How I Hate You – Let Me Count the Ways
"Valerie," he whispers in his dreams as he does so too often for my taste. I sigh sadly as I watch him sleep and gently brush back a stray strain of his jet black hair. He smiles so sweetly. That same sweet smile I fell in love with so long ago, but I know he's not thinking of me, and feeling the tears too strong to hold back this cold winter night, I leave the sanctity of our bed, whose pureness had been shattered long ago, when he allowed her into his thoughts and brought her into this home.
I quickly put on my housecoat, before covering my hand over my mouth and leaving our bedroom. I head towards the living room and open up the porch door leading to the backyard before I allow myself to cry. Why is my jealousy for a woman we haven't seen in years so strong? I can't help but to wonder. I mean, what they had together was short lived – back in high school. It was truly nothing. So why does she seem to be permanently etched into his brain?
I wipe away my tears, before wrapping my arms around myself and staring up into dark sky, lit only my the stars that accompany it. I know the way I feel is nothing less than childish, but it's a strange feeling, knowing that you share your husband's heart. I hate her, I do. I tried being friends with her, back when we were in school, but it did not soften this hate I feel for her. The reasons I hate her are as boundless as the stars I see among me.
I begin to shiver, as a cool breeze runs across my skin. I then jump in surprise before I turn my head as I hear the porch door behind me. "Sweetheart?" My husband looks concern as he regards me. "I woke up and you weren't - What are you doing out here with no clothes or shoes?" I give him no answer as I suddenly wrap my arms around his body and bury my face into his chest. "Are you okay?" he asks me gently.
"Just hold me," I beg him and so he does. "Tighter."
We stand there, for I don't know how long, just holding each other before I begin to shiver again. "Let go inside," he suggests and I nod my head to agree with him. Back in our bedroom, warm beneath our sheets, he continues to hold me close. And while in his arms, secure and safe, I can feel what has always been there. He loves me and he has done nothing but show that to me time and time again. My fears, my hate, and my jealously - they aren't valid, because I am the woman he chose as his wife. "Are you sure you're okay, Star?" he asks me again.
I look up at him and smile happily. "I'm just fine, Kwan. I'm just fine."