The others all think I'm stupid, probably.
Well, maybe not STUPID, but definitely not clever.
Not like you are.
They probably think
That I don't know anything but fighting
And things like that.
What they don't know
Is about how when I'm trying to sleep... I can't.
Because I can't stop myself
From thinking of you.
I watch you, you know that, Kurama?
I watched you at the first Tournament
And I saw you stop fighting
Just standing there, taking the blows,
And at first I didn't know why.
All I knew
Was that watching you be hurt
Over and over
Hurt me too.
He cut your cheek - hell,
He almost cut out your eye
And you stood there and took it
Standing tall, dignified and proud, without flinching
Buying the needed time.
For your mother.
I found that out soon enough.
Anyway, I'm glad you killed the scum, of course
But didn't you think?
You think she would have liked to know
That she was the cause
Of your bloodshed?
I watch you, you know that, Kurama?
I watched you as you fought Karasu
Neatly avoiding him as best you could
Ignoring the pain of the blows he hit home
Biding your time, waiting for the potion to act.
And when it did -
Something was within you
That wasn't there before.
A much fiercer will to live... and also
A desire for the hunt, the kill.
There was such power
Radiating from the youko
And I was even more sure you would win.
I never even thought about 'maybe he could lose'
After all, you're Kurama, right?
When you returned to the familiar body
Of the ningen Shuuichi
Battered and wounded, drained of youki
Your best trick neatly avoided
Trapped by your leg and surrounded by bombs
That exploded onto your body
And I heard your cries of pain
Even from the sidelines.
I wanted to kill the bastard myself
And to hell with the rules
But I knew you'd never forgive me.
And that was the only thing that kept me
From doing it.
Maybe I should have, though.
You had to try it, didn't you?
Rather than costing us one lousy fight
You spent all of yourself
In a last suicidal stroke
To try and let us win.
So we could pull a victory
From your lifeless body
As the Toguro team did with Karasu's.
Is that what you think of us?
Is that why you did that for us?
Yeah, I watch you, Kurama.
I watch you because you're my friend
And my teammate.
No. Be honest.
I watch you because... I love you
Don't ask me how it happened, or when
But I do.
I just do.
Che, how could this happen?
Damn it all
And damn you for making me fall in love with you
When everything else in my life just screams "No".
I watched you impale yourself
On a demon sword
For a virtual stranger
And slice your palm deeply along the blade
Drawing a handful of blood in mere seconds
And then stumbling off
To save the life of a human girl
You'd never even met before.
Saving the Tantei from death
And loss of his soul
The most precious possession, after all, I guess.
Saving the girl from slavery
And restoring to her control of her mind
Saving the would-be killer
From committing a crime that would call down a harsh punishment
Which would further corrode his already bitter heart.
For whom, Kurama?
Knowing you, probably for all three.
Why do you do all this
For everyone but yourself?
Giving so much, even if it means you die?
I may not be smart
But damned if I can figure your logic out about this.
And I wish you'd explain it to me
So that I could destroy it.
When will you think of yourself for once?
When I try to sleep
You intrude on my mind
Your smile, your laughter, your warmth, your SELF
And I try not to think about
What the world would be like without them
If those things were crushed to death by your actions.
And - yes, damn you, I dream of your lips
And how they'd feel against mine
But most of all
I remember the trust you put in me
As you directly approached me
Promised me the Mirror if I were patient
And told me your life story
The first time we talked.
And I knew right then, somehow
That I couldn't let the Mirror just claim your life
And take you away so soon.
And sometimes I wonder
If you love me as well
But probably not.
You'd just smile that kind smile
And say "I'm sorry, Yuusuke, but..."
And even if you did love me
You'd never say anything anyway.
After all, there's Keiko to think about, right?
Between you and Keiko
I'm so confused
But I could never choose between you
I love you both too much.
All I know is that whenever you are hurt
I scream and my heart breaks a bit at a time
Because I couldn't bear to lose you.
I couldn't bear to lose your friendship either,
So I do the only thing I can do.
I watch you, Kurama.