Avoidances, Misunderstandings and Late Night Snog Sessions
Is it okay for someone to live a lie? I mean, for someone to pretend they're someone else to please everyone else. Because I do that. I want people to like me. I crave attention from people. I would never wanted anyone to know the who I am. Never wanted them to know who really is Seamus Finnigan. Because then I'd be exposed. Then I'll become vulnerable, which is just another word for weak. I refuse to be weak!
But then, there's him. Ever since we've first met, I've always been open with him. I can't really explain why. There's just something about him I trust. Something that only he possesses. It's the reason why I fell in love with him. I didn't mean to do it. It just, well, sort of happened.
You see, Ron has a hard enough time expressing his feelings for Hermione, and she's a girl. Me telling Dean is a whole different story. It's not exactly a normal thing for a guy to like another guy. So, I was a tad bit nervous about approaching him. When I did finally gather up enough courage to tell him about my feelings, that day he decided to tell me something as well. He chose that day to tell me that he and Ginny Weasley had become a couple. That kind of put a damper on things.
I kept mainly to myself while he was with her. Sure, I still kept face and made jokes during the day, but for the first time in my life I was truly jealous of someone. I hated her. But I didn't. I can't even explain that. I just know that Dean and I were no longer talking like we used to.
That is, until the day that she broke up with him. I was both happy and upset about it. I was happy because, well, he was no longer taken. But I was upset, because I felt that he was using me. He had spent months avoiding me, and he expected us to just click back into place. I'm sorry, but I just don't work that way.
I let him know that too. Which was probably one of the hardest things I had done in my life, up to that point at least. He had hurt me. I wanted him to understand that. I wanted him to hurt as well. It worked, but my plan backfired. Turns out I really didn't want him to. After I had finished speaking my mind to him, he started crying. Not just a few tears crying either. Sobbing crying.
Instantly I regretted everything I had said. I rushed over to him and put my arms around his back, apologizing. But Dean just pushed me away and wiped his eyes, keeping them fixated on the floor. We sat like that for a while. Him, sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, letting a few sobs out occasionally. Me, on my knees, trying to decide if I should just ignore him and comfort him anyway.
The silence, crying not included, was broken by Dean. All he said was "You're right." It took me a moment to let my mind catch up with his. But, as soon as it did, I leaned onto him and hugged him. I told him I had overreacted because I missed him. I was just being selfish, and I didn't want to share him with anyone else. I also mentioned that I wanted him all to myself. Then I told him that I was sorry for being the way that I am.
With that he wiped his eyes and looked me straight in the eyes. "Don't you dare say that Seamus," he told me, "I love the way you are." It was the 'love' word. It had caught me by surprise. My heart skipped a beat for a split second, and I believe that he caught it. He had to have noticed, because of what he did next.
What he did was place his hand on mine, while shyly looking up at me from under those thick eyelashes. "It's time I come clean with you." He looked away from me for a second, possibly contemplating making a mad dash out of the Common Room. "I've been avoiding you." I had known it all along, but hearing that said with his voice, out of his lips, stung. It hurt me really badly. I don't even know how I stopped the tears from flowing at that moment.
"Seamus, you know I don't hate you, right?" He asked, watching my facial expressions as I nodded. "But do you know why I've been avoiding you?" I looked down and shook my head. He gave me a second, and gently pulled my face back up so that our eyes met again. "Do you know why Ginny and I broke up?" Again I shook my head. How was I supposed to know that if he had been avoiding me? I told him exactly that too.
"True." He sighed, taking a deep breath. "Now, this isn't going to be easy to say, but I'll just go ahead and say it." I was expecting the worst. He had to be breaking up or friendship, or something worse. It's part of my pessimistic nature to think like that. But then, why else would he use that "You know I don't hate you" line?
"It's because she knew I was in love with someone else." My mouth dropped open with that statement. I was a little peeved that he had kept such a secret from me. There was also the fact that I was in love with him. But, I failed to mention that last one to him.
"You don't understand," he replied, "I don't think I should love this person." Right then I took a deep breath and told him that no matter what, we'd always be friends. Even if he tried to avoid me for six thousand years, I'll always be there for him. Although, when I said that I wasn't expecting the next bit of information out of his lips.
"You see," he spoke while slightly bitting his lip. "I've been avoiding you, because, to be blunt, I love you Seamus. Much more than I should. But I can't help it. I've tried..." That did it. I snapped at that point. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I had cut off the rest of his words as I pushed him on the ground and started kissing him.
It was insane at first, our tongues touching any and every spot possible. But eventually we slowed down, and when he did so he wrapped his arms around my waist as mine went around his neck. It was amazing tasting him for the first time. I had to have died and gone to heaven. It was the only explanation for it all. Because the way he kissed was better than anything I had ever dreamed. His tongue gently battled against mine as his hand slid down my back. I wasn't about to fight him.
At that point I didn't care if the queen of the bloody muggles has walked in and seen everything we had done that night. It was...amazing. Yeah, I know I'm repeating myself. But it was. Every second of it. For the first time I had experienced wonderful physical things with the one I love. I has such a dramatic day, it only made since that it would him with me jumping on top of him and snogging him senselessly. Which I believe is the perfect ending to the beginning of my very confusing relationship with the amazing Dean Thomas.
A/N: I don't know why, but I really felt like writting another Dean/Seamus. For some reason I'm really drawn to this couple. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think.