Never

Author: Laura Kenobi

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters/planets, and I'm definitely not making any profit from this story… you know the drill.

Archive: Please contact me first!

Comments/Reviews: You can email me through my profile, and of course you can always leave a review!

Author's Notes: ((italics)) represents thoughts.

I want to send out a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed my first fic (When I Look at You)! You have no idea how wonderful it felt to receive such nice reviews! I cannot thank you enough!

This story was first published in its original version on May 24, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.

I wrote this long before Revenge of the Sith, so none of the stuff below was written to correspond with the movie.

Summary: This is a sequel of sorts to my story When I Look at You. This one is about Obi-Wan's thoughts and experiences after Anakin's fall to the dark side.

Obi-Wan Kenobi felt as though his heart was going to burst from the physical and mental pain that coursed through his body. His padawan, his friend, his son in every way that mattered, had turned away from the light. Had turned into darkness. He had tried so hard to stop Anakin from diving into this hole of no return, but Anakin had pulled out his lightsaber – a red lightsaber - and the two of them had engaged in a horrible battle. Obi-Wan had been severely wounded, while Anakin had survived with minimal physical damage.

Obi-Wan had barely escaped with his life, and he had come directly to Naboo. He had to go and explain all of this to one of his closest friends, and his padawan's – no, his former padawan's – wife. He arrived at her quarters, and took a deep breath. Reaching out with his left – uninjured - arm, he rasped lightly on the door. As the door slid open, he thought briefly that he should have probably cleaned up before coming here. He was covered in blood and he knew his right arm was broken...

"Obi-Wan? What's happened? What –?"

She quickly recovered from the initial shock of seeing him in his current state, and motioned for him to enter. As he walked weakly into her elaborate quarters, he felt ready to collapse, but he had to tell her before she found out from someone else.

"Padmé. I..."

Unsure of how to continue, he paused. Padmé broke the momentary silence.

"Obi-Wan, where is Ani? What happened? Who did this to you? Where is Ani?" His silence heightened her worry for her husband, "Answer me Obi-Wan Kenobi!"

Her voice was unusually harsh. Obi-Wan's head swam momentarily, and as he regained clarity of his surroundings, he continued.

"Padmé... I... I don't know how to tell you this..." his voice cracked, and he began to feel lightheaded, "... Anakin has turned to the dark side. Turned away from you, and me, and everyone. He is no longer of the light. He... he was the one... the one who did this..."

He risked a glance at Padmé, and immediately wished he hadn't. Her face was contorted in denial, pain, and anger. It surprised him; he had never seen her look so helpless. The biggest surprise, however, came when she exploded at him in anger.

"How dare you say such a thing? You're lying!" He wished with all of his heart that she was speaking the truth. "Get out! Don't ever show your face here again or I'll... I'll..."

He watched helplessly as she began to sob, the force of her pain racking her small frame. As she looked up at him, he decided he needed to say something.

"Padmé... I'm so sorry. I loved Anakin as a son. I... I tried to stop him. I never meant for this to happen... This is my fault." He lowered his head, not meeting her eyes. Force, he was the one who had let this happen. He had let everyone who had ever believed in him down. Anakin, Padmé, Qui-Gon...

She snapped her head up to look at him. A slight blush spread across her pain-stricken face.

"Oh, Obi-Wan! I'm the one who should be sorry! This is not your fault. I didn't mean... I was shocked and upset. This isn't your fault..."

He shook his head, both to show that he disagreed and to try and shake away the roaring pain that swept through him. Only half aware of what he was saying, he spoke again.

"I failed him. I should have seen this coming. He was my padawan, after all."

He could barely see for the now deafening roar in his head. His body screamed for medical attention, but he wasn't done yet. He became dimly aware that she was speaking again, and tried to focus...

"...not your fault. Don't blame yourself. I should have seen it coming as well... he was my husband, after all." She tried to smile as she echoed his words.

He wanted to reply, but it was becoming increasingly harder to think clearly. As he swayed unsteadily, his vision clouded. He knew he was about to lose consciousness – he had been unconscious too many time in his life. And as visions and sounds scattered across his mind, Obi-Wan Kenobi tumbled into blissful unconsciousness.

...beep...beep...beep...

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, slowly. For a moment he didn't remember what had happened, but he knew instantly where he was.

((Great. I'm in the medi-bay. You would think I would be able to keep myself out of here...))

Memories suddenly flooded his system. Anakin... a sith... a red saber... his padawan laughing as he trapped Obi-Wan against a wall... lots of his own blood... Padmé... his fault...

((My fault.))

Despair and guilt washed over him in waves. What had happened? What had he done to deserve all this? What could anyone do to deserve this? What had happened to the young, hopeful boy he had been as Qui-Gon's apprentice? The boy who had wanted so badly to please, and whose greatest desire was to become a great Jedi Knight...

((He's gone. And in his place is a failure. Qui-Gon must be ashamed of me...))

It was too much. He took a deep breath. Despairing now would do him no good. He had to be strong. Strong for Padmé. Yes, for his friend. Anakin's wife. He would be strong.

He turned his head as the door swooshed open. A young lady entered. He thought he had seen her before, but he wasn't sure. She walked over to his bed.

"Master Kenobi," she gave a quick bow, "my name is Sabé. I'm one of Padmé's assistants. She has been waiting for you to wake up. How do you feel?"

