Calvin and Hobbes stepped out of the car and breathed in the fresh morning air. With a wave to his mom, Calvin headed towards the rec center where camp was, with his tiger following him.
(To the tune of "Mountain Town" from South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut)
Calvin: It's another typical day
Every story starts out this way
Hobbes: Though the morning dew's wet, our mood it can't cramp
Both: On another Monday morning in our little summer camp
Hobbes: Everything is as it should be
Everyone's bursting with energy
Calvin: No one's spirits ever slightly damp
Hobbes: All the kids seem to be in a good mood
(Kevin: What's taking so long?)
Hobbes: Though we've still got typical feuds
Both: It's a normal Monday morning in our crazy little summer camp!
"What's on the agenda today, guys?" Calvin asked the Eds, who appeared to be hard at work on something.
"We're constructing a skateboard ramp for Kevin," explained Double D, "and presumably the rest of the camp when he's finished using it."
"Hey!" Kevin shouted. "I didn't pay you to stand around and talk!"
"We got civil rights too, ya know!" Eddy shot back.
"How did you get him to hire you?" asked Hobbes.
Ed smiled blankly. "We got the tools."
Double D: Personally, I like this peace
Maybe a short truce at the least
Who knew we'd make amends with just a ramp?
Eddy: And if we make some cash as well this way
Ed: We'll get a ton of gray-vaay!
All Three: It can pay off sometimes in our simple little summer camp
Walking away, Calvin turned to his tiger friend. "Ever think we're a little sheltered, Hobbes?"
"Sheltered? We opened up another world full of turtles and mushrooms!"
"No, I mean sheltered in 'the real world.' We've explored lots of those magical lands, but I bet that there's tons of stuff here around camp and the university that we've never seen! We're neglecting our sense of adventure! There's probably a lot of neat undiscovered stuff out there!"
Calvin: We've met grotesques and explored the pool
That's just a tip of the iceberg cool
I think our lives could use a slight revamp
Hobbes: There's a lotta stuff that we've still yet to chart
And I agree we should start
Calvin: That's right!
Both: This Monday morning in our little, freaky, oddball, crazy summer camp!
A few moments later, Calvin and Hobbes set off with Jason and Marcus out into the bustling campus.
"So what do we explore first?" asked Jason.
"Well," said Calvin, "there are a lot of buildings we haven't seen the inside of. Let's head to the dorms and check them out. We've only seen one of them so far."
"Think we'll see any of the other summer camps here?" wondered Marcus.
Hobbes nodded thoughtfully. "Gee, we never really pay attention to them, except for that cheerleader camp that one time…"
"Yeesh, don't remind me," shuddered Jason.
Calvin suddenly noticed something, or rather someone, hiding behind a tree as they neared the dorms. It was a little boy around their age, who was quite obese and inexplicably dressed up for the winter.
"So," muttered Cartman (the fat boy), "we seem to have ourselves a quartet of trespassers…"
Cartman: Look at those stupid other gahs
Sneaking on our grounds
This camp is our territ'ry
So I can smack 'em legally
Because they're on our land which is technically out of bounds!
"Did you see some fat kid watching us?" Calvin whispered to his friends as Cartman ran off.
"Must be another camper," Jason whispered back.
"He looked weirder than us," remarked Marcus.
"Wait up!" called Eddy.
The boys turned around to see the Eds running after them. Their thoughts of Cartman were momentarily forgotten.
"We've gotta lay low for a while!" Eddy panted. "That ramp thing didn't go over well."
"There's splinters EVERYWHERE!" cheered Ed.
"Not to mention that its only real purpose was to rhyme with 'camp,'" added Double D.
All Seven: There is a lot here to explore
Acres and acres and so much more
Life is a new adventure ev'ry day
And I think we've really grown to like it here
But we have all just made that clear
Marcus: Really clear…
All: Cause that's what we call our crazy, die-hard, reckless, dorky, spastic
All: Pup Camp way!
Indeed, the campus held many other places to be explored, and as Marcus had noted, many other camps. One camp in particular wasa actually living nearby in the dorms that Calvin and his group were headed for.
Despite being from several states over, this camp was made of us kids from a little mountain town in Colorado. They were here, in an Illinois camp, due to their strange talent for getting into trouble and/or involved with global conspiracies. Frankly, their parents didn't want to deal with it for one summer, and so they were all shipped off to a campus far away.
And for some reason, they were all still dressed for the winter. Old habits die hard, I guess.
"It's weird," one of the kids, Stan, was saying to his friends, "but I kinda miss home. I mean, I like just getting to be a kid and all, but it's been weeks since we got to save the Internet or something."
"Are you kidding?" replied his friend, Kyle, "this is great! I think it's a relief that we don't have to fight giant trapper-keepers or some crap like that. Even Cartman's kind of mellowed out! That's worth a boring summer to me!"
"You gahs! You gahs!" shouted Cartman, running over as fast as he could (which was always a comical sight). "I saw them! I saw them!"
"Who?" their friend Kenny asked, muffled by his hood. "Visitors?"
"No, Kinny, ya moron. I saw other gahs. From that other camp! It's finally happened!"
"Oh yeah," said Stan. "I wondered if we'd ever meet them. They're always singing and stuff."
"Must be a theater camp," said Kyle. "I guess meeting them won't result in any kind of apocalypse. Heck, it might be kind of fun, almost."
"What are you talking about?" shouted Cartman. "They're our rivals! Like in the movies! We can't let them waltz in here like they own the place! We to asset ourselves! Show our authoritah! State our dominance!"
