Meredith's steady flow of tears begin to fall like heavy rain, cascading down her cheeks and landing on her knee caps. She doesn't bother to wipe them away, seeing as no one is around to see her at her weakest. She doesn't know if it's the stress of everything or the fact that she's been feeling like shit for the past month and hasn't let anyone know. And on top of it all she has never felt so alone in her life. Why did Derek have to lie to her? Why did he have to be married? And why does she still love him so much? I need a drink, she thinks to herself, wiping a tear off the bridge of her nose.

Her crying turns to sobs that make her body shake all over. She's getting dizzy and leans over to the left and dry heaves, she hasn't eaten since yesterday morning so there was nothing to throw up. She hears foot steps, well more like someone was running towards her and she quickly wipes her tears away,

"Meredith!" To Meredith's complete and utter shock, it's Addison and calling her by her first name no less. Meredith quickly gets up off the ground, she doesn't want Addison of all people to see her in this state of weakness.

"Dr. Shepherd..."

Ignoring the formality of Meredith's greeting, Addison repeats herself, "Meredith, are you okay?"

Getting tired of hearing that question Meredith just shrugs in defeat. "No." She finally confesses going back to her place at the tree.

"Well...maybe you should go home, your very pale...and..." Addison starts to reach for Meredith's head but hesitates, unsure about all of this, after all, Meredith did sleep with her husband. Addison can see that Meredith isn't doing so well so she places her hand on her head. She snaps it back the minute it touches Meredith's burning skull.

"Oh my god! Your burning up, I'm bring you inside." Addison states, more of a command then a question. Meredith doesn't move, she just wants to be left alone. Actually, she wants the comfort of McDreamy, not his wife.

Addison puts your hand around Meredith's arm and try's to force her up,

"Meredith, your not well we need to gt you checked out."

"I'm fine, I'm been dealing with this for a long ti-" Stopping mid sentence Meredith cannot believe she just spilled her tiny secret.

"What? You've been ignoring this?"

Just then Meredith's beeper goes off. Meredith ignores Addison's soft tug as Addison continues trying to get her up, Meredith's beeper says that she has to go to Izze's patient.

I have to get this," Meredith states getting up off the ground and running towards the hospital. Addison just stands there, watching as a sick Meredith continues with her job.


"What is it!" Meredith yells, panting as she enter's Cassie's room.

"Nothing, I'm just bored is all,"

"Why do I always get patients like you?" Meredith asks picking up the girls chart. Cassie doesn't actually have a "medical" problem, she's stopped eating, Anorexic. The lack of food is cousing her to feel dizzy and when she tries to eat, her body rejects it.

"I need someone to talk to...are you busy?"

"Where's Dr. Stevens?" Meredith asks ignoring the girls question.

"A Nurse said she was in a surgery and that they would page you."

"Oh, and no I guess I'm not busy," Meredith responds. Ignoring the pain in her stomach, Meredith takes a seat next to Cassie's bed. "What's on your mind."

Cassie just shrugs, "Everything..."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Meredith wonders.

"Because it's the only thing I have control over." Cassie responds without hesitation. "I mean, haven't you ever felt like you had no control over anything in your life?"

"As a matter of fact I have." Meredith responds with and understanding smile. "But you can't do this to yourself, it's making you sick, I bet your parents are worried about you."

"I don't have any parents..." The room goes quiet. "I'm living with my aunt and uncle, my mom didn't want me..." Cassie responds with complete sorrow in your voice.

Meredith puts and hand on Cassie's shoulder. She's laconic, not really sure how to respond to that. "Just think, there are plenty of people out there with problems worse then yours. I know it may seem like it's that bad, but it will get better. I don't think life's supposed to be this hard.


Standing at the nurses desk a half an hour later, Meredith is going over some charts. She's not actually reading the charts, she's thinking about what the girl had said, "Because it's the only thing I have control over." Is this why she has been drinking so much lately, because she feels as if she has no control over her life?

"It's making me sick"

So! What did you think of this one? I coincided Cassie's control problem with Meredith's newly found one. Okay, Five more reviews and you'll get the third chapter. So please review!