"I'm feeling much better, thank you." While it wasn't a lie, he surely didn't feel well.

"You've been unconscious for about a week now. A Jedi healer was here just a couple of days ago. She fixed your broken arm, and most of your other injuries. The medi-droid said that depending on how you felt when you woke up, you could probably be out of here in a couple of days. I'll go fetch the droid if you'd like."

"I would appreciate it. And tell Padmé that I will come to speak with her as soon as I am able." He paused, unsure of what else to say. She turned to leave.

"Thank you."

She turned back toward him and smiled. "Think nothing of it, I'm glad to help." And then she was gone.

A few minutes later the droid entered his room. After a quick inspection, it told him he needed to stay a few more days just to make sure that he was stable, but then he could go.

((And once I'm released, I have to go talk to Padmé.))

-A few weeks later-

Obi-Wan sighed in frustration as his ship sped through hyperspace. He had been out searching for Anakin – Darth Vader – for weeks. There was no trace of him. He seemed to have vanished into thin air. He had spoken to Padmé after he had been released from the medi-bay, and she had agreed to let him go to try and find her husband. Not that he had needed her permission, but he felt that he owed it to her to get it anyway.

He knew that she was not holding out hope that he could bring Anakin back to the light, but he had to try. He owed Anakin at least that much. Force, how he missed his padawan. He missed the bright young man Anakin had become in the years he had been Obi-Wan's padawan; so full of energy and life.

He glanced up as a light on the cockpit wall came on indicating that he had a call. He frowned slightly. Who would be calling? He stood quickly and strode over to answer. As Padmé's face appeared, his frown instantly took on a worried look.

"Padmé! What's wrong?" Her face was streaked with tears, and she had a look on her face he had never seen before. She was not usually one to get upset to the point of tears, but as soon as the worlds were out of his mouth she began to sob and mutter words in a random order. He couldn't understand her, and his worry was steadily rising. Was it Anakin? What had happened?

"Padmé, calm down," he instructed softly, "It'll be okay. Shhhh. It'll be okay."

"Oh, Obi-Wan! I need your help!"

"Anything."

"I... I'm – I'm... Obi-Wan, I'm pregnant!"

A galaxy's worth of things she could have said to him had been floating around in his head. That she was pregnant had not been one of them. He nearly fell over. Reaching out, he grabbed the nearest chair and sank into it. Shock registered within him as he looked Padmé in the eye.

"Is it... Anakin's?" The question was a stupid, and he cursed himself for asking it.

"Yes! Obi-Wan, what should I do? I... what if he comes for them? What will I do? He could kill me, or them..."

Obi-Wan was growing steadily confused. ((Them?))

"Padmé, it will be okay. Anakin will not find out. But I'm going to need more details on the baby – or babies?"

"Twins."

((Force, Anakin! Look what you've done! You've left a heartbroken wife to deal with the pain of having twins on her own!)) He couldn't believe it. A brief image of his Padawan, his bright, energetic Padawan, smiling as he heard the news entered his mind. He shook his head.

"I'm on my way to Naboo. I'll be landing in a couple of hours. We'll talk more then. We can't afford to have anyone hear. Will you be okay?"

She nodded numbly. He knew she wanted to ask about Anakin, but he also knew that she knew what the answer would be. Nothing. Another failure.

He met her in her quarters. As they discussed the situation, and what to do about it, Padmé broke down several times, sometimes crying, other times yelling, but they finally decided on a plan to keep the babies safe.

"Once the twins are born, I will take one of them to Tatooine to live with my brother. I will live there to watch him from afar, and when he is old enough, I will train him. The other child will be raised on Alderaan as Bail Organa's daughter or son. They cannot know who their real parents are at the start. But - when the time is right - they will know of their heritage."

"Obi-Wan... what about Anakin? What if he finds out?"

"He will not. He is distracted... distorted, by the dark side. The Force will be with your children. They are the new hope for the galaxy. They will bring peace." ((Peace for Anakin.)) He begged the Force not to turn against him this time. He needed it to be true.

"I don't trust the Force, but I trust you Obi-Wan Kenobi," she looked directly into his eyes, pleading with him. "Don't let me down."

"You have my word. I swear it by the Force – by whatever you want if you don't believe in the Force. Anything. I will not fail your children as I failed Anakin. You can count on that."

((She can count on it. By the Force, no matter what, I won't – I can't – let her down. I can't fail again.))

-Years Later-

The sand swirled around his feet. There was a sandstorm coming. Returning to his small house, Obi-Wan felt a ripple in the force. He turned to look in the direction of the Lars' homestead.

"It will be soon," he commented to the air, "Soon young Luke will be ready."

He turned his gaze to the setting suns and thought of Padmé.

"I won't let you down. I remember my promise. Your children will do wonderful things. Don't worry."

He kicked at the sand in frustration. She had died giving birth to Luke and Leia. How he wished she had lived. That felt like a lifetime ago. Now he was an old man, known to local residents as nothing but a hermit. Old Ben Kenobi. And she was gone.

((I hope she can see her children... they will make her proud.))

Yes, they would make her proud. He would make sure of that. Whatever sacrifices he had made, whatever sacrifices he would make in the future, Obi-Wan was sure he would never let her down again.

Never.

The End.

I can't thank you enough for reading! If you could take a moment to review I would really appreciate it! Thanks again! - Laura