Disclaimer: This is a parody of sorts, and I don't own Harry Potter. Wish I would though...

Chapter One: The Shadow in the Dark


It was a beautiful afternoon, the sun was shining high in the cloudless sky and the murky water in the lake looked not as dark and muddy as it always use to. In fact, the water seemed quite inviting in the awful heat. Inside the Hogwarts castle the pupils were sitting inside the classrooms and sweating, with the exception of one lucky group having Care of Magical Creatures in the "not-so-cooking-hot-grounds".

Harry Potter, being one of those lucky pupils, was desperately trying to cool himself with a copy of The Monster Book of Monsters. Unfortunately, the book didn't like being waved around and tried to take his arm off. Harry dropped the attempt (and the book), and tried instead to pay attention to the lecture, While stamping furiously at the furious book now trying to take off his leg.

Hagrid was lecturing the class about Clabberts, monkey/froglike creatures that apparently live in trees. The lecture was extremely boring, I mean, who cares about some ugly moss covered monkey things anyway? Harry sighed deeply, earning a disapproving glare from Hermione who apparently was VERY interested in the subject and almost drooling for information. Ron looked like he was sleeping while standing. At least his eyes were closed, and he was snoring very loudly. Harry wiped away some sweat from his forehead and gazed longingly at the water. How could it be so HOT outside?

Suddenly he got chills running down his spine, and all his hairs were standing on end. At first Harry rather enjoyed the chilled feeling, but then his almost abysmal brain started waving a large sign in his mind: WARNING! ODD WEATHER BEHAVIOUR EQUALS DEMENTORS OR OTHER KINDS OF NASTY CREATURES SLASH DANGEROUS THINGS! Harry froze, and looked over at the Forbidden Forest behind Hagrid's hut, where all the dangerous creatures live and, of course, from where his brain told him all threats come. He felt like something was watching him, but that couldn't be true, could it? Dementors haven't got eyes. But what if it's some other nasty ugly creature with soul sucking abilities? He gazed intensely at the forest with his wimpy and weak eyes, and just as he was about to lose interest he saw something move in the shadows just behind the tree line. That can't be a monster, can it? Finally some action! He rubbed his hands together in a rather perverted looking way.

Harry nudged Ron hard in the ribs, and Ron woke from his slumber with an angry yell. (and a loud fart)

"What is it, Harry?" he asked grumpily, rubbing his ass in a monkey-like way. The rest of the class were also staring at Harry now, in the way most people stare at a remotely interesting and old lion caged in a zoo, and Hagrid looked a little disturbed. (Actually he looked VERY disturbed, Harry was the one who should be on his side, not the one being difficult in his class. MALFOY was supposed to be the troublemaker. Hagrid shot the blonde a venomous look, as though it was all Malfoy's fault. Malfoy looked about to piss his pants.)

Harry just pointed at the shadow lurking in the forest, his brain not being able to string words together at the moment. The whole class, and Hagrid of course, turned their heads and looked uneasily at the forest.

"There's nothin there, Harry", Hagrid said, giving Malfoy another nasty glare. Malfoy whimpered.

At the same time the shadow stepped out from the forest and everybody gasped in fear and awe.


It was a small and extremely ugly creature. A clabbert. Neville Longbottom fainted in fear at seeing a hairy monkey. Hagrid gave up a girlish yell of excitement and Harry Potter dunked his head against a nearby tree. Malfoy sniggered.

"Oh good! Now I have something to demonstrate on!" Hagrid sighed deeply and looked lovingly at the ugly thing. Hermione's eyes had their "lick up to teachers and study and pay attention"-look. Harry groaned and stopped behaving like a house elf . Hermione was now eyeing the creature like a hawk staring at a prey, and Malfoy tried to come up with some extremely nasty comment to throw at the 'all hail' St. Potter.

"Scared of a little frog thing, huh, Potter? " he sneered. Goyle and Crabbe laughed. ( actually Goyle let up a noise similar to a cat stuck with it's tail caught in a door and Crabbe sounded like a horse with extreme diarrhoea)

Ron gave up an angry yell VERY similar to a cavemans mating call and tried to attack Malfoy. Unfortunately his feet were still numb from sleeping and he fell to the ground with a thud and a groan.

Harry found himself snickering at Ron and quickly stuffed his fist in his mouth to stifle the sounds. Ron had been knocked unconscious.


A/N: Well, that's it. Please push the little button: Submit review, and tell me what you think, and if you want more...