them and Nancy gave a gasp of surprise and hid behind Freddy. Jeez, women, Freddy thought, rolling his eyes as he raised his claw, prepared to fight.
"You fuck," Freddy growled, "Killing Chucky and Michael, and even Samara! Well, bitch. We'll just see if you get out of this alive!" He dove forward, slashing at Ghostface with his claw, but the creep had been ready for him. He lunged forwards and managed to stab Freddy in his upper arm.
Freddy positively howled and fell back. Nancy had to help him up again, but then he was ready. He raised his claw again, waving the blades mockingly at Ghostface. "Ooh Ghosty, let's see how you like this you bitch!" He yelled, lunging at Ghostface, knocking him to the ground.
"Hey! Hey! Get back up, quick!"
Freddy stood up, feeling alarmed.
"Fuck! Get the fuck up! You'll blow our cover!"
Ghostface managed to stagger to his feet but when Freddy gave him a light prod with the end of one of his blades, old Ghosty took another tumble. Only this time, it became clear that there was more than one culprit behind all of the murderers. When Ghostface fell, out tumbled Chucky and Glen.
"You dumb fuck! I told you to keep your goddamn balance!" Chucky roared in Glen's face as they sat together on the grass.
"Sorry, dad," Glen said quietly, looking extremely upset and hanging his head in shame.
Freddy was gobsmacked. "What? Chucky! You mean you killed Samara and Michael?"
"But - You died!" Nancy spluttered, appearing at Freddy's side. "So - how could you - ?"
"Well, long story short: I was kinda' gettin' sick of how nobody round here was killin' anymore. So, I got Glen to pretend to kill me so nobody would think I killed Myers and Samara!" Chucky explained. He suddenly stopped and looked to Freddy's right.
Tiffany had appeared beside them. She looked livid. "So, Chucky. It was you all along, huh?" She hissed, "You bastard! You selfish bastard! You became so desperate to kill that you were willing to kill all your friends?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Chucky yawned, "Look Tiff, I'm sorry, all right? It's just, me being a psychopath and a killer and all.. I got kinda' fed up of not killing! And those guys were just sittin' there readin' their playboy magazines and datin' people they used to hate!" He sighed, "I'm sorry. It just became too much."
Freddy didn't know what to say. It was a real stab in the back to find that Chucky was the one behind all this. "So, what part did Glen play in all this? Was he just your trusty sidekick?" He enquired, but his eyes were locked on Chucky and he was desperate to get some killing done for the first time in a long while.
"I let him stand on my shoulders while he killed them," Glen said, and burst into tears.
Tiffany gasped and went to comfort him. "Chucky, how could you use your own son like that? That is exploitation, mister!"
"Relax Tiff, it's not like I got him to do any killing," Chucky said, sounding quite relaxed himself, "So hey, what is this anyhow? Some kind of family get together?" He looked around, grinning, "Wow, I need to make some fresh kills.."
"No you don't," Tiffany said sharply, knocking the blade right out of his hand, "You're never killing again, you piece of shit! Using our son to help you kill! I - I won't have it!" She cried, bareing her teeth at him.
Chucky suddenly remembered. "Oh yeah.. we're gettin' a divorce babe, so you no longer have the right to tell me what to do!" He growled at her, "You love Freddy, don't ya, babe? Well, go on then! Run off to Mexico with him! Just don't come cryin' to me when he dumps you for some hotter brunnette with big fake tits!"
"Hey!" Nancy cried, deeply offended.
Tiffany went red and looked at Nancy and Freddy. "Oooh, bitch! Now I'm gonna kill you -" Nancy cried out, but Freddy held her back.
"Uh, okay, Tiffany.." Freddy mumbled, uncomfortable with the whole situation. Then he looked at Chucky and decided to get back to the task at hand. "So, you thought you'd frame me, huh? Aww Chucky, you're just a little baby. It's hard to believe that you even managed to kill the likes of Michael and Samara."
"I'm a way better killer than you, Krueger!" Chucky snarled, grabbing the blade lying nearby him on the grass and pointing it upwards, "Unlike you, I have some style. You're a fake ass motherfucker, that's what you are!"
"How did you even escape from your coffin, Chucky?" Tiffany enquired, eyes narrowed.
Chucky turned to her. "I just acted like a doll for a while, bitch. Then when you all weren't looking I got up and killed! And it was good, oh yeah baby," He laughed manically, "And now, I'm gonna kill all of you! Even you!" He pointed at Sax, who had been helping himself to a hot dog which he dropped.
"Uh yeah, a puney little doll like you," Nancy laughed.
Chucky scowled. "A'right! That's enough of your goddamn girlfriend, Krueger!" He threw the blade with all the force he could muster at Nancy. It hit her directly in the chest and she keeled over, her eyes wide as she fell to the ground.
Freddy knelt down beside her, pulling the knife out of her chest. Nancy stared up at him and smiled. "Freddy..Freddy.." She moaned.
