Title: It's Just Something You Know
Author: Claddagh Ring
Disclaimer: I cannot, for the very life of me, write a decent song, much some of the ones they use on Instant Star so, based on that, there is no way I could own Instant Star.
Spoilers: There are vague, as well as specific, allusions to the Tommy/Jude canon up until Viciousness throughout this fic.
AN:This was inspired by a post in the message boards at The post asked, "When has Tommy ever proven to Jude that he really has feelings for her?" and instead of taking offense like some of the repliers did, I actually started making a list of the moments that proved to me that Tommy cares for Jude. It turned out to be this really long list and at the end of it, I realized that this list of mine might make an interesting little introspective piece of fanfiction. I want one thing to be very clear though: I am not trying to prove that Tommy is in love with Jude. I am trying to prove that he cares for her and that he does have feelings for her.
Dedication: This is for all the doubters out there and for the Jommies who just need a little reminder sometimes.
Feedback: For the love of Tommy's Twizzlers, please use the purple button and send me a review!
"Just tell me this Jude," my currently estranged, might-still-be-but-quite-possibly-not best friend Jamie spat irritably over the phone. "When has Tommy ever proven to you that he has feelings for you even remotely close to the ones I have for you?"
"Feelings you have for me?" I spat back, voice dripping with disbelief. "You've pretty much been an ass to me since you broke up with me – over my career no less!"
"And when has Tommy ever not been an ass to you?"
"Less often then you've been lately!" I screamed. "God, Jamie, I called you because I'm trying to make peace with you! How did Tommy even enter this conversation?"
"I don't know!" Jamie cried; I could practically see him throwing his hands up in the air wildly, like he always does when he gets frustrated. There was a dull thud as I imagined the phone hit the floor, followed by a few moments of silence as Jamie scrambled to pick up the phone. Angry breaths soon filled the phone, followed by Jamie's angrier voice, "If I'm such an ass Jude, why are you still talking to me?"
"Sorry, my mistake," came my sarcastic remark. "I won't make the same one twice, believe me." And with that, I was the one throwing their phone across the room, though I'm pretty sure Jamie was simply being a dumb klutz when he threw his whereas I meant to throw the damned thing.
I'm emotional; I'll be the first to admit that. But I refuse to believe that mine and Jamie's break-up was entirely my fault. They threatened to pull my contract! I had to do something to convince Darius and Liam that I was worthy of the all-new G Major and I had to prove to Tommy that I could play ball when needed. It was the residual 'I-screwed-Tommy-over' guilt and the want to avoid 'I-got screwed-by-Darius' anger that would have followed being dropped from the label that all turned out to equal me not being there when Jamie got screwed over by Darius… and me.
It was my fault that I couldn't work up the guts to ask for Jamie's job back, and for that, he has a right to be mad at me. It hurts, losing something you've wanted for a long time. But this attitude he has towards me, like I'm the only one in the wrong, sucks. I could deal if he was giving me the silent treatment or a few snide remarks here and there because that's just Jamie. He's been worse than just Jamie. He's been hurtful; I never knew he could be so spiteful. Plus, he can't even make-up his own insults; he has to steal them from SHOK radio. It's really pathetic, but it doesn't mean they don't hurt less. He's just… I don't know if I know him anymore.
It's funny; if you'd asked me six months ago who was the most dependable person in my life, Jamie would have won, hands down. If you'd asked me who the least dependable person was, my erratic, unpredictable producer Tommy would have taken home the award – twice. But today, Tom's actually the only one I find myself leaning on when I feel like I can't handle it on my own. We've finally gotten out connection back; the one that let us write the great music on my first album, the one that makes our relationship greater than producer/artist, the one that inspires me and reminds me that I'll always have at least one person who'll care about me.
"When has Tommy ever proven to you that he has feelings for you-?"