"Aw, great," muttered Kyle, "here it goes."
"Here WHAT goes?" growled Cartman.
"You make a big deal about everything. Here we are having a peaceful few weeks for once, and you have to look for conflict everywhere! Just let them take their stupid walk! They're not bothering anyone!"
"Attention, everyone!" Cartman announced to all of his fellow campers. "I have spotted our rivals making a sneak attack and Kahl here thinks that we should just let them have their way with us!"
"Jeepers!" cried Butters, another little boy. "Have their way with us?"
"Yes," Cartman said dramatically. "Clearly, Kahl is out of his mind and should be detained in a rubber room. But since no one ever supports me on that idea, support me on this: The other gahs must be stopped before they can start."
"Start what?" called Clyde, yet another boy.
"Having their way with is!" Cartman shouted, exasperated. "Gah, weren't you listening?"
"Well, that sounds kinda icky," said Butters. "What should we do?"
"We have our way with them first," said Cartman. "Follow me."
"That still sounds icky…"
Calvin, Hobbes, and the others walked into the South Park camp building and looked around. It wasn't too shabby, just a normal dorm building.
"Hey, you guys better get out of here!" called a voice.
Calvin and his friends turned around to see Stan, Kyle, and Kenny approaching them.
"Get out?" said Calvin. "But we were just saying hello…"
"We're fine with you guys hanging around," explained Kyle, "but there's this other kid, Eric Cartman, who's totally gonna screw with you. He's a real jerk."
"There's seven of us," said Eddy, "we can take him!"
"You don't know fatbutt the way we do," said Kyle.
Stan blinked. "Did you say 'fatbutt?'"
"Weird," Kyle murmured. "I meant to say fataaaah…fataaah…fataaaaah…butt."
"This is freaky," mumbled Kenny.
"What's wrong?" asked Marcus.
"It's like I can't swear!" cried Kyle. "I can't swear!" He ran off in confusion.
"You'd better leave," Stan told the kids again. He and Kenny followed their friend.
"So much for exploring," mused Hobbes.
Kyle sat in a bathroom stall, panting and panting. "Why can't I swear?" he wondered aloud.
"It's because of the other gahs," said a familiar voice.
"Cartman!" cried Kyle. "Quit spying on me in the bathroom!" He opened the door to find Cartman, Stan, Kenny, and Butters standing outside.
"This is bigger than you think, Kahl," Cartman said dramatically. "Imagine the prospects of never being able to swear again."
"I'd go crazy!" gasped Kyle
(To the tune of Uncle ****a from South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut)
Cartman: Things are not the same without swearing
Kyle: No, it's really very different without swearing
Stan: Though sometimes it really has no class
I like to say bad words like…butt?
Butters: This is really weird without swearing
Kenny (muffled): I feel like a different person with no swearing
Kyle: I really can't get over it
It just makes me wanna scream…poop?
"But it can't just be because of a few new kids hanging around," protested Kyle. "It just doesn't make sense."
"Dude, we've been trying to swear with no luck," mused Stan. "And weirder things have happened around here."
"We're M and they're K plus," explained Cartman. "I don't know how to explain what that means, but it makes perfect sense to me! They're the reason we can't swear!"
All: This is super lame with no swearing
No, things sure are not the same with no swearing
Cartman: It does not define who I am
But I still like to say…darn?
All: Without swearing
We feel so freaking weird
Calvin walked back towards the Rec Center with the others. They were all dejected and rather confused. Still, adventures don't always work out the way you want them to. It appeared that this one was over. Until…
"Hey!" cried Calvin. "Let's have a shindig!"
"A shindig?" repeated Eddy. "What are you talking about?"
"We can have a shindig and invite everyone!" explained Calvin. "I'm gonna make some invitations!"
Calvin began to run back to the Rec Center as fast as he could. Hobbes sighed and sprinted after him.
"Why are you doing all this?" the tiger asked his best friend. "It's obvious that those kids didn't like any of us."
"They have no reason not to like us," snorted Calvin. "At least not yet, anyways. Besides, when I have an idea, I go through with it! No matter how risky!"
"Or how stupid."
"Yeah! Or how…hey!"
Back at the South Park camp, Kyle sat in a corner and thought to himself.
"You okay, dude?" Stan asked him.
"I just don't get it," said Kyle. "I understand that some people don't like to swear around certain friends, but being physically unable to swear at all? That's just not right. No, it's impossible! I'm not gonna believe Cartman! Not this time!"
Just then, they heard someone singing. They turned to see Calvin running around from kid to kid handing out invitations.
(To the tune of the "Monster Plantation" song)
Calvin: You're invited
To a shindig
A fun shindig
Where we can get to know each other
Come over to the Rec Center
We'll satisfy our thirst
Drink Kool-Aid till we burst
We'll be happy
With this good time
Please give us a shot
We invite you
And delight you
We'll have fun
We'll give it all we've got
To a shindig…etc.
"What's a shindig?" asked Ike, Kyle's brother.
"It's like a party," explained Kyle.
"Yay!" cried Ike, hopping away.
"Well, Kahl," sneered Cartman, inching up beside his sometimes friend, "it may be time for you to put your money where your no-longer-potty-mouth is."
There you have it; the South Park kids are here! I was worried that I wouldn't have enough material for this story, so I shoved in three songs. If you're wondering, "Monster Plantation" is a ride at Six Flags Over Georgia. It's been updated recently and renamed Monster Mansion. The song is crazy catchy.