"What is it, bitch? I mean - Nancy?" Freddy replied, tears in his eyes.
"Freddy.." Nancy coughed up blood but went on speaking, "Do one thing for me.. Just one last thing.."
"Anything," Freddy said solemly, taking her hand in his.
"Please..kill that bitch Tiffany for me..and take her plastic remains and throw them on the scrap heap.." Nancy wheezed and coughed again, "I love you, Freddy.." She managed, before her heart gave out completely and she lay motionless, sprawled on the ground beside him.
"I - I love you too, Nancy." Freddy sobbed, holding her for a moment before jumping up again. "Bastard! I'm gonna gut you and slice you up, Chucky!" He roared.
Chucky smirked. "Okay. Go ahead!"
Tiffany's eyes fell upon Nancy, who was clearly dead. Then they moved across to Chucky, then to Freddy. She shrugged. Hell, atleast that bitch was finally gone.
"Okay! Okay! Break it up now!" Tiffany yelled, pulling Freddy off of Chucky. "Okay, you guys. Here's the deal: Chucky, you're gonna be on a short leash from now on! And Freddy, I do love you, but I know you don't love me." She looked down, blushing, "So I'm sorry about all that shit."
"It's okay, Tiff," Freddy mumbled, "Why didn't you tell me about this before?"
"Because you were with Nancy! You guys were so happy and I didn't want to mess that up," Tiffany suddenly smiled, "Of course, now that she's -"
"- Still here, happy with him," Nancy interrupted, and Tiffany stared at her in horror. "Sorry Tiffany, I've got nine lives, remember? Well, five now.." She said, turning to Freddy and shrugging, "Freddy! I'm sorry I scared you, honey! But I love you."
"I love you too, Nancy. And I'm sorry, Tiffany." Freddy said. Then, he and Nancy embraced, inwhich Tiffany had to turn away and gag.
"So, about that divorce.." Chucky grunted, "Tiff, babe, I love ya! I always have, and you look great today by the way," He remarked, "Just forget what I said. And I promise that I'll try to cut back on killing.. for your sake."
"Oh, Chucky! That's great!" Tiffany said, "And maybe one day I'll fall back in love with you again. But for now, I think you're a jackass." She smiled at him and turned to Nancy. "Nancy, I'm sorry about our.. fight, before. I shouldn't have flirted with your father."
"Well, he's rich and single, so I guess I'll give you permission now," Nancy said casually, "And I'm sorry too, by the way."
Tiffany looked over at Sax, "Really?" She said dreamily, licking her lips.
"Uh, hello!" Chucky said loudly, and Tiffany scowled at him before going over to Glen.
"Well, I guess the funerals off now.." Nancy said to Freddy.
"Yeah, probably," Samara said from behind them, and Freddy and Nancy turned to find Michael and Samara standing behind them. "Judging by your shocked expressions I can probably guess what you're thinking. Okay, so we're already dead. Means we can come back to life. There, does that make it better?"
"Sam! It's great that you're back!" Nancy said, hugging her, "But how come you didn't just come back after you died?"
Samara shrugged. "Well, we did come out at night to.. talk. But we waited a while before we actually came back. So, here we are.." She smiled at them, "And I'm sorry I thought you were the killer, Freddy."
"Ah, it's okay," Freddy said, and sniggered, "Looks like Tiffany wasn't kidding when she said she was gonna keep Chucky on a short leash from now on."
The group turned and sure enough, Tiffany had fashioned a leash for Chucky and had tied it around his neck. They all laughed at this. It was really funny, see. Hmm.
"So..so..Mr..Mr..Charles..Charles..Lee..Lee..Ray..Ray, How..how..does..does..it..it..feel..feel..to..to.." Gail started, but Chucky laughed manically at her before she could finish.
"Woah, did this bitch swallow a microphone or somethin'?" He enquired, laughing.
"You..you..could..could..say..say..that..that.." Gail muttered.
The funeral was called off and everything was just fine and dandy. Samara haunted Rachel and Aidan at the party, and was reunited with her parents -tear-. Also, Michael and Lori had a great time. Other people had a great time too, can't be bothered mentioning them..
Well, as there seems to be nothing more to say, I'll just sum it up: Freddy and Nancy ended up getting engaged and moved to 1428 Elm Street which is basically next door to where they were currently living. The others stayed behind and Tiffany and Chucky finally fell in love again.. blah blah blah.
But, it won't stop there. So, in the words of Samara:
"It won't stop."
If you thought this was shit, who cares? I wrote this completely out of boredom. Strangely at the beginning it is nothing more than a plotless yet humourous piece of work. Then, as time went on, I decided to form a plot and I did. Sooo, if you hated it, Idk much because I loved writing it.
Those who enjoyed it, thanks a lot! I love you lots xo
So I will probably write a sequel. But for now, that's the end of this one.