Gah, sometimes I wish I could just shut off my brain, or at least block out Jamie's voice. I don't need to distrust Tommy right now, especially when it's the first time he's given me no reason to doubt him. With the exception of his outburst at Darius's party, he's been nothing but the sweet and pushy producer I know and love… don't ask me what I mean when I say love, I'm not sure.
"When has Tommy ever proven-?"
My God, shut up Jamie! You need an answer so bad, I'll give you one!
He has to care for me, simple as that. There's no other reason that explains half of the things he does for me. He spends hours upon hours perfecting my music with me in the studio, something I've noticed he hasn't started doing with Mason yet. He's put himself on the line for my career a few more times than I can count. He agreed to produce my next record when he could have just walked away. Tommy never had to stay and salvage my career, but he did. Sure, Jamie, you could argue that he only stayed because his career depended on mine, but he's still considered a freelance producer. He never signed with G Major so when Darius took over G Major, he didn't take over Tommy.
From the beginning, there was something there. He saw something in me as I was singing 24 Hours in the studio for the first time. He could see it, hidden there just under the surface, the same as I felt it but could never get it out. He knew how to coax it out, the same way he coaxed the perfect chords out of my guitar the next day at the pier. I wasn't imagining it, I'm sure of it now. There was a connection between us. When we sat on the pier, his arm over my shoulders, strumming my guitar, it was the closest I'd ever felt to music my whole life and it's all because Tommy stuck around long enough to teach it to me.
After I kissed him, clearly shocking and embarrassing him and lashing out at him after my performance at The Vinyl Palace, he drove his precious Viper out of his way in an attempt to convince me not he quit G Major. He said that I was "the real thing"; that I was "even better". At this point, I'm willing to bet that part of the reason he was there was that he was trying to fulfill his arrangement to Georgia, but I could tell it had more to do with the potential he saw in me.
He fought for the Solid cover for me. E.J. may have thrown a fit and blamed him, but knowing Tommy the way I do now and how prideful he is, I know he wouldn't have humbled himself to speak to Darius on my behalf if he didn't have a personal interest in my career or me.
Then there was that time at school when you told me you hated my new song. Tommy was the one who pulled me out of my funk and gave me the courage I needed from you to go on stage. You may have been right, "I'm In Love With My Guitar" wasn't the greatest song I'd ever written, but I loved it, and really that should be the only thing that matters. He reminded me of that. He felt horrible when the song flopped, and he was going to leave, but I convinced him to give it another try before walking. He didn't even have to say yes to me and you know Tommy's not a push-over. The song that came out of our trip to farmhouse was one of the best and he stayed.
Did you know he was even more jealous of Shay than you were? He and Shay were cool until Shay took an interest in me. And then it was like, snap, instant Shay-hate. During the video when Shay grabbed my ass, he was the one who spoke up fastest. If I hadn't been so pissed at Shay for breaking up with me and shocked at his behavior, I would have laughed at the look on Tommy's face.
Then, it all came down to my birthday. You probably don't know about any of this, but he was the first to wish me a happy birthday; there was a cake-thing and candle and everything at exactly 12:05 a.m. Then, after Shay broke my heart, he was the one who ran after me. I know you were being all macho ramming your fist into the wall, but it was Tommy Quincy who was making me feel better, not Jamie Andrews. I almost wish it had been you because I don't think you would have kissed me and broken my heart for the second time that day like he did. Logically, it makes sense. Tom and I can't happen. But it still hurt, having to pretend we didn't exist and that moment in time wasn't real.
Of course, then dad happened, Tommy had screwed me over and I don't even remember what you were doing when I wrote "Skin". But I remember that you told me about you and Kat and I was jealous. Obviously reeling from what could almost be considered a five-part betrayal; I didn't want to lose another person in my life, so I clung onto you like you were my lifeline. You used to be Jamie; you really did.
Tommy felt guilty, but we worked past it, right through the Music Helps Benefit and into the final stretch in finishing my album. Tommy dropped another bomb on me, saying that he didn't want to produce my next record, claiming that something was missing. I didn't want that to happen; I felt like we were finally getting that connection I told you about earlier back. I was so desperate, I had to do something to keep him around, kind of how it was with you and Kat. It was my turn to help him, though it kind of backfired. I dug into his past, found his unfinished album, and signed my life away in order to get it back for him. Turns out he didn't want it. I thought it was over, that he was going to leave me but then he threw me for a loop: he was going to stay. Just, out of the blue, he decided to stay even when he had no reason to, especially after I'd betrayed him.
He started dating Sadie and I felt like I'd lost him again, but turns out he was still there. He only spent a week in Italy before rushing back to G Major trying to save my possibly failing career while I was out partying with Speed and the boys and dreaming of seeing you again. It was you I saw first when I got off the bus, Jamie; you who I hugged and kissed and cried over because I was so happy to see you. Tommy had been second place all summer and he was still second place compared to you in that instant, but you don't even see that.
You were angry at me after we broke up and when I played the SHOK Radio Concert, he was there after the disaster you predicted was over. He was the one who was willing to fight Liam over my limited studio times, and he was the one who showed up at the "opening" of my personal studio I'm renting with SME. He's still, endlessly, tirelessly, working on keeping my music alive.
So if it all has to boil down to a point, Jamie, one point that says he's proved he has feelings for me, it's this one: he didn't have to be there for me. Everything he's been through with me all involved situations he could have walked out on anytime, but he chose to stay with me. He's given me the most important thing I need in my life: unconditional support.
But his feelings show in more ways than that.
It's in the way he smiles at my lame jokes. The way he lets me do exactly what I need to do, like scream in a soundproof booth at seven in the morning because I'm so stressed, and jump on his back anytime I feel the urge to. It's the way he always rests his forehead against mine when he hugs me. The way he glances at me while I work just to see if I'm stuck, and the way his lowers softens when he talks to me, and the way he always knows not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear.
I see it when he spends three hours on a ten second strain to make it sound just right because he knows how important it is to me. I see it when he offers me rides after dark, and the in the way he's more than willing to spend all night in the studio, even if we never finish the song that started our all–nighter. It's in everything we do together.
He fights for me, like you used to. You gave up, he hasn't yet. That's the difference
He may not be in love with me Jamie. I'm not convinced you were in love with me. You may be or he may be; I don't know. But I know he cares for me. He's proven it ten-times over. It's just something you feel and know. I know –
I can't have anything I want-
My cell phone? At this hour? I scramble across the room away from my unintentional Jamie-directed-rant towards my voice echoing out of the silver-grey object I'd thrown towards the window earlier, finally pulling it out from where it had buried itself in a pile of crumpled paper. I flipped the top up and was greeted with none other than the smirking man of the hour.
"Hey Jude," he said softly. "You up yet?"
"Never went to sleep Tommy," I yawned. "What time is it?"
"Oh my God," I shrieked, jaw hanging open. "What are you doing calling me at eleven in the morning? I could have been sleeping!"
"Sleeping at eleven?"
"It's called being a teenager Quincy."
"It's called being lazy," Tommy laughed. "Make yourself presentable and come down. The SME boys called and they want you to record another song today at your studio."
"They want, or you want?" I chuckled, trying to imagine Speiderman stringing together a full sentence before noon.
"I want you to and they want you to because I promised they could record an original SME bootleg if you came in," Tommy admitted.
"You bribed them?"
"It was the only way to get your back up band together."
"I'll be right down," was my probably muffled reply seeing as how I was trying to pull a sweater over my head at the same time. "Hey Quincy?"
"You care about me, right? As a friend at least."
"Come on girl," Tommy sighed before chuckling. "You know I do."
See, Jamie? I just know.
That didn't suck too terribly, did it? It's my first Instant Star piece, so I didn't want to attempt something too long or hard. It's okay right?
-:- I am Guardian of Tommy's Twizzlers -:-
I write, you read, you review, I write more… but not for this.